Forsaken

It's been a week since I was rejected by her, and not once has she even looked at me.

Or even glanced at me, right now I was writing notes while trying my best to focus on the class and not look at her.

Haa, really? Whenever I watch Romance anime, I feel envious of the MC's always getting liked by their popular childhood friends while being mediocre themselves.

But, In reality no such thing was possible. Real women know their worth and won't settle for someone like me just because I'm kind to them.

That's the reality of such a situation, well I don't blame them tho. I have absolutely nothing to offer to them so I wouldn't want them to settle for someone like me.

If they do that'd just mean they are deprived of attention and are just trying to make themselves feel better.

But, honestly I don't want her to feel that way, No matter how much she might hate and despise me she was the one who helped me go through those tough times.

I'm not so much of an asshole that, I'd hold a grudge against her for rejecting me.

People might say I need to have self respect and that I'm a simp but honestly, what do I even have to feel self respect about?

I ain't good at academics, I ain't good with People, I ain't good looking, I suck at sports, I'm from a poor family.

I'm a fkin failure from every direction, while I won't let it show, I do know my worth.

I know where I stand and until I do something with my life, I don't deserve any self respect.

Right, now my feelings Haven't subsided even a bit, but I'm sure I'll lose them very soon.

If I don't that I can only imagine the shit she'd do to me, if she realised I still haven't gotten over her.

It's funny really, that it's so easy to fall in love with someone but it's so fkin hard to get out of it and it's always people like me who is an easy catch.

While for popular people it's hard to like someone but it's easy to get over them.

Did god switch our emotions while making us? Why is it that those who get loved easily don't love easily and the ones who are deprived of attention fall in love so easily?

Shouldn't it be the other way around? Why do people like us have to suffer? Why can't we just be deprived of this emotion called attachment.

Wouldn't things be so much easier if we'd just lost the emotion called falling in love?

I feel sorry for my mother and father who thought me and Rose had a thing together when in actuality she never really had a thing for me.

How do I explain to them that I'd lost the only friend I had and that this stupid emotion called love had taken her away from me.

If I'd never fallen in love, she'd have never looked at me like that.

I still remember that face, the face of absolute disgust and disdain as if she was looking at a bug.

It was totally contrary to the look she had when she came to the rooftop before hearing my confession.

Now that I'd lost the only friend I had, I feel like it was better to suffer. Because, this was far worse than what I was feeling a week prior.

I was isolated with no one there for me, I for the first time felt lonely and that hole in my heart had stayed that way.

I didn't want my parents to know that I did something like that, I didn't have any friends to rent to.

There was nobody, whenever water starts running on my cheeks I immediately wipe them out and look outside to make sure nobody sees it.

What made it worse was, nobody really cared. Nobody looks at me or notices me.

After she'd stopped talking to me, I started being more aware of my surroundings and sometimes I'd get intense glares from her popular friend group.

Whenever break time comes I'd go to the roof, cry for a bit and than eat my lunch go to the washroom splash water on my face and go back to the class sit down and cover my head until the teacher arrived.

I was scared of what would happen if her friends target me because of what happened so I'd always leave the place.

But, I think I get it now, the reason why I cover my face or try to not show that I'm crying is because I don't want Rose to notice.

Not because I think she'd care, but because I was afraid she'd feel even more disgusted after seeing me not get over her after a week had passed.

What a bloody brilliant day it was. My life was a total shutshow at this point.

Not that I had even an idea of wanting to kill myself. Honestly my life is worthless to any person in that class or anywhere in this world.

So me dying ain't ganna make a difference, she ain't ganna suddenly start feeling bad and I wouldn't want her to either. My life might mean that little but I don't want that to be the case.

Why you ask? It's for my Mom, dad and little sister? The world might not care about me but these 3 people do and that's enough for me.

I don't need anything else.

They are the only world I have left. I had 4 before now I only have 3 left soon maybe in 10 or 20 years I'll probably have nobody left, my mom and dad will probably pass on and soon enough my sister will find someone and leave me.

Maybe than, I'd stop thinking about living but for now I have to live, atleast for them.

I'd probably truly be forsaken by the world and will probably be alone forever.

It's better to die that live like that with nobody around if you catch my drift.

***END OF CHAPTER 2***