Chapter 13: survivors Guilt

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Barry was standing in a field of corn, although he had no recollection of how he got there. Then, a familiar voice, a melody Barry was sure he would never hear again, spoke up behind him.

"My sweet boy."

Barry's heart stopped. He turned around to see the smiling face of his mother.

"Mom?" Barry asked, his voice trembling as he stared at her.

"Barry…how could you do this? How could you let him do that to me?" Nora asked betrayed as she stared at her son sadly.

Before Barry could even begin to comprehend what she was saying, Nora gasped as a vibrating hand plunged itself through her chest.

"NOW WHO'S THE VILLIAN FLASH?! NOW WHO'S THE VILLIAN?!"Eobard Thawne screeched.

Avengers compound, med bay

Morning

"No, no!" Barry, lying on a bed with wire hooked up to him, began thrashing around in his sleep as Steve and Clint rushed over.

"Barry, Barry it's alright. You're safe here!" Steve said but Barry, still asleep, lashed out.

"No, mom!" Barry cried out as he fought them but Steve and Clint pinned him to the bed, each of them holding one arm to the bed as Barry continued to thrash.

"Wake up kid, wake up!" Clint shouted and it reached Barry.

His eyes snapped open, breathing heavily as he seemed to realize where he was.

"Why are you holding me down?" Barry asked breathlessly.

"Let's just say you were having one hell of a nightmare kid." Clint said as he and Steve let him go.

"How long have I been out?" Barry asked as he sat up, trying to unscramble his thoughts.

"Eight hours. What's the last thing you remember?" Steve asked carefully.

"…Cindy, my assistant, she's-" Barry began frantically as it all came back to him.

"The mole, we know. Relax Allen." Clint told him as he placed a hand on his shoulder, attempting to calm the speedster.

"She was the one who knocked you out." Steve said and Barry sighed.

"You think you know people." Barry grumbled.

"You weren't being guarded that well. Any idea why?" Steve inquired.

"Probably because they got what they wanted," Barry said guiltily and they looked at him confused, "They injected me with something called The Red Death."

"The Red Death?" Clint said alarmed.

"You've heard of it?" Steve inquired and Clint nodded.

"Nat told me about it; it's some KGB integration drug that tortures the person injected mentally." Clint explained and Steve frowned as he looked over at Barry.

"Are you alright?" Steve asked concerned and Barry shook his head.

"Not particularly. Every time they touched me, I felt like I was reliving an injury from my past. They kept at it for thirty minutes. I barely even remember saying it." Barry said guilty.

"Saying what?" Clint inquired.

"That I was working for Captain America," Barry confessed, unable to look at them, "I'm sorry Steve, I let you down."

"You didn't let me down Barry," Steve said as he placed ah and on Barry's shoulder, "Anyone would have broken under those circumstances. But there is some good that's come out of this."

"We've got one of them here. Hopefully it'll get us some answers." Clint added.

In a locked room, Natasha sat at a table, a dark haired man in his mid-twenties sitting across from her. She knew he wasn't going to try to escape, he had nowhere to go. And even if he did, they both knew he couldn't make it passed the other Avengers.

"So, Hydra," Natasha began and the man shot her a black look, "what do you want? Enhanced strength is pretty low on the Hydra bucket list. So, what are you really after?"

"Hail Hydra." The man said as he glared at her and Natasha shrugged.

"Suit yourself. You don't wanna do this the easy way; we can do this the hard way." Natasha said, looking at the one way glass and nodding.

Behind the glass, Wanda waved her hands in a circular motion as they glowed with a red energy.

Inside the room, the man's eyes glowed red as he saw the room fade away. He looked around in horror as he was now in a waste land, decimated and bodies littered the area.

He stood up, terrified as a metal arm grabbed him around the throat and lifted him up into the air.

"Humans, such pitiful creatures. Now, you will cooperate or things will not end well for you. Do you understand?" Ultron said as he tightened his grip on the man's neck.

The room was filled with the man's screams as Natasha smirked.

"So, ready to talk now?" Natasha asked casually as the man was tormented by the vision only he could see.

In his room, Barry had changed clothes and was buttoning his shirt when a voice spoke up behind him.

"Not a bad place you got here." Barry turned around to see Harrison Wells walking around the room, looking around as if to size it up.

"Harry?" Barry asked and the man gave a sadistic chuckle.

"Not quite." He said sadistically and Barry knew who this was.

"Thawne. Of course, because why not?" Barry said sarcastically and Thawne smirked.

"You thought I was a monster for what I did to your mother and father. But compared to what you did to everyone you love, I'm practically a saint." Thawne taunted him.

"You're not real, you're in my head. You're in my head." Barry muttered as he held ahis hands over his ears in an attempt to block out Thawne's voice.

"Oh, I'm in your head all right, but I'm very real. My dear ancestor Eddie sacrificed himself to stop me, to save you. But when you went back into time to save mommy dearest, you made his sacrifice meaningless." Thawne continued to taunt Barry as he walked up to his shoulder.

"Shut up, shut up!" Barry shouted, closing his eyes tightly as he tried to block out Thawne's voice.

"Barry?"

Barry's eyes opened and he looked over his shoulder. Thawne was gone and Sam stood in the doorway, looking at him in concern.

"Sam." Barry breathed as he lowered his hands to his side.

"You okay?" Sam asked as heh walked inside.

"No," Barry shook his head, "I'm…seeing things."

"Does this have anything to do with that Red Death thing Hydra injected you with? Steve told me," Sam explained and Barry nodded, "what are you seeing man?"

"People from my past, basically they're all telling me the same thing: that I'm plague to those around me, that I bring pain, suffering, and death to everyone I come into contact with." Barry sighed.

"You don't really believe that man. Do you?" Sam asked as he looked at his friend in concern.

"I don't know what to believe, but I know I hurt a lot of people, especially those I love, when I changed the timeline." Barry sighed wearily.

"This isn't just about Flashpoint," Sam said and Barry looked at him incredulously," Okay, it's a lot about Flashpoint, but that's not what's really bothering you. I've known you for a few months now, and I think I know what's really bothering you."

"Yeah? What's that?" Barry asked sarcastically.

"You haven't forgiven yourself for what happened to your mom when you were a kid," Sam said and Barry stared at him incredulously, "it's called Survivor's guilt. I know because I've suffered from it myself. You blame yourself for what happened to her. And everything else that's happened since."

"It was my fault. Thawne went back to kill me and, when my future self saved me, he killed her instead." Barry said his voice full of self-loathing.

"You were eleven years old Barry, you couldn't do anything about it then. Your mom died because of the actions of a psychopath. It wasn't your fault Barry. You're not a god. Bad things happen; it's just part of life." Sam told him before someone knocked on the door.

"Am I interrupting?" Steve asked as he lingered in the doorway.

"No," Barry said quickly before Sam could saw anything, "Did you want something Steve?"

"Yeah," Steve said after looking back and forth between his two friends for a moment, "Everyone is meeting in the conference room in ten minutes. Wanda and Nat got Cindy's man to crack. They know what she and her Hydra cell are really after."

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