Chapter 14: Me Problem

Halfway through the second academic year, a friend named Bradley confronted me with a harsh truth: I had a bad reputation among 80% of our group. He described me as too prideful, arrogant, and selfish—an image I couldn't deny, though I had been oblivious to its impact. Bradley was my insider, a confidant unbeknownst to the rest, and despite his revelation, I remained determined to pursue my dreams and desires.

As time passed, my flaws led to my cancellation within the group. I was perceived as offensive and carefree, and despite attempts to reconcile, not everyone forgave my past behaviors. Some understood my ignorance, but not all. Reflecting on my actions, I realized I had not been my best self—to myself, to Melisandre, or to my friends.

As each day progressed, me and my girlfriend had internal problems with our relationship. Issues began to surface in my relationship with Melisandre, exacerbated by my tendency to compare her unfavorably to Jackie. This unfair comparison weighed heavily on our bond, revealing my deep-seated insecurities and insensitivity. I expected perfection without considering the realities of human imperfection and the mistakes we all make. My selfish desires and unrealistic expectations blinded me from the genuine love and understanding needed in a relationship. In my journey, I came to understand that love requires sacrifice, empathy, and acceptance of imperfections. I struggled with maturity and grasping the true meaning of love, realizing I had been selfish and unaware. I questioned where I had gone wrong—in my efforts to love, to sacrifice, to understand, and to adapt. It was a painful realization that I had yet to fully grasp what it means to truly love and care for someone else. I was at the worst version of myself.