Chapter 10

He held his cloak over me, his eyes closed, and I hid away from everything as I washed myself. A long time has passed since the last time I was able to properly wash myself. I generally would only ever barely rinse my hair with the small fractions of water I'd collect from the run-down bars, and I would use a piece of cloth to wipe down the rest of my body. The fact I was even able to do that was a blessing. The people that live within the District never are given the opportunity to bathe. The soldiers call it a waste of water. During my travels as a dancer, I've heard many things about the district, and seeing it first-hand, I felt sick to my core.

I've found myself being used as entertainment for soldiers as well as travelling merchants, and the way that they speak about the public, they speak as if they are mere insects, crawling about. Like ants. Born to work. Except, they lack the strength to.

The water, warmed by the sun rejuvenates me, and a small part of me wishes for this life forever. With Caelestis, I think, that this is the life I don't mind living. If only I could forget that is. If only I could forget my responsibilities, my losses, my love, Kallias. If I forgot about everything, would I be forgiven? Would I be relieved of this curse If I gave it all up? I wish it were like that.

"You're coming with me to earn some coin after you finish up."

I peak out from over the cloak, his eyes still closed, and I'm confused on what he means.

I stare in silence, and I see him open an eye by the slightest.

His eyes fully open, but his head turned away, he covers me with his cloak and asks, "Don't tell me you've been living penniless?"I tilt my head. I'm not quite sure what he means, but the tone of his voice sounds like he's concerned for me, curious as to how I lived these past months. I honestly don't know either. After each passing day, I like to forget how the previous day lived. I felt pitiful, helpless, and I rather to not remember those painful memories.

"So how did you survive this long?" He sounds sceptical, and I don't know how to explain what I did.

I look down at my body, and look back at him. I sold myself, for food, drink, and most times, life. I get out of the drum, and leaning against it, I show him the bruises along my thighs, and bringing my hair to one side, I show him the wounds on my back and neck, praying he understands from only that.

His gaze only focused on my eyes. Not the bruises and the sorrow etched into my body. He only looks into my eyes. The windows to my fragmented soul, slowly, surely withering.

He looks like he's about to cry.

Taking a step towards me

Hesitating to trace the bruises on my leg, his fingertips, cold against my skin. His voice faint, "are you okay to come with me? He muttered, "I don't want you to do something you're uncomfortable with."

I want to help him. I want to. But I don't want to go through that pain again. I don't think I'll ever be able to.

Though, I feel something drawing me to him, and even if I shouldn't, I feel safe with him. I get ahead of myself sometimes, and I forget about the pain I've caused him. I don't deserve this. I deserve what I set out as, not this twist. This intersection of the fate I was entangled with and the choice I made, the responsibility I left for momentary happiness, safety, relief. The constellations I see within his eyes are not mine to see.

Right now, he's simply gazing down at death. Unaware of the internal war he would face with me by his side, looking into my eyes, lilac to him. But someone once told me, my eyes merely reflect the heavenly blue of the sky, concealing the crimson they truly are.

I will forever seek out the answer to this damned life, even if it takes to calve out this unnamed soul of mine, and to let my heart bleed until it turns black.

Him. I am fated to fall back to him.

How do I know Caelestis doesn't have an ulterior motive?

I can feel the distant vibrations of gunshots, I can hear the subtle sounds of death. I can vision words forming, crying, screaming, begging. Then shot dead. But I can't hear him at all. The more I question, the more I fear of suddenly hearing.

Suddenly hearing just before he kills me.

His fingers on my hand, and he gently interlocks our hands, bringing them closer to his eyes. His eyes shackled by the gears of this world. Cold at first. But I sense agony. In this world, only the strong would ever win. But is it not the weak who are strong? Caelestis does not necessary hold power, yet he has me bound to him. It is those who hold power who are really the ones who shake in terror. The fear of one day losing everything, all alone in a world, where hatred is reflected towards you.

Right now, I am the strong, and Caelestis is the weak. But he holds resolve, whilst I hold onto the past.

Our hands still interlocked, he squeezes tighter and he reassures me.

"You can trust me. Even if in this moment, you hold your doubts, even if you doubt me forever, but right now, we must rely on each other to survive. The bitter pain you feel right now will subside in time. And one day, Priestess, you'll experience a daybreak where a new sun rises, and we can both forget, but for now, for now you must embrace your weakness, and live. Live for your people Priestess. Not for me. Not for those you love and care for. For the people. You are their destiny. Recolour the heavens back to blue."

It's tempting. To just turn from the world. But his words resonate, and once again, I fall victim to his voice.

The single miracle I needed. It is him. It was him that I lacked.