Fragments of the past

Alisia stared at the blue light of her computer screen, her fingers idly tapping the keys. The once-familiar sounds of her favorite games filled the room, but they no longer brought her the joy they used to. What had once been a sanctuary of fun and excitement now felt like a distraction—a way to escape the constant gnawing emptiness that had crept into her life since her brother's death.

She clicked through the menu of a game she'd played hundreds of times before but couldn't bring herself to start another round. Instead, she scrolled mindlessly, her mind drifting back to how everything had changed.

In the beginning, after David's death, Alisia had lost interest in nearly everything. Days blurred together in a haze of grief and numbness. She barely spoke to anyone, including her father, who had thrown himself into the grocery store he owned, working late into the nights and leaving early in the mornings. Their once vibrant home had turned into a silent place filled with unspoken sorrow.

It wasn't just the absence of her brother that weighed heavily on her—it was the unresolved feelings between them. Their last interaction had been an argument. A small, petty fight over something as trivial as a piece of cake. But now, that moment felt monumental. She hadn't had the chance to make things right, to tell David she was sorry, to tell him she loved him.

It wasn't long after his funeral that she withdrew completely. Her once easygoing attitude toward school shifted. Instead of hanging out with friends after class or participating in extracurricular activities, Alisia began to pour herself into her studies, her focus narrowing on one goal: to make David proud.

Programming had been something David had always encouraged her to explore. He had been the one to introduce her to coding when she was younger, sitting beside her as they built small projects on their shared laptop. He'd patiently explained the logic behind the code, guiding her through the process. Now, she felt like learning everything she could about programming was the only way to honor his memory.

While her classmates coasted through assignments, Alisia pushed herself harder. She took advanced online courses outside of school, learning more than what was offered in her curriculum. At first, it was just a way to feel closer to David, to keep that part of him alive, but over time, it became an obsession. Coding became her escape, her way of silencing the emotions she couldn't handle. It was a language she could control, a world where things made sense—where problems could be solved with logic and precision.

In between long hours of studying, Alisia dove into gaming. But unlike before, when gaming had been a fun way to bond with friends, it now served a different purpose. She played obsessively, not for enjoyment but to lose herself in a virtual world where she didn't have to think about her real life. Each victory, each level-up, provided a fleeting sense of achievement—an artificial high that distracted her from the overwhelming grief she felt in her waking hours.

Her father didn't seem to notice her change. He, too, was drowning in his own way. The grocery store had become his escape, and the distance between them grew wider with each passing day. They spoke in passing, their conversations limited to small talk about school or work. The once warm and lively household now felt like a cold, empty space, devoid of any meaningful interaction.

It was as if David had been the glue that held them together. Without him, the house seemed quieter, the days longer. They were both drifting, lost in their own worlds, unable to find a way back to each other.

Alisia sighed, leaning back in her chair. She had just completed an advanced module on artificial intelligence, a subject that had fascinated her for months. Her grades in school had skyrocketed, especially in computer programming and other STEM subjects. Teachers were impressed, and her classmates were in awe of her dedication. But none of that mattered to Alisia. She wasn't doing it for accolades or praise. She was doing it because it was the only thing that made her feel like she hadn't lost everything.

It was strange how life had shifted so completely in such a short time. Before David's death, she had been like any other kid, balancing school, friends, and fun without a second thought. But now, her life was a narrow tunnel, focused only on studies and gaming, with no room for anything—or anyone—else.

Her phone buzzed, snapping her out of her thoughts. A message from a classmate, asking if she wanted to hang out that weekend. Alisia stared at the screen, her fingers hovering over the keyboard before she typed a quick reply: Can't. Busy with some extra projects. It was a lie, of course. She wasn't working on anything specific, but the thought of going out, pretending everything was normal, exhausted her.

Instead, she turned back to her computer, diving back into her studies, blocking out everything else. She didn't even notice the time pass until the sun had dipped below the horizon and her room was shrouded in darkness, lit only by the glow of her monitor.

There were times, late at night when the quiet of the house became unbearable, that Alisia would allow herself to remember David—not the pain of his loss, but the memories of him alive, vibrant, full of life. She remembered the way he used to ruffle her hair, teasing her for being such a bookworm, or the times they would stay up late, playing video games together, laughing until their sides hurt.

She missed him. More than she could ever put into words.

But missing him didn't change the fact that he was gone.

Another notification pinged from her phone, but this time it wasn't a classmate. It was an email, and Alisia frowned as she clicked it open. It was from her programming tutor, offering her an opportunity to work on a collaborative project with some higher-level students. Normally, she would have been thrilled at the offer, eager to prove herself in a more challenging environment. But now, as she stared at the screen, she felt… nothing.

Even her passion for programming was starting to feel like a hollow pursuit. She was pouring all her energy into it, but it still couldn't fill the void that David's death had left behind. Nothing could.

She shut her laptop with a snap, frustration bubbling up inside her. What was the point of all this? The coding, the gaming, the hours spent alone in her room—it was all just a distraction. A way to avoid the reality she didn't want to face.

But deep down, Alisia knew that this wasn't sustainable. She couldn't keep burying herself in work and games forever. Eventually, she would have to confront her grief, talk to her father, and figure out how to live in a world without David.

But not tonight.

Tonight, she just wanted to disappear into the digital world for a little while longer.

She booted up her favorite game, the familiar sounds filling her headphones as the screen flashed to life. For the next few hours, she would immerse herself in this world—one where her brother wasn't gone, where she wasn't broken, and where, for a brief moment, everything felt okay.

As the hours slipped by, Alisia lost herself in the game, the weight of the real world falling away. But no matter how deep she dove into her distractions, there was always a part of her that remained tethered to the loss. David's absence was like a shadow, always lurking at the edges of her consciousness, no matter how hard she tried to outrun it.

And as much as she hated to admit it, she knew that no amount of coding, gaming, or studying would ever truly make it go away.