50: Thoughts on What She Doesn't Understand

Utaha didn't understand why such a troubling feeling suddenly surged within her chest, but it was definitely there.

The person who appeared in her dreams, the one she had married and built a life with, was now slowly walking away. 

Just as Eriri asked a question, she unconsciously suggested they should follow him.

But why did she instinctively give such an answer?

After leaving the bubble tea shop, Utaha's thoughts were lost in contemplation as she walked mechanically along the street.

She had clearly planned to just confirm from a distance.

Considering everything, whether the dream was realistic or the man from her dreams appeared in reality, it was an extraordinary situation.

She needed to keep her distance to gather information and needed time to think. 

She shouldn't be sneaking around, hiding behind a mailbox tree, engaging in such reckless and easily noticeable actions—that wasn't her usual style.

She could have asked a detective to investigate later, and she could have just waited at home for the results.

She knew she could do that, so why did she just blindly follow him earlier?

"Hey! What are you daydreaming about! They went into a family restaurant!"

Eriri peeked around the street corner and quickly pulled back. Seeing Utaha's distracted state, she was furious.

"Stop thinking about other things! Focus!"

Utaha looked at Eriri, who, despite wearing a mask, showed through her wide eyes and urgent tone that she was extremely anxious—just like herself.

"Sawamura-san..."

"What? Are we waiting here for them to come out, or should we go in directly?"

Eriri turned back towards the restaurant, peeking.

"I think it's better to go in directly. The restaurant is large; we can choose a discreet spot and maybe even overhear their conversation… Yes, definitely going in. Let's go!"

Utaha hurriedly grabbed her wrist. "No, Sawamura-san, listen to me."

"Whatever it is, we'll talk later! We need to get in now, who knows what they're doing in there!"

Utaha didn't say anything more, just looked at Eriri meaningfully before slowly letting go of her wrist.

Eriri's anxiety quickly subsided as she realized her recent outburst was somewhat unreasonable.

The source of this emotion was undoubtedly seeing Chisato and noticing the rather attractive girl beside him.

"I..."

Eriri looked down, her trembling fingertips touching her forehead, her beautiful eyes now filled with confusion and unease.

"You've lost your composure." Kasumigaoka Utaha looked past her shoulder towards the restaurant.

"Of course, I've lost my composure too, otherwise I wouldn't have suggested directly following him."

"Hypnosis..." Eriri muttered, referring back to the topic of hypnosis they had discussed earlier in the bubble tea shop.

"Emotions drive thoughts, reason weakens, and behavior becomes uncontrollable. Am I… already in a hypnotized state?"

She wasn't asking Kasumigaoka Utaha but questioning herself.

The events in the dream, living a life with the person she loved, every moment and scene, were so clear and vivid in her mind.

Eriri became more confused the more she thought, scratching her head in frustration. Her hat fell off, and her dazzling golden hair fell naturally onto her shoulders.

"I just don't understand!"

Utaha watched Eriri's outburst quietly. While she appeared calm on the outside, her inner turmoil was no less than Eriri's.

Her dream's love story didn't end well like Eriri's.

When she discovered that her interactions with her husband during their student years were based on lies and schemes, her health deteriorated during pregnancy, leading to negative thoughts.

Her thoughts became trapped in a dead end, feeling deceived and doubting their entire relationship.

She made a decision that seemed extremely wrong in hindsight—she took their daughter and cut off contact with her husband, not even giving him a chance to explain face-to-face.

She left him unilaterally, foolishly, and selfishly.

After her death in the dream, her perspective changed. 

She saw her husband's panic when he found her departure letter, his despair when he couldn't find her, and his joy upon seeing their daughter return, followed by his profound sorrow upon learning of her death.

As a ghost, she stayed by her husband's side for countless days and nights, watching him appear cheerful and regain his dignity in front of their daughter, while secretly struggling to sleep each night with medication.

She felt sadness, heartache, and regret.

But the facts were irreversible, and she could only watch the situation unfold from a close distance without any ability to change it.

On their daughter's graduation day, she saw her husband's relieved smile, dragging his lifeless body and swallowing a whole bottle of sleeping pills.

She tried desperately to shout, to touch him with her non-existent body, to tell him that she didn't deserve him doing this, to live for their daughter and for himself.

But it was all in vain, as the breeze from the window was more apparent than her desperate reactions.

She could only watch her husband's breathing slow and his heart stop.

She, without a body, couldn't even shed tears.

"I, too, don't understand anything anymore…" Utaha's eyes were filled with sadness and melancholy.

On top of the utility pole beside them, a small crow blinked its black eyes, motionless in the setting sun's afterglow.

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