Chapter 9

"What have you done, Priestess?"

My eyes half open, sore and watery from exhaustion. I look around in confusion and see the blurred silhouette of Caelestis, standing over me and looking back and forth at Lila. A glimmer of light found it's way through the slightest gap in the door, and he looks like a night sky blessed by the sun. An eventide long due it's dusk. He's topless and all he's wearing are his baggy trousers and bandages around his chest and supporting his shoulder. This is the first time I've seen him so exposed and my heart feels so suffocated, like a bird stuck in a cage. I can barely pick my head up to understand what he's trying to say. Tangled up in my hair, I can't remember when the last time I slept properly was. I never realised how much I took for granted, and sleep, I feel so much more refreshed, and I long for more.

"Priestess."

I look up at him.

He sighs.

"Why is there a cougar asleep next to you?"

I tilt my head lost on how to explain myself. I try to save myself with a smile, and he looks like he wants to give up on life. His hand to his forehead, furrowing his brow, he lets out a groan and grumbles to himself, turning around, "Just put this back on and come outside," and he throws his cloak over my head.

Lila's purring good mornings to me, brushing her head against my shoulder, and pulling the cloak over my body. I thank her with a smile as I stroke her head. I pick myself up, and head out.

The sunlight is blinding. I've always been woken up by the light drowning me, but today, today is the first time waking up in complete darkness, and the light feeling unfamiliar. At the monastery, the open windows were covered by transparent lace, and every morning the sun would seep in. Every night, the moonlight would slither through. But last night was pure darkness, and it was somewhat nice. I felt at ease. The insomnia I suffered every night since then, it disappeared, and my thoughts were silenced. And for a single night, I was able to forget my guilt, even if it where just for a moment.

I look around for Caelestis, but he's no where to be seen. I wonder around, brushing the tangles out of my hair with my fingers, and I see Caelestis carrying a large drum back towards the warehouse.

"Here."

He drops it in front of me and its filled with water?

"There's an abundance in cacti just by the mountains, so if you need more water tell me, do not go there alone. Understood?"

I nod. But I don't understand why he would go to such lengths for me. I've just been extra baggage to him. The drum could probably fit me inside, but he still filled it to the top. I wonder when he woke up for him to have done all this.

"You can use this water to wash up. I filled up a separate container for us to drink out of."

I shake my head in distress. I write in the sand that he doesn't have to go out of his way for me, and I'm fine as I am. I would hate to be an inconvenience.

"Just save the water for me to use after. I'll make a shelter for you to wash up comfortably later, but for now, you'll have to wash up out here. I'll be inside if you need me."

He's walking away. I tug at his arm to stop him leaving. I know there's no one around. But that doesn't fade those memories away. My lips quiver at the flashbacks, but I hold the tears back. I'm scared. So scared. I know he himself is a man. How could I trust him? How do I know he's not the same as every other man? I don't. But his tell me I can trust him. The midnight in his eyes reassures me. I reach towards his face, and move his hair out the way. I mouth a simple word and hope he hears it.

He gently pulls me closer, his arms around me, he caresses the back of my head. The tears stream down my face and I'm strangled by the air. I hug him back, and wrap my arms around him tighter. I had never hugged Kallias before, he had never comforted me. Purely because I believed I didn't need it. Now, It's all I need. Our heartbeats aligned, my chest feels soothed. His warmth calms my fears down and I've forgotten what I was crying over. The memories that tie me back to the past, that restrict me from going forward, on every star, I pray to throw them away and live. I've never had the courage to live for myself, I've only ever lived for the people. Though, now, I think it might be time to live for myself. To forget all the mistakes I've made. And perhaps then, Destiny will come back to me.

My past will only ever taunt me, but he saved me. I hope to believe he will always be here to save me, even if it's a momentary glimmer of faith.

"You don't need to cry about your past. You're safe here."

And he whispers in his husk voice ever so slightly.

"I'm so sorry.

Elayne."

His voice turns into honey melting through his breath. His voice full of sorrow, broken.

He wipes me tears with his thumb, and his hand against my cheek.

I don't understand.

But I can sense his heart, steadily gaining colour again.