Graduation

Joker was perplexed as to why no one in the Uzumaki clan could perform a simple Bunshin. Perhaps their green chakra was too unstable? It was a possibility. Also, Naruto's attempts at bunshins failed more spectacularly than Joker's or Harley's. He knew his son would figure something out, or else he'd fail graduation. Anyway, he finally had something to cheer the boy up.

"Naruto! Harley! Could you come to the aquarium for a moment?"

The blonde boy and the harlequin kunoichi entered the aquarium room of the Uzumaki estate. Joker was standing to one side of a curtain, right next to the pull string, with his trademark grin on his face.

"Behold!" he began, as he pulled the string. "Smiling piranha! Finished breeding them just last week!"

Harley was ecstatic. Now they wouldn't have to hang the victim upside-down like she had to do with Batman! Naruto simply found it amusing that the fish were smiling back at him. Then Naruto had an idea.

"Hey, could we set this tank up to be used for Fish-Fu?"

"Already did so!"

"Sugoi!"

Finally the test day came. Bonnie apparently decided to walk Naruto to school. Naruto was okay with it, since she didn't act up as often as Clyde.

"Hey Shino!"

"Hey."

"You ready for the Finals?"

"Yeah. You?"

"Not so much. I still can't get the bunshin to work properly. My parents can't do them either, so I hope they pass me anyway."

"Me too. It'd be boring on a team without you."

"You know, maybe I could threaten to make Iruka-sensei's life a living hell if he doesn't pass me. What do you think?"

"I think you'd just get in trouble."

"So?"

"Just saying."

"You still up for rigging the team assignments after the Finals?"

"Of course."

"Bonnie!" She stopped growling at a baby carriage across the street and went back to following Naruto and Shino.

"We're almost there. Might as well send her home."

"Right. Bonnie? Go home!"

Bonnie turned around and headed back to the Uzumaki Estate at a leisurely pace, but then noticed the baby carriage again.

"NOW!"

Bonnie bolted for the safety of the Uzumaki home after hearing the anger in Naruto's voice.

"Next!"

Naruto walked into the classroom.

"Alright Naruto, henge into the Hokage," commanded Iruka. POOF! The image of the Sandaime was standing before Iruka and Mizuki.

"Substitution," commanded Mizuki. Naruto made a few hand seals and switched places with one of the chairs in the back of the class.

"You ready for the next one?" asked Iruka.

"As I'll ever be."

"Bunshin," commanded Iruka. POOF! Naruto created one bunshin, but it wasn't a very good one. It was pale and sickly, and couldn't even stand on its own. In frustration, Naruto stamped out the clone.

"I'm sorry Naruto, but we're not going to be able to pass you..."

"Iruka, he still made a clone. Isn't that good enough?"

"Mizuki, you know very well that such a bunshin would likely get him killed if he ever took a C-Rank mission. Sorry Naruto."

"How about I make you sorry?" threatened Naruto with a sadistic grin on his face. Mizuki shuddered. But Iruka was as firm as ever.

"No."

"Well, it was worth a try."

Later, outside the classroom, Mizuki approached Naruto.

"Naruto?"

Naruto had a creepy grin on his face as he turned to face Mizuki. "Yes, Mizuki-sensei?"

Twitch. "May I have a word with you?"

"Sure. But just one? Kind of a waste of breath, don't you think?"

Mizuki shook his head. "Master Iruka is a really serious guy... His parents died when he was young, so everything he's accomplished he did by himself, with a lot of hard work and discipline."

"Yeah, so what?"

"So you remind him of himself."

"How so?"

"Well, you're an orphan, right?"

"Kinda, but I have parents now too. And neither one can do the Bunshin no Jutsu. I really wish I could just graduate."

"I guess that leaves no choice then."

"For what?" Naruto was getting annoyed at how Mizuki was beating around the bush.

"I have a secret test for you. Pass this test, and you graduate!" Twitch! Naruto grinned again.

"'Bout time you got here!" said Naruto, startling Iruka.

"GAH!" yelled Iruka. "Don't talk so creepily! Wait, what are you doing here?"

"Practicing ninjutsu."

"And you had to steal that scroll to practice?"

"Yeah, Mizuki-sensei told me about it. He said that if I memorized and mastered at least one jutsu on this scroll that I would graduate. So I learned two."

Wait, Mizuki? thought Iruka. He suddenly pushed Naruto out of the way. "GET DOWN!"

THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK!

"Nice impression of a pretzel," commented Naruto. "But you're not twisted like one!"

"I'm surprised you knew where to go, Iruka," laughed Mizuki. "Naruto, I'll be taking the scroll now!"

"Don't you dare let him have it, Naruto! He set you up so that he could steal it!"

"'Zat so?"

"Naruto," Mizuki began. "Haven't you wondered why all the villagers hate you?"

"Shut up Mizuki!" Iruka yelled out.

"Hear that?" Mizuki smiled evilly. "It's part of a law."

"What law?"

"The law that says you aren't allowed to learn who you are! You wanna know what really happened twelve years ago to the demon fox?"

"Don't listen to him!"

"Shut up. I wanna hear what he has to say. Please, continue."

"It was sealed within YOU! You are the demon fox! You are the Kyubi!"

Naruto cocked his head. No, that's not possible. My chakra signature is that of a human. That's what Auntie Anko said it was. Hmm... Hey voice! What? Are you the demon fox this idiot is talking about? Are you Kyubi? ... What if I am? Naruto used the trick he had learned only last year. He pumped a little bit of chakra into the back of his mind. Due to the poisonous and caustic nature of his chakra, such a trick yielded a satisfying result.

GAH! PAINAGONYMAKEITSTOP! PLEASEMAKEITSTOP! So... are you Kyubi or not? ... ow... Yes I am. I am merely sealed inside of you though. That's all I wanted to know.

Naruto smiled toothily at Mizuki. Twitch. "STUPID DEMON! STOP DOING THAT!"

"So, you're a traitor to this village and you want to steal the forbidden scroll, eh?"

Iruka quickly realized what Naruto might do. Naruto started cracking his knuckles and his neck.

"Ever danced with the devil by the pale moonlight?" the blonde asked in an extremely creepy tone of voice. Mizuki's eyes became as big as dinner plates. Naruto made a seal with his hands, one that created a cross with his index and middle fingers of both of his hands. "Kagebunshin no Jutsu!"

So that was one of the techniques Naruto learned, thought Iruka.

There were well over a hundred Narutos in the area. They then descended on Mizuki like piranhas. Mizuki's screams of pain could be heard from the forest. When Naruto was finished, he dispelled his bunshins and then injected a semi-conscious Mizuki with a good deal of Type 1 Smilex. Slowly, Mizuki's body began to stiffen up, and his face contorted into a painful-looking smile.

"Traitor eliminated," stated Naruto. "Say Iruka? Wanna go get some ramen?"

"Why did you kill him? He should've stood trial and such!"

"I killed him because he was a traitor and he tricked me. What? Does Konoha not promote vigilantism?"

"Never mind. Come here. I have something for you."

"What is it?" Iruka handed over his forehead protector. "Say what?"

"You graduate!"

"... I guess he really didn't trick me at all. Oops!"

"Not to worry. He was still a traitor."

"Oh good. Say, how many other people think that I'm Kyubi?"

"Practically the whole village and about half of the shinobi."

"... It's going to be fun proving them wrong!"

"How about that ramen then? My treat!"

"Awesome! Let's go to Ichiraku's stand!"

"We always go there."

"Yeah, but I like the guy's name - it's fun to say! Ichiraku! Ichiraku! Ichiraku!"

As they walked to give the scroll back to the Hokage and then go to the Ichiraku Ramen stand, Naruto sang "We Are the Champions" in Japanese, causing Iruka to laugh.

The next day...

"So you want your picture taken like this?" asked the photographer.

"Yeah, hurry up before my face freezes this way!" replied Naruto.

"Why did you have your picture taken with this face?" asked the Sandaime Hokage.

"To confuse people."

The Hokage raised his eyebrow. "You decided to take a picture with a perfectly normal face in order to confuse people?"

"Yeah. Most people would expect me to smile evilly or sadistically or something like that."

"True."

The door suddenly opened. "I challenge you, Old Man!" A runt of a kid came running into the room, and then tripped on his own scarf. Naruto burst out laughing.

Sarutobi raised his eyebrow. So Konohamaru managed to escape Ebisu yet again?

"STOP LAUGHING!" demanded the small boy. Oddly enough, Naruto complied. "You did that on purpose, didn't you?" Naruto cracked up and fell out of his seat. The poor boy was getting angrier by the minute.

"Konohamaru," began the Sandaime. The boy looked to his grandfather, the Hokage. Naruto managed to stop laughing, though he seemed ready to bust a gut at any moment. "As Hokage I can definitely say that Naruto here didn't do anything to you."

"Yeah," began the blonde shinobi. "The opponent who so deftly defeated you is, in fact, trying to choke you to death right now."

At this, Konohamaru panicked and tried to ward off whoever his assailant was. Upon seeing the young child's reaction, Naruto fell backwards, laughing. Realizing something was amiss, Konohamaru stopped flailing about and proceeded to glare at the young Uzumaki. The Hokage was snickering, and though Konohamaru missed that fact, Naruto didn't.

When Naruto was finished, the Sandaime spoke up. "He meant your scarf, Grandson."

Embarrassed, Konohamaru blushed. Upon seeing the look on the boy's face, Naruto began laughing again. This time, he rolled onto his stomach and started beating the floor with his fists as he laughed. The floor began to crack, and he ended up breaking it and falling through into the room below.

"GAH!" he called out as he did so. Several crashing noises were heard, including a piano being smashed, a few turkeys screaming in fear, a car horn and alarm going off, and, just after all had gone silent, the sound of a hubcap rolling around on the floor until it fell over (just like in cartoons). "I'm okay!"

In the room above, the Hokage and his grandson sweatdropped. And then Ebisu entered the room to take his charge off of his employer's hands. He glanced over at the hole.

"I know it's not my place to pry, Honorable Hokage," Ebisu began. "But whatever punishment you put that ninja through was a bit harsh."

"I did nothing to him. He simply laughed too hard."

"Nani?"

"It was the Uzumaki boy."

"Oh. Makes perfect sense then. Come along, Konohamaru."

Naruto was headed towards the Aburame estate when he got the feeling that he was being followed. He turned around to see a box-shaped "rock" with eyeholes cut out. Naruto leisurely walked up to it, and nonchalantly kicked it. The box ended up landing upside-down with Konohamaru still in it, plus a black eye.

"Never, and I do mean never, try to sneak around behind me, Runt. If you have business with me, try approaching me face-to-face."

"Ow... How come you're so mean!"

Naruto laughed. "You tend to be mean when your father and mother are both murderous psychopaths with a twisted sense of humor."

Konohamaru was stunned. They really weren't like that. No, they couldn't be. After he was finished assuring himself that no one so evil could have been raised in (or ever lived in) Konoha (causing Itachi and Orochimaru to sneeze, wherever they were), he asked Naruto the question that he meant to ask him. "Would you please train me?"

Naruto's answer was curt and short, and allowed no argument or further discussion. "No, period." With that, he continued on his way to Shino's house, leaving the spoiled brat that was Konohamaru behind, crying. Then, just to shut the brat up, Naruto picked up a boot from a trash pile and chucked it at Konohamaru's head, knocking him out.

That night, Shino and Naruto managed to sneak into the Hokage's office. They looked up who was going to be in what teams.

"Ino, Chouji, and Shikamaru. Jounin is Sarutobi Asuma," stated Shino.

"Not surprising. Next," requested Naruto.

"Sasuke, Sakura, and Kiba. Jounin is Hatake Kakashi."

"Where's the logic there?"

"Sasuke is an Uchiha, and Kakashi happens to have a Sharingan for some reason. Since Sasuke is the top of the class, despite your distractions, and Kiba is the dead-last, they put them on the same team. Sakura was thrown in there as an afterthought, apparently."

"I see. Next."

"Myself, you, and Hinata. Jounin is Yuhi Kurenai."

"Seems like we don't need to make any changes so far. Wait a minute... who is our Jounin again?"

"Yuhi Kurenai. She's new, so I don't know much about her."

"We'll have to give her a greeting of some sort then. Next."

And so they went over the next few teams. And made no changes whatsoever. Much to the Hokage's chagrin. He was hiding in the shadows, and was waiting for someone to try and change the teams around, as had happened every single year. And he really was in a vindictive mood at the moment. He was so bored.

The next day, Naruto and his parents were training. Both Joker and Harley also managed to learn the kagebunshin from Naruto. With some experimenting they discovered the shuriken kagebunshin no jutsu. It allowed one to essentially create kagebunshins of any non-living thrown object. It couldn't be used with Fish-Fu, but it could be used with the chemical and regular pies, kunai, shuriken, various other projectiles, and flash-bangs and other grenades. Also, Joker had developed a new jutsu, named ")Caustic Fist( no Jutsu". It enveloped the hands and feet in green acidic goo. It had two hand-seals to activate - horse and then monkey. He taught it to his son and wife.

Additionally, Harley created a defensive jutsu and an offensive offshoot jutsu of it. The first was called ")Caustic Barrier( no Jutsu", and it essentially created a bubble made of the same green acidic goo. It required three hand seals (snake, boar, monkey, in that order) followed by the caster sticking his/her left hand into the air and spinning around on the ball of their left foot once (clockwise or counterclockwise; it didn't matter). The offensive jutsu was called ")Caustic Barrier Conversion: Caustic Bomb( no Jutsu", and required the )Caustic Barrier( to be in place beforehand. It didn't have any hand seals. She taught both of them to her husband and son.

While playing around with the Kagebunshin, the three of them managed to come up with another version of it - the "Akuna Kagebunshin no Jutsu". When it was dispelled or destroyed, it left behind a small amount of poisonous gas. Also, Naruto managed to combine the Senei Jashu (Hidden Shadow Snake Hands) technique he had learned from Auntie Anko with the )Caustic Fist(, thereby firing an acid-covered snake out of his wrist instead of a regular snake.

By the time they were finished, it was dinnertime, and Naruto was determined to be at the academy on time the next day in order to find out whether or not the teams had been changed by the Hokage anyway. Naruto knew that the old man had been in the same room as him (as had Shino) simply because he had managed to learn what the beat of a heart sounded like from across a room, as Joker had said it was a useful skill when it came to interrogating hostages.

After dinner, Naruto decided to finally name his sawed-off shotgun. He named it "Clarisse".

The next day...

"Team 7: Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura, Inuzuka Kiba. Jounin instructor is Hatake Kakashi."

"YES! I'M ON THE SAME TEAM AS SASUKE!"

"... Kuso."

"Hear that, Akamaru? We're on the same team as the genius kid. And as Sakura." Kiba smiled and started fantasizing. Akamaru rolled his eyes at Kiba's small nosebleed.

Somewhere else in the room, Ino was silently cursing her luck.

"Team 8: Hyuga Hinata, Aburame Shino, Uzumaki Naruto. Jounin instructor is Yuhi Kurenai."

Shino said nothing, and Naruto burst out laughing. Hinata was trembling; she was nervous and excited.

"Team 9 is already in the field. Team 10: Nara Shikamaru, Akimichi Chouji, Yamanaka Ino. Jounin instructor is Sarutobi Asuma."

Why am I on a team with a lazy good-for-nothing and a fat good-for-nothing while Sakura gets to be on the same team as Sasuke? Ino was definitely annoyed.

Shikamaru and Chouji simply shared a look and smiled.

"Team 11..."

After all the teams were announced, Kurenai, who had red eyes and was very beautiful, promptly came by to pick up her team. Team 7 was waiting for their Jounin for the next five hours.

In any case, Kurenai took them to a secluded spot to talk with them.

"As you know, I'll be your Jounin instructor. Since I know hardly anything about any of you, I'd like you all to introduce yourselves."

"Say what?" retorted Naruto.

"I suppose I should give you an example. My name is Yuhi Kurenai. I like flowers and soap operas, and I hate pig-headed idiots. My dream is to surpass the legendary Uchiha clan in terms of genjutsu. You with the glasses, you're next."

"Aburame Shino. I like bugs. I hate people who are full of themselves. I wish to become an excellent shinobi, like my father."

"Good. Good. Your turn, Hyuga."

"Um... I'm Hinata... I like... um... well..." Hinata blushed heavily while taking sidelong glances at Naruto. "I dislike... my... father... um... my dream... is to better myself... and um... gain the notice of... someone..." With that, Hinata blushed heavily again while taking sidelong glances at Naruto again.

Low self-esteem. I hope I can undo the damage her father has done. "An excellent dream, Hinata. And now for the boy who hasn't stopped smiling since we met."

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto. I like ramen, pranks, jokes, chemicals, ramen, weapons, ramen, jackals, ramen, and hyenas."

"You mentioned ramen four times."

"So I did. Oh yeah! I also like brunettes." Hinata fainted. Naruto snickered.

"You did that on purpose, didn't you?" Naruto simply grinned in response. Hinata was quickly revived by a glass of water, which Shino happened to have around, for some reason.

"As for dislikes, I hate humorless people, people who think I'm a demon, and how long it takes for instant cup ramen to cook."

"It takes like, two minutes to cook, Naruto."

"I know. That's still too long." Kurenai and Hinata sweatdropped. Shino was amused. "As for my dream, I wish to spread smiles and laughter across the land - whether or not people want to smile or laugh."

"Okay... a rather creepy dream. Well, since we all know each other better, I have a training session for all of you, in order to gauge you skill levels. Meet me tomorrow at the crack of dawn at Training Field 42. And don't eat breakfast. You have the rest of the day off. See you tomorrow!" With that, she left.

After she was out of earshot, Naruto spoke up. "How foolish of her to give us the rest of the day off. I have a plan. I have heard about these initial training sessions - they're called 'bell tests'. We're going to need to rig Field 42 with all sorts of traps and such. Shino, you're going to need to plant a female bug on Kurenai." Shino nodded. "Alright, now here's the basic plan..."