(L) Chapter Three

Did you know that a bird in a cage will continually look for a way out, yet despite its efforts, it only has two ways to make it out. If the owner of the bird lets it out; or if it dies. But both ways have something similar about them. Only the owner can let it out.

   The owner has a choice if it wants the bird to be set free. Yet, you decided to keep me. Until recently, where you opened the cage after such a long time.

  I looked at you, confused with so many other emotions as I looked out of the cage, "Are you letting me go?" I say as I look at you.

 Unsure if I even wanted to leave the cage when I've begged God to allow me to leave you in some way, or distance myself from you.

  Yet when I was presented with the opportunity, I had no clue how to go about it. 

"Yeah I am." I heard a voice say. Your voice. "What?" I said back as I felt tears leaving my eyes. 

Were these tears of relief or sadness of feeling abandoned? How do I react to this? How could I feel abandoned when I wanted to leave?

"Well… I'm not letting you go, I'm just agreeing to your break for now." You say as you see the tears leave my eyes.

"Ah ok.." I mumbled softly as I realized I did ask for a break and I stepped out of the cage. The sun gently hitting my face as I looked behind me as you stood beside the cage I once resided in and then looked back to the freedom I stepped into.

"Just let me know when you're done." I heard you say as I quickly looked behind me but you were already gone.

Tears quickly fill my eyes and my breathing becomes short as I start to hyperventilate. My eyes go out of focus from my tears. My thoughts become scattered. My hands start to shake. My leg starts to bounce up and down quickly.

I fell to the ground and buried my head in my hands as I cried. Yelling and screaming at my mistake of taking a break. 

Was it really my mistake though? Or was that something I implanted in my head since I've dedicated my whole life to you?

Did you even care that I went on a break? Or did you think that I would come running back to you in a week?

As the bird flies away, feeling freedom for the first time in a long time, it continually looks back at the cage.

Knowing that if it told its owner that it was done taking a break, I would quickly get dragged right back into the cage, back at square one, right where I started before.

Knowing that if you added me back, you wouldn't talk to me until I texted you first. And if I didn't ask you to add me back, you wouldn't add me back.

I would have to make the first move and put in 100% effort like I did before. Yet, I already know how that ends. So why would I want to go back to the cage where there is a possibility all of this will happen again?

Soon I land on solid ground and go back to the cage, not going inside of it but standing in front of it. I peak my beak at it and quickly you add me back and you reappear.

I look at you. Intimated, scared. 

I take a deep breath and text you, apologizing for the way I asked for a break and how I didn't explain myself as to why I did.

Putting effort into making you not be mad or upset at me.

Yet, despite my efforts, your answers were dry, cold, like you were done with me.

I slightly started to panic as I saw how short they were, but after you unadded and disappeared once again and I stood in front of the cage as I saw you disappear.

My panic slowly went away. 

Not feeling or reacting how I used to, crying, sobbing, panicking to where I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore.

I felt much better.

I felt sad, yes. But I felt more relieved that I even tried to talk to you.