chapter 26: Long road ahed

Edward's POV:

I had no idea how long I stood there staring after the old, orange truck that had disappeared out of my sight long ago while the entire conversation with Bella replayed in my mind over and over.

My thoughts were a mess as they swirled around in my head. I felt slight stab of guilt for causing Bella pain but I was also furious at her for being so selfish ….. She could live with Sam and the others on the reservation… I angrily shook my head.

Heavy disappointed rushed through me as I realised that Bella couldn't see what the consequences of her decision were.

No, that was wrong she knew the consequences and I did believe her that to a point she did really feel sorry for what she had done to Anna but I also knew that Bella hadn't really realised the magnitude of the damage that she had caused.

She was so focused to live out those books that she has read that she was entirely disconnected with reality and almost ignorant to the thinks that happened around her.

Suddenly my head spun with the picture of a family that she had drawn…a daughter….me being a father…..but those images disappeared as fast as they popped up in my mind.

My body felt heavy and old as I turned around and slowly walked back to the house setting one foot before the other, being fully aware of the automatic movement, while my mind was racing.

More questions added themselves to the already huge pile whilst I felt numb and exhausted not physically but emotionally. I didn't understand my own feelings. I had no idea what I wanted or to be more specific what I wanted more and now I had been thrown for another loop.

I felt like I was sinking deeper and deeper into an abyss. My body was restricted by heavy chains and the surface, the only exit of the hell I was in, was getting further and further out of my reach.

My body froze when I stood at the entrance to the living room where my entire family, minus Alice, was congregated. I hadn't even realised until then that I had already gotten back to the house.

From the thoughts that pushed themselves into my mind I gathered that they listened to what had happened between me and Bella and that Anna was the only clueless one as to why everyone was assembled.

If you even dare to even think about taking that moron back I will grill your balls over an open fire with you still attached to them! Rosalie screeched at me in her thoughts.

I winced at the image that she delivered to her threat.

"You OK?" My eyes snapped to Anna's with concern covered face when I heard her soft question.

"Renesmee?" It was the only word I could push out.

The thoughts of my family were a chaos. They had heard my exchange with Bella and their thoughts went into several different directions from being confused over what they heard to disappointed and angry about Bella's selfishness to curious and carefully hopeful where this hybrid was concerned.

….a grandchild if that were possible…..Edward being a father…..if that only could be…..

….but how could that be possible…then again it had never been tried not that I know of….. how exactly would that work…..a hybrid?...

I only hope that this hybrid does not fall under the immortal children rule of the Volturi or else…

…crap Rose looks like she is about to kill someone…. It must hurt her deeply to know that others can have what she can't….. if only I could give her a child…..

….a baby….and that tramp is the one to have it un-fucking-believable… I can only feel sorry for the poor child every kid that would have her as a mother would be punished for life…..

"Oh," Anna breathed in surprise as she was sitting next to Esme on the couch opposite of Rosalie and Emmett.

"Why didn't you tell us?" The question was burning on my lips and I couldn't help but to ask her with a reproachful undertone in my voice.

I had to know why she kept that a secret.

Anna's head snapped up and she looked puzzled at me before she titled her head to the side and narrowed her eyes.

"How much did she tell you?"

"Why?" I was confused. What more was there?

"Just answer my question!" Anna demanded.

I narrowed my eyes at her running my hand through my hair before I answered, choosing my words carefully.

"She just told me that we would have a daughter."

Anna barked a dark laugh and shook her head disapprovingly.

"Well at least that explains why you didn't storm in here and threw one hell of a temper tantrum. She's pulling out the big guns but wisely holds back the bad news."

"What do you mean?" Carlisle asked curiously.

Anna looked at him and sighed.

"It's true I was holding the information on Ren back but there is a reason for that. I thought we deal with Victoria and her army first before dropping the next bomb on you."

"Is there danger we are not aware of?" Jasper piped up alarmed by the fact that Anna was not her normal straight forward self.

"You can say that," she nodded hesitantly.

The atmosphere in the room immediately changed and everyone was eagerly waiting for Anna to continue.

"Please," Carlisle smiled reassuringly at her before she took a moment to gather her thoughts and began to explain.

"In Breaking Dawn Edward and her discovered during the honeymoon that she was pregnant, Edward and Carlisle," she looked from me to my father, "wanted to abort the child but she asked Rosalie for help who wouldn't let either of you anywhere near her once you reached the airport in Seattle."

"When the wolves heard the news they wanted to kill the child and all of you if they had to but Jacob, Seth and Leah parted from their pack and helped protecting her and Ren during the pregnancy that lasted about a month or two. I don't really know the exact time line."

"Does Jacob really love Bella so much that he would protect her from his own family?" Esme asked astonished.

Anna scoffed and shook her head.

"I'll come to the part soon." Anna assured her and Esme's brows furrowed in confusion.

"Is the time frame of the pregnancy the only difference or is there more?" Carlisle couldn't contain his curiosity.

"Well the hybrid is partly Vampire and needs blood which is why the mother has to drink blood to be able to keep the little one fed."

"And she drank it?" Emmett queried.

"Yes, according to the books it tasted good to her. There is a Vampire he regards himself as a scientist and he had already impregnate three women, at least that is what the books said. He has two daughters who are not venomous and a son, Nahuel who is venomous and lives in Chile with his aunt."

"Nahuel bit his aunt, Huilen, after his mother gave birth to him. Johan, that's his father's name, left his mother once she was pregnant and her sister took care of her since their parents threw the pregnant girl out or they left before their parents discovered the pregnancy…."

"What about his mother?" Esme asked.

"The mothers need to be changed after the birth or they die. The babies are very strong so when they move…." Anna didn't end the sentence and she didn't need to. Horrified we all realised exactly what happened to the mothers during their pregnancies.

"Anyway as the labour began Carlisle was away trying to organise more blood and Rosalie and Edward had to deliver the child. Jacob was hanging around your house all the time since she wanted him around." Rosalie growled in disgust.

"A few moments after Ren was born Jacob wanted to kill her," Esme gasped in shock, "but ended up imprinting on her."

"Imprinting?" Carlisle asked confused but I knew what that was. I had heard it in Sam's mind in the other time line.

"It's the equivalent to finding a mate." I pinched the bridge of my nose being bewildered, angry and disgusted.

"A dog joining our family? Over my pile of ashes! I knew you should have stayed away from that tramp." Rosalie jumped to her feet and was screeching, pointing her finger at me.

"As if everything else was not worse enough now a reeking dumb-ass is to taint our home with his stench." She screamed.

"Ros…"

"No," she was immediately in my face, "don't you dare to Rosalie me here. She is out of her mind you heard her all." Rosalie looked cranked her neck and looked everyone into the eyes of each member of our family before she faced me again.

"She should be locked up in a padded cell," Anna winced slightly, "god alone knows what that delusional idiot is capable of." My sister fumed.

"Are you sure that the mutt that is in love with Bella will end up being her son-in-law?" Emmett shuttered stunned, not able to believe what he heard, as he looked at Anna with his eyes ripped wide open ignoring the angry rant of his wife.

"Yeah." Anna confirmed.

"That's it! This is where I draw the line. I will NOT share my home with some mutts!" Rosalie barked angrily at both Carlisle and me before a wild discussion erupted.

"Errr…guys I was not finished." Anna's quiet words silenced us all immediately.

"There is more?" Jasper raised an eyebrow at her in stunned disbelieve.

"Well I didn't quite get to the dangerous part yet." She shrugged helplessly.

"As if the mutts trying to kill us wouldn't be bad enough, how much more trouble could she possible have caused?" Rosalie huffed angrily while she threw her hands in the air.

Emmett rose from the couch and wrapped his arm around her waist urging her to sit back down with him. After some cooing she relented and calmed down.

"Hybrids grow very fast and after some months Ren looked like a five year old or so. Anyway she was hunting with her mother and Jacob when Irina saw them….."

"Irina? What was she doing here?" Esme interrupted confused.

"Trying to kill the mutts on her own." Emmett offered.

"Tanya called yesterday and she told me that she is worried about Irina. She seems to be completely out of it since Laurent was killed." Rosalie grumped shooting me a death glare for good measures.

"Irina saw Ren and thought that the little one was a immortal child and since she saw her with Jacob in his wolf from, she thought that the Volturi would help her in killing them all since neither you nor her own clan wanted to have a hand in the extinction of the wolves."

I couldn't really comprehend any of what Anna was telling us. I was just taking it in like a sponge unable to feel anything at the moment.

Jasper closed his eyes and shook his head.

Esme gasped in horror and covered her mouth worrying for everyone.

Emmett always ready for a fight was imagining how he would fight them all.

Carlisle was concerned while Rosalie seethed with fury as all of us were deeply hurt and disappointed by Irina's betrayal.

"To her defence she was so overwhelmed by her grief over Laurent's death that she didn't even think about the consequences for you when she went to Italy. All she could see was her revenge and the justice that had to be granted."

"Are you actually trying to defend her?" Rosalie growled at Anna.

I was immediately in front of Anna, growling at my sister to leave her alone.

"No, Rosalie I'm just telling what happened exactly how it happened and why." Anna replied calmly.

"Did we win?" Emmett looked enthusiastically while he held his wife close to his side.

"There was no fight. You all went to search for witnesses so everyone would see that Ren was not an immortal child and you did not break the rules. And of course with witnesses there the Volturi couldn't do anything to you without breaking their own rules in front of everyone."

"The Volturi arrived here in Forks and they tried to provoke you by killing Irina in front of your eyes when it was clear to everyone that Ren was not an immortal child."

"Alice can't see hybrids just like she can't see the wolves that's how she found Nahuel and Huilen by searching for blind spots."

"The Volturi argued that they had no means of knowing if Ren would be dangerous or not once she was older so they wanted her dead. Just as the fight was going to begin Alice and Jasper arrived with the male hybrid and his aunt and the situation was solved peacefully."

The thoughts of the others were frantic going in all directions while being underlined with a myriad of emotions, making my head spin, while on the outside all the eye could see were masks of glum, concern, grief, consternation and one of utter furry and betrayal.

My head was exploding with all the voices and images and emotions. I could barely hear my own thoughts.

"I'm sorry." I whispered before I rushed out of the house and into the forest seeking a quiet place where I could be alone with my thoughts.

Bella's uncharacteristic behaviour, her selfishness and illusions, the future we were supposed to have according to some books, my supposed son-in-law- a shudder of disgust went through me - who was in love with Bella, Irina's betrayal and her death, everything that had occurred since I had felt Forks, Anna and the two time lines … those and many more thoughts and questions raced through my head.

No matter how hard I tried to find answers it was useless. Even after an entire night of grappling I was as confused as I was before if not more which was why I found myself on my way to Bella's place being more clueless than I had ever been in my entire life before.

I didn't even know what questions exactly I wanted to ask or what I wanted to achieve by talking to her but the way we left things yesterday felt wrong.

Parting in the middle of an argument with no solution but if I was honest with myself there still was no solution because I still was confused about my feelings.

My senses concentrated on Bella's house when I knew that I was close to make out sounds from the inside and to my utter surprise I detected a strong heart beat very close to Bella's familiar one.

Curious and unsettled I pushed myself to move faster. My legs were barely touching the ground as I arrived in her back yard and bend my knees to leap through her open window….

Anna's POV:

Noises from downstairs woke me. I groaned as I lifted my head off my pillow to be able to glance at the clock on my night stand. It was about six thirty.

Groaning again I buried my face in my pillow and tried to fall asleep again but the noise from downstairs wouldn't let me. My eyes popped open again and I sat up listening to the hushed sounds to determinate what was going on.

It seemed as if someone was shouting.

Curios I got out of bed and did my morning routine before I did my hair and make-up and changed out of my pj's.

When I was at the door I wondered briefly if I should really go down or if they were having a family discussion but then it occurred to me that if the Cullens didn't want me there that someone would come to stop me from going downstairs and ask me to stay in my room since I knew that they could heard me.

"….I told you that we should have killed her after the van incident but noooooo no-one ever listens to me." I could hear Rosalie's angry voice when I reached the stairs.

Hushed sounds reached my ears next as I was making my way down the stairs. Someone obviously replied to what Rosalie had said in a more moderate voice.

"And that allows her to step all over us!" Rosalie screeched just as I entered the living room and all eyes focused on me.

I briefly wondered if they had been discussing all night long what I had told them about Breaking Dawn.

"That pathetic, lying, backstabbing two timing bitch!" Rosalie seethed as she was pacing in front of Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper and Alice, who looked utterly sad while she sat on her husbands lap playing with his shirt absent minded.

It surprised me that she wasn't standing up for that family stealing witch seeing as Rosalie was verbally ripping her best friend apart.

Frozen in place and confused I observed the grim and partly also betrayed expressions on the faces of every Cullen, minus Edward's since he wasn't there.

"I have always known that she was a low piece of trash but not even I could have imagined her being this disgusting." The beautiful blond Vampire went on.

"Cheating bitch!" She snarled.

"Rosalie," Esme chided this time but it was weak and she seemed to be too resigned to be able to twist her face into a disapproving expression.

This is not about yesterday it seems. My subconscious piped up as my eyebrows kneaded together in deeper confusion.

"May I ask what happened?" I questioned softly and as timidly as I could. I certainly didn't want to set Rosalie off any more.

"I tell you what happened," Rosalie spun around and seethed at me, "that two timing oaf cheated on Edward with that mutt that was supposed to be her son-in-law." She yelled and wildly gestured with her hands.

"God, this is as if we were in some kind of freaking soap opera! I bet Jerry Springer would love this mess….." She rambled angrily.

"Oh," it was not really a surprise for me well at least not completely though I had expected that after reading the books and knowing that Jacob was meant to be her son-in-law that she would not stick her tongue down his throat.

Disgusting mental picture. My subconscious shuttered.

"You knew!" Rosalie exclaimed stunned after a moment.

"She had also been making out with Jacob in the books while she was engaged to Edward but she read the books so I though….but apparently I was wrong." I shrugged and shook my head.

But how did they know that she and the pup had a tongue battle, did Mr. Mind-reader see something in Jacob's head? My subconscious wondered.

"Making out?" Rosalie barked a laugh darkly, "they had not been making out but they fu….."

"Rosalie!" Esme admonished forcefully this time.

"The-they what?" My mind of course ended the abruptly ended sentence so did my subconscious but I couldn't believe it.

"Bella and that mutt have done the deed. Edward went over there to talk to Bella and was greeted with quite a sight," Emmett grimaced.

The jaw of my subconscious hit the ground, just like my own, and she was looking shocked out of her expensive lace panties at me.

"You….wait….what?" I stammered like an idiot.

What they were trying to tell me just didn't want into my head.

"But," it's her son-in-law or supposed son-in-law. I ended the sentence in my mind since I was not able to talk out of shock and stunned surprise.

Feeling slightly numb I staggered over to the chair that was standing a few feet away from me because I needed to sit down.

"And Edward saw that," I grimaced at that thought.

As satisfying as it was that he had finally seen how that witch really was a greater part of me felt sorry for him, sorry that he had to witness something like that.

"Emmett and I were on our way to go hunting when he rushed past us as if he didn't even notice that we were there. He came out of the direction of that two timing bitch's house so out of morbid curiosity I went to check."

Emmett turned his head away and was looking out of the window while his arms were crossed tightly over his board chest.

I opened my mouth but I had no idea what to say. A few silent moments in which Rosalie continued to pace angrily past before words stumbled out of my mouth.

"Has anyone seen Edward? Is it wise to leave him alone now," a reaped of New Moon was the last thing we needed right now.

"I have an eye on him." Alice mumbled softly starring at a button on Jasper's shirt.

I nodded and had no idea what to do next.

Edward's POV:

Already as I was near the open window the stench of wet dog assaulted my senses and I automatically stopped breathing.

Once I was inside my gaze fell on the clothes that were carelessly lying around Bella's room which was nothing new since Bella had never been what one could call neat but what was unusual were the clothes that did not belong to her.

A man's shirt… worn jeans…..and…..black boxer briefs…mixed together with Bella's casual clothes spread in front of me on the ground.

My brows kneaded together in confusion before my gaze wandered up to her bed and two pair of feet greeted me, one pair bigger and darker than the other.

Looking further up I saw her violet sheets tangled and twisted into four legs, big, dark ones interweaved with pale, small ones. When my head lifted a little higher my mind was not able to keep up with what my eyes were trying to tell me.

I saw Bella lying in the mutt's arms as shocking as that already was the part that dumbfounded me was that the both of them seemed to be naked.

Bella was resting on his bare chest. The covers had slid down to her hips and I could see her uncovered back rise and fall as she breathed. She was equally naked as he was.

Shock! Utter, complete, all consuming shock that was the only thing I could feel at the moment.

And when I silently gasped in disbelieve my lungs were filled with the evidence of what my mind did not want to piece together despite the evidence in front of me.

I smelled his stench mixed with the freesia flavoured sweetness of her blood.

In stunned shock and disgust I shook my head not being able to grasp the happening in front of me when suddenly the dog's body violently jerked awake. His sense of smell must have picked up my scent.

Because Bella was lying on top of him she also woke.

"What is it," she mumbled sleep drunk and slowly tore her eyes open.

"What are you doing here?" The mutt growled at me.

"Jake?" Bella called staring at him for a second before she whipped around to face me.

The moment her chocolate pools locked with mine they widened in realisation and utter mortification.

"No, no," she stammered quietly shaking her head frantically as tears shot to her eyes and her hands were desperately grabbing for the sheets so she could cover her naked body further.

Her eyes were filled with panic and denial as sobs tore from her throat while a deep red blush covered her face up to the tips of her ears.

"Edward," my name was a plea of desperation, a word spoken as an apology, as a means for denial and cry of despair.

Before she had the chance to call for me again I was out of her window….

The scene replayed in my mind over and over again and no matter how often I watched what has occurred a few hours ago I was faced with the same result.

I opened my eyes and saw that the sky above me was alight in a light blue colour and just a few snow white clouds were slowly moved by the gentle breeze that brushed through my hair.

When I drew in a lung full of oxygen I could smell the scent of the clear mountain water that was falling down the cliff that I was on mixed with the scent of the flowers that grew around me as well as the scent of the fir needles and the earth beneath my body.

It was a quiet place with a beautiful view of the mountains and the river that flooded through the forest. It had become my new special place where I could think since the meadow was connected to too many memories of Bella and me.

Just when I closed my eyes again to repay the scene once more I heard Rosalie's and Emmett's thoughts as they were approaching. My sister was seething with fury while my brother was greatly worried about me.

I ignored them and was about to continue what I had started but once the melody of a familiar heart beat reached my sensitive hears my eyes snapped up and I sat up.

Searching their minds I discovered that Emmett was carrying Anna. He and Rosalie stopped a few feet away from me and send Anna off to me on her own wishing her luck before they left.

Just as she was about to step out behind a tree line the sun peaked from behind a cloud and shone down on me letting colourful prisms dance all around me.

"They didn't cut it at all in the movies," she said in that cool manner of hers.

A small smile twitched on the corners of my mouth while my eyes were still closed.

"Didn't they?"

"It's said that you are sparkling like millions of tiny diamonds but that's not true. I can't even find words to describe how that looks like," with every word she was further closing the distance between us before she was standing directly in front of me.

That was when I opened my eyes and saw her curious and honest pools gazing back at me.

"That's one breathtaking view you have here," she mumbled looking behind me at the sea of green which was harmonically interrupted by the blue of the river and the dark grey of the mountains with their white peaks.

"Since when are you beating around the bush?" I teased lightly despite myself.

"Ever since we breached territory I'm not very experienced in." She shrugged.

"Why don't you join me?" I pointed at the spot next to me.

Anna nodded and sat down beside me.

"Do you want to talk or shall we just enjoy the nice weather?" She questioned as a warm breeze hugged our frames and softly swayed her deep dark mahogany coloured locks.

Smiling softly at her I lay back down on the ground soon she joined me and I felt her hand seeking out mine before her finger intertwined with my own.

Her warmth that seeped into my cold skin was like a blanket of security that speared all over me and I closed my eyes listening to how her heartbeat and breathing mixed together with the sounds of the soughing water, the wind as it hugged the leaves and the noises of the animals into a beautiful melody.

I had no idea how long we just lay there being warmed by the rare sight of the sun but at some point the words just stumbled out of my mouth without warning.

"What shocked me the most about seeing the both of them together, knowing what they did was that it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would."

Anna's head lolled and I could feel her stare at me.

"What do you mean?"

"When I was there I felt nothing at all. I guess I was just too shocked to feel but once I had time to process, it didn't hurt as much as it should hurt." I opened my eyes and cranked my neck to look at her.

Her curious, clear pools were gazing into my own.

"I was…. I am still, angry and disappointed and I do feel betrayed. And yes, it hurts but my world didn't shatter nor did my heart."

Anna's curious gaze slowly twisted into a puzzled one. But as for myself: the confusion, the torn and mixed up feelings I had felt for weeks, months, which wouldn't let me find any peace were finally drifting away and everything was falling into place.

"Wow," she breathed but there was something in her voice I didn't like because it sounded like disapproval and disappointment as well as defeat but yet anger.

She turned away from and unlocked her fingers from mine before I could stop her from retreating from me, leaving empty and cold.

"Anna?" My brows kneaded together as I looked at her.

"You are going to forgive her just like you forgave her in the books for making out with Jacob." She shook her head in disbelieve before she sat up.

"Wait! What?" My body rose into sitting position with hers.

"In the books she had kissed Jacob and you just forgave her," she mumbled not looking at me.

"Anna, no," I grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look at me.

She glared at me through her narrow eyes and crossed her arms over her chest but bit her lip to keep from saying anything.

"No," I shook my head, "I have not forgiven Bella and I will not forgive her and besides that doesn't matter anyway."

"How does that not matter?" She looked confused at me, twisting her body slightly trying to get away from me but I wouldn't let her. My grip tightened as panic courses through me but I stay mindful to the face that she is breakable.

"Because there is no future for Bella and me," that one got her attention.

"Come again?"

"In my head I had known it for a long time but my feelings were unfortunately not able to keep up. I loved Bella truly and deeply but that was before I met you and before you changed me."

"Because of you I'm in a different place, calmer and more mature. I see things out of a different perspective now." My hands slid down her shoulders and arms to her hands which I tightly grabbed into mine.

"I don't really have words to explain it," I shook my head trying desperately to put into words what I was feeling.

"When I imagine letting Bella go, her with another man living a life I have no place in a feeling of rightness overtakes me." I shook my head.

"I still care for her since she was my first love despite everything that happened but the sight of her or the thought of her do not make my heart sing anymore, there is no pull anymore that draws me to her like a moth to a flame." Anna gazed at me with a thoughtful expression and I could see her mind reeling while I spoke. She was not fully convinced of my words.

"I don't love her anymore. I'm not in love with Bella anymore." It felt freeing to say the words. As if a burden had fallen off my shoulders.

It somehow was a bittersweet feeling to let go. Bella was my first love. I did truly love her but in the end we were not right for one another. It was painful to admit that to myself despite everything that had happened but at the same time also liberating.

"Are you sure? Isn't that a little too early to tell? I mean you just saw them together a few hours ago. Are you sure it's not just the pain and disappointment or denial talking?" Anna questioned me.

I had been asking myself that as well which is why I had been replaying the scene over and over in my mind.

"It had been a long time in the making, Anna. I just didn't or couldn't see it or accept it but seeing the both of them in bed together suddenly made it all easy." She still didn't look too convinced.

"I haven't kissed Bella every since she came back and I had been telling myself that was because I had no right to since she was not the only one in my heart. I did spend time with her talking but, even though I never wanted to admit it to myself, I felt relief wash over me whenever I left her" Looking down at our hands it became so obvious to me how I had been distancing myself from Bella from the very beginning even though I did not actively know I was doing it.

"I had a lot of excuses to keep my distance from her because I didn't want to hurt her, because I didn't have the answers to the questions she was burning to ask but the truth is that I had them all along I was just couldn't see them."

"It took me long to realise but I do resent her for what she has done to you," I couldn't help but to hold Bella responsible for Anna's pain even though at the same time I was thankful to Bella for bringing Anna into my life.

A pregnant silence hung between us as she seemed to be deep in thoughts and was looking everywhere but at me. While I was hoping, praying, that she had heard the secret message that had been hidden between my lines.

"What now?" Her head snapped up and she was gazing interrogatively at me.

"Anna," my voice caressed her name and immediately she tried to pull her hands out of mine but I wouldn't let go of her, my body bristled at the thought of losing the connection, losing her touch and her warmth and my heart squeezed painfully in my chest at her rejection.

"Edward," she sighed and looked up at me, "listen, I admit that when I thought that you would forgive her that it hurt and that I didn't like it at all." I couldn't keep the smile that stretched my cheeks off my face.

"But you should take a step back and deal with everything that happened and with the end of your relationship with her. Do not jump the gun. It would only backfire." Her eyes burned into mine.

"I…" I stammered helplessly.

"Edward if you go after Anna you have to realize that it won't be as easy as it was with Bella." Jasper said as he was on his way to his study and saw me watch Anna interact happily with Esme in my mother's studio.

I turned my head and looked at him.

"She has been hurt, greatly, which is why she will not let you into her heart easily. You will have to fight your way in and prove to her that you will not hurt her. You will have to prove to her that she can trust you with her heart. That will take time you will have to be patient."

"I know that Jasper," I murmured looking back at Anna.

"Are you also aware of the fact that she will reject you a lot?" My eyes snapped to his.

"You are used to get what you want and that fast. You always have been in control of everything but this time she is the one in control, she will call the shots." Jasper looked wary at me.

"You can't allow yourself any mistakes with her, Edward. She will instinctively shy away from anything that might hurt her. What she needs now is a friend not a lover."

Jasper's words suddenly echoed through my mind.

"…are confused and scared to lose me as well now that she is gone. I get it but that's not a reason to go after me. And by the way you are lucky that I'm cutting you some slack here and not throwing you off that cliff over there," she pointed with her head in the direction of said cliff.

Shame instantly washed over me and I winced. Anna deserved better than that. Just because I was scared, insecure and felt lost I had no right to demand something of her that she was not ready to give and most of all not for the reason I needed it.

No matter how much I had grown in the past few months I was still weak and my emotions were unstable. I had barely one thing figured out but still a myriad of issues was waiting to be solved, hanging over my head.

When I looked at the beautiful, strong creature in front of me I knew that I had to pull myself together.

"There is still a lot we have to deal with. We have to deal with the present and with our pasts. There is no space for a new relationship right now."

I nodded while looking at our intertwined hands and for the first time I understood. No matter how strong Anna displayed to be on the outside deep inside she was just as scared as I was though because of different reasons. The both of us needed time to solve our problems and work through the past few months.

"We are friends?" I slowly lifted my head to look up at her.

I needed this little reassurance to keep my fears at bay. I wanted to be better for her so bad but also for myself…..

…I'm a woman and I need a man who knows who he is, is comfortable in his own skin and is able to keep up with me….. I need a man who knows how to treat me right not a cowardly, arbitrary wimp….

Anna's words from the other time line came back to me and for the first time I didn't want to be that person solidly for her but also for myself. Accepting what I was, what I had done in the past and how I tried to redeem myself of my sins.

The fact that I killed humans would never change but it could be a reminder of who I would never let myself be again instead of means to useless self torture. The blackness in my mind shuddered and something broke or opened I couldn't tell….

"Yes," she answered my question nodding her head.

"And you are not going to leave?" Not because I need you though I do desperately but because I want to be there for you too. I added in my mind.

"I will leave Forks the first chance I get," she said and my heart fell as panic settled inside me while my world was falling apart, "I just can't stay here. Too much reminds me of…." Anna trailed off and looked away.

"Will you allow me to accompany you as a friend when you leave?" I asked timidly being scared out of my mind of the possibility of being rejected.

…..if she rejects you there is still time you can fight to convince her to let go tag along…..a voice whispered inside my mind.

She looked sceptically at me.

"I didn't say I was leaving you, did I? Guess you can come along if you want to." She shrugged nonchalantly though her hazel pools told me that she did care.

I definitely had my work cut out for me.