pressuresore

I want to die peacefully. I still haven't come to terms with death but I've always thought about it. 

It all started with life. I wondered what life is. What would you consider a wonderful life? What does it mean to live your life to the fullest? How do you achieve it? As I was looking for answers for these questions, I saw death as an easier way of doing things. 

With death, you won't struggle with food, clothes, or any basic necessities. With death, you won't have to think about what tomorrow may bring again. There will be no molesters. There will be no one to call you stupid. And no one to tell you how much you're lacking.

I haven't made peace with death but, we're talking. Death, how do I die peacefully?

How To Die Peacefully

I'm now preparing for my graduation speech. I unsurprisingly became the valedictorian. Good thing that I had a competition this grade 6. It's my friend, Ezra. She was the top student during the first quarter. I was scolded by mom because of her. Good thing that I got it back or else I might get compared to her my older siblings again who never got their place stolen.

The speech actually wasn't done by me, it was prepared by my teacher, fortunately. I don't know how to make a speech, okay? Did I say she was my mentor for my poem in Grade 1, my oration in Grade 4, and all the science and math quiz bees from Grade 1 to 6? Anyway, she was very strict. But, she taught me a lot of things. She taught me how to pronounce poem and little. She also taught me the 8 parts of speech. Thank you ma'am!

Then again, she's really scary when she's teaching. I still don't remember the speech. Ugh. Whatever, it's not like I'll be stripped off my award just because I don't remember it. So, here I am walking up the stage with script in hand. Sorry not sorry ma'am. You know just how bad I am at memorization.

I'm now standing on the podium, avoiding her gaze. And I say, to all our guests... etc. –because I forgot what the script says – Welcome. To summarize, I welcomed everyone and said some things I don't remember. My teacher, also the emcee said that my "Welcome" was the most underwhelming welcoming she's heard. She said it in a funny way so everyone laughed, I did too. She never really fails to teach me even during our graduation.

After everything else, we were all walking home when my mom asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. As an Asian not knowing the stereotypes, I wanted to be a doctor. Anyway, the stereotypes are true, at least for me.

After this is finally THE vacation. The long awaited one. Hmm... Why can't I remember this part? What happened after?

I wanted to be a doctor. Then it was vacation. Then... Oh, I remember. My cousins visited. They were really great people. We went to the mountains and they made a hut there. Though, I always go home first, I have a sensitive skin.

At home, they, my cousins and older sisters talked. I don't understand them, they're speaking my mother's language. How ironic, my mother tongue is not my mother's language lol. For some, I think they call it native tongue? I'm not sure. I might just call it my father's tongue.

There are times when they all go out and I'm alone at home with one of my cousins. He was always talking to me, I even feel guilty when I'm talking to him because I don't like him but he's always talking to me. I just can't get myself to like him. Ugh, I'm such a bad person.

Welcome but not really