Chapter Seven

Ricardo

I was shocked and speechless. It seemed my night was far from over. The first thing I noticed was that he was wearing the same clothes he had on when he left my apartment earlier. He had sneakily changed before coming here. It was also impossible not to notice the bruises on his face. I admit I thought he'd be much worse off; in fact, I was hoping he'd lost a few teeth. But unfortunately, only a dislocation near his left eye and a bruise next to his mouth adorned his face.

All this analysis took only a few seconds. And Michel, taking advantage of my state of shock, pushed me into the living room, hugging me. He kicked the door shut without letting me go, and we continued like that to my small living room. For a few moments, I let myself be enveloped by the warmth of those familiar arms. It was strangely comforting and lonely.

When I regained my sanity, I tried to push his body away. At first, he resisted, but I managed to free myself. I looked at him again and saw that he had a desolate expression. I couldn't help but feel happy inside. Knowing that Michel was as miserable as I gave me the strength to confront him.

But first, I wanted to know what he was doing at my house at that hour. Did he find out about my visit to his secret place?

— Michel, why are you here at this hour?

— I had a shitty night tonight, — he said, rubbing his hand through his hair — I needed you to feel better.

He came toward me, wanting to hug me again, but I didn't allow it.

— And why are you hurt? — I asked as if I didn't know the reason.

— A client caused trouble, and I had to throw him out.

Up to that point, I still had some hope he would tell me everything I had seen. Especially after he showed up at my door so distraught. But when he lied so blatantly, it became very clear that Michel had no respect or consideration for me. But I felt a masochistic need to see how far he would go. I wanted to prolong it as much as possible to hurt myself. Hurt myself to the point of not wanting to hear his name.

— And that was enough to make it such a shitty night?

— I also missed you, — Michel smiled. — I didn't want to leave knowing my baby was here alone.

How could he be such a bastard?

Again, the feeling of nausea enveloped me. Disgust filled my body in a way that was impossible to hide. It was all there, on my face.

— Why are you like this? —he frowned. — You're acting strange.

— What do you think happened, Michel?

I crossed my arms to create a barrier between us. It wasn't much, but I needed it.

He spent some time analyzing me, trying to figure out what had happened. At that moment, he showed a facial expression I didn't recognize. It was clear he was unhappy that I hadn't fallen into his arms the moment he walked through my door as I always had. When he noticed I wasn't wearing pajamas, his forehead creased, and he snorted in disapproval.

— Did you go out after I left?

— What if I did? — I said challengingly.

— Seriously? I go to work, and you go out to have fun?

— What?

— I can't believe this!— he said furiously. — I turn my back, and you go cruising who knows where?

I was shocked. Was he really reprimanding me for going out? I remained silent, waiting to see how far this would go. It was becoming much more interesting than I expected.

— Where did you go? I bet to that gay bar where I met you, — his tone of anger increasing. — Was it because I had to work? Is that it? You felt lonely and went to find a new man?

If it were another situation and another time, I would feel terrible with these insults. But after everything I discovered today, I just found it amusing. In fact, since we started dating, I hadn't gone to clubs or bars. I felt bad about going to those places when Michel was working so hard. How naive I was. I always thought of everything so we could have a good relationship. I avoided doing things that might displease him. I had become the typical idiotic boyfriend.

— Aren't you going to say anything? You must have hooked up with someone there if you're not defending yourself! I bet you got here just before me, still wearing your night clothes.

Suddenly, he grabbed my arm and pushed me toward the bathroom.

— Go shower now! Get that smell of sex off your body! I can't believe I trusted you!

At that moment, my patience ran out. I was at my limit. I pulled my arm with great force and gave him a push, making him lose his balance and almost fall. Anger bubbled through my veins like hot lava.

He turned to me intending to retort, but my look silenced him.

— Do you really want to know where I went today? — I said, smiling — Do you really have no idea?

— Of course not! — he said, trying to regain his composure. — How would I know which gay sewer you frequent?

The worst part was seeing him talk as if he wasn't gay himself. As if I were the promiscuous faggot.

— I went to Fight.

I spoke with great calm and certainty. And, of course, with a huge smile on my face.

He opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to speak. He looked like a fish out of water that had just been caught by a hook.

— W—what are you talking about? — he stammered.

— Are you going to play dumb now? Yes! I went to Fight tonight. And I saw a lot of interesting things there.

— Ric, it's not what you think.

— What I think or what I saw?— I said, crossing my Arms —Because I saw a lot of interesting things there. Including you.

I waited to see what Michel would say. I wanted him to confess that he had been with a girl there. But he wasn't that stupid. Since I didn't say everything I had seen, he waited to see what I knew.

— That's not a place for you, Ric. That's why I never told you anything, — he said in a placating tone. — And who took you there?

— Does it make a difference to know who it was?

— Of course! That person put you at risk! A lot of strange people go there! I wanted to protect you from them.

— Funny how you didn't have that concern with the girl who was glued to your mouth. And before you say she's no one, I know you know each other. I've had the pleasure of seeing her hanging on you a few times at college.

Satisfaction. That was the word that defined me the moment Michel realized he had been caught.

He started pacing the small room with his hands on his head. He looked like a caged animal. More specifically, a cornered rat. And like the rat he was, he opted to attack me.

— And what did you expect, Ricardo? I need to maintain appearances, damn it! If I didn't do anything, they'd call me a faggot.

— And what are you, Michel? You come to my house, kiss me, sleep with me, and fuck me. I don't know if anyone told you, but a guy who does that with another guy is a faggot!

— But I don't have to shout it to the world, damn it!

— I never asked you to. I never demanded anything, — I said, full of bitterness. — I gave in to your whims and stayed away from you to preserve your straight facade. Even when it killed me inside. The only thing I expected was respect. And you couldn't even give me that.

— Ric, please listen to me. I just did what was necessary. I'm a fucking fighter! How will they respect me if I don't act like one?

— You don't even respect yourself, Michel! You pretend to be someone you're not just to have a bunch of idiots sucking up to you!

I didn't even know why I was wasting my time arguing with him. Michel was incapable of even apologizing. On the contrary, he wanted to convince me he was right.

— You'd never understand.

— Understand what? That my supposed boyfriend fucks girls to maintain his status?

— You're exaggerating! It was just a damn kiss!

— Do you think I'm an idiot? You disappeared with her for over an hour! Unless you want to tell me it was the first time it happened!

His silence showed me that was exactly what he was going to say.

— Seriously, Michel, go away. It's over!

— Are you serious? You're going to throw away everything we have because of this?

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He had to be kidding. If I hadn't seen him in the ring today, I would have punched him in the face. But I didn't want to hurt myself. If he fought back, I'd be done for.

Then I remembered the beating he took, and that made me more content.

I went to my room and grabbed his things that were there. Fortunately, it was just a few clothes. With the little pile in one arm, I returned to the living room and pushed everything into his arms.

I wanted to throw everything out the window, but I didn't want to create a scene with the neighbors. Much less make my humiliation public.

He held everything automatically against his chest.

— Now get out of my house! Forget I exist!

— Calm down, Ric. Let's talk and resolve this.

— If you don't want me to post our photos online tomorrow, you'd better leave! I'm not ashamed to expose myself, unlike you! Actually, I'm only ashamed of one thing, trusting you blindly! — I pushed him to the door, throwing him out!