A SPROUTING FEELING

Magnus

I planned to go visit the physician the next day since it was already evening, however, there was this anxiety I felt deep in my soul which wouldn't let me sit still. I spent some time in my study, hoping to while away time till morning so I could go meet the physician and ask him to stop the process for severing the mate bond.

I wondered what had gotten into my head when I'd gone to ask for that. The bond was something I fought—and was still likely to fight—for a long time because of how I feel about it. Whenever I thought about the mate bond, all I could think of was my mother and how she'd suffered.

The bond was a means to torture and pain because whatever your mate did mirrored on you and it was a painful thing—most times it led to deaths. I didn't want to experience that pain and sense of perpetual loss. More so, I didn't want to love someone whom I felt was forced on me by forces that didn't even care to ask me if I was okay with their choice.

However, with Astrid, I felt different. There was something about her that attracted me each step of the way, drawing me in more and more. Her emerald eyes, her sweet voice and personality. I found myself becoming consumed by passion daily.

I realized that I liked her so much and didn't want to severe the bond anymore. After a lot of thinking and many minutes of pacing, I decided to go and meet Gamel, the physician.

"If you didn't feel anything for her, would you have still asked for the bond to be severed?" Kaiza, my wolf, whispered in my mind. He had always been against my idea of severing the mate bond from the beginning and was a strong supporter of the idea of being fated to someone.

Kaiza would often tell me that it would be the one person who would completely fill all the empty spaces and help me realize the meaning to my life. But most times I was skeptical about whether Kaiza talked about the bond like that for my sake or for his sake.

"I don't know," I responded to his question. "I don't know what I'd have done. If I didn't feel this way, maybe things would be different. Maybe I wouldn't have brought her with me in the first place."

Kaiza grunted in displeasure. "You're not that cruel, Magnus," he said. "Whoever is fated to you has been chosen by fate to complement you. If you don't have feelings for the person, it means you've had unrealistic expectations of who they were supposed to be."

I scoffed at that. "Don't I have a right to expect?"

"You do and that's why you're feeling this way. If you didn't feel anything for Magnus and then went ahead to severe the bond, what would that have made you, Magnus?"

I gritted my teeth, the words heavy in my mouth. After a while, I sighed and said, "A murderer. Well, I'm going to stop Gamel from doing it so you should be happy now, right?"

I took a cart ride to Gamel's home. I could've wolfed out to be faster as Kaiza suggested but I didn't want to draw attention to myself. I didn't want anyone to know especially Astrid. If she found out that I'd gone looking for ways to severe the mate bond, she'd hate me and that was something I couldn't afford.

I got to Gamel's home and knocked. It took a while before the elderly man opened the door and welcomed me in. after locking the door behind us, he said, "please, sit down and let me offer you some water."

"No need, Gamel," I said, but took his offer to sit down. "I'm not staying long."

He nodded thoughtfully. "I'm guessing you are here because of the mate bond again? I will start the procedure shortly. It's just not something that should be done casually."

"You're right," I said, exhaling. "But I'm here to ask you to stop. Don't severe it again."

Gamel looked at me carefully for a while and then said, "Is it because you know she might die from the pain of such a severance? It will feel almost like losing a mate."

"Yes, I know," I said. I knew what it meant for the bond to be snapped. It had happened to my mother though in her case she hadn't died immediately, but had lost her mind. I watched my mother wither away slowly every day and I couldn't help. Though she smiled and talked to me fondly, I could see sadness in her eyes every moment of the day—as if the loss was renewed every morning.

I sighed. "It's not because she'll die. I just reconsidered it."

Gamel was silent for a while as though he was thinking. "I would've warned you about it but then I knew you must have considered it thoroughly and decided that you didn't like who you'd been bonded to. It happens and I've handled some cases like this before. The best that can happen is insanity."

I nodded. "I'm just afraid, Gamel," I said with a deep breath. "At first I resisted because I didn't like the idea of having the important part of our lives being dictated for us. I think that choosing a mate should be something we should be entitled to do because it is something that will make us happy."

"Do you think if werewolves got to choose their mates, they'd be happier than they are now?" Gamel asked.

I thought about it for a while but didn't have a clear answer for it. Would we be happier? Would it make us feel more fulfilled? I shrugged. "Maybe."

Gamel chuckled. "I don't know much, but I do know that humans—including werewolves—have never been known to make the most useful and accurate choices. At the point of choosing, they'll feel that it's the best for them but after a while, they start regretting and wishing they'd chosen something else because their preference has changed.

"We wouldn't be happier but maybe a little miserable. So, which would you prefer? Choosing and regretting later or having one being chosen or you which you'll come to love and not regret in the future?"

Kaizan was howling in joy inside me for what Gamel said. I rolled my eyes at him and said, "I do have feelings for her but now I'm afraid of the mate bond. How do I keep her with me? How do I protect her so nothing happens that will make me feel that pain that I'm afraid of feeling?"

Gamel shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe that's why it's there so you two will fight to protect each other with your lives because you know that your lives and sanity depend on it."

I left Gamel's place feeling like a different person. I felt a unique sense of happiness and all came whenever I thought about Astrid. I was happy for the first time in my life and I didn't want to let it go. Perhaps it was the mate bond speaking but it was a good feeling.