(E) Chapter Two

Please look at me as I talk to you. I may seem like all I can do is be loyal and I'm just a robot with no heart and have no other purpose than just to listen to your orders; but please look at me. For my heart is so big yet you make it seem like it's small and my efforts are for nothing. 

   Acknowledge me. See me for who I am since I always see you no matter what you are. 

Stop looking at me as a dog and look at me as a friend. One that acts like a dog but human, not one that acts like a human but is a dog. 

I want your love and affection. Since I've shown you that over the years. I want you to see my efforts and not bury them with me.

I'm desperate. Very.  Just look at me. Like how I only look at you with such desperation and loyalty. I don't like how you look at her.

I didn't like how you looked at her. Since I've started to care less and less now. Yet it still feels so prominent, my love for you is like a dam that I'm forever forced to hold back until you decide to acknowledge me again.

Yet, at that point, it would be my choice to decide whether or not I want to acknowledge your acknowledgement of me. Since you've taken too long and I've moved on already.

As people say, "Lust rushes, Love waits"… why wouldn't you just wait for me..? Wait for the love I've been holding onto for years and begging to give you.

You were a light to me. A light I wouldn't and couldn't dare to overthrow. Yet your light was so bright, it caught a candle on fire. Melting me and then soon enough, melting me too much until I burnt out, not being able to shine myself. Only being able to smell the gentle sweet smell that was left of me.

  You were a light that I looked at continuously. So much that it made me blind to my feelings and the way you made me feel.

 I looked away from the sun for a split second as I felt my vision felt weird as I looked around me, feeling like I couldn't see anything else so I looked back up to the sun. Slowly becoming more and more blind.

  Soon I heard a bark and I quickly looked behind me; looking for the dog that I heard. 

  I guess I looked away for a bit too long. As I looked back at the Sun, I saw what it truly was. 

Something more tainted than I made it out to be. Something that burned me and made me blind. 

Something that hid me from the darkness I needed to see.

Something that hid my own light I didn't think I had.

Something that distracted me from what I needed to know about you. Something I wanted to ignore the possibility of since I thought it would be impossible for you to do that.

 Since I trusted you so much. With my life, my heart, my soul. All for it to be crushed in a minimum of a millisecond.

  Your sun caused me not to thrive and live. You watered me too much and hid me in so much light that I was dimmed down from too much water, dehydrated, to dried up and dead.

  I've always loved the sun. But I knew the saying, "If you look at the sun for too long, you'll go blind", yet I ignored it until you already blinded me completely and I couldn't do anything about it. 

  My obsession with the sun caused me to only stay focused on that; on the sun, even though I couldn't see it anymore since I've been blinded for a while now. But I could feel it's warm and gentle heat that my skin loved and absorbed with no second thought, knowing it was there, yet I couldn't see you.

  I idolized you without even realizing it. Yet, the sun must have known, just didn't say. Since you knew you had blinded me and your warmth was enough to keep me from leaving you.

  You knew I didn't want my body to grow cold and slowly die. You knew I couldn't turn away from the sun. You knew the influence you had on me.

  You used it in the best way you saw fit to keep me running to you like a dog you abandoned years ago yet trained it to run to you no matter how long you've been gone for.

   I held you in such high regard, but I should have known better since you said you didn't like it when people put high expectations on you. I should have known since you didn't like people expecting something you didn't know if you could or couldn't do.

I held you in such high regards, to the point where even my blindness couldn't convince me that something was wrong. That's how much I trusted you.

Even though I couldn't see you. I could feel you were there. Yet your rays from the sun slowly grew cold.

Turning my skin cold, you're slowly throwing away the dog you trained to continually run back to you. And even if the rays of the sun go away. You know the dog will continue to stand in front of you as it waits for your warmth to come back.

  Even if the dog is blind and cold, it will still run after you, even if it doesn't know where it's going anymore. All the dog knew for its whole life when it met you was to stay by your side and never betray that.

  You told me to never distance myself. And that made me feel loved. Yet my brain knew that it was twisted. There was something wrong with that and it made me uncomfortable. But my blindness and love was stronger than my brain. Not caring what would happen to me.

Ready and willing to sacrifice my whole well being just to be by your side.

  Blindness is really a thing. Something that can be harmful. And I've always said to myself that I would never fall into that trap myself.

Unannounced to me, I was already in that trap in the first place.

Sacred to tell you how I feel about certain things when you should have been my safe zone.

Anxious to talk to you before I even talk to you.

Sacred of venting, since I didn't know how you would react.

You scared, made me anxious, and made me sad, in a lot of ways more than one.

 When I asked you, if my sun was ok, you thought it was amazing. You thought I was pure, an amazing friend and that there was no taintedness  or hostility to my sun. Which made me smile.

Yet yours was the complete opposite for me, although when you asked me back then if 'your sun is ok', the only bad thing I could come up with in that moment is how you get angry.

Since my blindness was in the way, I didn't even realize it was so much more than that.