Episode 21

I'd rather die than get engaged again. I'd rather die than marry this guy again...

Ines muttered as she stared at the tattered portrait of Oscar on the living room sofa. It was a present Oscar had personally brought back when he visited Ballestena's estate.

Your future fiancé will always be by your side in Perez so you won't be lonely, and so on and so forth...

"… You call that a gift… ."

I thought he was that messed up when he grew up, but when I looked closely, I saw that he was crazy since he was young. Did he really think that his face was a gift? He had a flawless appearance, but that didn't mean he would become a great handsome man.

It was a judgment that lacked both aesthetic sense and objectivity. She stared at the portrait of the crown prince with contempt.

The portrait evoked even more disgust than the actual crown prince.

A body that was hard to believe was that of a ten-year-old boy, a face that looked seven years older (no, mature), unbelievably broad shoulders, an enormous halo, and angel wings fluttering sacredly as if they would fly into the sky at any moment… … .

The work, which tended to be exaggerated overall, reached the peak of ridiculousness at the wings, but Ines did not even laugh at it and stared at the face in the portrait. The artist was really good.

Because Oscar in the portrait truly looked like a grown-up crown prince.

Of course, that's without mentioning his great body. Oscar had always hated anything that involved physical exertion, and he never trained, let alone exercised properly.

A man who, when his expensive clothes were taken off, was all that was visible were his slender arms and his shallow chest. A man who, when they went hunting together, was out of breath and busy chasing after his fiancée…

He lived a life where he made use of the natural physique and good physical strength that his father had inherited from the emperor. He would have nothing left when he got old. His sexual life was so promiscuous that it was questionable whether he would live long enough to get old.

'So even if I die, I won't end up like that.'

Ines lightly laughed at the ten-year-old boy's winged dreams.

In my greedy childhood, when I was blinded by the thought of becoming the crown princess, I would not have noticed such a strange temperament.

And then they would probably say things like, 'Your Majesty, how can you be so thoughtful?', 'Now I can meet Your Majesty whenever I want in Perez. I'm so happy!', 'Your Majesty's smile is like sunlight illuminating the estate of Ballestena... Perez will definitely have a good harvest this year. Your Majesty blesses this land!'... ... and so on. They must have been truly delighted, whispering only honey-like words with thick cheeks.

In any case, the young crown prince, who was only ten years old, went all the way to the southern manor for her alone, despite all the opposition from the royal family.

It was a memory that didn't even exist during her younger days when she would constantly run back and forth to the capital for the crown prince, but if it were her back then, she would have been so overwhelmed that she would have wiped away tears.

By this time, Ines was quite mature and at the same time a bit sly—she liked Oscar so much that she teased him and enjoyed the fact that he would occasionally cling to her and do all sorts of things for her.

Whenever his father left for the capital city of Mendoza, he would somehow force himself to follow him to the palace, hoping that Oscar would not notice his efforts. Although he came to see him, he would stick to his sister and not even glance at her.

Her efforts were easily effective because Oscar had the spirit of a crown prince who had to have what he couldn't have.

Even at the age of six, he knew that the more he clung to himself, the more his value would increase.

But now Ines was kicking his portrait with her shoe, even inside the mansion where Oscar was still staying.

"…Die, die. Just die… … ."

Her eyes, filled with innate confidence, self-love, self-assurance, self-esteem, high self-awareness, and lofty self-esteem, continued to sparkle as they stared at Ines, even as they were kicked and cursed.

As if it were saying, 'No matter how much you kick me, I love me like this.'

Ines took a deep breath and pushed it down from the sofa.

This bizarre narcissism must have been a manifestation of a perverted sexual desire. Everything about him now seemed to Ines like a harbinger of a sexually transmitted disease.

The canvas, thickly coated with oil paint, was tough and durable and could not be damaged by a six-year-old's strength, but she was breathing heavily as she trampled the crown prince's face on the floor with her shoe.

But no matter how much I trampled on his irritated face, the irritation did not go away.

"Fuck, fuck Oscar, you fucking… … ."

This was the first time I had seen Oscar since the day he shot himself in front of him. He died at twenty-six, woke up in the hunting grounds at sixteen, died after four dreamy years with Emiliano, and now. Six.

In her second life, she had never seen a single red hair strand, so why was the shock so great? Ines stared at the grown-up appearance of the crown prince in the portrait as if she couldn't understand.

When she first saw Luciano crying with her eyes wide open from the fever, what tormented and tormented her was the deep sorrow and love and hate. The one who killed Emiliano, who was her whole world. But the brother who loved her more than anything in the world… … .

Her family always made her dizzy between hate and love. They made it impossible for her to gauge her emotions. But Oscar.

"… How can it be so annoying?"

It was really annoying. He was a shockingly annoying person, even though he didn't have even a shred of affection, or even a single ounce of great emotion like murderous intent or hatred. Just looking at him made me so annoyed that I couldn't stand it. I didn't even like the way he breathed and exhaled.

Rather than bowing my head in gratitude for receiving such a gift, I should just die… What's the point of living like this… I should just die… … . After dying several times, the option of dying was no longer difficult to think of. Just like how I ended my first life in a fit of anger.

But Ines quickly changed her mind. And how could time be turned back?

Dying was never the end. Normally it would be the end, but at least for her. Maybe this was a tragedy that had started from the beginning because she couldn't control her anger. At least that was the starting point, as far as she knew.

If he hadn't died like that, I would have killed the mastermind first... ... .

The retort, 'Who gave you such uncontrollable anger?' rushed to her thoughts, but she held it back. Now, she really had to be careful about anything. Before she opened her eyes again in her mother's womb.

"Think carefully. Think carefully… … . Think carefully, Ballestena… Think carefully."

She sat at her desk, trying to keep herself calm, muttering to herself as if brainwashing herself, and tapping the paper impatiently with her dry pen. It was an obsessive-compulsive disorder that had been present since she was twenty-six, when she had difficulty controlling her anger due to her dirty marriage. Her short legs, dangling from the chair, swung distractingly inside her dress.

Ines frowned, her teeth clicking together.

In order for the hypothesis that 'repeating life is hell' to be properly established, there must be an original sin that deserves to fall into the pit of hell.

She thought, staring at the paper, her quill gripped tightly.

In the second death, there is an undeniable and terrible sin. He seduced a good and innocent man and eventually drove him to his death, and he personally killed his own child who did not even live half a year…

The expression on Ines's young face disappeared for a moment. That had never happened. The hint, almost self-defense, followed, ignoring logic and order. She pushed away her second life as if it were someone else's story and thought again.

It was already hell at that time. The terrible sins he had committed would eventually become part of hell.

If so, there must have been an initial trigger that pushed Ines into such hell. She recalled her first life and her disastrous married life, each and every one of them vividly.

And for the first time, I started to review the things I had done wrong in my life.

[Arrogant].

Ines tilted her head as she dipped the tip of her pen in ink and wrote down her first crime in a straightforward manner. It's a bit unlucky, but it's not enough to send her to hell.

[Luxury]. If that were such a serious crime, the nobles of this country would never die. [Using people]. It can't be helped because each person was born in a different position.

[I only cared about makeup]. I feel like I wasted my life in front of the vanity, but that doesn't mean I hurt anyone. [I didn't read the book well] That's ridiculous. [It's contradictory]. Who is the same?

[Lied to my parents]. [Lies]. I've never done anything to the point of going to hell... [Hated my mother]. It was my mother who hated her first.

[Not keeping the Crown Prince's secret]. He should have been grateful just for having been saved that day.