Chapter 1: To live a ghosts life

My name is Nanandrophite, I like books, reading is fun, especially when people notice you. I am cold inside, but i have a sense of heart to me, i even heard my heart beat when i am quiet as can be. When I was younger i used to stab myself on the arm, because of relationships. I never had one, due to jealousy or loneliness i stabbed myself. Why feel bad when you feel numbed out. I never hurt nature so it was a part of me that i had to myself but also had me at times, from food or a form of nurture. I hurt myself it showed me not to do stuff that hurts, so i did not do those stuff. Still hurt myself but never because of nature because of my choice. 

One day, i remember this vividly, i walk to school. I always used to be atleast 15 minutes past the due time, not like that part of my life would have impact on me, i was twelve. A metallic scent from the walls we were stuck in is what i remember, and a systematic greeting of my neighbors. I barely knew them, but i had to say hello, they were like X's to me, who has an X in a word, its almost forgotten, but not the letter Z cuz that truly is the bottom grave, even worse than X. Its near the end of ones memories only one spec away from being left forgotten. 

I reach school, i hear the bell chime ding ding ding. I was there sitting near the corner where nature is present. I was hollow unnoticed, my arms bruised bloody and my teeth in cracks due to my tugging of my shirt it hurt alot. Then i see a girl as unnoticed as me, she is new but i never noticed her before. She comes to me, and greets me. This was the age when my mind was not a void it did not control me. 

Tick, tick, tick, tick the bell chimes in my ear.

Tick, at age fourteen our friendship both felt deep but also one sided. I had a feeling. At the same time at this age my mind was in ruins. Not because of her, but it had a strong power over me. I always saw myself running, running to the mirror but i see nothing only a reflection of the ocean and its shine and the clouds up above. My mind made it so that i had lost my sight, first X on the people i hate or dont remember and then X on all and everything. Our conversations were the only things i could see, because she did not get beaten down by my mind. But later on i would understand truly why. 

Cafe, its 15:14 the sun on the sky still so i brought an umbrella. I ate nothing at home but i brought some change so i can buy atleast. I wait always earlier than her, because i always reach earlier than her. She slowly became later and later as time went. 

Oh there you are, she says

Why do you forget we always come here, i respond

Well i have a bad memory you know that, she says

Okay no worries, i say as i look away

So nice weather today i hope dandelions show up, i tell a lie 

So why do you carry a stick with you all the time, she says

As a person she always got straight to the point and always noticed my diversions except the one about my half blindness. I never told her and my sight always made it hard to pinpoint such a defect. 

We were close but i would never say friends, even i could notice such a loss in interest. 

So how has your day been going, she says

Huh, i look confused

That was out of the blue, i respond

You look paler than before, she says

I will try eating more then, i respond

Why do you look away all the time, she asks

Your eyes are not pinpointed on a specific thing and what it is pointing at is not that interesting, she asks

Almost like you dont know where to look, she ends her argument

Its not like im blind i can see you cant i, i respond

Cut

It used to be like that, so you can understand why i loved her. She would do anything for me to be able to make my living divine. She was clumsy, yet straight, she had smoking yet never did it infront of me and i would also risk my life for her. 

If you have a problem you can tell me we can solve it together, she says

No worries, i respond

The world stopped for a moment, nothing moved it felt like. She even took out her hand, i responded with my hands contact. But her hands felt like nothing. 

Tick, age 16. I was barely settled, i had become blind. My interest for food had truly gone to flame. The reason i loved food was because i could see it. I could see the weather, and kicking down the dandelions was fun. My arms and teeth were no longer in shackles, because i could not see the relationships. But i could not stand it. It was easier standing up as compared to before, because it was quicker, now i have to control my balance. The word structure, it was better before, became my life. I could not even witness nature or books anymore. I started to see our friendship more as a burden. But i liked her enough to keep her. But her feelings towards me changed a bit. No, she still would not smoke in front of me, but she became later and later and our conversations became more dull, almost lifeless.

So there you are, i say

Sorry it took me that much time, she says

No worries, i say

Yeah, she responds

So hows your day been, i say

Good, she says

Good, i say

And after our meal its done we sit and after our meal we leave. She seemed less energetic but that could also have been due to time people change.

Tick, age 17. She still showed up, but later than usual and less talk. I had both grown an obsession with her and a burning hatred. She was the only person that ever recognised me. She was stone during conversations, the first person to greet me, she looked divine, but i fell for her once more to just. I no longer felt love but lust towards her, she had to be taken and preserved. But i also hated her enough to want to poison her, maybe i can get my eyesight back, my mind was in ruins. But i could never confront my feelings, i was sad, nothing pleased me anymore and even my answers to conversations seemed stale, but these feelings over masochism would not stray that easily. 

But as time ticked away. It was less that, we grew distant. She showed up less, til the five days she didnt show up at all. I ran to the streets hysterical to find her, i could not see a thing. All was black around my running. I bump, i stumble. Without an apology to the people i hurt, i get up and i run. My energy nonexistent. My arms and legs flailing, left and right over and over. I take a break, my tears making a flood of its own on the ground, i could not believe it she left me "NO NOO NOOOO", being able to have my sight again for a moment and see people walking and enjoying themselves with each other. I always held a knife with me when i got older, but my eyes returned in a second. I was suicidal til day one, now it will all pay off. I cut off my arm and for once i could see clearly something other than her, it was bloody and my pain would rush afterwards. I scream with white eyes and tears flooding, i was falling, i was in a coma and left in the hospital. The only time people care for me and i was unconscious to even see it, life is sad. 

Blink, i was in the hospital. It was age 19 when i lost my arm. I see nobody, syringes replenished my hunger. My eyes didnt have an ounce of color to them. On these nights, i remember three dreams that felt important to me. The first dream was about walking through a field of dandelions, but i am a ghost, whatever i touch doesn't connect. Day two my dream was about me running through a hallway of glass, i am all tuckered out almost breathless. I see my past in detail but i dont get why, then i wake up. In my last dream i finally get to touch the dandelions, in the field of dandelions, but i walk past them, i get a choice, one of blue sky and clouds up in the sky and one of the red burning place with gravel underneath. I thought i died, i woke up.

I saw her in these nights, we were talking, but it wasn't real. The pain was to much so i made a forced hallucination, that i was aware of. Every conversation i had felt fake, with fake responses. She was an X to me, and if it were to continue she would have been a Z. 

I couldn't take it, i woke up and i left that place. Why because i was suicidal, if i die due to this i will take the choice and do so. I run again, i see her, a hallucination. She runs and i run after her, almost like we are playing a mixture of tag and a dance. 

When i was running, it was almost like i was trying my best at capturing and preserving a hallucination i created. I did not love, i dont know what it was. I was swinging with her and thats all i remember. I didn't even know i was outside because of a glimpse i had gone outside of the territory we were stuck in. 

Theres a reason why we were stuck in metal. Because where i stand is where a monster lies, there are stations built around me. Each light they send, tho looking identical to the light sent by a lightbulb are dangerous and can disintegrate your flesh and bones, thats the myth and it might be true. As i run for shelter, i can finally see. What is this BULLCRAP, i cant take this. WHY DID MY MIND TAKE CONTROL OVER ME, WHY DID I CHOP MY ARM OFF, why didn't anybody notice or stop me. Was i born a monster, i say as i slowly fall down on my knees. Even who i loved left me, Why love me then. What did i do to decerve this torture. If i am gonna be tortured atleast look me in the eyes as you destroy me. That day i had turned into a monster. From a young age i saw a torturer as your greatest lover because they gave you the most attention, and whats better is the turmoil that makes a relationship deeper than it already is, they hurt you, made you cry the turmoil that makes all relationships a reality. A deeper relationship is such, but the best of all they are with you in those times of pleas and cries for help. Thats what true love is a turmoil nothing more. 

Crack

AAAAAAAHHHH, i grabbed my hair and pulled it straight out. I had white eyes of anger, and truly saw myself as a black beast, i was no longer a human. I WAS A BEAST TO BE FEARED. 

Meanwhile

The monster was not the light i spoke of, it was the beast that lies within the lights. It can be seen during the lights passings, the fearful lights not regular lights, and with one touch it can turn you to ash. 

I was dead there on because my mind took control over me, i was a void of myself. Could not even speak a word or syllable. So i relied on a beasts instincts. 

Cut

The two creatures met at last. As the two beasts clashed, the ground around them vanished. The monster that once was nanandrophite took deadly primative instincts attacking the neck. 

It all started with a growl, he screams. Charging left and right step step step and boom. An explosion appears. The creature named void attack viciously. First three swings to the neck, left, right and then left again. But one touch is what had to be avoided, so he ducks and jumps to kick. But his leg gets grabbed on. He gets swung on and the fight over in a second, void nearly loses a leg and his there barely able to get up, trying his best to run away if possible. Now he hears pops on the side of his ear, pop pop and pop and then three explostions appear each one as deadly as the last and getting closer til the last explosion an inch away puts the void on a new coma. Flung above the ground flying across til he comes inside an abandoned building crashing against the wall inside, with cracks on his back put to rest once more. 

The beast can manipulate light, it was stupid to pick a fight. The void wakes up, and an uneasy feeling comes up. He was put to rest, and his body was under shut down, nothing but the breeze could touch him. Days would pass and it would feel like seconds, body under shutdown. It was either him or hunger that kills you. You could sense the creatures presence, the cracks on the floor, due to the lethal lights, and the sound you make was how it could see you so understanding the game was necessary. 

Day 1 log

The presence of the cracks, the attempts to make no sound. Hunger was no issue but the dense atmosphere would be for the void, almost unbreathable.

Day 2 log

Coughs of blood, and hunger almost killing the beast. The creature did not make its 

appearance this day but day three would be the closest to death any beast had ever reached. 

Day 3 log

The beast known as void woke up from a dream about dandelions, no footsteps but pain could be felt. His legs were in bones. Turns out his sleep made to many sounds through his breathing during deep sleep, the beast in fear, could sense the creature through the acid like footsteps printed on the ground, the void rips out a big chunk of his own skin to gain energy and takes a run. All that could be heard was the beast nearing the creature due to footsteps and creeks, and the creatures dog like whimpering, the creature known as void was in fear. The void loses control for a second, and Nanandrophite takes a big tug on his tongue letting the teeth cut his tongue off. But the falling tongue only happens after the teeth had penetrated and stayed stable for a mere 10 seconds, no sound and no moving, the creature was off and the void was safe.