Chapter 14: The Gaydar Malfunction

Max was staring into his closet, trying to figure out which shirt would make him look the least like he was on a second date with Heather. He didn't want to overthink it, but last time Jaden had commented on his "lumberjack chic" vibe, and now he was paranoid about looking like an extra from a bad romance movie.

"You know, you could just wear nothing," Jaden said from the doorway, leaning against the frame with his usual smirk. "Let's really give them something to talk about."

Max sighed. "I don't think Heather needs to see me topless... or anyone else for that matter."

Jaden raised an eyebrow. "Oh please, you'd be the main attraction. Like a Greek god descended from the heavens. You'd give everyone heart palpitations."

Max deadpanned, "If anyone has heart palpitations because of me, it's probably just an allergic reaction."

Jaden ignored him and strutted in. "You know, my suggestion is still valid. Why don't you go for that gay best friend bit again? Worked like a charm last time."

"Yeah," Max said, pulling out a dark green shirt, "because pretending to be your gay lover in front of Heather was such a brilliant idea."

"Hey, it saved you from the awkward 'Are we dating?' conversation. If anything, I'm a hero." Jaden threw his hands up like he was receiving an imaginary standing ovation.

Max turned around to face him. "More like a supervillain with terrible plans."

Jaden placed a hand on his chest dramatically. "You wound me."

Max rolled his eyes and pulled on his shirt. "I'm serious. Tonight needs to be chill. No weird acts, no 'Oh my God, you're fabulous' moments. Just dinner."

Jaden tilted his head, a mischievous smile creeping onto his face. "So... you're telling me no gay jokes? Not even a little bit?"

Max gave him a warning look. "Jaden, I swear, if you—"

Jaden put up his hands in surrender. "Fine, fine! But seriously, you need to relax. Heather's cool. She's not gonna bite."

Max frowned. "Last time, she basically handed me a rainbow flag and told me to march in the next parade."

"Details, darling. Details." Jaden winked. "Speaking of, have you seen my glitter jacket? I was thinking of wearing it tonight to really make an entrance."

Max groaned. "You are not coming to dinner."

"Don't worry," Jaden said, pulling out a sequined jacket from the closet. "I'm just crashing afterward. Gotta keep my favorite straight boy out of trouble."

Max narrowed his eyes. "I am not your favorite straight boy."

Jaden gasped theatrically. "Are you saying there's competition? Should I be worried?"

Max smirked. "No, I'm just saying I have standards."

Jaden gave a mock pout. "Oh, honey, you can't afford standards."

Max shook his head, muttering to himself as Jaden strutted out of the room like he was on a runway.

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The dinner with Heather started out harmless enough. They were sitting at a quaint café, sipping iced tea and pretending that the last dinner hadn't been the weirdest quasi-date in history. Max had even managed to make some casual conversation about their shared classes, which felt like progress. Maybe this night won't be a disaster.

Heather, however, seemed to have other plans.

"So, about the whole... thing with Jaden last time," Heather started, swirling her straw in her drink.

Max felt his stomach drop. Here we go.

Heather gave him a curious look. "You never actually told me if you were... you know... gay or if that was just Jaden being Jaden."

Max swallowed hard, trying to find the words. "Uh, well, I'm..."

Before he could finish his sentence, the door to the café burst open. In walked Jaden, wearing his glitter jacket like he was walking the red carpet at a gay pride parade, sunglasses on, and exuding an aura of pure, unadulterated chaos.

"Oh my God, Maxie!" Jaden shouted loud enough for the entire café to hear. "You didn't tell me you were dining at this place! So chic, so trendy. You sly dog!"

Max wanted to disappear. "Jaden... what are you doing here?"

Jaden slid into the booth next to him, pulling off his sunglasses dramatically. "Oh please, darling. You didn't really think you could have a fabulous night without me, did you?"

Heather looked like she was trying to hold back laughter. "I thought you weren't coming."

Jaden waved his hand dismissively. "Pssh, I'm everywhere. Like glitter. Impossible to get rid of, and even when you think I'm gone—" he leaned in closer to Max—"there's always a little sparkle left behind."

Max facepalmed. "This is not happening."

Heather giggled. "I was actually just asking Max about... you know, the whole 'gay best friend' thing."

Jaden's eyes lit up. "Oh honey, let me tell you, Max here is the straightest straight man you'll ever meet. But that doesn't mean we can't have a little fun, right, Maxie?"

Max groaned internally. This is my nightmare.

Jaden, sensing his discomfort, leaned in conspiratorially. "You know, the whole 'gaydar' thing isn't as accurate as people think. Like, I once thought a guy was straight, and it turns out he was just pretending to be bad at volleyball. Who knew, right?"

Heather burst out laughing. "What does that even mean?"

Jaden shrugged. "No idea, but it sounded like something a wise gay best friend would say. I'm here for the vibes, not the logic."

Max wanted to sink into the floor. "Jaden, you're not helping."

"Oh, sweetie," Jaden said, patting Max on the head, "I'm always helping. You're just too blind to see it."

Heather, still laughing, wiped a tear from her eye. "I gotta admit, Max, you've got some interesting friends."

Jaden flashed a dazzling smile. "The best friends, darling."

Max sighed, resigned to his fate. "Yeah, sure. Let's go with that."

Just then, the waiter arrived with their food. Jaden took one look at Max's plate and raised an eyebrow. "Chicken salad? Really? If I didn't know better, I'd say you're auditioning for The Bachelor."

Max glared at him. "Shut up."

Jaden winked. "I'm just saying, if you want to impress a lady, you've gotta go for something more... adventurous. Like sushi. Or a giant steak. Something that says, 'I'm confident, I'm bold, and I definitely don't cry during Pixar movies.'"

Heather laughed again, clearly enjoying the banter. "I think the chicken salad's fine."

Jaden gave her an appraising look. "Oh, you're too sweet. But trust me, if we're gonna turn Maxie here into a heartthrob, we need to work on his whole vibe. Starting with that shirt."

Max groaned. "I hate both of you."

Jaden threw an arm around his shoulders. "Oh honey, you love me. You just don't know it yet."

Heather raised her glass, smirking. "To gay best friends."

Max clinked his glass reluctantly. "To whatever this is."

Jaden beamed. "And to me, for always being fabulous!"

Max took a long sip of his drink and muttered under his breath, "Next time, I'm picking a different restaurant."

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