Chapter 1

After a year—well it was about a week and a half, but the feeling was different. After dorm hunting, doubts, and unsettled heartbreak, Felix finally graduated high school, settling on Northerners as his choice.

It was bittersweet. Judging from how he looked in his photos, the poor guy seemed lost in thought. In every shot, he'd be on his phone, drawn to it like a moth to a flame, and he barely smiled, only when he was on stage that he muster enough effort to do so. With his dad forcing him to snap out of it with a pinch and an "earnest" slap on the back of the head which made Felix feel all the more droopy.

Worse of it all was the crowd. It was a full yet it felt so empty—its glamour, flashing lights, cheers and praise meant nothing for all that he saw was black, white...and Gray.

Gray would appear in his mind, coming across his thoughts and dreams barely giving Felix the luxury of peace. Oh God...why? Even after all this time, how long has it been? Weeks? Month?No, it's already been a year! Yet...why was he so entangled in his own web of complications.

Moments have bled, yet words remain scarce.

As he walked on the pavement, a great distance away from the palengke—or the marketplace, Felix was close to snapping a nerve after listening to Amor ramble for the past few weeks about how his life was a lot worse than hers was—well, she didn't say it like that, not exactly. But the implication definitely brushed against Felix's stream of thought.

Now, his scrawny ankles were burning like crisp after being dragged around the square like some slave from ancient Egypt.

"I heard Tita's going to give me a new makeup set, ack!" Amor squealed, scrolling through her phone while Felix sluggishly followed behind, dragging five bags and grunting silently in the tropical heat.

"Ohhh, goodie," he sighed, rolling his eyes before pausing. "Amor, can we take a break?" A wave of relief swept over him as he dropped the bags, stretching as Amor stopped.

"God, we've been shopping for two hours! Look at me! I am a mess!" And he really was. Amor barely noticed his white sweat-soaked clothes and frenzied hair, and every time Felix complained—

"You're fine," she waved it off.

"Besides, we won't be here for much longer. Mom said they'be just arrived in Vigan and are on their way to town!"

That was quick, but it would still take about an hour before they'll reach Sinait. If the bus didn't stop for passengers, maybe they'd shave off a few minutes, and after that, they'd have to endure less than five minutes to reach the coast—if the tricycle was any good, that is.

Sinait was a small municipality, a not-so-recognized pebble of the province. Felix and Amor, unlike Gray who lived at the town square, lived by the seaside, specifically in Dadalaquiten Norte, a part of Sinait known for its dainty little tourist spot. It was a go-to place for casual summer outings because of its beautiful beaches and floating cottages.

"So, will they be staying?" If they were, maybe Matthew would add a little more flavor to Amor and Felix's—mostly Felix's—forlorn summer break.

"I'm not sure," typing, she pinched her chin.

"But it seems like it..." She added, staring at her screen for a few more seconds before her gaze fell on him.

He was just there...arms on his knees, looking in the blank with his mind darting from the edge of the world. A man with no grip who seemed like a husk of what once was a paragon of charm.

She knew Gray anchored Felix, and even if Amor could snap Gray's body open with her bare hands, with no consequences, she wouldn't. Clear as day, she wouldn't...because even with a modicum of a wit could tell that Gray made Felix the happiest. Everyday she grows weary of her friend, but she was all that he had...and she...she was the only one who could understand.

"Is it him? Again?" Sitting an ample distance from where Felix was, she let out a sigh, sounding tired.

"Wha—Who?" Snapping back to reality, his surprised gaze was met with a scoff and a smile.

He couldn't move on if he tried—he has tried and there was always that bleak of unfortunate bitterness in the air each time he failed, each tear he shed...waiting.

"He's gone, gone from your life... it's over," it sounded harsher than Felix wanted it to sound—that reality, that frustrating fact! How was he just suppose to let years of memories slide?

"I know I ju—"

"He already accepted that, why can't you?" And there was the question he always feared to answer. Those sentences inched him closer to the thought that the lot of every scantling of memory was disposable for Gray. It was a truth, he never wanted to entertain.

"Felix...help yourself, he isn't your life," but he was a life—another part of him. He was the fiber that embroidered Felix's heart. Gosh... he's just... everything he ever wanted.

"Haa... I know, I know," he uttered in surrender.

"Can we just get home?" He added, almost like a plea, the last words before silence marring their conversation. The kind of silent which Amor hated, so she took a deep breath and tried to shift the subject—

"Oh my god! We can give Mat a tour! I bet he'll love the beaches!"

Smirking, Felix rolled his eyes—he knew what it was—a kindness of hers, and as if his cousin would enjoy that.

"It's just a beach, Amor. You're overreacting. Besides, the last thing he'll want after a long trip is to walk around the barangay," Felix said before noticing his best friend's smug grin.

"You just want to show him off, absolutely predictable,"

"Nooo, I would never," Oh but she would. The woman loved the attention—a vixen of charm that she was. Her heart was the only thing excluded her from the condescending bunch.

As she rifled through the bags, there was a distinctive warmth in her eyes, something Felix rarely saw—a flicker of sincerity.

Come to think of it, she didn't have any siblings... other than Felix who was brother-like at most, but they weren't blood-related. Huh... strange... Maybe meeting his cousin, meant more to her than she let on.

It was easy to tell that she wanted Matthew to like her, to be her friend. More than that, maybe she wanted a real brother, which was why she clung so closely to Felix. He seemed like he was the closest thing she had to an actual sibling.

"Do you think he'll like them?" Who knows? Maybe Mat wouldn't. But with this much effort? It was impossible not to appreciate it, though Felix wouldn't say that out loud—not to his best friend, at least.

"I mean, I wouldn't," he joked, shrugging with a sly grin.

"I'm serious!" Kicking his shins, he groaned but it wasn't without laughter.

"Alright, alright," Felix said, backing off with a smile. "Look, I'm sure he'll appreciate the gesture," he added, grabbing the rest of their belongings.

"Really?" Amor asked, her doubt clear.

Felix didn't know for sure, but he knew she meant well, and sometimes that was all that it took to make someone happy. Giving her a reassuring smile, he pushed his hair back and grumbled, "Yes. Now call a tricycle, for heaven's sake and let's head back home!"

"Ugh, fine."