pressuresore

I want to die peacefully. I still haven't come to terms with death but I've always thought about it. 

It all started with life. I wondered what life is. What would you consider a wonderful life? What does it mean to live your life to the fullest? How do you achieve it? As I was looking for answers for these questions, I saw death as an easier way of doing things. 

With death, you won't struggle with food, clothes, or any basic necessities. With death, you won't have to think about what tomorrow may bring again. There will be no molesters. There will be no one to call you stupid. And no one to tell you how much you're lacking.

I haven't made peace with death but, we're talking. Death, how do I die peacefully?

How To Die Peacefully

*Warning! Signs of abuse ahead. If any of you encountered any type of abuse, please ask for help immediately.*

I was born a smart kid. I excelled in everything. I was able to read and and write faster than any kids. I can even read between the lines. A consistent honor student, that's who I was. I was the best. Life as a kid, was easy. Until it wasn't.

It happened when relatives from my mother's side visited at home. There were a lot of them. There were good people and an animal.

They stayed at home for a few days. I enjoyed it because, who doesn't like crowds? Definitely not me. I loved the energy, the noise, everything. I especially loved it because having visitors meant having much more delicious foods. I want chicken! The drumsticks.

We played a lot. We did a lot of things. We visited the river, the mountains, and the bridge! It was beautiful. They were all beautiful. I played a lot and spent a lot of energy doing things that makes sense to kids but not to an adult.

With all my energy spent, I need to eat again. Of course, I still want the chicken, the drumsticks. Now, I need to sleep, because who doesn't? You, the one who's reading this at 2 am in the morning while thinking about the devil's hour or something.

Moving on, with all these people and limited number of small rooms. We were all bound to sleep together. In my room was me and my cousin, a very good boy they said. He was 8 years older than me but he was a really good teenager. He was diligent and responsible. I thought so too.

In the middle of the night, I woke up but not really, later on as I grew into an adult, I found out it's called being groggy. Anyway, where was I again? Ah, yes! I remember now, he molested me. Oh wait, what? I don't know. I know I felt something moving in my genitals. Maybe it was a dog wondering what a cat was doing there. Or, did I remember wrongly? Wait, what happened that night. I felt like I lost something? What was it? Anyway, I was scared. So I slept it off.

Then I woke up. It hurts down there. Hmm? Why am I bleeding? Mom!!! What should I do? I might die! She was happy, they all were. It turns out, I was going to be a real lady. Yey! But, mom, it hurts. It's very painful. So, she told me what to do. I washed my face with my blood, it was actually called a menarche. I also had to jump down 3 steps of stairs. Yeah, it was all because of those superstitious beliefs.

After all those, I saw my cousin helping with the household chores. He's really a good kid. He even smiles at me. But, why can't I like him? Why am I so wary of him? I'm scared. I don't want to look at him.

They left that same day. BYE UNCLES! AUNTIES! and cousin. I enjoyed their stay and I wanted them to stay longer just yesterday, but, why do I feel so relieved?

The next day, I didn't bleed anymore. I was told it's usually 3 days but it varies for every women. I'm a woman now, hihi.

This is only the beginning