THE SECRET

Astrid

I pushed the door open and strode into my room with a heart filled with joy. It'd been so long since I felt so fulfilled and truly free.

Never mind the exhaustion I could practically feel in my bones, and the fact that the maid dress I had on had some spattering of horse muck and other things I couldn't immediately name.

I was happy. It was just a stroke of bad luck that it had to end.

I breathed a sigh as I moved towards the bed the paused when I remembered the state of my dress. The sound of a knock snapped me out of the lethargy and immediately sent me into a state of panic.

I quickly pulled off the boots I had on and threw them under the bed, before rushing towards the vanity mirror to inspect my hair. The knock came again, this time louder and more insistent.

"Wh... who's that??" I asked, trying to keep the strain off my voice as I reached behind and untied the small apron and sent it flying towards the other end of the bed.

"It is I, Milady." Samantha's voice calmed my spirit a little and I hurried towards the door and threw it open, briefly taking note of the fact that I'd left it unbolted, which meant someone like Magnus could have easily pushed it open and seen me in my current state. I shuddered a little as I pushed the thought aside.

"What's the matter?" I queried immediately I came face to face with her.

"I just wanted to make sure you were already in, the alpha just came back."

My eyes widened with horror and reached forward and pulled her into the room before shutting the door. "Help me out of these! Quickly!"

"Yes Milady," she replied as she went to work, undoing the laces of my blouse.

"I've decided to stop." I announced after a while.

"That's good Milady," Samantha replied. "I didn't and still don't think it's a good idea to be testing the alpha the way you do."

I snorted with nervous laughter as I slid my hands out of the sleeves of the blouse, letting it drop down to my waist.

"Pardon me my lady, but you also really need a bath." Samantha stated as she tugged the clothing down my waist and legs, then paused to undo the laces of the skirt.

"Why?" I muttered, discreetly sniffing my armpit.

"Well…it's quite obvious that you've been mucking out the stables."

"Are you saying I smell like horse shit?" I queried as I stepped out of the clothes, wearing only a light blue chemise.

"I wasn't going to use such descriptive words, but yes my lady," the serving girl muttered, then glanced around with a curious frown.

"I can't seem to find the rest of your... disguise." I pointed towards the end of the bed, "one's there and the boots are under the bed."

She pressed her lips together to keep from laughing as she proceeded to retrieve the apron first before kneeling to pull out the shoes.

"You should wait in the bathroom," Samantha said again after she straightened to a stand. "I'll take these to the laundry room and hurl up two buckets for your bath my lady."

I bobbed my head up and down in a quick nod, already moving towards the bathroom.

"Could you also check where he is? And possibly stall him?" I asked.

"Yes of course my lady," Samantha replied as she rushed towards the door.

"Wait!" I called after her and she promptly paused and spun around to face me.

"Don't you think he already knows what I've been doing?" I queried calmly, my fingers darting to my hair as I began to remove the pins that held them up.

"I don't know about that my lady," Samantha answered honestly. "But I guarantee that even if he knows, he wouldn't want you looking or smelling like it." With that, she turned, unbolted the door and walked out of the room.

I hurried forward to bolt before quickly removing the rest of the pins, and rushing into the bathroom to wait.

My mind quickly zoned off as I stood there, thoughts of the life I used to have before Magnus came along.

Why was it so hard for my mother to forgive me?

The way her love for me had quickly turned to pure, unadulterated hate was something I was never able to wrap my head around.

She hated me like she'd never loved me and it made me wonder whether I was even worthy.

I slowly raised a hand to my face, feeling the small, barely noticeable scar above my eyebrow. I missed my brother, so much but that was something else I wasn't sure I was worthy of feeling, being that I was the reason he died.

And then there was Magnus, he was clearly putting up with me because of the mate bond.

One would assume that a person like me who was so greatly starved of love would actually be fated to a man who would love me, but the universe sometimes believes itself to be funny.

I wrapped my hands around myself as my heart got heavier and heavier until I had to blink away the tears.

"I'm never going to beg anyone to love me," I muttered to myself, as if saying it out loud would make it more plausible.

I'd begged my mother to love me, to look at me like she used to, but that never happened. And no matter how much I craved the side of him that would make me feel warm and protected…and cared for, I'd never beg.

The loud knock on the front door followed by Samantha's voice, "My lady!" Snapped me out of my reverie and I uncrossed my arm from around me and dashed out of the bathroom.

"I hope I didn't take too long? The cook kept me." She stated as she rushed into the room with one full bucket.

"You didn't stay too long," I lied, stepping out of her way.

 "I'll grab the other one, I couldn't hurl the both up the stairs" she continued as she rushed into the bathroom to pour it into the bathtub.

I nodded and watched her rush out and hurry away again.

I stood beside the door since she was just going down the flight of stairs, and when I heard footsteps, then a knock, I immediately threw the door open, only it wasn't her face I was staring into… it was my husband's.

His brows furrowed in a frown and he scrunched up his nose as he walked closer and I quickly stepped back.

"What's that smell?" "What's what smell?" I repeated, taking several other steps back as he moved into the room.

"Astrid?" He said, and I clenched my fingers at the way he said my name, like a soft plea.

"My lady…"

I shot a quick glance towards the half open door, and took a glimpse of Samantha's nervous expression as she stood there with the other bucket of water.

"I was just preparing to take a bath," I muttered, turning to look up at Magnus as I gestured for her to come in. "Perhaps you should come back later."