Chapter 2: Realizations

"W-What just happened... I'm... so dizzy... What was I supposed to do again..." I said, my head a mess as I stood up while carrying myself away from where I initially was.It felt as if there was a lapse of memory in my head and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't recall what I was supposed to do right then and there. The sensation of having memories stricken from you felt very uncomfortable yet, I could only wait as they resurfaced to the front of my mind.I took a step forward but as soon as I did, my entire head suddenly clouded with pain and in addition to it, my body felt incredibly groggy as if I had been through an entire marathon run minutes before this.I couldn't walk well so I tried my best slowly pacing away and with the only thoughts in mind being that of my bed at home, I dragged myself away, holding myself together as to keep my mind from falling apart and fainting.The clouds in the sky were suddenly cleared and as they did, the sunlight that was supposedly covered by it now was able to show its full radiance of light, shining down its bright yellowish-orange to the surface of the earth including my very self.It was bright and terribly distracting but I didn't have the energy to do anything about it reaching the front of the school where it was just a straight shot back home, I continued my sluggish pace, taking my time as I set my sights back into the home that housed no other person than me............As if I was having a migraine, the dizziness and added part of my clouded vision made the journey back home harder than ever before. I couldn't think straight even though the path to my house was a simple path that even kindergarteners could follow.I felt myself walking in circles on my way back and added with the fact the constant jolt of pain that shocked each and every corner of my brain, it felt like hell.The persistent pain carried on but it didn't take long before I finally made it back and walked to the entrance of my home.Looking at the knob, I simply took the keys out of my light pockets and slotted them straight into the keyhole; the familiar click that followed reminded me of my mother welcoming the two of us back home.Turning the bronze knob, I was but a second away from entering before I heard the familiar voice of someone on the other side of the wall that separated our houses."Eito-kun? Returning quite late, aren't you? I was worried after I didn't see you come back in the afternoon, were you out to run some errands?" She asked me as I turned over to see the middle-aged adult woman asking out of concern as I usually returned two hours earlier than I did now."...Urm... Yes, I did... now if you'll excuse me, I need to lie down a bit..." I replied, not wanting to say much as the headache that continued only got worse when I finally arrived back home."Is that so... Take care then, I know these days haven't been the greatest but-" She said, wanting to continue on with something but I didn't bother listening to the rest as it'll all be sympathy talk anyways of my mother and sister.I ignored the state of the living room that was to my left and took off immediately; taking off my shoes slowly so as to not fall over and succumbing to the dizziness. I held my head tightly and rushed up the dusty stairs to my room; my head rocking back and forth upon each step up the steep wooden staircase that led to the rest of the house.I passed my mother and sister's room and falling into bed, a wave of exhaustion wafted over me as I felt the comfy feeling of my crisp evening blankets. I lay down, my head still dizzied and heavy, and set my hand on my forehead for one last time, I suddenly recalled what I was doing at the bottom of the school building.The sadness I felt back then and the moment before I took my own life, all came back and hit me like a speeding truck; slivers of tears escaped my eye as my arm covered my face from lights that peered through the curtained windows.But above all else, something was clearly wrong. I had jumped back then but regarding how I survived that fall, it seemed all too weird for me. No visible injuries were apparent on my body and the only thing that hinted at my fall was the dirtied clothing I wore with dirt and unknown grime on the base white clothing.Yet, regardless of what had happened, I had already vowed to take my own life back then, and disregarding what had happened back in the school compounds, I rushed downstairs and pulled a drawer from the kitchen.The sound of metal clattering within was loud and clear and amongst the many pieces of cutlery and tools for cooking, I picked up the kitchen knife that was still in its pristine state; the sharp edge of the knife and the glistening metallic color of it showed just how much it had been taken care of.It was my mother's prized knife, one she used on many occasions whenever she had free time taken out of work to cook for the two of us. "Sorry mom... I'm going to have to borrow this for a moment... Please forgive me..." I said gulping while shutting my set of eyes that were full of tears while odd noises of chatter sounded about in the background of the living room. Standing in the middle of the kitchen, I felt the same way as I did on the very top of the eight-story roof of the school building. There was little to no reason left for me to live in this plane of existence and without my mother or sister around, it would just be me suffering alone as I awaited the eventual moment when my time would finally come.I was hesitant about the pain that would come next but I resolved myself quickly that it would be over very soon. I won't have to feel pain anymore after I'm dead and steering myself once again, I clenched my teeth and prepared my arm, readying the motion to strike myself as I held the kitchen knife with both hands. I pulled the blade back toward my throat, aiming it straight toward the major artery in my neck and as it pierced through the layer of my outer skin, I felt it burrowing through my neck. The pain was much more intense than I had thought, the feeling of something piercing straight through my neck sent my nerves ablaze.It was unbearable, the pain that came from the initial stab of the knife and the sharp point that smoothly sunk through my throat, I couldn't handle it in the slightest. Blood quickly filled the back of my throat and as I puked it all out, I found myself standing there and regretting the approach I took to end my miserable life.But it will be all over soon and falling to my side while my eyes grew drowsy, I looked toward the bottom of the kitchen shelves while bleeding out..."It was much more painful than the almost instantaneous death I felt from jumping off a building, wasn't it." I thought, talking to myself in my own mind while I still pondered what had happened back there as I slowly turned to unconsciousness. But one second passed and another, and suddenly, my eyes lit up as clear as day. The blood that left the wound from my throat was suddenly pulled back and the knife that was jabbed messily through my neck was pushed out as if my body rejected it as a foreign object. My eyes widened as I was dumbstruck by what was occurring before me; the scene of my wound tending to itself in a supernatural manner as I was suddenly patched back together to its original self as if nothing had happened the seconds before. I was confused and what happened to me made me stand there, mouth agape and at a loss for words, I decided to pick the knife back up and held it to my hand. I decided to experiment a little and make a cut on my left hand's wrist, I watched it bleed; the thick and viscous liquid that flowed down my arm like a stream of running water.My eyes tracked its movement as it flowed its way down to the rest of my arm but before it could drop to the ground, it suddenly retraced its flow of blood as if time was reversing. It collected and gathered itself back together, taking in each droplet back, and in seconds time, my wound closed like how my throat did.Yet again, I couldn't believe my eyes and in the moment freaking out, I dropped the knife in hand, walking out of the kitchen thinking I may have been just hallucinating all along.Slowly, I made my way into the living room, and quickly, I caught wind of the sound of chatter that came from the television across the room; its light was as bright as a light bulb while the nonsensical chatter and laughter broke the serene silence of the room. I paced over to pick up the remote to shut it off but before I pressed the off button to silence the loud noises, I hesitated for a moment, noticing that a documentary was playing of someone that I have although heard of numerous times, didn't quite manage to recognize it at a glance."-Then moving on with what you're doing these days Sakamoto-san, do you mind telling the audience of your life story?""How you became the person you are today that is...""You've lived quite a long life haven't you?" One voice sounded away, the source seemingly coming from the host of the show as a man donned in a spectacular suit and old hairstyle was panned over to be seen by the viewers of the channel."Of course, I'll gladly tell it again even if you ask a hundred times! Then to remember back... Ah right, I remember!""It happened back in the nineteen twenties when I was but a small child aspiring to be a journalist..." The guest's voice replied with an unsettling but warming smile; his expression telling of his excitement being interviewed by the enthusiastic host."Ah right, how I gained these supernatural powers... It was but a day before my birthday and suddenly, I was hit by a car!""I was certain I would die right then and there from the monstrous vehicle but low and behold! I suddenly revived..." The man continued on in his arrogant and entertaining tone while I stood there, taking in each and single word of the documentary that I heard.I stopped there for a moment, my breathing stopped and my eyes were slowly burnt from the bright illuminating lights that shined before me. I spaced out for a moment with not a single thought in mind as the brain that sat in my still head processed the information egregiously slowly like cogs turning one at a time at a snail's pace.I didn't even move a muscle and only as the current channel tuned off to show an advertisement was I finally released from the state I was trapped within.The instant I felt my senses coming back to my body, I was mortified and filled with nothing but sheer terror as I heard each and every word that was sent out of the speakers of the television. The realization, the thought of such an event the connotations behind those very words, I couldn't help but not keep thinking of what the man in the channel spoke.My gut clenched painfully and without a second to spare, I rushed back into the kitchen where I then picked up the knife left on the floor. Without hesitation, I struck it straight into my gut, and seconds later, it healed back like how it did prior to my realization. But I didn't stop just then, I didn't believe what my mind was telling me and with yet another swift motion, I stabbed straight through my throat; the painful unguided stabs that didn't quite lead to my death added to the anguish I had to go through at that moment.Like walking through a layer of mist, my entire vision was clouded with not a ray of light shining through my dark surroundings. Over and over and over again, I brought the knife to my body, slashing through the thin layer of skin without even the slightest moment of hesitation.I called out my silent cries, groans, and gestures; actions that were of a mixture of pain and anguish. It was unfiltered adult-rated gore and depression. I didn't stop for a second even as my sane mind worsened by the second. I was scared beyond belief of the prospects I wouldn't even be able to meet with my family again. I couldn't bear the thought of waiting for another second while I still remained in this unforgiving, black-and-white world when my family had already moved on to the next.The knife I handled grew dull from constantly striking bone and soon, fell from my hands. As it did my mind and body followed, faltering almost instantly. I dropped down to the floor out of exhaustion, my body deprived of energy as my stamina plummeted.There, my body lay on the cold floor with the remnants of puke on the corners of my mouth, and slowly, my eyelids grew heavier and heavier; but seconds away from shutting tight.'Across the room, the documentary continued on with its bright and enchanting lights that cast onto the dark shadowy floors."-then, how did you feel about gaining your newfound powers back then? You must've felt on top of the world, didn't you? There's said to be only nine others including you with this supernatural power!" The host said, continuing on the topic he was on before the ad break."You couldn't be more right! After I became immortal, it quite literally turned my life around! Countless opportunities were presented to me afterward, it was phenomenal..." The guests replied as he boasted away of the experiences he had throughout his undying life.While the channel only progressed further, I lay there with nothing but lifeless eyes and body beyond exhaustion; my sight blurred to see nothing but blobs of color and wavy shapes.To say it was a mess was an understatement. Wooden drawers, cabinet doors, broken glassware, and cutlery were scattered about the small space of the white tiled kitchen floor.It was an abysmal sight and lying in the middle of it was I who cried and whined to myself with not a single soul in sight and the void of pain that only persisted in my heart.A scene created by a child who merely wanted to reunite with the ones he cherished and loved dearly. The creation to be this cursed in fate, the true culmination of anger, sadness, and undeserving grief...