51: Thoughts After a Lifetime of Regret

Utaha had never been dissatisfied with her life. She had a smart mind, beautiful looks, and a proud figure.

Before experiencing that real, happy, and sad dream, she was certain her future life would continue smoothly.

But now, she had doubts.

Time cannot be reversed, and life doesn't offer a chance to start over. The regrets that have become facts can only be left in the past without a chance for remedy.

Yet the feeling of regret remained, clearly etched on her heart, causing a dull ache every time she thought about it.

Some things only become clear and regrettable after experiencing them and feeling the heart-wrenching pain.

Utaha hated her dream self. Even in the pale and frail final moments of illness, she couldn't summon a shred of sympathy for that self.

In fact, she felt that her dream self's continued awareness after death and presence as a ghost by Chisato's side was a punishment for her.

It forced her to watch the person she loved most end his life while she could do nothing.

Helpless? Regretful? Painful? Remorseful?

Feeling these emotions is right. They are the feelings experienced daily by the person who loves you in your absence.

These are the punishments for you—who made such foolish decisions and chose to escape from his side.

You took away your daughter's father's love, you deprived your lover of hope. You got what you deserved! Utaha received this implicit signal.

The novelist's thoughts began to wander, and her initial suspicions about hypnosis turned into a belief that perhaps these were experiences from a parallel world or a past life.

"She" died, regretted deeply, and used some mysterious power to cross dimensions and time, using dreams to remind herself, to reveal true love, and to hope she wouldn't make the same selfish and foolish choices.

Since just minutes ago, when Utaha saw him walking out of the school, her thoughts and emotions had completely escaped rational control.

She held Eriri's hand, stopping her from acting impulsively, believing she was still calm. Yet she was completely unaware that her initial plan to just observe from afar had vanished.

What replaced it was a firm resolve driven by the vivid dream life she had experienced.

No longer just sneaking around in the shadows, but wanting to stand in the open and interact with him.

If the real him is similar to the dream version, and if he could still fall in love with her at first sight, maybe she could truly do something...

This time, she would not be foolish and would not easily give up. She would recover the regret from the dream in reality!

"I don't understand either… but even so, we need to stay calm." Utaha bent down to pick up the hat that Eriri had dropped.

She gently brushed off the dust from the light green cap and carefully placed it back on Eriri's head.

"What do you mean?"

Eriri didn't notice that Kasumigaoka Utaha's expression had changed several times in the brief seconds they were observing.

Her entire attention was focused on the restaurant where Chisato had just entered. She strained her eyes to see, regretting not bringing binoculars on their way here.

Even though dreams don't necessarily reflect reality, the vividness of the dream made Eriri naturally feel angered.

After all, with such clear and realistic memories, she found herself easily identifying with the role of Chisato's wife.

So the situation now was that her "husband" was on what looked like a date with another girl who had appeared out of nowhere. 

This was an understandably infuriating and unacceptable scenario.

The remaining rational part of her mind kept reminding her that this was reality, and she had no relationship with Chisato in real life. 

They didn't even know each other. Thus, she shouldn't act impulsively.

But even with that understanding, she was still very angry!

At the very least, she wanted to get closer, to secretly position herself around their table, to overhear their conversation and confirm their relationship.

"Let's wait until they've ordered and their food is served. By then, they'll be focused on their meal, reducing our chances of being noticed," Utaha suggested.

Utaha also peeked around the street corner.

"… I thought you'd stop me from going in."

"I'm not stopping you. I just think we should choose the right moment. Right now, it's best not to let him see us because it's not the best time for a confrontation."

"… Okay."

For the first time, Eriri thought Utaha, who was usually harsh and sharp-tongued, wasn't so bad after all.

Standing on the same side, even though she was reluctant, she had to admit that Utaha's considerations were far more comprehensive than hers, which gave her a sense of great relief.

The choice of hat and mask, the selected observation point—all were suggestions given by Utaha.

Teaming up with a former rival didn't feel too bad after all.

The restaurant wasn't far, and they could clearly see that Chisato and the girl had just ordered and were now seated at a window-side table.

Eriri breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that Chisato and the girl were not sitting next to each other.

But Utaha's expression grew increasingly gloomy as she noticed some unusual signs about the girl.

The girl walked with a slightly abnormal gait, and her face occasionally showed signs of pain. Her thighs, wrapped in black stockings, seemed tense.

As a young girl herself, Kasumigaoka Utaha knew that if it were just a menstrual period, the girl wouldn't have such a reaction.

The only explanation could be that…

Utaha had experienced it clearly in her dream… the pain right after the first time and within a few days.

"Let's go. Their food has been served," Utaha said after observing.

Eriri, lost in thought, followed without saying a word.

After they left, a small crow landed on the ground but quickly flew back up into the blue sky.

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