Thursday

He wasn't an idiot, he knew Miller wasn't the best person or the ideal lover. But as they sat together in silence, Miller's careless attitude present, he felt his heart ache.

Victor had woken up that morning at 05:36 AM due to Tempers loud snoring. The night prior they had binge watched true crime documentaries, engaged in active conversation about anything. At one point they spoke about the likelihood of aliens and if they have any business with the government, something Temper was extremely passionate about. Now he is in study hall after waiting half the school day to see Miller.

Inside he smiled but tried keeping his cool as he breathed out and finally tapped on Miller's shoulder. "Hi Miller!"

Who turned around with no effort to look graceful, "Oh hey Vic."

"So how was the party?" As he leans against Miller's shoulders and pushes their tables closer together.

"Oh, it was chill." 

"Oh yeah? What did you guys do?"

"Nothing much." He replied. 

"Oh..do you want-"

Miller raised his hand dismissively, effectively cutting him off, "No offense, I don't really want to talk right now."

Victor stared at him in hurt shock, "I- Oh! I'm sorry- I didn't mean to bother you." He closed his mouth firmly but spoke again after a few seconds. "...Are you mad at me?"

"No, dude. I'm just hungover, okay?"

Silence fell onto them both. "Okay." Victor finally spat out. 

The rest of the day was like that, Victor dragged his feet against the hallway tiles and sighed. He looked at Miller, looking for the briefest look of guilt, of… whatever he saw in Miller's eyes a few days ago. But Miller stared into the distance, with a cold dark glare, Victor squeezed his hand regardless. At one point Miller looked at Victor's direction and Victor smiled, for a second he thought he saw signs of life but then Miller frowned and looked away.

The day went on like that , Miller progressively growing more annoyed with Victor's clinginess, dropping more snarky comments.

Around the end of the day, Victor clung onto his sweater and waited for Miller to catch up with him but when Miller appeared he appeared side to side with nobody other than Kendrick. Kendrick was wearing a matching pink hoodie and pants, and he was smiling mischievously while Miller spoke to him. He was smiling too, he wasn't smiling all day but he's smiling now. Victor tapped his foot impatiently, feeling jealous. Like he could fight Kendrick right there, but he wouldn't.

"Oh hey Victor,," Miller giggled. "Why do you look like you wanna kill yourself?"

Victor's mouth fell in shock. "Are you high?" Miller gasped and giggled, looking at Kendrick then back at Victor, "Ummm no."

"Uh oh." Kendrick elbowed Miller, laughing silently. "Your bitch is mad."

"Sorry Vicky." Miller sighed jokingly. "Are you mad?"

"What, Im- What?" He stuttered over the words. Bitch? Vicky? Mad? This was all just thrown on him and he wasn't ready for any of this. "I'm sorry, I'm not mad. Just extremely-"

Pause. "INCREDIBLY, confused. I thought we were gonna go get ice cream, Miller?"

Miller's eyes widened,"Oh my god I totally forgot. We can still go if you want. Or, or.. Or if you don't want to, then I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

"No, I mean yes. Let's go" Turning around. "Are you joining us?"

Kendrick scoffed, "I dunno, dude, should I?"

"Yesssss let's go."

Victor rolled his eyes hurt. "Uh."

"I'm not gonna hold you, I don't want to go get yogurt." He said the word yogurt in a mocking tone..

"Oh let's do something else."

"Let's go back to my place bro."

Victor moved baffled towards Miller's side, "I don't know, Miller, I was really looking forward to eating ice cream."

Miller stood still looking dazed but clearly deep in thought. "Yeah, yeah, yeah.. I promised her I'd go to Pattys after school for like a few days now."

Her. Did he just say to her?

Kendrick deflated, "Okay dude, I'd see you later then, dude." He fist bumped Miller, the disappointment evident on his face. "C'ya, good luck."

"Thanks."

After a few moments, they were finally alone. Filled with irritation and hurt, Victor hit Miller's arm, earning a wince and a gasp. "What the hell?" 

"What the hell? What the hell, you!"

"What??" He squinted.

"Vicky is not my nam-"

"Neither is Victor."

Silence. The weight of Miller's words set in, Victor turned away from him then the next moment he walked away. His eyes began to burn and Miller finally processed what he said.

"Vic, wait." He followed. "I'm sorry, I'm high. I'm sorry I'm high."

Keeping up the pace, Victor realized he was walking in the opposite direction of his house. "Leave me alone, you-"

Suddenly he was being yanked back, "Ah?!"

"Stop running away for one damn second." Miller said quietly, and slowly. He kept his grip on Victor, still tight, Victor began to worry it might bruise. "I'm sorry, Okay? It's just Kendricks kinda old school and I don't want to have an argument with him about transgender stuff and pronouns and blah blah blah." He went on poorly, his grip getting lighter. "I have to call you something different around him but that's it, okay? You're Victor, you know that. I know that. So why does it matter if he doesn't, y'know?"

He swatted at a fly with his other hand, following it with his eyes clearly trying to avoid Victor's gaze. He continued, "I know I know, it's a dick head move to still be friends with him knowing he's this and that." Homophobic, transphobic. "But I never claimed to NOT be a dickhead, and he's really cool really. But I'm sorry, okay? So please let me make it up to you. I'll buy you two scoops." He sighed.

He weighed his two options, stayed angry at Miller, and lost their time together. Or look past the transgressions. He chose the latter, "Okay fine, but I don't want to hang out with him anymore so you're gonna have to find a way to keep him away from me"

Releasing his grip, he sighs, "Okay I can try."

The two of them stood silently for a moment, letting the heaviness in the air consume them both. Miller was trying to look sober but failed, Victor noticed every sway and every time he closed his eyes for longer than 2 seconds. This wasn't something he wanted to see. He decided, "I think I'm going to go home." He doesn't spare Miller another glance because he knows if he does, he's gonna want to stay. "Bye…. Text me."

"Wait."

"What?"

"I do want to get ice cream with you," He pleaded, "Please, Victor."

He looks back, with a solemn smile, "Fine."

Miller leans in and coddles Victor, "Thank you, baby"

The rest of the date went over slowly for Victor but fast for Miller. He was completely unaware of Victor's hurt feelings as he chased the high that quickly died down as time went by. He realized he'd have to purchase his own pen to feel this way consistently but first he had to win over Victor because as he sobered up the more he began to regret everything he's said and done.

It was when Miller was walking down the street alongside Victor, heading towards Victor's house that he decided to finally speak up. "What are we?"

Victor stopped dead in his tracks, "What do you mean?"

"What are we? Because we act like a couple. I mean we haven't kissed yet- but we cuddle, we hold hands, walk eachother homes. Well I- I walk you home. And I wouldn't mind if we kissed." He grabs Victor in the exact same way he did earlier but softer, "And You act like my boyfriend."

Victor opens his mouth slightly but he has nothing to say. Miller continues, "So? What are we?"

Victor feels his heart race and his cheeks burn, "What do you want us to be?"

"Boyfriends." Miller doesn't waste a second.

"So ask me." 

A few seconds go by, "Victor, do you want to be my boyfriend?"

"Yes."