Chapter 4: The Dock

The next two years of my life I spent in a haze. Endless one-night stands, most of which resulted in me screaming at the man rather than engaging in physical interactions. I floated around various hotel rooms, never quite feeling safe staying in any place too long. I never bothered trying to make new friends and of course, I had no family to turn to during this time either. I was far too miserable to look for a job, not that I would have any needed skill to obtain a decent job to begin with. 

The normal tasks I had once enjoyed, cleaning the house, creating a beautiful dinner, seeing the joy in the families around me. None of these things felt comforting now. I had become the opposite of who I used to be. Vengeance often seeped into my mind, especially on a sleepless night alone. My dreams frequently carried over the thoughts of all the ways I could hurt Carl in the same way he had hurt me, and yet I could not find the energy to act on any of my actions. 

I was mulling about a store one morning, lost in a mindless conversation with myself, when a small stroke of luck smacked me right in the face. I had managed to travel hundreds of miles from my home to a small oceanside town that looked as if it was still living in the 80's. Had I been in a better mood, I may have been able to appreciate this place much more. It was in the only grocery store of this small town that a person had randomly held out a flyer in my face, so quickly had they appeared in fact that I had walked right into the flyer. 

My eyebrows furrowed together, and the person lowered the paper from my face with the largest shit eating grin I had ever seen on a person. It gave me pause from screaming at them just long enough for this stranger to start talking before I could get a word in. The young brown-haired man smiled brightly as he tilted his head and asked me why I seemed so down? Then continued with his ridiculous preach about needing a getaway. My mind swam between irritated that someone disturbed my sulking, and wishing this man's annoying voice would shut up. 

"You see, it's the first time our fabulous ship will be sailing, so we are doing a very special promo offer today only! The generous captain provided us with 10 tickets each to hand out to those we feel may need a little get away and you miss look like you could use one!" The kid continued to talk to me as I rolled my eyes. "I'd like to offer you one of my special coupons for the first cruise all paid for!" The kid smiled as he held out a card to me. I held my hands up palms out to him, not wanting to be swindled into paying for anything I didn't need. These sorts of things always came with a catch and I had no desire to be tied down by anything. 

Just as I was working out what to say back, the kid shoved the card into one of my hands, using his other hand to close my fingers around the card. He winked and smiled, turning quickly, and waving with his back to me. "You won't regret it! I promise!" He said just before he started to jog away. I snorted, rolled my eyes again as I turned away, in search of a garbage can. I recalled the first big sail of that ship oh so long ago and the iceberg that killed the mood. I recalled all the horror stories I knew of people getting scammed into vacation packages that end up costing thousands more than had they just planned it themselves. I may have been pampered for a while, but I was no fool. I huffed as my hand reached out over the trashcan, about to let go of the card when the cold came rushing back in. 

What difference would it make if I went down with this ship? It was not like I was living for anything anymore anyway. So, what if it turned into a scam, so what if I had to pay for it in the end? I had plenty of money and thanks to my lifestyle, my cost of living was exceptionally low. In the end, I opened the card. I told myself that it did no harm to look at the card at least. Worst case, it would give me a good laugh at how ridiculous this fraudulent offer was. The more I read, however, the less it was a scam. No matter how many times I looked over it, there didn't seem to be any kind of loopholes. There was no small print, there were no purchase requirements. That kid had literally handed me a card with one unexpired cruise ship ticket inside it. 

So here we are, present time. I've been standing in this line waiting to board this brand-new cruise ship. I know, it is very out of character for me at this point, but I've been dead inside so long now that I've forgotten what it felt like to have joy in my life. Maybe the kid was right, maybe a little trip overseas was exactly what I needed to get my smile back. I glanced around me, there was a lot of people standing on the dock with me. I didn't mind waiting, I had been waiting for things my entire life. Crowds of people however, I was not so inclined to enjoy. 

The chatter of dozens of excited voices around me felt like it was slowly crushing me. Having strangers bump into me every few moments, from all directions began to irritate me. My breath started to quicken, and I regretted being here. My eyes darted around looking for a quick way out of this line. I kept trying to push past the strangers, desperately looking for space to breathe. As I pressed past a group of young couples, I felt bile rise in my throat. The affectionate nature of these people made me sick. Affection, love, romance, it was all a lie. Meaningless words and actions that would only last as long as it could cover up the misery one truly felt in life. 

I felt myself roll my eyes for about the hundredth time today as another group of noisy kids forced their way to the edge of the dock to gawk up at the nearby ships. I had taken in a few of the ships myself before I felt annoyed at the crowd closing in around me. With a loud huff, I pressed through the strangers more aggressively to get out of this line. I had spotted a small place that lacked a crowd still nearby enough that I could see when boarding time was. It was a small nook between two buildings, a little wooden bench was placed perfectly where the sun hit. A small sunny place in the early morning. 

I sat with a heavy sigh, shutting my eyes and tilting my head back. It had been quite some time since I had simply enjoyed the sun on my skin. After being surrounded with so many noisy strangers for the last few hours, this tiny place felt like a sanctuary. For the first time in many, many months, I felt relief. My nerves slowly calmed as I inhaled deeply. The ocean air tickled my nose slightly and I almost felt a smile work its way across my lips. It had been so long since I had smiled, the feeling was foreign. 

A soft chuckle on my right caused my eyes to fly open. My eyes searched around me quickly finding the source of the laughter. There was a tall man leaned against one of the nearby buildings. My brow furrowed a little, unsettled at this man's appearance and slightly curious as to why he seemed to be laughing at nothing. His attire was atrocious. A large pale cowboy hat covered his downcast face. A pale yellow, button-up, way to tight, shirt with little rope decals tucked into blue-jeans. Dark brown chaps held up with a belt and huge sparkly belt buckle. I felt my eye twitch as one leg of this man lowered from the wall he was leaned against. His boot made a chime sound as it hit the ground. This nutjob was dressed up as a cowboy, spurs included, on an ocean dock. How out of place can one get?