Trying to let go of the past

Alisia sat on the edge of her bed, staring at the messages on her phone. Her friends had been nagging her for weeks to go out with them, to do something fun outside of school. At first, she had ignored their invitations, always coming up with an excuse—too busy with her projects, not feeling well, or just needing time alone. But now, as she looked at their latest messages, she felt a small tug of something she hadn't felt in a long time.

Come on, Alisia. It's been ages since you've been out with us! You're always buried in your work. Just one day, please?

We're going to the amusement park this weekend, and it won't be the same without you!

You need a break, seriously. Just come. It'll be fun, I promise.

Alisia sighed and tossed her phone onto the bed, running her fingers through her hair. They weren't wrong. She hadn't seen her friends outside of school for months. Ever since David died, she had withdrawn from everyone and everything, pouring herself into her studies and gaming to keep herself from feeling anything too deeply. The idea of going out, of pretending to be normal again, felt exhausting, but maybe… maybe it was time to try.

With another sigh, she picked up her phone and typed out a response.

Okay. I'll go.

The moment she hit send, she felt a wave of anxiety, but there was no turning back now. Her friends responded with an onslaught of excited emojis and exclamation points, already planning the day ahead.

The amusement park was as lively and chaotic as Alisia had expected. The air was thick with the smell of popcorn, cotton candy, and fried food, while the sounds of excited screams from roller coasters and laughter from the crowds filled the air. Bright lights flashed from every direction, and children ran around with stuffed animals and balloons.

She stood at the entrance, watching the chaos unfold in front of her as her friends eagerly pulled her toward the ticket booth.

"I can't believe you actually came!" Claire, her best friend since middle school, grinned at her. "I was starting to think you'd forgotten what fresh air felt like."

Alisia forced a smile, feeling the awkwardness settle in. "Yeah, well… I thought it was time to get out for a bit."

As they moved through the park, her friends chattered excitedly about which rides to try first, their laughter echoing through the bustling crowd. Alisia stayed mostly quiet, nodding along and smiling when appropriate, but her mind was elsewhere. Every now and then, she found herself thinking of David—how he would have been the one leading the charge, excitedly dragging her to the biggest roller coasters, daring her to take on the scariest rides.

It felt strange to be here without him.

The first few rides went by in a blur. Her friends shrieked with laughter as they spun around on the teacups, and Claire even managed to convince her to go on a massive roller coaster, one that left her stomach in knots. Alisia couldn't deny there were moments of genuine enjoyment—the adrenaline, the thrill of the rides—but there was also a constant undercurrent of sadness, like a weight in the pit of her stomach she couldn't shake.

She caught herself looking around the park every now and then, half expecting to see David's familiar face in the crowd, his playful grin as he teased her about being scared of the rides. But, of course, he wasn't there. He never would be again.

By the time they stopped for lunch, Alisia was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. They found a small bench near one of the food stands, and her friends eagerly dug into their snacks. Claire handed her a slice of pizza, and Alisia took it with a grateful smile, though her appetite was nearly nonexistent.

"You okay?" Claire asked, her brow furrowing as she watched Alisia pick at her food. "You've been pretty quiet."

Alisia shrugged, forcing another smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just… I guess I'm not used to all this anymore."

Claire's expression softened, and she gave Alisia a gentle nudge with her elbow. "I get it. It's been rough for you. But I'm glad you're here, really. We've missed you."

"Thanks," Alisia murmured, looking down at her pizza. "I've missed you guys too."

And she had, in a way. She had missed the simplicity of it all—hanging out with her friends, laughing, and having fun. But everything felt different now, like she was watching from the outside, unable to fully engage. Still, she appreciated their efforts to bring her back into the fold, even if it wasn't quite the same for her.

After lunch, they continued through the park, trying a few more rides and games. They even won a few stuffed animals at the ring toss, which Claire promptly shoved into Alisia's arms, declaring them as prizes for her triumphant return to the group. It was silly, and Alisia couldn't help but laugh, the weight in her chest lightening just a little.

By the time the sun began to set, they had exhausted most of the attractions. The lights in the park flickered on, casting a warm glow over the crowd as they started to wind down for the evening.

"Okay, so…" Claire said, glancing at her phone. "There's one more stop we're making tonight."

Alisia raised an eyebrow. "Another ride?"

"Not exactly," Claire grinned. "Ryan's parents are out of town for the weekend, and he's throwing a party. We're all invited."

Alisia hesitated. A party? That was definitely not what she had in mind when she agreed to come out today. The amusement park was one thing, but a party with a bunch of people she barely knew?

"Come on, you'll love it," Claire insisted, sensing her hesitation. "It's just a small gathering. You don't have to stay long if you don't want to, but you should at least come for a bit. I promise it won't be as bad as you think."

Alisia sighed, glancing at the others, who were nodding in agreement, clearly excited about the idea. She had already come this far. What was one more stop?

"Okay, fine," she relented. "I'll come."

Ryan's house was exactly what Alisia had expected—large, expensive, and meticulously kept. It was clear his family was well-off, the kind of wealth that was casual but unmistakable. The front yard alone looked like something out of a catalog, with perfectly manicured bushes and a sleek modern design.

When they arrived, the party was already in full swing. Music blared from the speakers, and groups of people milled about in the spacious living room, drinks in hand. Alisia immediately felt out of place.

Claire grabbed her hand and dragged her inside before she had a chance to protest, weaving through the crowd with practiced ease. Alisia followed reluctantly, her nerves spiking as the noise and energy of the party surrounded her.

"Here," Claire said, handing her a soda from the drink table. "Just relax, okay? Have some fun."

Alisia took the drink with a small nod, but she couldn't help feeling like an outsider looking in. She had never been the party type, and after everything that had happened with David, the idea of socializing in a setting like this felt overwhelming.

Still, she stuck by Claire's side as they moved through the room, exchanging pleasantries with people Alisia barely knew. She smiled when necessary, laughed at jokes that weren't funny, and tried her best to blend in, but it was hard. Her mind kept wandering, back to David, back to the silence of her house, back to the life she had been living for the past several months.

She glanced out one of the large windows, watching the lights of the city flicker in the distance. For a brief moment, she considered leaving, slipping out the door and disappearing into the night, back to the safety of her room, her computer, her games.

But something stopped her. Maybe it was Claire's insistence, or maybe it was the small part of her that knew she couldn't keep hiding forever. Whatever it was, she stayed, determined to see the night through.

As the evening wore on, Alisia found herself gradually easing into the atmosphere. It wasn't as bad as she had expected—there were moments when she even found herself enjoying the conversation, laughing along with her friends. It wasn't the kind of joy she used to feel, but it was something.

And for now, something was enough.