Fluttering heart
**The Incident: A New Kind of Fame**
That was the explosive headline dominating school platforms and igniting conversations in every group chat. The video of the incident streamed live across the internet, illustrating just how swiftly information could travel in our digital age. Suddenly, I found myself the unwitting star of a reality show I never wanted to be part of. Did these people have nothing better to share? They seemed to latch onto any morsel of gossip like hungry vultures, using it to mock and ridicule.
The comments were a mix of absurdity and cruelty:
With a heavy sigh of disbelief, I flicked off my phone screen as I approached the familiar façade of the dormitory. Each passing moment felt like a betrayal, deepening my sense of dread as I became ever more infamous for an event that had been nothing short of an accident. My finances were dwindling rapidly, and opportunities to replenish them felt elusive.
My perception of Crown had entirely shifted since my admission; the once-promising environment felt as though it had transformed into a purgatory where I was judged and ridiculed by the very peers I had hoped to befriend.
The girls in the dorm were no exception. As I strolled past them, they huddled in the hallway, their whispers interspersed with bursts of laughter targeted at my bandaged nose. I was in pain, yet they seemed oblivious, preferring to make jokes rather than uplift one another. My resentment simmered just beneath the surface.
Once inside the dorm room, my eyes landed on Leah, who looked up with genuine concern.
"Hey, thank God you're okay," she said, her voice filled with warmth as she approached. "I would have come to the infirmary, but Mr. Roman assured me he would take care of you, so I had to head to class. How are you holding up?"
"I'm fine," I replied, forcing the words out over the undeniable discomfort radiating from my injuries. I longed for the pain to fade, to reclaim my life and escape this unwanted spotlight.
Just then, the home system crackled to life, projecting a soft, digital voice. <Carol, I'd like to express my concerns for the hurt that you've endured.>
A small smile crept onto my face at the unexpected attention, even if it came from a robot. Great, now everyone—even machines—knew about my unfortunate mishap. I couldn't shake my deep-seated embarrassment; I wished I could vanish into thin air.
"Really?" I exclaimed, a rush of relief surging through me at the prospect of skipping classes with a bulky bandage on my face. This was fantastic news! The chance to remain indoors and recover without the pressure of facing classmates felt like a reprieve. "Thank you," I added sincerely.
The device powered down, plunging the room back into silence. Overwhelmed yet grateful, I appreciated this temporary escape, even as a part of me regretted missing other lessons. A quick glance at my bed caught my attention; the fresh sheets smelled delicately of flowers, and I hoped they'd cradle me into a restful sleep.
Scanning the room, I noticed Coco was nowhere to be found. "Where is Coco?" I asked Leah, genuine concern reflecting in my voice.
"Man's definitely got something happening. I honestly have no clue where she went," Leah replied, a nonchalant shrug marking her shoulders.
Nodding, I momentarily let my thoughts drift. Then, a reminder flicked back to my mind. "You wanted to give me Julian's contact," I said eagerly.
"Right!" Leah responded enthusiastically. "I'll send it to your direct message. Good luck!" She added, a playful wink sparkling in her eye.
I chuckled softly, appreciating her light-heartedness amidst my turmoil. In moments, my phone pinged with a notification, and I swiftly opened it to find Julian's contact. The profile picture was a blank silhouette, but below it were two enticing options: Call... Message. My heart raced at the thought of him. The affection I felt for Julian deepened daily, and I was determined to see if this connection could flourish.
Summoning my courage, I tapped the message button and began typing. A simple greeting formed on the screen, and then I hit send: "Hi."
The weight of anxiety lifted a little at that single word, though my heart fluttered wildly in my chest, tinged with both anticipation and trepidation.
I saw the familiar double check mark under my message, a clear indication that he had seen it, and a surge of anticipation coursed through me. The joy swelling in my heart was indescribable; I was practically leaping with joy, trying not to squeal and disturb Leah, who was lost in her own world, engrossed in a novel. The minutes ticked by agonizingly slow—more than five had passed, yet the silence was deafening, and I sighed, disappointment washing over me. To distract myself, I decided to tackle other activities while waiting for his reply, hoping he would respond quickly because at ten, I'd have to turn in my phone.
After a fleeting moment of hesitation, I slipped into the bathroom, the refreshing cascade of water from the shower soothing my nerves, but when I returned to my cozy bed, twenty minutes had slipped away with still no message. My stomach grumbled, prompting me to rummage through my cupboard for cereal, needing to eat before taking my medication. I finished my meal, swallowed my pills, yet loneliness clung to me as I stared at my phone, still no sign of his response. The clock showed 9:35, and a slender thread of hope lingered that maybe, just maybe, he'd come through.
As I lay there, my gaze fixed on the glowing screen, Coco burst into the dorm, her presence momentarily pulling me from my thoughts. I watched as she stepped into her corner, a drenched cloth hanging limply in her hands.
"How come you were late?" I asked, concern creeping into my voice.
"The club I joined is exhausting," she replied, shaking her head as she began to undress. "We just finished not too long ago, and I got caught in the rain! I waited for a while, but time was moving too quickly, so I had to rush home."
"Oh, that's unfortunate. I'm sorry," I mused, feeling empathy for her predicament.
"It's nothing," she waved it off. "I heard about you; I'm sorry for what you had to go through."
"It's fine. I'm alive, and that's what matters," I offered her a reassuring smile. She nodded and pivoted to tend to her own tasks. That's when I stole a glance at my phone—my heart skipped a beat. Julian had replied!
I quickly grabbed my phone and read his message:
Julian: Please who is this?
Me: It's a friend of Leah. I collected your contact from her.
I placed my phone down, thinking he might take a while to respond again, but to my surprise, I was met with another quick reply.
Julian: Oh. How are you?
Me: I'm doing great! Thanks. You're also studying Accounting, right? How have the lectures been so far?
Julian: They're good, thanks for asking. By the way, what's your name?
I hesitated, the weight of the moment bearing down on me. Should I reveal my name? Anxiety twirled silently in my gut, what if I fumbled when I finally met him? I wasn't prepared for the reality of facing him, not yet.
Me: You can call me Erin.
I didn't intend to deceive him, but using a middle name felt safer, like a shield.
Julian: Okay.
As we continued our conversation, I quickly realized he was not only charming but also quite entertaining. A wave of happiness washed over me; this interaction felt right. In that moment, I found myself wishing fervently that he was meant for me because I truly liked Julian and longed for everything to fall into place.
Mid-conversation, he asked, "Can I see your picture?"
A rush of anxiety crashed over me, my mind spinning.
"Ugly ASF. You wouldn't need it," I joked, trying to lighten the mood.
"Why would you use such a word for yourself?" he replied, and I felt an arrow of warmth strike my chest. Why was he so wonderfully respectful? He embodied everything I'd ever envisioned in a person.
But deep down, I knew I wasn't ready to confront him; fear gripped me—the fear of stumbling through a conversation, of not being able to present the best version of myself. He was the first person who made me feel this way, and I wasn't prepared to ruin it.
"It's just the truth," I replied softly. "C'mon, what are you doing?"
Julian: Watching a movie.
Me: Title?
Julian: Never Have I Ever.
Me: Sounds cool.
Julian: I still want to see your picture though.
And just like that, time slipped away as I realized my designated hour to turn in my phone had arrived. A heavy sigh escaped my lips as I lay back on the bed, thoughts swirling around in a dizzying dance until sleep finally claimed me.