Chapter 20

*Leonel's POV*

The first time I met Qian, it was underneath the scorching sun and under the shade of the tree, she looked as if she was the youngest of us. Qian was attractive, charming and she might be quiet but her aura attracts everyone around her. It was so easy to be comfortable around her that's how she piqued my interest.

So when I had the chance to get her number and ask for her help, I immediately grabbed it. But I didn't know jealousy would easily grasp my emotions. Pierce was handsome, dashing and 6 feet tall while me? I wouldn't even dare compare.

But then Qian said that he was a friend and that made me want to push things further. Because believe it or not, I already liked Qian. For all of the things that made her, I was starting to fall for it. 

Contrary to what I knew, she was headstrong, hard-headed and stubborn but for all the right reasons and she was a mystery that I wanted to get to know better. Because I knew that she had monsters underneath her bed, tucked in so carefully you wouldn't even dare see it.

But I messed it up. 

I ignored and avoided her all because I was insecure of the men around her. I saw the way she conversed with Pierce and it hit me, no matter what I would never be an equal for her. She was an amazing woman and I was a messed up man. I would only hurt her.

But when Paulo came in and out of the scene, I knew something was wrong. When I saw Qian flinched and hid her arms. When I realized that she was trying very hard not to flinch at a man's touch, I saw red.

Paulo did something and I got my answer when I went to confront him. I never told Qian that. I didn't want to scare her away because I would become violent only for her. I messed up Paulo and had to avoid Qian for months just to avoid the feeling of guilt.

If I hadn't avoided Qian, Paulo would have never had the courage to talk to her and that day would have never happened. 

I blamed myself for what had happened to her so I avoided her. I cut myself off from her life because I thought she would have been better off without me. But Bryan appeared and I have never been more jealous of anyone.

Because Bryan wasn't attractive, just smart and kind. But he was treating Qian in a shitty way that I knew I would have never done to her. It was out of that jealousy that I dated Pia. Pia who was willing to date me just so she could call someone her boyfriend. Everything was going alright, amidst the bitter feeling of having to see Qian with Bryan almost everyday. 

Then, that episode happened. It was something I never want to go through again. Seeing Qian in that state sent my whole body into frenzy. I was so out of it but I needed to stay calm, I was a platoon leader. Someone who should express leadership in times of need. That was why eventhough I was worried to death I pushed myself to go help others. 

When I saw Qian sitting there, awake and well, every cell in my body went lax. I was able to breathe again and there I realized. I was already in love with her. So in love that even a minute apart from her was punishment enough. I was madly in love with her that I never want to stay away from her. 

And that love was reciprocated. Qian might have never said it out loud but her actions were enough for me. Her body language and presence was enough to tell me that she felt the same.

I thought that would have been enough for me. Turns out the world loved proving me wrong. Because I was anxious, it had been months but we were still on that tiny thread.

I didn't know what we were, Qian never told me how she felt and for all the things that we had done, none of it had a label. 

That was when fear gripped at me. I don't ever want to feel lonely, don't ever want to feel all alone. So I made Pia my backup. I never broke things off with her on the account that Qian might leave me.

Because that was how it felt.

It felt like Qian was moving too fast for me and the world. It felt like any minute now, she'll get bored of me and leave me and I don't ever want that to happen.

But for the nth time I messed things up. Qian found out about Pia and no matter how hard I tried to reach out to her she was always avoiding me. In the end Qian did left me but not because she got exhausted of me. But because I broke her heart and she would never trust me to fix it again.

But that didn't mean I stopped loving her because I still do. Qian was still the person I wanted to spend my whole life with. The person I never wanted to let go.

But fate was cruel and our destiny and story were bound to end at my 21st birthday.