Chapter 25: The Day, The Music

In planning the logistics of our road trip, it fell into place smoothly as we split into two vehicles. I had to make sure Jackie was riding alongside Joseph in the other car while the rest could be randomly assigned. We kicked off our journey from the green field in the central area where we picked up the group, and proceeded with excitement palpable as we headed toward the south side.

Longing for an adventure, the atmosphere inside the vehicles was nothing short of festive. Music blared from the speakers, setting a lively tone that turned our drive into an impromptu party on wheels. It was the perfect backdrop for us to enjoy each other's company and built anticipation for the day ahead. Personally, I relished in the high spirits and the joy of being surrounded by friends.

Once we were set, we then proceeded to head to our first destination, rental bikes. We rode bikes around the compound. Saw lakes, fishes, athletes, and we sort of had a race on who is the fastest cyclist. The road was not wide enough so we had to travel in batches. After the first round, the semi-finalists were Jackie, Joseph, Alicia, and me. In Jackie versus Alicia, Jackie came out on top. In my battle with Joseph, I won the round with a close match. In my battle with Jackie for the finals, we both were competitive and ready to take the ace. As soon as Joseph waved the flag roared a motivational "GO!". Jackie pedaled with speed and determination the bike as fast as she could. While I pedaled as fast as her pace. It seemingly was a close fight but a few meters from the finish line, I slightly slowed down my pedals showing signs of exhaustion allowing Jackie to win the bike race that we held.

Voices rose in excitement as she cheered and adorably bragged that she's like the Usain Bolt of cycling doing that pose of both hands pointing diagonally to the sky. I was a triathlete of the sports swimming, biking, and running. I said to myself "This may be Jackie's last smile which I see that is associated with me."

Eventually, after our adventurous day of cycling, dining, and soaking in the joy of each other's company, hunger finally drove us to a quaint restaurant nestled within the compound. It was heartening to see the smiles of satisfaction spread across my friends' faces as we enjoyed our meals together. The echoes of laughter and the familiar banter reminded me of how things used to be, weeks before the pandemic had changed our lives. As we finished eating, recharged with energy and eager for more experiences, I proposed we visit a place nearby known for its breathtaking views. We set off, and soon found ourselves standing at a vantage point overlooking a tranquil lake with a majestic volcano in the middle. The cool breeze gently caressed our faces as we sipped on coffee, taking in the serene beauty of nature.

Just in that moment of peace and quiet, surrounded by friends who felt more like family, I couldn't help but feel grateful. Despite the challenges and uncertainties we had faced, the bond we shared remained steadfast. Each person, including Jackie, seemed immersed in their own way, capturing the essence of the landscape through photographs or simply standing in awe.

As I watched Jackie standing on the ledge, her silhouette against the setting sun, I couldn't deny the warmth in my heart. I mustered up the courage to go to Jackie. She saw me from her peripheral view and gave a little nod as I returned a little wave. She began, "How are you?" I said, "I'm really glad I get to see you again. I missed you, didn't have the courage to say that before but I did, just held it back." She then affirmed with a calm smile, "Awww, me too. It's really nice innit? It's a good thing all you guys brought up this activity." Out of the blue I mentioned, "I like you." Her face was like in a bit of shock and slight hint that she's uncomfortable. She was stunned and said, "Wait what?". I explained myself, "I just needed you to hear it, probably not a good moment. But I just needed you to know once." She inquisitively asserted, "After all this time?" I softly answered, "Always. It's always been you." With worry on the look on her face, she uttered, "I'm truly sorry Simon, but I can't. I do not feel the same way. I really see you as one of the best people I know. You have no idea how much your friendship means to me." I took a deep breath with nods of rejection saying, "I… don't. I want to be more than that." Her face was filled with pity and responded, "I… can't."

Yet with a silent nod, I turned and left. Walked past my friends with a soft nod and headed straight to the car. I felt relieved that all this weight was finally off my chest. I got the answer, and it was expected. I have no intention of hurting Jackie and I know she'll be okay. No one's at fault. It is just how we feel for each other. You can't control these types of things. I know myself well enough that staying friends with a girl you love is not the best option in this case.

Moving forward as it was the last destination of our trip, everyone seemed replenished and ready to head back to the real world. As we approached the parking lot, I exited the vehicle and each of us said our pieces of farewell. I did not bat an eye towards Jackie and maintained a mask of emotions for the time being. Finishing up, Jackie proceeded to head to Joseph's vehicle and we went our own ways. The day ended with a successful group activity and a successful personal agenda. There are just some things you can't control. Some things that are destined to not happen. I would still choose to confess my feelings with a clear response of rejection over keeping it to myself and assuming a silent rejection.

Ending the day as I reflected on everything, I realized Jackie had been more than just a person I liked; she had been a pillar of support and inspiration throughout various aspects of my life. Her friendship had shaped my academic and professional endeavors, and her presence had been a source of motivation during challenging times. I owed much of my personal growth to her. She definitely gave me more than what I gave her. In that moment, I found peace in knowing that our paths had crossed, even if they didn't intertwine romantically. Her impact on my life was profound, and I carried that sentiment with me as I moved forward, ready to embrace whatever the future held.

With my heart full of love, I silently conveyed my thoughts from afar:

"Thank you Jackie, thank you for letting me. Love, Simon."