Part 4

Little by little, everyone spiraled into a little chaos. Some guys couldn't decide what subject to photograph this time, others couldn't sit down in a chair because they were laughing at their friends. They had no plan and it was ridiculous. A good hour later, when the studio was set up, we were still watching them. Luna and I were in shock, I've never seen such an absurd but cute misunderstanding like them:

- Hey! - I spoke when my patience simply ran out.

- HEY! - Luna tried to help me cut through their voices."

- Yes? - RM turned, then just tried to calm the rest.

- I think, let's just try a rock-style photo session today, if you don't like it, then you can decide on something else.

- Not a bad idea, - Suga nodded, - I think it's possible, - he turned to his friends.

- Our manager couldn't come here today, so he told us to decide for ourselves, - J-Hope nodded.

- Let's try! - Jimin raised his hands and finally sat down at the mirror.

I sighed as the room felt a little more spacious. Jin, V, J-Hope and RM were ready to do makeup. Therefore, after simply listening to their wishes, we started work.

They wanted a little lighter makeup than rock stars. To me personally, it didn't even look like rock stars, they didn't have black eyes, they had perfect skin. After adjusting the face a little with powder and applying gloss on the lips, they were ready. It remains to change clothes. As soon as they stood up, redhead entered through the door....Wait! His hair! He had dark hair. When did he do it?

- While you were working here, I just dyed my hair, - I guess he understood from my raised eyebrow that I was asking in my mind.

- You look good in red, - I mumbled.

- I can always go back to her, - he laughed and sat down on the chair.

The boys switched places, now Jimin, Jungkook and Suga were sitting in the chair. I can say that they really looked sexy. I mean nicely. They looked beautiful.

The guys were painted just the same and everything looked simple, the only difference was that Jungkook was watching my every move. A few times I couldn't even concentrate, but after throwing out the stupid thoughts I got the job done.

The photo session was great, their laughter kept echoing through the hall. It turns out that this house is so big that it even has a swimming pool under the roof, so what to talk about the hall. We followed them, always fixing the rings on their hands or their hair, which this time they had to do themselves. Ben got food poisoning so he wasn't there. It was strange to see guys in tight clothes because I usually see them in trainers.

The photo shoot lasted about an hour when they got a break. Luna wiped a few drops of sweat from their foreheads or necks. And I did their makeup and hair. Everyone was relaxed and doing their jobs, or so I thought, until I walked over to Jungkook, who was just talking to V:

- I'm going, - V muttered and just walked towards Namjoon with a raised eyebrow.

- Hi, - Jungkook looked at me. I was about 5 cm shorter than him, so I raised my head and met his eyes.

- Hello, - I nodded. I cleaned his eyes a little bit and touched it with a powder brush.

- Are you feeling well? - he continued to look at me.

- Yes, - I nodded. I applied gloss to his lips and it took a little longer than needed. His lips were beautiful.

- How do you like our photo shoot?

- Great, - I retorted and shook my head a little. Everyone was ready already.

I just walked away from him, not wanting to talk or be talked to. He gives me strange feelings. Of course, he is a star, I think if I knew about them and had a normal mind, I just wouldn't leave him.

The photo shoot continued when I glanced at the clock on my phone and there was a message from the doctor:

"Maybe you could be in half an hour? Dr. Jeremy"

Shit. He wrote 15 minutes ago.

I looked around the hall and when I saw Luna I headed towards her:

- I need to leave quickly, if you're still here text me, I won't be long, - I said to Luna and got her nod and hurried out the door.

In all the haste, I left my bag at their house, and my wallet and medicine were left there. But after paying over the phone, I finally reached the hospital. I gave blood, they drained I guess a liter because I was feeling a little weird. But the doctor said it's normal knowing how I feel.

Luna had texted that the photo shoot was great and they all split up so I didn't have to come back. I haven't had a bite in my mouth all day with all that stupid research and work. I returned home by taxi, it was already half past six in the evening. It turns out that I spent about 5 hours with the guys, but it seemed shorter. Of course, until I got home during traffic jams and such... After unlocking the door and putting things away, I found the strength to make pasta. There was nothing good in the fridge, I think I will have to go shopping. Maybe.

After eating, I just collapsed in front of the TV. I decided to google who BTS is on my phone.

There were maybe a million articles in English about them, photos from 2013, various videos. They were even in the army in 2024, more precisely from 2023 to 2025. Now they just sing both - solo and in a group. Even though it's been 15 years, it hasn't affected them and they're still as crazy as before.

I put the phone on the table. There was already too much information for me. I really hope I don't stay with them for long, after this job I don't think I will work with them anymore. I really have to prepare for what awaits me. No one will arrange a funeral for me, I have no family. Luna definitely won't be able to do it alone, she has a lot to look after anyway. Of course, I have some money set aside, but I should find out how much it costs.

I took a deep breath and settled more into the couch, laying on my side. If someone had told me four years ago that I would be planning my own funeral, I would have called that person crazy. When Dr. Jeremy found me at sixteen, he kept me with him for two years. I had to go through psychologists and other additional doctors. Then they finally found the cause of my migraines. Then the treatment started, as usual everything went well. But after four years in pain, in the hospital, constantly surrounded by tubes and all kinds of tests - I'm just tired. I want to finish this. And what to talk about the psychological state.. No one healed me from the trauma I experienced as a child.... I wrapped myself in the blanket that was at the back of my legs and closed my eyes for a second...

"I was sitting in a dark room, the big room had only one table lamp. I combed my barbie's yellow hair and smiled at her with tears in my eyes. My hair was not as beautiful as hers. I don't know how many days my mother has kept me here. She doesn't come to comb my hair anymore, she doesn't bring me food. I don't know why I'm sitting here alone. I must have done something wrong again. Maybe uncle didn't like me? Maybe I picked a flower that is not allowed? But there are so many of them... I looked towards the opening door, which made a strange sound. My mother walked through them, she was beautiful. She was wearing a black dress and had painted her lips red. As she walked towards me, I saw a smile on her lips that was getting bigger and bigger. I tried to smile because she likes it when I smile, but my smile faded. In her hands was an elongated object, an object that causes a great deal of pain:

"Mom," I whispered and stood up from the ground.

- You know what happens to girls who disobey their mother? - she came very close to me and squatted down.

- Ye..yes, - I whispered and kept my eyes down.

- Okay," - she stood up. I turned away from her and sat down. I knew what was waiting for me.

I felt the lash of the whip on my back and my screams echoed through the basement...."

I jumped. Looking around the room, I realized that I had been sleeping in the living room. A deep breath still hadn't left my lips. I didn't take my medicine, that's what I didn't do. I usually didn't dream when I was on medication.

I got off the sofa and looked at the time - 7.43. Great. It was still early, yesterday I didn't even ask Luna if she would do good without me today, because after the medication, I don't even know if I will be able to walk.

I was about to enter the bathroom when the doorbell rang through the apartment. I hope it's not Luna. As I passed the mirror I glanced at myself, I looked eerie. Great. I unlocked it and when I opened the door I saw the lady of the house:

- Hello, - I nodded.

- Hello, I couldn't find you yesterday, so forgive me for being early today, - smiled the brown-haired woman.

- Everything is fine.

- Well, I want to inform you that the house will be renovated in a week. Everything from the pipes to the roof will be replaced, so you should find a place to stay, - she scratched her head.

- Um... - I was confused, - well, thanks for letting me know.

- Good day, - she smiled.

- You too, - I nodded and closed the door.

It's amazing, it probably couldn't be a better way to start the day. I sighed and headed for the bathroom. After bathing, I put on black thongs, a black blouse and a black sweater. Let today be a black day. I found black sneakers in the closet. I searched the house because I couldn't find my wallet anywhere. And then it dawned on me that my bag was probably at Luna's. At least I hope she took it. I dialed Luna's number and put the phone to my ear:

- Hello, - she muttered after a few beeps.

- Luna, you took my bag from BTS's house? - I went straight to the point.

- Um...no, - she whispered somewhat vaguely, - I forgot, go yourself. I want to sleep..... - she hung up.

I guess she was once again unlucky with her sister's children. They are really noisy.

I sighed and checked the money on the card. There are really enough of them. I will have to drive to them myself, I hope they will be there.

Locking the door, I'm thinking about whether it's better to inject the medicine and go to them, or what. The doctor said that the effect will not be felt immediately, so I will have at least 2 hours. I stopped the taxi and headed towards the hospital. It wasn't long before I was there. The doctor was not there, as he said, the nurse met me:

- Hello, - she smiled, - Dr. Jeremy has an appointment today, so he asked to see you tomorrow.

- Okay, - I nodded.

- Let's go, - she moved towards the office.

The office was a few meters away, with a large chair in the middle. I knew it was my place so I sat down. The nurse prepared without a word, as far as I could see my medicine was already here. My name is written on the bottle:

- Last year, these medication improved, now they not only extend people's lives, but they can also help you recover, knowing your situation, even surviving longer would be an achievement, wouldn't it? - she smiled as she put the tape on my arm and prepared the place where she would insert the needle.

- Probably, - I smiled and turned away. I can't get used to needles.

- If you feel unbearable symptoms, such as headache, temperature or anything similar, you must come.

- I know, - I nodded.

- It will take some time, - she inserted the dropper and stepped back, - now the most important are 48 hours, during which you will see if this treatment is suitable for you.

- What is the biggest negative impact? - I looked at her and tried not to look at my hand.

- Well... It's different for everyone. I think you will have a headache, your immune system is very weak, sometimes I wonder how you can still work, - she looked at me, - the most important thing is to be positive, isn't it?

- Yes, - I nodded.

After a good hour, the medication was administered. They didn't give me the full dose, not knowing how my body would react. Nurse stayed with me, in silence. When the medicine ran out, she took out the dropper and applied the patch:

- Do you have someone to look after you? - she asked timidly.

- Yes, - I lied.

- Okay, - if you don't accidentally call the doctor, I will give you sedatives, they will help calm the war inside you, - she smiled and brought a box with a syringe, - but only if you really need it.

- Okay thank you.

I fixed my clothes and left the hospital after saying goodbye. The place where the medicine was injected burned a little, but I think that's normal.

I reached BTS home by taxi. I had to get my bag back, take the essentials and find a place to stay for a week. The security guard skipped me, I guess he remembered my face. Walking down the rocky path I was a little afraid, I'm alone without Luna. All the attention will be on me. I tried to control myself and not get nervous. When I knocked on the door no one moved. Then, after pressing the button a few more times, the door opened:

- Hello, - Jungkook grinned.

He was with a smile on his face, dressed in a completely black trench:

- Hi, - I nodded and looked around, - I left my bag here yesterday, so I'm here.

- Come in, of course, - he waved his hand inside. It was quiet in the house, a strange silence indicating that he was here alone. Or the other guys are just very busy.

I took off my shoes and walked towards the living room:

- There are no others, they are at home. - informed JK. As I understood it was their work home or something like that.

- Got it, I'm quick, - I looked around the living room and didn't see my backpack here. Then I looked around the hall as well, but I couldn't find it here either. Maybe I left somewhere else?

- She's here, - I turned to the JK and he held my bag in his hand.

- Thank you, - I taked up my bag as I walked up to him, and when I raised my head, I saw two brown eyes looking at me. He had interesting eyes, they looked a lighter shade from the light than they really were. The eyelashes were longer than some of the women I saw. His nose was cutely, his lips had a red tint and his earring gave sexuality. As he bit his lip, I stood up straight.

I don't even know how long we've been looking at each other. I pulled back abruptly and walked towards the exit. This whole situation begins to dislike me anymore and I feel the hysteria that is rising.

I don't have to suddenly be fascinated by something. I have already decided to be alone.

As I was taking my shoes, he ran up to me:

- Nina, I...

- Thank you for your help, - I nodded to his side and opened the door.

Monday and couldn't be better, only the rain was missing. It rained like from a bucket, and I don't have a umbrella.

-Nina..

That's it. Ignoring him, I just ran out of their yard. I didn't see if he was chasing me or not. I ran where my eyes led, turning back to some road. People walked around huddled together and with umbrellas. The machines made noise while driving on wet asphalt, and the rain only intensified. Realizing that I was still running, I stopped and looked back. In the rain and the flow of people, I didn't see if I was being followed by someone. My breathing was dense and my head was spinning a little. I was pushed a few times and barely fell. I sighed and just pulled my way further. I knew I was in the center. I'm completely soaked and I don't even know why, but I just don't get in a taxi.

Strange feelings attack me from the minute I saw him. Maybe I'm a fan of him and I don't know about it myself? But that feeling is not like that, it seems that when I look at it, I can forget everything around me. My disease. My childhood. My problems. I want to be with him. It's a lot like love from first....

No. I won't be one of those girls from a book or series.

I had a goal, even if my opinion change, eventually the disease would reach its own. Not wanting to find myself in the ward of a psychiatric hospital, I had to start treatment, but my goal remains the same.

I shook my head as the image blurred. Strange.. I turned onto the road to the right and grabbed my head, I don't even know where that road led, but there were almost no people here. The image in my eyes was still pouring in, shaking my head in an attempt to improve the image, but seemed only to make the situation worse. My head were throbbing, I couldn't open my eyes as the blurred image made me tear. Shit.

I tried to pull out the syringe which is in my sweater pocket. But he fell out of my hand when the pain pierced my head. I smirked a little and fell to my knees as I grabbed hold of my head. The pain was very great, I heard swarming in my ears, I knew how it would end.

I wanted to lie down on the ground and just die here, but I was caught by my hands. Two hands held me over my torso. Before closing my eyes, I looked at the black blurred silhouette that looked at me. And then the darkness.

I heard a strange sound nearby. It's as if someone was saying something or it was just a pump buzz. I slowly opened my eyes. I was weak, my eyes wanted to close and not open again. I knew I was lying in bed, but I can't imagine how I found myself here:

- I don't know what to do if she doesn't wake up in fifteen minutes I will call the doctor, - he fell silent for a moment and I realized that he was talking on the phone, - I'm not interested in whether her will be seen by journalists, that's not at all in my mind now and you know it, - he said in anxiousness. I tried a little to turn my head towards the source of the sound, but my body did not listen to me.

- Jun... - my voice sounded tragic and so quiet that I myself could barely hear, - Jung... - I tried one more time and closed my eyes. I didn't even have the strength to breathe.

- Wait, I think she was talking...

I felt a recess near me and opened my eyes a little

- Nina? - Jungkook's face was close to me.-

I.., - I wanted to explain to him what was going on, but my voice was gone somewhere.

- Thank God, - he spoke Korean, - I already wanted to call the doctor. Do I call a doctor? Maybe bring something to you? Medications? Maybe that syringe I found next to you? - now he spoke In English, his eyes running from my eyes toward my hands, which had been placed on my stomach. He was anxious.

- No, - I whispered, - I'll sleep and everything will be fine, - my voice clenched.

- It's so wrong, you're very white, you all wet and, and I don't know what's going on with you. - he grabbed the phone and dialed the number.

- What are you. - I wanted to ask more than one more question but my forces abandoned me. Just closing my eyes, I waited for what was next. I wanted to sleep.

- Hi, yes this is me. I'm fine. But I am ammm...I have an acquaintance who is very sick, - he murmured to the phone. - she's weak, wet, and barely talking, I don't think she'll endure a trip to the hospital, - he fell silent for a moment, - what can I do to help ger until the Doctor arrives?

Doctor? I don't need a doctor.

- Okay, - he stood up, I felt like the place next to me had risen, - okay. Yes, somehow I will try, thank you and hurry up.

I opened my eyes a little and saw him standing by the open closet, he was collecting clothes.

- Nina, do you hear me? - he looked at me as soon as he closed the closet, - I know you're cold, but I need to re-dress you. Can you sit down?

What? I wasn't cold, I didn't really feel if I was cold or hot to me. My body is so weakened that I don't know if I'm going to be able to sit down at all.

- I, - I tried a little to move, I used all my strength as much as I had, and rose a little from the pillow, his palm appeared on my back.

- I'll help you, - the JK face was next to mine, I felt his breathing in my ear, - I need to re-dress you, - he planted me in bed and help me took off my sweater holding me with one hand. I sat with almost all my weight resting on his hands as he sat behind me. I realized that the sweater had ended up on the floor when he was all wet and made a sound as he descended to the ground

- I promise not to look, - his voice was quiet and calm when he grabbed the bottom of my blouse. My hands ended up in his arms, I wanted to resist his actions, but then I remembered the skin of my hands and just let him take it off. I stayed under the bra next to him. He put on me his jumper without waiting for a long time. At least that's what it looked like to me. He had a head hood that stayed on my head and was pretty long, looking at my hands I saw that it was dark blue.

- I'll do it myself, - I said as he was about to stand up and probably take off my pants.

- Okay, I'm holding you, - his chest leaned against my back while his hands were on my shoulders. I tried as quickly as I could to get rid of the pants, they were clinging to me. My strength disappeared when the pants reached the ground, I just fell in Jungkook arms.

- You're very hot Nina, I feel through the jumper that your body is burning, - he touched my forehead, - I'll bring a thermometer.

- Please... - I whispered, turned a little at him, placed my head on his chest and closing my eyes, - don't move.

- Okay, - he nodded and covered me with a plaid that was next to him.

I don't know how long I've been lying like this. He didn't say anything and didn't moved at all, only stroked my back. My strength completely abandoned me, I felt that I would fall asleep. And I was hoping I'd fall asleep forever....

I woke up from my aching head. The head slammed into all four sides. I was lying with my eyes closed and wanted to scream out that pain, but I remembered that I wasn't at home. Shit.

I opened my eyes and now I saw a little better than before, I was in the same room, I recognized it from the closet, only I was lying on the couch, and the bed was laid by Jungkook. I was covered with a plaid, there was a pillow under my head. I tried to sit down, but my head was still spinning, and that pain just made me lie down back:

- JK, - I first time invited him with an abbreviation of his name, which I then read on the internet.

-Nina, - he turned abruptly and, having stopped putting the pillows together, came to me, - how do you feel?

- Better, - I lied, - I want to...

- No, we have to get a doctor. You only slept for a few minutes, although it was like fainting, and plus you were sweating a lot, - he rolled out a white towel and started to clean my face.

- I'm sorry, - I watched his actions.

- For what? - he looked me in the eye, still cleaning my face.

- For the fact that you had to take care of me, - I whispered. I was cold, my body was still refusing to move, it was just trembling.

- Don't move, - he put a towel, - I'll move you onto the bed, she isn't wet anymore, - he grabbed me through my torso and put the other hand under my feet. Took me in the style of a bride and carried me on the bed. His perfume filled my nose and I was even more intoxicated. Or that's how it turned out for me. He laid me down nicely on the bed:

- Hello, - voice from the door sounded, and when the JK turn, I saw the Doctor.

- Hi, come in, - Jungkook pulled away from me and let the doctor approach.

He checked my pulse, checked the reaction of my eyes to the light, and listened my breathing. Finally, my temperature measured and after injecting some kind of medication, he turned to the JK:

- Well the temperature is very high, you won't knock it down so quickly, - he showed a thermometer to JK, - it would be best to go to the hospital if the medication will not help.

- No, - I whispered.

- Lady, such a temperature is not a joke, if that will continued, you will not get up after falling asleep, - he looked at me for a moment, - just give her medicine and I think be there for her, the best heals is another person's embrace, - the doctor grinned. , - the doctor grinned.

- Thank you, of course, - they began to move towards the door, - but what's for her?

- I think she... - I couldn't hear when they just walked out the door.

For me, side effects after medication that I injected in an attempt to save myself from death, although I absolutely do not want it. I sighed.

How am I going to get out of this confusion, what do I tell him? And yet a stupid migraine does not allow me to calmly neither lie down nor think. I didn't have the strength to think, sit down or stand up the same way. I just enjoyed the silence and lay with my eyes closed. I curled up into a ball, I was inhumanly cold. I lay down sideways when I felt the bed recess.

- Come, cuddle and you'll warm up, - the JK was behind my back. So be it. I turned to him and cuddled closer. I held my hands to myself, only lying close to him. He turned sideways and pressed me to my chest. His perfume was amazing, I just pulled it into myself. The warmth emanating from it warmed me and I felt like my body was again abandoned by the forces....

- I did nothing!! - I shook back as she smirked.

- Oh you!! - she hit me, my face turned to the right side, - you spoil everything by the existence beside me, - grabbed me by the shoulders and began to shake me, - now you will still talk?!

- I...

- Be silent! - struck me again, and I fell to the ground.

- She doesn't learn like that, - I heard a male voice at the door, - at twelve year she doesn't count with us, and what's next? - His cold voice and gruesome face scared me, - You have to learn, - he grinned as he walked towards me.

- No, - I whispered as he picked up the chains, - no please. - I begged him and erred when he grabbed me by the hair, - no please don't need to! - I begged and screamed in pain, tried to hold on to his hands as he dragged me by the hair towards the radiator, I knew how it would end.

He tied my hands.

- Mom please! - I looked at her cold face.

- Nina, - someone said my name"

- Mom please don't leave me here! - I begged her while they turned away and walked towards the basement door, - Wait! Please!

- Nina! - the voice was very close."

- No mom please!! - I yelled one last time and the basement door closed, - mom, - I whispered, - don't leave."

- Nina, damn it! - I jumped when someone shake me.

- No, - I shook my head and looked around the room, my breath was very deep, - no, - I pulled away from him. They're here, they're somewhere here...

- Nina, I'm...

- I'm beggin you, no, - I retreated as far away as possible and barely fell out of bed.

Wait, where am I?!

- Nina, - he caught me by the elbows and watched me. I looked around the room and shooked my head, - please calm down, - he clung me a little to himself and stroked my hair.

- I...

- Shhhh...

This memory affected me. More than one might expect. It was so realistic that I didn't get up right away. I calmed down a little while Jungkook stroked my hair in silence. Wait.

Jungkook?

Why is he here? Why am I here? I pulled away from him, but he didn't pull his hands away from mine. I dared to look him in the face for a moment and his eyes were already focused on me. Looking at him, memories come back of what was for me and why I am here. I cut off eye contact and wanted to step aside more, but he didn't allow me.

- What was it? - he looked at me closely.

- What? - I looked at him, my voice was quiet.

- You screamed, muttered heavily, and cried.

- I... - I touched my cheeks, and they were really wet, - I dreamed of a nightmare, - as I abruptly retreated from it, I try to stood on the ground, but stumbled. My head spining.

- Nina, - he grabbed my elbow, he try to help me.

- It's okay, - I grinned as much as I could to him, and stood up. The JK still held me back. My body was still weak.

He helped me sit on the bed. I looked around the room a little and tried to breathe calmly. Neither on the bed nor on the couch was my backpack. I need medication.

- You've slept for more than twelve hours, would you like to snack on? - he tried to catch my gaze.

- Yes, thank you. - I glanced at his face a little and lowered my head. I was embarrassed.

- Okay, stay here, - he let go of my elbow, which he still held to, and when he stood up, he disappeared outside the door of the room. I took a deep breath and exhaled.

Even my breath jerked. I stood up from the bed and stood still until my head stopped spinning. The pain filled my head little by little. There was a large closet and a chest of drawers in the room, but I didn't see my backpack there.

I haven't seen this room in their house. Maybe I'm not even in their house?

I slowly approached the window and was shocked. There wasn't a fountain outside the window, nor something like what I saw in that backyard I knew. This room was very high, with half of New York's, the roofs of other houses and the glowing city visible through the window. It was dark, as far as I understood the night. The view was amazing. The whole city was like on the palm of your hand. But I was frightened by the uncertainty. Where am I?

- It's my hotel room, - I turned to the JK when he scared me a little, he came with a full tray of all sorts of food, - you're in my home, - he grinned and carried everything on the bed.

- Why? - I whispered and continued to watch the view through the window, but I saw the reflection of the window that it was approaching me.

- What's why, Nina? - The JK was behind me, now I watched his reflection, and he mine.

- Why am I here? With you? - I was confused and didn't know how to explain to him the whole situation that had happened to me.

- You needed help, I was there...

- How did you know where I was? - I interrupted him and turned with my eyebrow raised. This was the most important question for me. - I....I was alone when I got feel bad, - I remembered and looked him in the eye until he avoided my gaze this time. Weird...

- I.. - his gaze wandered around the room, then he closed his eyes, raised his head to me, - I am not a small child who could not admit or would not know what he wanted, Nina, - he opened his eyes and looked me in the eyes, - I don't know how to explain to you, but every piece of my body wants to help you, - he got a little closer, I pulled back, - not because I was sorry for you, - a little grin was on his face from my action, - but because as soon as I saw you, I knew I wanted you, Nina, - he took a step even closer to me, at this dimly lit room I saw his somewhat reddened cheeks, for the sake of a thing that had just been recognized.

Wait, what?

Me?

He looked at my reaction and must have noticed that this whole situation was not for me.

He wants me?

Sorry? Who are you?

Who are you that you can pronounce such words so suddenly and recklessly without knowing me.

- I... - I frowned and wanted to contradict every word he said, but I couldn't say more than a word - when I felt his lips on mine.....