Epilogue

Two years later

"We now congratulate this year's batch of graduates. Congratulations"

"Qian OMG!!! We made it!!"

"We passed!!"

"Congratulations to everyone!!"

I smiled as I choked down an incoming sob and instead gave my classmates a pat in the back as the words leave my mouth.

"Yeah congratulations to us!!"

Somehow it felt foreign, like the words came from underneath the Earth and not from my mouth. I roamed my eyes and took in everything. Students who were happily taking pictures and congratulating one another for graduating college. And it felt like a place that I didn't belong to. 

After taking a few pictures with my blockmates, I walked away. I searched for a place with no people in sight and when I did, I was able to breathe again. I sat by the steps behind the graduation hall and looked at my diploma.

Qian Harriett Ramirez - Bachelor of Science in Psychology - Major in Research and Measurements

I should be happy. Four whole years of hardships, tears and sweat all for this piece of paper. So why aren't I?

"So this is where you were"

I looked back and saw Pierce approaching me. He was wearing a formal attire perfect for attending someone's graduation ceremony.

"Where's your girlfriend?"

I asked cheekily as he sat right beside me.

"Inside, your mom was looking for you too"

That made me feel guilty somehow. I never did tell anyone where I was going, it just felt like I was going to suffocate in there.

"Just needed a breather"

Pierce didn't say anything and instead stared at my diploma. After a while he finally asked.

"What's your next plan?"

"I was scouted already you know, HR Department"

"Yeah, aunt told me, you're going there?"

I nodded. A few days ago, my dad's company scouted me for a position as an HR Department. I didn't even hesitate and immediately answered yes.

"It's a good opportunity for a fresh graduate like me"

Again Pierce just stared hard at me and I hated it. Because when he does that it meant he's trying to read me and Pierce could always read me.

"You're still not okay"

For a moment i smiled sadly before staring right ahead. I knew where our conversation was going and I was not liking any part of it.

"How can someone even recover from that?"

"I guess you don't. I just hope you're not locking yourself out of love"

I fiddled with my fingers before I pulled out a dogtag from my skirt's pocket. It had my name in it, my blood type, my address and contact number. It was mine but someone else had it made for me.

"I got you one, just in case, a memorabilia for being a reservist. This way you're always going to remember me"

Was what he said and I felt every cell in my body going rigid. The sobs choking me as I quietly muttered.

"Did you know? There was a time in my life when I lost faith in love"

His gaze landed on mine, it was burning like he wanted to bore a hole right in me. Slowly he muttered the words that could satiate his curiosity.

"When was that?"

I smiled a little, almost feeling my heart break into pieces but then I remembered it was already broken. So what's there to break?

"When I lost him, and knew I would never get him back"

Because when Leonel had died. he took a piece of my soul with him. A piece of my heart and a piece of my whole being and I don't know how to retrieve it.

Pierce moved closer to me and I let him pull me into a hug. Tears slowly formed from my eyes and it dropped one by one as Pierce consoled me.

"He knows you love him, and you know how much he loves you, that's enough"

And the invisible hand tightened around my chest as I choked down the words.

The words that I never told Leonel until the day he left me.

The words that I would never get to tell him.

I love you. Forever and Always.