War

Some Otonin had been charged with the task of breaking into the Uzumaki estate and steal all the bloodline research hidden within. Twenty ninja were sent. Twelve of them fell to the might of the lawn gnomes within minutes.

One of the remaining eight tripped an infrared sensor entering one of the windows. A guillotine blade ended her just above the hips. Two others had sidled up to one of the walls... and were squished by a rocket-powered steel wall panel. Two more slipped through a window and into Bonnie and Clyde's pen - Harley found their bones two days later.

One unlucky Otonin actually made it inside, only to accidentally walk into a gas chamber. He was sealed inside before Smilex was pumped into the room automatically. Another entered into Naruto's old nursery and stepped on some caltrops that had been left out. He stumbled, grabbed a shelf (which hadn't been secured to the wall properly) and pulled it down on top of himself. The contents of said shelf were all various sharp implements, one of which had sliced open his jugular vein.

The last intruder had snuck in through a window but had gotten his foot caught in the radiator under the sill and fell, bumping his head against a filing cabinet. Joker found him there, still unconscious, the next morning. He was the unluckiest of the twenty to make the attempt to break into the Uzumaki Manor, by far.

Naruto continued to chase after Gaara into the forest, using the Kyuubi's chakra to energize himself while he reloaded Clarisse with slugs. He also spawned about fifty kagebunshin every few minutes to run interference with any who would be following him.

Naruto couldn't move faster than the Sand Siblings at the moment, especially due to the amount of chakra necessary to summon Hachiman and to keep spawning shadow clones, but he kept pace with them. Sooner or later, they would tire, and his own endurance was nigh-endless. It was a moving waiting game, and he would win.

The young clown grinned maniacally.

"Second Banner: Barrier!" roared Joker as he swung the gigantic sword around. Sanman's inane giggling could be heard as a flag materialized above the stadium, closing the arena off to outsiders and trapping Joker, Harley, and the Kazekage within.

The Kazekage dodged Harley's squeaky hammer, countering with a kick to her chest. He frowned at Joker.

"Trying to prevent me from getting aid?" he scoffed.

"Nope," replied the clown. "I just don't want you to get away!"

Harley swung at the Kazekage again, but the man dodged by mere centimeters. But instead of squeaking, the hammer exploded, sending the Kazekage tumbling towards Joker. Grinning, the clown swung the massive sword in a low arc, but had to quickly change stances to block the Kazekage's wind-enhanced punch with the flat of the blade.

"Oh, you'll be so much fun to play with!" Joker laughed as Harley threw a large, old leather boot, nailing the Kazekage in the back of the head, dislodging his Kage Hat.

Orochimaru was having fun while the Hokage was panting from exertion. Though the old man was keeping up, he was tiring. Orochimaru chuckled, putting his foot on the stomach of the rat ANBU's corpse. Time to bring out the special surprise.

"Kuchiyose: Edo Ten-ack!"

Something had grasped his legs, ruining his concentration and cancelling his jutsu. Looking down, Orochimaru saw that it was Rat's hands. He leapt back, kicking the appendages away, unsure of this new development, but the ANBU, still with a kunai in his eye, leapt forwards to chase the Sannin. Orochimaru shoved his palm onto the pommel of the kunai, driving it further into Rat's brain, but the thing laughed. The mask, the clothes, everything about the ANBU changed color to a strange, sickly tan. It increased in size as a newly-formed mouth closed around Orochimaru's hand, the one touching the kunai. The Sannin jerked his hand away, but some of the creature came with it, preventing him from moving his fingers. He tried to pull the substance off, but his other had became enveloped too.

"Mission accomplished, Hokage-sama," the creature said.

"Thank you, Domen," replied the old man. He then turned to Orochimaru, his tone becoming patronizing as he shook a finger at his former student. "No more jutsus for you, young man!"

Orochimaru tried pulling his hands apart, with all his strength, but he soon realized the futility of it all as the clay-like substance hardened.

Enemies fell to Juuken and chakra scalpel alike. Such was the speed (Joker taught her his speed jutsu) and ferocity of Hinata. She was happy. She was laughing. She was covered in blood from cut jugular veins and carotid arteries.

Truthfully, she was freaking her father out. He watched her as he dispatched his own opponents, wondering why she was so different. Certainly, she was stronger than he had imagined. Much stronger. But she was also disturbing. The pure manic glee on her face as she slaughtered Otonin and Sunanin had no place on a Hyuuga. And yet, it was there. Also, her chakra seemed a little... off.

Hiashi was worried about his daughter whom he had once considered a failure. What if the Hyuuga Elders thought her too powerful or her fighting style too perverse? What if they decided to brand her to get back at the young Uzumaki? What if she decided to turn upon her own kin in vengeance for her treatment? She could potentially murder the entire Main House!

This is not good, he thought. And I don't know if I can do anything to protect her. She seems to be far too involved with the Kyuubi brat for me to be able to separate them and fix the damage... and yet it was probably his influence that caused her to become this strong.

And then, she started to sing, causing Hiashi's blood to run cold.

"One little,

"Two little,

"Three little Otonin!"

She punctuated that line by scrambling an Otonin's brains inside his head.

"Four little,

"Five little,

"Six little Sunanin!"

She ripped out a Sunanin's heart after quickly cutting a hole all the way through his chest with a combination of a chakra scalpel with the Juuken.

"Seven little,

"Eight little,

"Nine little victims!"

At this point she simply snapped a man's neck.

"AND THERE'S SO MANY MORE TO KILL!"

... not good at all!

Kankuro slowed to try and stop Naruto to buy Temari and Gaara more time.

He saw the blonde approaching, and would pass a little to his left, so he moved to intercept. Seeing Kankuro, the young clown smiled, and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Kankuro turned to the right to see a WALL of black-clad blondes rushing towards him. By the way they interacted with the forest, he knew they were all real.

Really, there were only two things he could do in this sort of situation. He did both.

"FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU-" he screamed as he ran for his life, accidentally leaving Karasu behind.

The Kazekage had managed to get around Joker's guard and nearly drilled a wind jutsu into the clown's grinning face when an ethereal jackal head zipped out of the zanbatou's blade and chomped down on his shoulder. It gave a jerk and flung the leader of Suna backward, where Harley was waiting with a Caustic Fist. She opted for a double-fisted blow on the man's wounded shoulder, causing the Kazekage exquisite pain as the acid and poison made contact with the torn flesh.

To the man's credit, the Kazekage did not cry out, but instead whipped the wind around him, sending Harley tumbling away from the force of the mini-tornado. He had to roll out of the way as Joker swung the giant sword in an overhead arc. The clown would have bisected the Kage vertically had he not moved in time.

"Sixth Banner: Magnetism - Negative!" laughed Joker as he pulled the sword out of the ground. Yonman's ethereal head appeared from the blade and spat out another banner. The Kazekage, who had managed to roll to his feet, could not dodge as the semi-transparent banner struck him in the chest. It did not cause an impact, but it was absorbed into him. He could feel a seal arranging itself on his chest, using his own chakra to power it.

"Fifth Banner: Magnetism - Positive!" declared Joker, grinning like the proverbial cat that ate the canary. A banner superimposed itself over the sword, causing a seal to be placed upon the flat of the blade on both sides.

The effect was felt by the Kazekage immediately. It felt like his chest wanted to go towards the sword. He had to use a great deal of his wind manipulation just to keep from stumbling towards the blade. He did stumble a little but regained his balance when Joker swung the zanbatoh over his head. He continued to spin it, making the attraction stronger and stronger until it was all that the Kazekage could do to keep from moving towards the insane, laughing clown.

Then, he heard something that caused his danger sense to flare abnormally high - a clicking noise, like metal touching metal. He glanced over to where Harley had stood up. She was holding some form of large machinery that had a number of metal pipes coming out of one end, all of them pointing towards him. They began to spin around a central axis.

"I'd like to introduce you to a friend of mine," Harley cried. "His name is Freddie!"

The Kazekage's senses screamed for him to move as the gun began to fire, but the only direction to move was towards Joker. So he let up on his wind manipulation and tried to reinstate it to keep away from the deadly blade. But the clown had actually been walking towards him as he was distracted by Harley's chaingun, making the Kazekage's judgment of the distance a tad... incorrect.

His head got quite some distance before it bounced off of the barrier, a look of utter disbelief and shock plastered on his face.

After sending about a hundred clones to keep Kankuro occupied and having a couple more retrieve the puppet, Naruto poured on more speed to catch up with the brother and sister from Suna. The young clown had realized that Gaara had probably regenerated somewhat from the wound to his collarbone inflicted earlier, but he wasn't worried. No matter how fast the fellow Jinchuuriki regenerated, the area would still be sore and would be a weak-point.

Both siblings slowed and turned to face the blonde Jinchuuriki, Temari trying to shield Gaara with her body. But the redhead had other ideas and shoved her out of the way.

Naruto took this time to analyze the changes to Gaara's form. By the shape of the sand covering him, he had partially transformed into a tanuki, and there was a lot of sand covering his injured shoulder. That meant he was channeling his demon.

Hey, Kyuubi! You know what that means?

... crap. Okay, one tail's worth of chakra, coming up!

Naruto grinned as a red shroud enveloped his body, giving him fox ears and a tail. The clones he had covering his flanks began to laugh.

Gaara began to growl.

Temari began to pray for her brother's safety.

")Caustic Shroud(!" roared Naruto, the fox shroud turning from red to a sickly green. The branch he stood on began to dissolve before the blonde leapt off of it to attack Gaara.

Orochimaru had resorted to using the Kusanagi (Grass Cutter), the eternally-poisoned sword that was once the pride of Kusagakure no Sato (Ninja Village Hidden in Grass) before it was lost in a skirmish with the Sannin. He may not have been able to use his hands, but he could wield the weapon from his mouth, proving that even without jutsu, he was still quite dangerous.

Having heard about the Kusanagi from the briefing he and the Hokage had earlier, Domen was determined to not get hit by it as he didn't know how his body would react with the poison. So he spread the various kunai he had absorbed into himself when he showed his true form all around his body and pushed them to the surface whenever and wherever the sword was to make contact, inadvertently mimicking the Kaguya bloodline (at least, the defensive aspect).

What really helped, though, was the fact that the Hokage had summoned King Enma, who had turned into an adamantine staff. The old man was now threatening to crush Orochimaru's head into paste while Domen's feet ate some of the roof tiles so that he could throw them at the Snake Sannin.

Hiashi approached Hinata after most of the enemy ninja nearby had been dispatched. His face was grim.

"Daughter, we need to talk."

"Oh, I agree, Father. I agree."

This was unexpected. "Y-you do?"

"Aw, how cute! It's Father's turn to stutter!"

The older Hyuuga mentally shook himself and steeled his resolve. "Your behavior today is most unbecoming of a Hyuuga Heir."

"Well, isn't that a relief?"

Her father blinked. She kept throwing him off balance. "Y-you know that the Elders m-may decide to b-brand you with the Caged Bird Seal, especially to g-get back at the Uzumaki Heir..."

"They can try," she replied, laughing a bit. "I'm surprised you didn't notice already, but I've already got a seal on me."

She rolled up her right sleeve, revealing a compressed seal that resembled a seven-pointed star superimposed around a spiral on her upper arm.

Hiashi couldn't see its purpose. "What... what does that do? Who put it on you?"

"Jiraiya-sama of the Sannin put it on me at Naruto-kun's request," she said, sliding her sleeve back down. "It prevents any further seal work from being added to my body."

The Head of the Hyuuga Clan calmed somewhat. "So he anticipated what would happen after today and prevented anyone from branding you."

"Actually, Naruto-kun just didn't want anyone else able to control me." That made Hiashi pause for a moment.

Gaara found that he had to block Naruto's blows with his sand, which did not dissolve in the blonde's acidic chakra. His left arm was badly burned, and he had to force even more of Mother's chakra to form sand around his other arm, shielding it from further injury. He also had to form the tail just to keep up with the speed at which Naruto attacked.

After failing to score another hit on the blonde, Gaara was getting really frustrated. But finally, he had enough chakra to form the full body of Shukaku the Sand Priest. The sand began gathering around him, forming a gigantic tanuki. Gaara's body appeared at the top of the monstrosity of sand. He used a genjutsu to force himself to sleep.

"MWAHAHAHAHAAA!" roared the tanuki. "I AM FINALLY AWAKE!"

Kyuubi? More chakra.

Very well, but your body can only take another half-tail.

That's plenty.

"KUCHIYOSE: THE THREE MUSES!"

After dispelling all of Hachiman's banners, Joker, Harley, Ivy, Yamato, and a swarm of ANBU had all gathered around the roof where Domen and the aging Hokage fought against Orochimaru. Joker ordered that he wanted everyone who was not the Snake Sannin to be captured alive for the DTI. The ANBU quickly agreed, most of them thinking that the enemy ninja deserved torture at the hands of Mr. J, while one or two were afraid of the possible consequences of defying the Clan Head of the Uzumaki.

Orochimaru surprised everyone by ordering the Sound Four to drop the barrier and retreat.

Drop the barrier? Mission accomplished. Retreat? Well...

Joker had recovered from his surprise very quickly and had swung the massive sword, calling forth the Second Banner again, sealing the entire building inside an ellipsoidal barrier. But not quickly enough.

Orochimaru's mouth had opened and a sticky, but whole, Snake Sannin had shot out like a bullet, above the barrier before it could form. He rebounded off of the barrier and sprinted off, killing what few pursuers could keep up, but not rejoining the battle due to the massive amount of chakra it took to "shed his skin" in such a way.

As the empty skin of their master floated down, looking very much like a deflated balloon, the only female in the Sound Four started cursing up a storm, even as several ANBU dog-piled her.

The fat one was knocked out instantly when Harley decided to give him a boot to the back of the head.

The two-headed one was assaulted by a tree, grown by Yamato and Ivy.

The one with six arms took one quick look at Joker, the Hokage, Domen, and the remaining twelve ANBU before yanking a roof tile free and hitting himself in the back of the head with it, knocking himself out.

"Huh," muttered Joker.

"What?" asked a nearby ANBU.

"Oh, I just hadn't pegged that one as a wussy quitter."

An immense amount of smoke appeared, surprising the hiding Temari, thinking that Naruto couldn't possibly summon anything bigger than Hachiman. She soon learned that she was wrong. Very wrong.

Four laughs followed Naruto summoning, one of which was his own due to how exhausted he felt. Summoning the largest Boss Summon that existed was a monumental effort. And her size nearly matched that of any of the Bijuu.

As the smoke cleared, it revealed a three-headed hyena. All three of her heads smirked, though only the left head had a full-fledged grin. The right head smiled, but sadly, as if she pitied everything. The central head looked at everything, but she smiled as if merely amused.

"I welcome you, Lady Cerberus, Boss of the Hyenas and Jackals."

"How very polite of you," responded the right head. "I am Melpomene, the Muse of Tragedy."

"Mistress of Sorrow is more like it," laughed the left. "I am Thalia, Keeper of Laughs!"

"Lies and slander!" chuckled the central head. "You're the Muse of Comedy. I'm the Muse of History, Clio."

"AND I'M GOING TO KILL YOU ALL!" roared Shukaku, spitting a compressed ball of air at the summon.

Melpomene wailed, like she was crying, sending a ripple through the air and disrupting the attack. When she was done, Thalia's tongue shot out. It cracked like a whip against Shukaku's hide, severing his right arm due to the fact that her tongue was as thin as paper and just as razor sharp. In retaliation, a wave of sand coursed forward, forcing Cerberus to jump away. As she landed, Clio began to speak.

"So, Shukaku the Sand Priest, the Ichibi Bijuu, right?" she prattled as Melpomene ripped a tree out of the ground and spat it at the large tanuki. Shukaku blocked with his left arm as his right arm reformed. He had to duck as Thalia's tongue tried to decapitate Gaara's sleeping form.

"Of course I'm right, what was I thinking?"

She was interrupted as the large tanuki spat another ball of air at them and Melpomene wailed again, like a banshee. Then Thalia retracted her tongue as both her and Melpomene inhaled deeply.

"You think you're so tough, don't you?"

Both Thalia and Melpomene spat fire at the same time, but the blue flames shaped into faces as they raced towards Shukaku. The one on the left turned into a laughing, smiling mask as the other turned into a frowning, crying face. They exploded on impact with his arms as he covered his face, sand falling down around him.

"The truth is, you're not. You're pathetic."

Cerberus leapt away as another wave of sand came rushing towards her. As it missed, it leveled about an acre or two of the forest. Another pair of burning masks rushed towards Shukaku's back, forcing him to block with his tail.

Something was wrong, that much Shukaku knew. It felt like a foreign chakra was invading his body, making his movements more sluggish and slowing his regeneration. He then realized that Clio's words carried chakra within them - a sound-based genjutsu!

"A human priest possessed by a minor demon and then eaten by the Ichibi, a mindless tanuki demon."

Cerberus pounced on Shukaku's back, squashing what remained of his tail flat. Thalia bit into his left arm as Melpomene bit into his right. As Naruto leapt off of Clio's head and raced alongside the demon's face to reach Gaara, she whispered one last thing into the tanuki's ear.

"No wonder you're Sunagakure no Sato's bitch."

And then Naruto, moving faster than the sand could keep up, kicked the sleeping redhead in the groin, waking the boy up with excruciating pain.

"NOOO! I JUST WOKE UP!" whined the tanuki demon.

As the sand lost cohesion, Cerberus's three heads laughed.

"We thank you for the fun, clown pup," began Thalia.

"First time in a hundred years we've been summoned," commented Clio.

"Such a pity," finished Melpomene. "Don't make us wait that long for the next fight, but don't summon us for trivial reasons either."

"Yeah," agreed Clio. "That would be annoying."

"Maybe you can have some angel food cake ready for us next time?" suggested Thalia.

"Say what!" exclaimed the other two heads before Cerberus disappeared.

Grinning as Shukaku's body collapsed under them, Naruto slugged Gaara in the face. The other boy ineffectually tried to shield himself with his arms as the blonde kept slipping around his guard, giving him the beating of his life. Suddenly, the sand completely gave out, sending both boys tumbling to the ground.

Naruto had broken both of his legs on landing. A pair of his shadow clones from earlier slung his arms over their shoulders as another pair picked up Gaara's battered form and held him upright under his armpits. A fifth clone rifled through one of the pockets in Naruto's jacket, claiming a needle filled with Smilex.

Seeing her brother in trouble, Temari rushed from her hiding place, her concern for a member of her family overriding her fear of the two Jinchuuriki.

"STOP!" she cried, preparing to attack with her battle fan.

But the weapon was ripped from her grasp by a pair of blonde shadow clones as another pair wrenched her arms behind her back. Another pair hit the dirt near her feet, grabbing and restraining her ankles.

The real Naruto looked over at her, curiosity on his face.

"Don't hurt him!" she pleaded.

"Why do you care?" he asked, his clone with the needle stopping. "He'll die happy this way."

Though she could see fear in Gaara's eyes, he looked resigned to die, like he had lost his reason for living. She glared through her tears at Naruto.

"I care because he's my brother!"

"But you treated him like a monster not too long ago," Naruto stated, confused.

"I know!" she cried. "And I feel horrible for it, but he's my baby brother! I don't want him to die!"

"Are you offering your life for his?" asked the blonde clown.

"No, Temari!" growled Gaara, barely able to speak. "Don't sacrifice yourself for me! No one wants me around anyway, and you're loved back home!" Gaara coughed up a little blood.

"Gaara!" Temari wailed. "I want you around!"

Naruto shook his head. "If you both agree to stop being so sappy, I won't kill either of you, nor will I kill Mr. Mascara."

Both Sabaku siblings looked astonished at the young clown. Naruto beckoned with his head at the clone holding the needle. The clone injected the Smilex into Naruto's arm, freaking both the siblings out.

"Mmmm... That's the good stuff!" muttered the youngest Uzumaki. "Dispel to let the others know not to kill the doll-maker. We're heading back to Konoha with our three prisoners."

The clone saluted and disappeared.