Part 3

I was confused for a second.

I, for the first time in my life, see this person today and he's helping me for the second time. Why? Well yes, I know that there are good people around, it is not surprising that you want to help a girl and so. But why him? I didn't know what my facial expression was at the moment. We stared at each other's eyes, and his eyes were amazingly brown... Wait, what? No.

I turned my gaze and put the mask back on my face:

- Do you feel good? – he spoke first.

- Yes, my.... ammm.. the headache is unbearable, it hurt already when I came here, - a lie. Great, let's start acquaintance with a lie.

- It didn't seem like a simple headache, - he whispered more to himself than to me, - I'm glad that you are better.

- Thank you, - I nodded.

I slammed into the cupboard and I tried to stand up, my movements were a bit inaccurate. He grabbed me by the elbow and helped me.

- Maybe you want water or just to rest?

- No, if you can just don't tell anyone. I'll find an excuse, - I looked back into his eyes.

We were close enough to each other, his breath bouncing against my face. I could smell the mint mixed with the smell of cigarettes. I tried to pull back a little bit, even though there wasn't much space. With his help, I put my things in my backpack. I don't know how he managed, but he handed the right medicine, other medicine were further than for migraine. I hope he didn't see them.

I opened the toilet door and went out into the corridor, Jungkook followed me. The head was still spinning a little more, it should pass while we prepare them. At least I hope so. When we entered the room, most turned to us, the guys sitting at the mirror watching us through the mirror:

- I...

- I showed her a little around the house, we talked, - Jungkook explained and sat down on the brown couch.

- -Of course, - the blonde nodded.

- Well, we like everyone here, didn't have time to get to know each other, I think we can just say the names, and over time we'll get to know each other, – said the guy who he was already doing makeup by Luna, - I'm Jin. Worldwide handsome, you know.

- I'm your hope, you're my hope. I'm J-Hope, - the other guy was sitting at the mirror too, he smirked me as I looked at him. He's cute..

- Jimin, - the red-haired man raised his hand.

- RM, Rap Monster, Kim Nam-joon, call it what you like, - he sat on the couch next to Jungkook.

- My name is V,- he turned to me, sitting in a chair, - I'm a good boy.

Everyone laughed. It caused a smile on my face as well.

- Suga, - a voice behind my back was heard, i chuckled a little, - Min Yoon-gi otherwise, - he said, passing by me and he sat on a chair near the mirror. More precisely, he sat down on the redhead's lap.

- You already know me, - Jungkook told me from the right. I nodded.

- My name is Nina, - I don't know how many times I repeat my name today.

- It's nice, - everyone as one said in agreement. They didn't look very young, well how to say, I think they're thirty for everyone. Others may even be older. Or maybe I'm wrong. I went back to my makeup suitcase, next to it on the chair sat He...am.. Jimin? Red-haired.

Suga, I don't know why I remembered his name better, he withdrew. I got to work on Jimin, even though he didn't really need to improve something. He's a really attractive guy. I put a bow on his hair so as not to smear. While I was picking up brushes, they were joking, some were smiling, others were talking to Luna and Ben, who came out of nowhere because I hadn't seen him first. I didn't talk to anyone, I didn't even ask what they were talking about. I was focused on makeup, my trembling hands did not save me for sure. Jimin's eyes kept stumbling on my face, if I met his eyes with his he was just grinning. After fifteen minutes, I was hot, or rather my head. Therefore, I took off my hat, I had to look really funny. Next time I'll need to put on a sweater that I can take off. Jimin was with makeup, in reality I didn't do anything too much just put on a face cream, a little dry powder. I covered hid lips with lipstick, they acquired a reddishness. When I have done I cleaned my brushes and when I turn in to the chair, Suga was already sitting in it. His face was also prepared just like Jimin's. He didn't need a hoop because he wore a headscarf on his head. Several gray strands protruded at the end. It was a little hard when he kept muttering and waving. Well they all acted like that, only Luna laughed with them together. I feel like they really thought I was kind of unhealthy. It suits me, the fewer people attached to me, the easier it will be to say goodbye. I sighed a little. My thoughts scare me, but I have already come to terms with it.

When Suga was ready, I stretched out. Luna had already prepared four guys. Of course, she started earlier. Stupid migraine. Half of them weren't even in the room anymore, they had gone out to dress, a few of the guys were at Ben's, who was handling their hair. Jungkook sat down in my chair and looked at me. My hands trembled again, through him I became restless. I'm guessing it's because of that incident. His hair also didn't have to be stumbled anymore, because Jimin gave away his hoop, he only had to grab one strand. I timidly I raised my hand and tucked a strand behind his ear. It would be all right if it weren't for watching him. He didn't take his eyes off me.

- Are you feeling good? – he spoke with a slight grin.

- Yes, - I nodded and looked around to see if anyone had heard us.

I gently swiped my fingers over his face, putting cream on his nose, forehead and cheeks.

- Maybe it's not my business, but I think you should show up to the doctors, - he continued to look me in the face.

- You're right, - I nodded as I applied the cream to his face, - it's none of your business.

I tried to make the voice sound unoffending, but it got as it got.

- Well, now since you're just like my makeup artist, let's pretend it's my business, - he shrugged his shoulders.

- What? – I was surprised. He's audacious, not much, but he's definitely audacious.

- I don't want people around me to feel bad, - he lowered his gaze down, but a second later he looked at me again.

He constantly had a smile on his face. I didn't answer anything. I didn't really have anything to say, the first person who expresses his thoughts directly by sitting in front of me. No one around me would say how bad it was for them that I was like that. I don't really have much people in my side. Luna, who doesn't know everything, Ben, who's just a coworker and my boss. Of course, nurses and doctors like my family, but this has been going on for years. From the age of sixteen, I am alone surrounded by medics. I don't have long and joyful years, so I don't make any new connections. I will be selfish and will not communicate with people who will have to say goodbye to me later.

I finished painting him, but he didn't move. He looked at me. He kept looking at me until I was drowning in my mind.

- Well, we're ready, - RM's voice made me turn to him, - you can rest, I think you won't be needed today, but we'll meet in a few days.

- I think you know, but I'll tell you, you'll remove the varnish from the hair easily, but don't forget the conditioner, - Ben laughed.

I don't understand him in any way.

- Of course, - laughed the redhead, - see you then, - they walked out the door one by one, turning to wave. Jungkook finally got up from the chair:

- See you soon, - he nodded to me, then looked at Ben and Luna, waved to them, and walked out the door. An interesting person.

- They're so cute, - Luna clap her hands.

- Let's go, - I muttered. I put my things in a makeup suitcase.

- You can leave the suitcase here, you'll still be back,--Ben was also handling his things. I nodded.

I didn't want to come back here, I wanted to work like before. Painting people without delving into their affairs and they forget you the next day. And here. Who came up with this nonsense?

We left the room, passed down the corridor and walked out the wild door. I looked at the phone and it was already half past four. Great, I need to visit the doctor:

- I'm in a hurry, we'll correspond, - I looked at them both while they were discussing the impressions of the day.

- Of course, but maybe...

- No, - I cut her off. I pulled up my mask and smiled.

Turning around, I walked towards the gate looking at my shoes, but I felt watched. I turned to look at Luna and Ben, and they walked towards me talking. I was already spinning when my eyes were caught by the window to which the silhouette stood. I turned around and I speeded up my step after realizing that I was being watched. His attention over the course of all the hours drives me crazy. In a bad sense. Jungkook, what's wrong with you? And another question, what's wrong with me?

I was in the hospital in fifteen minutes. It's good that I left the suitcase, I didn't have to stretch with myself. At the reception counter sat the same woman as in the morning. I nodded to her and headed towards the Doctor's office. There weren't a lot of people, as I said, it's a private hospital. I knocked on the door a few times and when I heard the man „You can come in," I walked inside.

- Oh, Nina, - Dr. Jeremy grinned.

- Hello, - I nodded and sat down on the chair in front of him.

- Well, - he began to flip through the various papers on his desk, - your research is good enough, - he's lying.

- Say how it is, how much time is left for me?

- -If you don't start immunotherapy now, - he sighed and looked at me, - three months, maybe two, - he grabbed his papers on the table with his hands and looked at them again, - because of the pain and depression, you tried to commit suicide three times in these years, once you were unconscious because of the consequences of migraines.

- I know, - I looked into my hands.

- Nina, you should go to psychologist.

- No.

- When you visited him, it already seemed like everything was going toward good, but then you just disappeared and I saw you in the ward. You can't do that, you're a young woman, you should start a family.

- I know.

- After the last time we cleaned your stomach, your immune system has weakened even more. I very much hope that you will choose a treatment.

- But if it does not help, what is the point for me? - I swallowed a lump in my throat.

- After all, we will not lose anything if we try it. But at first you need to prepare. All the tests, the injection of the medication itself will surely exhaust you.

- What are the side effects of the medication? – I tried to give the doctor hope that at least he would not send to a psychologist.

- Vomiting, fever, you will be weak, - he looked at me, - but it will pass after all. After one or several generations it will be better.

What if it doesn't? That's what I wanted to tell him. I'm not good at that either. I am a person with depression who cannot even commit suicide. - I know you don't have a lot of people around you. But what happens when such a thing appears? For god's sake, live for yourself.

- But it's a very small chance that I do.

- Small as it is, grab by that little chance. – he raised his fist in the air, as if grabbing the air, - well, we will not torment you today, show up to me the day after tomorrow, we will take blood, after examining we will see what it will show.

- Okay, - I nodded. I knew it was pointless to argue with him.

- You're like a daughter to me, I've gotten used to you so much. I suggested living together, remember? – he stood up.

- I know, - I nodded, - thank you.

- Turn to me whenever you want, - he put his hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eye. I knew he would have prepared something like this. He's been trying to get me out of this disease for four years now, and I'm just tired. For three years I was very strong, I was determined, although I harmed myself. I could not control myself in very bad moments, my thoughts ruined me, so I became a frequent visitor to the hospital. I walked out of the hospital and looked up at the sky. You know, Dad, I don't know if it's going to be destined or not, but I think we'll meet soon. I sighed and when I found the taxi, I got in the car.

I was finally home. Of course, it was necessary to overcome maybe thirty steps, but finally. I pulled the keys out of my backpack and unlocked the door. I was greeted by silence. When the lights turned on, I closed the door behind me and looked at the apartment. It's all the same as it was a couple of weeks ago. After I leave my backpack down the hallway and taking off my shoes, I headed towards the living room. The apartment was not large, there was enough space for one person here, I couldn't not take the apartment. He's on the roof of the building, how could I refuse.

I sat down on the couch in the living room, there was still a glass with water on the table. Next to it were a bottle of medication, there was pills everywhere on the ground. Not very pleasant memories. I sighed and began to handle everything.

An hour later, the apartment was clean enough, I did not have the strength to wash it, but at least the dust was wiped off. A melody was heard from somewhere. Ohh, it's my phone. As I ran into the corridor and pulled out my phone from my backpack, I saw Luna's name on the screen:

- Yes?, - my voice had already improved. My throat didn't hurt anymore either.

- Nina,- she sighed, - how are you?

- I'm fine, you don't have to call and check,"-I sighed and pulled towards the kitchen.

- I know you don't like that kind of attention, but I just can't throw it out of my head.

- I know, I'm grateful to you, - I rolled my eyes.

- Nina, - she sighed again, - I really want you to.....

- No need, - I poured water into the glass, holding the phone with my shoulder to my ear.

- Well, we'll meet in a few days, call, or at least write to me.

- Of course, bye. - I nodded and without waiting for a response, I put the phone down.

I knew that without medication I would not fall asleep, so I took two sleeping pills and lay down on the couch. She was very comfortable, I think even the floor would be comfortable, because I'm finally at home....

- Nina.... Nina..... - A voice was heard somewhere. I was half awake, but it was quiet around. Maybe I had a dream.

- NINA!? – once again, the same voice and knocking on the door went all over my apartment.

- Why? – I muttered. I got up from the couch, my body was stiffened. I was quite rested, but my neck and spine ached.

- NINA?!

- I'M COMING! - I yelled as I walked towards the door.

I unlocked the door and two her hands wrapped around me.

- You scared me, never do it again. Where were you when you disappeared yesterday? You didn't respond to my messages, - Luna showered me with her questions.

- What? – as soon as she let me go, I closed the door and walked towards the living room, - we talked in the evening, I said that everything was fine.

- We talked the day before yesterday, today's Sunday already.

- What? – I looked at her. Then, grabbing my phone, I looked at the screen. 09.36am Sunday.

- Where were you gone? You were to the hospital?

- No, - I muttered and sat down on the couch together, - I slept...

- What? How to understand? – her gaze was frightened, but I could see something else in her eyes.

- Strange, - I muttered, - be that as it may, I must prepare. – I stood up and walked towards the room.

- Yes, get ready. We'll go to those guys.

- What? – I turned to her.

- Today's meeting for the coming week. Their schedule is a little busy, so they want to do a group photo shoot and video as soon as possible.

- Why did you necessarily have to take such a difficult order? – I lifted the eyebrow.

- You know it's not up to me," she grinned, - plus we'll earn better than after the last time.

- I promise to start treatment again.

- Really?! – she jumped in place.

- Yes, well, at least I'm thinking. I'm going to be busy with work now, so I don't think I'll succeed.

- It's going to work out, you'll see it, - she hugged me.

- I don't think so,

- I'm just begging, - she looked at me, - don't raise your hand in front of you. I was lucky last time when I was there in time, what if I don't this time?

- I already told you, don't be with me, - I turned around to go toward the room.

- You know it's impossible, I love you,

I closed the bedroom door and couldn't hear her anymore. Yes, and that's the problem. I don't know what that love is. It is very difficult to imagine her when everything revolves around me in the dark. From the age of sixteen I thought I would live, at least a little better. I wanted a human life, so I fled Korea. But the nightmares and my illness decided otherwise.

After taking a shower and curling up in a towel, I searched for clothes. I knew it was going to be hot there, so I chose a long-sleeved black bluesmith with a flower on my chest, light slingshots, and a cardigan in black. I looked not bad at all, white sneakers will fit into the outfit only the question of what to do with the face. Yesterday, they couldn't see my dried face and black eyes through the mask, and if I show up with a mask on the second day too, it would look a little weird. Ah it doesn't matter. After smearing my face a little with cream and hiding black eyes with powder, I was more like a person. I dried my hair with a dryer, the curls gave a little beauty to my white face. As I walked out of the room, I saw Luna, who was scrambling across the couch, playing with the phone.

- I thought you left, - I looked at her and moved towards the corridor. I put on sneakers.

- I'm waiting for you, we're going to ride together.

- I need..... - maybe she'd better not know, - it doesn't matter.

I let Luna out the first one through the door when she handed me my phone, I tucked my backpack over my shoulder. I texted the doctor that I would come to give blood in the evening. I didn't want to drag Luna with myself together, they and the Doctor would conspire before me. I don't know when my mental state will be disturbed again, because when my mind was on vacation several times, I ended up in the hospital. Maybe this time it would even work out on its own... Never mind. Either I will finish myself off or I will be killed by illness, I know this for sure.

We were back at the same gate, which, oddly enough, was already open, a man resembling a guard stood next to us. When Luna showed his card, he let us in, I didn't have a desire to do something today. I pressed the doorbell and it immediately opened. This time it was a redhead:

- Hello, - he nodded.

- Hi, - we nodded too and stepped inside. The guys were all in the living room this time, taking off our shoes we pulled towards them.

- Hello, sorry we got in the way on Sunday, but that's very important to us, - spoke RM.

The other guys waved to us and continued to do something on the computer.

- Everything's fine, - Luna nodded, - what can we help with?

- Well..

- Woa, hello, - I heard a voice from my left and turned around to meet Jungkook's eyes. He was a little surprised and stared at my face. But what caught my attention the most was:

- This is my hat? – i raised the eyebrow.

- Yes, it's perfect for me, isn't it? – he started play with his hat and it made me smile a little.

- Like I said, - continued to talk RM, - we have to do a photo shoot like a band and a week-long video. So we need you, - he grinned.

- Veryly, - Jungkook nodded as he passed by.

- We'll help as much as we can then,- Luna said and I nodded.

- Great.

Everyone had already found places for themselves on the couch, only me and Luna were standing next to each other. They talked about the band's photo shoot as they would like. Then, as far as I understood, they discussed photo shoots and one by one as solo performers. The're a band, but also a solo performer? I looked at the floor when suddenly something appeared on my head:

- It suits you more, - I turned to Jungkook, who was already standing next to me. Luna sat in his place and talked to the guys.

- Because she's mine, - I fixed my hat.

- Want water?

- Of course, - I nodded.

He grabbed my sleeve and he drew towards himself, I understood it as telling me to go after him. We both headed towards the kitchen, which was visible from the living room.

- How do you feel? – turned to me, handing me a glass of water.

- Okay, - I had no desire to explain to him that this was not his business.

- Great, you will be tomorrow?

- Yes, I'm just like your makeup artist.

- „Okay, - he nodded. We took a sip of the water, looking at each other strangely over and over again.

But he looked relaxed, unlike me. My hands trembled, I never interacted with a guy for so long. In reality, Ben is the only one I know of all men. I didn't promise to let men into my life, so I never got some extra attention. There were several candidates who disappeared as quickly as they appeared. At that time, my third year of treatment was going on, I already knew that I would not survive, so I moved away from everyone. I didn't run away from Luna, I had to work to pay for the hospital. I owe it, the doctor accepted me without money. I put the glass on the cupboard and turned around to go, Jungkook followed me from behind. There was a hustle and bustle in the living room, no one noticed that we were gone. Even though the whole kitchen is visible from the living room.

- Well what, - RM shook hands and stood up looking at everyone, - let's get to work.

- Force! – yelled J-Hope.

Be that as it may, I feel like these guys will mix up more than once in my life. And I really hope my flair is wrong.