Tsundere Grandma

With Jebediah dispatched, it was only Alex and Gamma Gertrude left in the bazaar. Alex walked over to the cart counter that the older woman was hiding behind.

"He's dead. You can come out now. It's safe," Alex said.

"About time! I thought you two were going to talk each other to death," Gamma Gertrude said.

"Hey, can we put aside the whole 'I'm a grumpy Grandma' act for a second and actually talk like grown adults?" Alex said.

"No, don't be silly. It's kept me alive for this long. Why would I abandon it now?" Gertrude said a little surprised that Alex had seen right through her.

From an outside perspective, one would assume Alex was able to see through her because he was wise beyond his years or some such bs. In reality, he had switched the telepathic conduit to Gertrude as soon as Jebediah was dead, which allowed him to see, hear, and feel how scared and alone she really was.

"I don't know your backstory, but I'd hazard a guess your attitude is why you're alone and on the run right now," Alex said.

"It is why I'm alone, but it's not why I'm on the run. It certainly hasn't made me any friends though. Friends can betray you. I rely on myself. The only person who will never betray you is yourself. I learned that very young, and it's been a survival instinct ever since," Gertrude said.

"You can trust me. If I was going to betray you, I would've done it by now. I could be your friend," Alex said.

"I suppose that's true. It would be very strange for you to risk your own life to save mine, and have the conversation we're having right now, if you were going to betray me," Gertrude said. "You wouldn't want to be friends with an old lady though. Who knows how many years I have left? You wouldn't be getting much bang for your buck."

"Of course I would. Friendship is the gift that keeps on giving. You build memories you can cherish for the rest of your life. And even into eternity, if you believe in that sort of thing. No one should miss out on that," Alex said with a smile.

"Well, I suppose it's alright if I make one friend before I die," Gertrude said. "Gertrude Guthrie. Gamma Gertrude Guthrie if you believe every rumor that you hear. But you can call me Gertie. That's what my associates call me. My former associates," Gertie said, putting her hand out.

Alex grasped her hand firmly, but not too firmly, and shook it. "Alexander James Chen, but you can call me 'The Coolest Guy Alive'!…I mean Alex. You can call me Alex." Alex noticed something sticking out of her sleeve. It was a tattoo of a purple platypus.

"Nice to meet you, Alex. This is one of very few times that has been true," Gertie said.

"Nice to meet you too, Gertie," Alex said. "Now, stick 'em up. Give me all your money!" Alex said making finger guns at her.

"What? After all that?" Gertrude said.

"Ah, I'm just kidding," Alex said.

"That's not funny. Do you treat all your friends like this?" Gertrude said.

"No, just the one's that call me a bum, and shoo me away like a stray dog," Alex laughed.

"I suppose that is fair. Don't you want to know why I'm on the run?" Gertie said.

"Yes, but I thought asking would be rude," Alex said. "I assume it has something to do with the purple platypuses?" When Gertie looked shocked, Alex said, "I saw the tattoo on your arm."

"I got that so long ago, I forgot I even had it," Gertie said. "You are right. It does have to do with them. Somehow they got a hold of the nuclear codes for some nukes under city hall. They were going to hold the city for ransom. I couldn't let them do it.

"Not because I care about the city government, but those idiots are so dumb I figured they might accidentally set the nukes off. I didn't want to see innocent people die, especially not in my city. So I stole the flash drive with the codes, and I hid out here, in the bazaar, hoping no one would find me."

"Why don't you destroy it?" Alex asked.

"I don't know. It feels like a piece of history. I don't want to destroy any memento of the civilization that existed before everything went to shit," Gertrude said. "That's why I've collected all of these baubles over the years. I wasn't lying that these came from the collapse. That's why they call me Gamma Gertrude. They figure I've spent so much time down there, I must be radioactive."

"Hmm. What if I were to buy it off you. That way I could keep it safe. Along with the rest of your stock. At least what you're willing to part with," Alex said. He used his trait Always Prepared, to remember that he'd found money on Jebediah's body.

[Item acquired: Coin purse (contains 2024 coins)]

"But you don't have any money. I know I said I'd part with them, but if I'm going to be poor, I might as well have mementos to keep me warm at night," Gertie said.

"I hate to break it to you, but that's not how mementos work," Alex said. "I'm also going to have to correct you. I didn't have money. I do now."

Alex pulled out the massive coin purse he'd got off Jebediah. "Turns out old Jebediah must not have been such a bad bounty hunter after all, if he had this much walking around money."

"How much is it?" Gertie asked with stars in her eyes.

"2024 coins," Alex said.

"How do you know the exact amount?" Gertie asked.

"I have a gadget that tells me what I have in my possession. You could say, it's like an artifact from the collapse," Alex said.

"Intriguing. You prove to be more interesting by the minute, my friend," Gertie said with a smile.

"So what do you say, these coins for your trinkets and the flash drive?" Alex asked.

"I'm gonna say, that's a deal, Alex, my friend. Let me give you the pack I use to carry them in," Gertie said, pulling out a massive backpack. It was bigger than her whole torso!

She loaded the baubles into the backpack. Then she pulled out the flash drive. "Now don't you go destroying any of this stuff. You're to keep them safe or use them if you can figure out how. Except for the nuclear codes," Gertie said.

"Thank you! My sister is going to be overjoyed when she sees this," Alex said, still relying on his host's memories.

Alex handed over the coin purse, and started walking away. He didn't want to give up the 10 coins he started with, because he figured it wasn't his money to begin with. It was his host's. So he might as well let him keep it.

"You take care now, ya hear?" Alex said. "I always wanted to say that to someone."

"Don't leave before old Grandma Gertie pinches your cheeks and give you a kiss!" Gertie said.

"What?" Alex was so shocked by what she said that he barely reacted when she aggressively pinched his cheeks and gave him a fat kiss on the side of his head. "I guess that just happened. I don't think I've ever felt more violated in my life."

"Now, be safe, Alex! Granny's going to write her memoirs... and boy, will they be spicy!"

With a smile on his face, Alex, watched the excited older woman walk away into the sunset, unburdened for once in her life.

"Some people," Alex said, shaking his head and laughing as he walked the opposite direction.