Chapter 9

I suddenly awoken from my long nap, but the sky was still dipped in moonlight as I looked through the curtains quietly, Shinso was still asleep, meaning it probably wouldn't be a short time until he woke up, because the eyebags he had were deeper than most oceans to say the least.

I leaned back in the beanbag chair, staring into the ceiling, wondering why I would dream about people that I didn't recall ever meeting, what I heard from some textbook said that who you see in dreams are only people you've seen in real life, I might have to see a doctor if I can gather the courage to garner such an interaction. 

I turned on the small lamp sitting on the far left side of the desk, turning the small round knob on the round beam that held the bulb, so the overall brightness would decrease. I then looked around and saw the half open drawer, and the book I was reading sticking out.

I quietly opened the drawer and removed the book, blowing on it a tiny bit to remove any accumulated dust that might've built up earlier, before opening the book to the creased cornered page where I left off, it dwelled into the concepts of freedom and prejudice, and other philosophical concepts regarding people and their morals and laws.

"What time is it?"

I heard Shinso groggily ask, turning on the bedside lamp before leaning up and checking his phone, the clock read 1:29 AM. Raising his head to look at me, his lips drooped down and his brows furrowed.

"Why aren't you asleep?"

I closed my book, placing it back into the bedside drawer before answering;

"I just was, I couldn't have the power to fall back asleep, my mental strength has been filled back up." 

I extended my arms and legs in all 4 directions, letting out a large stretch. Hitoshi watched me while groaning sleepily.

"Get back to bed please."

I looked at him, letting out a little groan before silently obeying, putting the book into the drawer before closing it, I leaned back into the beanbag chair, almost sinking into it. Grabbing the soft blanket Shinso previously gave to me, I pulled it over myself before closing my eyes.

Even while I did this, I still couldn't muster the courage to fall back asleep, that book whispered my name and I couldn't help but want to open it. The lust for knowledge can only be controlled by the person who wants it, but the price of knowledge is something no one can control.

I waited a good 20 minutes before Shinso fell back asleep, as his quiet snoring filled the air once more. Taking this chance, I quietly opened the drawer and removed the book once again, this time scouring the room until I managed to find a flashlight glistening in the moonlight which breached the curtains.

I rushed over to the flashlight, my steps light and delicate against the carpeted floor, snatching the flashlight with a sweep swoop of the hand, and taking it back to my beanbag chair. I reopened the book while hiding under the covers, the flashlight flickered on, filling the soft cocoon with a bright light, which took my eyes quite a while to adjust too, but luckily just like the lamp, a small set of buttons laid on the side of the flashlight which I could use to change the brightness of it, so my hands danced across this miniature control panel until I pressed the button that made the light coming from the tip, simmer down into a more relaxed and dim state.

I looked at the bent page I previously opened before Shinso sent me back to my forced slumber. It dwelled into the topics of humanity, freedom and prejudice, what makes a person freed and enslaved, not physically by whip or rope, but by their mind and mindset.

Feeling intrigued by this viewpoint, I scavenged this set of theories and mental standpoints, reading about concepts like a bird flying free among trees, and how it corresponds to a man in an open field.

"The bird has more freedom, maybe the field symbolizes restriction, and the bird's wings are like a broken chain, flying free among fluffy clouds and azure skies, but...can one be truly free? Won't their fate catch up with them, because every action has a reaction, and the choice to fly is a 2 sided coin."

I couldn't help but let out a little excited chuckle to myself, I just said that myself, I made my own quote even after diving into this for about 3 hours, am I a master-mind or something?! I leaned back in the beanbag chair, and something suddenly crossed my mind like a tour bus. What was that dream I just had, what did that man mean by fate and destiny?

I instinctively started biting my nails as I pondered his statements; 

"Every choice that one makes scalps a tiny mold into destiny, think of destiny like a rock, everything we do, every choice we make scalps that rock until we see the whole picture."

And, thinking back at what I just said with the field, bird, and the farmer, more parrelalls started flooding my mind like water through a broken dam. 

"How did the farmer get there to begin with? Did the farmer have no control over his fate, if the bird flies...why doesn't the man as well, that rock, what choices did that man make, what did he do to mold that rock into the shape of a field? Or...are the rock and the field 2 different things entirely."

I thought to myself while I bit my thumb, pondering exactly what he meant, what I meant, what I'm meaning in this moment, 

"If the rock and the field are 2 things, then fate and destiny are 2 of the same, but where does choice come into play?"

I leaned back further as I started to develop a tiny migraine from asking myself these questions. 

"A person's choice doesn't exactly define who they are, it's how one reacts to choices...what makes a person a person."

That's when it hit me like a dodgeball in the face.

"That choice is what doesn't shape the field, but it's like the open clearing of trees that lead to the field, we all have a conclusion, our decisions and actions bring us to those conclusions, whether they're good or not."

I leaned back further into the beanbag chair, almost to the point where I could feel it tipping over under my weight. 

"And the bird, it flies above those decisions...it's not human, but it's also not human. How do birds react to choices? They probably don't use rational thinking like we do, maybe they fly away or attack...but if they're above the field, something must've happened, a sudden change of rationality eating away at them, but is it eating, or maybe...growing?"

Suddenly my eyes started to get heavy like a pair of phycological weights pulling them down, like they were telling me, "Hey, its time to stop thinking, get to bed." I smiled softly as I succumbed to my sleep once and for all as I turned off the flashlight, it went dark...everything went dark.