A Blessing

Astrid

I returned to my room, flustered and confused. I had been so sure that we were finally going to... well. And then Magnus just pulled away, like he'd been burned. Groaning in frustration, I paced back and forth in my room, trying to make sense of it all.

What was going on with him? Why did he keep pushing me away? And why did I still want him so badly? No matter how sad and depressing my life was, I never thought this would be my relationship with my mate.

I sat on my bed wishing he had only been an ordinary man. Maybe a farmer or something. That way, we'd be ordinary people who just lived together− happily. I was sad, very sad. No point in denying that. Goddess! I groaned again as I fell face down on my bed.

I got up and paced for what felt like forever, before I stopped pacing and looked at myself in the mirror. My cheeks were flushed, my eyes sparkling with unshed tears. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down, telling myself it was just the bond making me feel like shit and that I didn't have to push Magnus.

Soon enough, he'd come around and he'd love me deliberately. With all of his might. But deep down, I knew it was more than that. I was falling for him, hard. And it didn't help that I had absolutely no idea what to do about it.

"What was his deal anyways?" She began to soliloquize.

"One minute he was pushing me away, telling me he wanted nothing to do with me, and the next he was kissing me like his life depended on it." My voice was reaching a weird octave but I was too frustrated to notice.

"And then, just as suddenly, he was gone, locking himself away from me like I was some kind of temptation or plague that he needed to get away from." I threw my hands up in exasperation.

I honestly wasn't sure what to make of the whole thing. Was he interested or not? Did he want me or was he just playing games? And what was wrong with my wolf anyways? Desperately seeking his affection? Leaning into his touch like a lovesick puppy?

I groaned again in frustration. Argh...

Why was he so uncertain? I could see the affection and attraction in his eyes each time he looked at me. I could hear his unsaid confessions and I could feel his desperately desired touches. They sent goosebumps all over my skin and it was driving me insane.

Yet, whenever I hoped he'd act on it, he just fought it and ended up pushing me away. I had always been a push aside but coming from my mate was on a whole new level. He was hiding from me. Avoiding me with all that he got. It was hurtful. Very much so whenever he rejected me and I wished to slap some sense into his head.

Laying on my bed, I pictured hitting him on the head a couple of times as I drifted away into a peaceful sleep. For the first time in years, I dreamt of something else other than Axel drowning because of me and me screaming for help.

That night, I dreamt of Magnus and me. We were back in the clearing where he first rejected me and the bond he claimed was imposed on him by some goddess he didn't even believe in. I dreamt we ate and he kissed me just like he had kisses me the night before. I dreamt we left and he couldn't keep his hands off me just as it ought to be. I dreamt he never rejected me and that all of my sad reality was only a dream.

But then I woke up to the same reality I desperately wanted out of. But I still woke up feeling hopeful, my wolf still buzzing from the previous night's encounter. Maybe, just maybe, things would be different now. Maybe Magnus would finally understand that the bond was not a curse but a blessing.

Maybe he'd finally accept me and love me. But as I entered the dining room for breakfast, my hopes were quickly dashed. Magnus was already on his way out. I tried to tell him to wait but he just walked out.

"Well, that was a great idea, Astrid," I said, rolling my eyes. "Just throw yourself at him and hope for the best. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?"

Taking an angry bite from the pancake on the table, I went on.

"And what's with your wolf, huh? Desperate much? "I was really annoyed with not just myself but my wolf.

She was freaking annoying.

"O Magnus, please notice me! I'll just sit here and pine away until you finally deign to acknowledge my presence!" I nearly screamed before biting down hard on my lips.

"Get a grip, girl." I was clearly losing it and I was losing it fast.

I sighed pouring myself a cup of coffee.

"Okay, okay, I get it. He's not interested. Move on, Astrid. Find someone else to obsess over. But no, your wolf is all, "No, no, no! We must have Magnus! Only Magnus. "

"But no, you're stuck on the one guy who clearly doesn't want you. Great job, Astrid. Just great."

"Instead of getting the memo that he doesn't want you, you keep pushing yourself at him."

"Astrid get a grip. You've never been this way."

I ran my hand down my face trying to stop myself from feeling like a mess. I was a mess, yes but I didn't wanna feel like I was. I needed to start thinking with my head and not the bond. What if we really chose who to love? Would I still choose Magnus?

The answer was yes. Yes I would. He was perfect. A little confused, but perfect. Okay maybe not a little bit... He was very confused. He was so confused, his confusion was rubbing off on me too and it was driving me insane.

I needed a break from all of this. I wondered if he'd choose me if the mate bond wasn't involved. But I wasn't really sure if he'd do the same. I mean, I was the boring version Rapunzel. I doubt Finn would have fallen for her if she wasn't fun and adventurous.

But the moment I tore my eyes open, I saw Magnus standing right before me, his face contorted in confusion.

"Who were you talking to?" His voice was gruff as he stared at me, merely inches away from my face.

My heart stopped dead in my chest from shock and my eyes threatened to tear out of their socket. My hand instinctively covered my heart begging it not to jump out of it's compartment.

It wasn't listening. How had he sneaked up on me so quietly?!

"No... one?" I answered, asking, not sure myself.

He stared at me in confusion for what felt like an eternity before nodding and picking up a file I assumed he had earlier forgotten. Then he walked out.

Great. Now he thinks I'm a psychopath.