Speak Friend and Enter

I don't own fallout.

If you're lucky in the wasteland you can often find what you are looking for. Caps, bullets, duct tape. It was literally all a matter of Luck, it comes with quite the helpful perks. However, today was just not Swat's and Jack's day. Tired, cranky, and now thoroughly annoyed at their lack of progress in the many devastated buildings Swat, eye twitching, and more than a little grumpy from lack of sleep. Vented just a little…

"IT CAN NOT BE THIS HARD TO FIND SOMETHING SHINY IN THE WASTELAND!!!" his voice echoed in the empty air. Land... land...

Jack, feeling equally annoyed and just as grumpy. Slapped him hard in the shoulder and they both kept looking, kicking open a ruined door and glancing around at its collapsed insides.

"Quit whining and keep looking, Brat. There has to be something!" the devastated town was not much better than the rest of the wasteland but finding anything that possessed a shiny sheen was more likely found in formerly residential districts. Swat's little tirade however did attract rather angry company.

Cazadors… luckily there were only three of them... in a manner of speaking they were still fucking Cazadors. But they were shot easily enough out of the sky as the two gunslingers reloaded, ignoring the brief interruption before Swat began prying open a car trunk. Found nothing and slammed it back shut.

"I should've brought Raid…" Swat grumbled to himself, eyeing some long-charred bones in the front seat and moving on.

"Well, why didn't you?" Jack said irritated, this was not the first time Swat expressed his regret about leaving his 'treasure sniffing dog' behind.

"Because I don't know how Itsame will react to a woman. It's not like I ever took one under the mountain before." Swat replied, scowling as he took off his hat and flicked sweat out of his hair. " The guy's easy enough to deal with but..." Swat paused, shrugged, and added, "Well… he's a hermit. Hermits are selfish."

Jack scowled but didn't argue with that logic. He was after all the one who taught Swat that logic after all. It was a dog-eat-dog world now and people, especially the crazy ones, were always going to look out for themselves first and foremost. Jack and Swat have dealt with hermit types before, and they'll probably have to deal with them long after.

"…Let's take a break." The old ghoul said finally, leaning against a nearby wall. "…Maybe there's an old toaster or something that's shiny enough. Or some cutlery…"

"Pain is your only friend!!" shouted somebody off to their left. It was OBVIOUSLY a Raider. So without missing a beat, or looking for that matter, Jack and Swat together pulled their guns up, fired a single bullet each simultaneously at said Raider, and promptly holstered their guns and listened to the now ventilated piece of meat collapse in a heap…

Jack sighed sadly, speaking casually. "…We should go see if there are more…"

"…Yeah." Swat sighed in reluctant agreement, "We should check the body too…" turning to look a the body. Clad in raider leathers and carrying a bolt action rifle that had seen better days. Swat checked him as Jack kept watch, hands on his twin revolver hilts.

"Anything?" Jack asked his good eye narrowing and keeping a lookout.

"Bullets. Jerky." Swat tossed the Jerky away over his shoulder. You should never trust Raider jerky. "Caps. Nothing much."

"Ugh!!" Jack groaned angrily, "God damn it." he shaded his eyes, checking the sun. "…Let's call it a day Brat. We'll just have to come out tomorrow and see if we can find something. We need sleep."

"Fine…" Swat agreed, standing back up, only for both of them to hit the dirt as bullets peppered the air. "The Raider has friends!" Swat shouted as they both drew their guns again and began to fire back.

There were at least three other raiders, two with bolt action rifles and one with a shotgun. And none of them were very good shots. "We're going to enjoy killing yo-" the raider speaking suddenly stopped as a 40-70 bullet interrupted him by violently ripping through his forehead. He fell backward as the other two kept firing… they didn't last long either.

Jack and Swat, quickly checked their corpses and grumbled reluctantly as they didn't really find anything. Swat got some more shotgun shells but that was a very small bright spot in the darkness. Swat sighed, pocketing the five new shells from the Raider then emptied his double barrel taking another two.

"…What the hell was this guy going to do with seven shots?" Swat asked as Jack shrugged. Raider's always seemed to have infinite ammo until you killed them…

"Well he HAD more but he shot them at us." Jack pulled out a switchblade from one of the raider's boots. The handle had a rather elaborate silvery shine to it. But it was still grungy "…Hey? What about this? This shiny enough for him?"

Swat eyed it for a second, holding out his hand as Jack gave it to him. Swat popped out the blade, pressed his gun to the blade, and fired. The blade flickered away as he eyed the shinier, silvery embroidery. "…Maybe, maybe not, it is better than nothing." Jack and Swat got to their feet and began to walk home. Leaving the dead behind them.

"So what's the deal with that guy?" Jack asked as Swat blinked at him.

"What guy?" Swat asked, slipping the broken shiny switchblade handle into a pocket.

"Itsame. What's the deal with him?"

"No idea… I found out that there was a big ass Mutant covering the path over the Rocks. The only one that I knew of. Then I heard a rumor from this guy in power armor and an eyebot about Vault 55. Figured I would at least have a look before I walked the rest of the way around the mountain… when I got there, I found him being picked on by a pack of crazy raiders so… I dealt with them." He paused for a moment thinking on it, "…It's a little surprising how much most of our problems are solved with just killing lots of raiders…"

"You say problem, I say natural selection."

"Well. Anyway, I told him I wanted to get through and he said he'd guide me for a 'shiny'. Luckily one of the guys I just shot had a gold watch so that worked out. He seems like a nice guy, yeah he's a bit nuts but a nice guy."

They returned to the vault, Jack yawning broadly as they entered the massive cog door to find Itsame chewing on a comically large mushroom. He blinked at Swat still chewing as Swat held out the silver switchblade handle. Itsame's eyes focused intently on the object, and he grinned crawling forward and taking it from Swat's hand, admiring it.

"Yesss…" he hissed happily, "Shiny shiny…" immediately crawling towards his room only for Swat to grab his arm.

"Listen. Jack and I need to rest. So we'll go through the mountain tomorrow. Right?"

"Yes! Yes! Friend Swat and Swat Friends, go tomorrow! Sleep-Sleep!" he cheered, scampering into his room.

Jack and Swat passed by, looking for some spare rooms to bunker down in, passing Itsame's room. Jack glanced inside and his eyes widened. There were dozens of silver and gold objects, along with amazingly old-world precious stones, shards of stained glass, and polished artifacts of the old world, like silver lighters and plates… in the middle of the room as Itsame placed the silver handle into the collage of objects, was a light. That he almost immediately turned on… the room sparkled and glowed with reflective light as Itsame's eyes widened in fascination. Completely hypnotized by the shine and sparkle of his room…

…He looked at peace.

Jack shook his head. Hundreds of years ago Itsame's collection would be a literal goldmine… now however it barely had any sort of use. Just shiny trinkets.

They found Raid dozing quietly outside a room he opened his eyes and yawned as Jack and Swat both took separate rooms. Raid as always following Swat who left his door opened, lay down on the comfortable but dirty bed, and fell instantly to sleep. Still armed and armored.

He rubbed his eyes as he eventually woke up, sitting up as Raid dozed on his back silently nearby on the floor, his legs kicking the air as he dreamed. Swat stepped gingerly over his sleeping companion, brushing a hand over Raid's furry belly as the big wolf sighed happily as Swat and walked out of his room. Jack was still asleep but Casey wasn't in her room. Heading back to the entrance he found her walking back into the vault, stretching her arms wide as she blinked at him and gave him a faint smile.

"Hey. Morning?" she blinked turned around and realized that it was technically dark outside. "Evening? Actually, I'm not sure my watch is gone.."

"Hey. What were you doing?" he asked as she approached him, slapping his shoulder lightly.

"Getting a last breath of fresh air before we head into the mountain. You said two or three days right?" she noted and Swat nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Still, though, Jack and Itsame are still asleep." He then glanced at Itsame's room. "…If that guy actually sleeps…" he added suspiciously, the first time he went through vault 55 he found the crazy hermit ghoul watching him wake up more than once.

"Hmmm. Sounds to me like that's an invitation for some private time with Casey James." She smiled, wrapping her arms around him as he blinked at her, then reached around her with his own arms. Getting handfuls of her shapely rear as she chuckled good-humoredly and she leaned up and kissed him briefly and-

"None of that." Swat and Casey both groaned reluctantly as Jack yawned, scratching himself rudely as he put his hat onto his raggedy-haired head.

"Kill joy." Casey hissed in annoyance glaring right at him as Jack shrugged.

"Uh huh." He said, eyeing her somewhat suspiciously. "We're planning to go through a mountain today, no point in wearing him out. Besides. I don't want to be responsible for you getting knocked up and trapping him in the life of a caravanner."

"Excuse me?" she said sounding offended, pulling away from a rather resigned Swat as Raid scampered out of the darkness behind Jack, already sniffing near the entrance of the vault. Apparently looking for somewhere to pee… Having no interest in watching Raid pee, Swat turned to watch Jack and Casey's looming conversation. Raid, no longer being watched, paused, looked up, and wagged his tail rather happily. "I am not trying to trap him." Casey continued as Swat rested a hand on her shoulder.

"Don't let him bother you. Jack's just cranky for… no reason actually, he's just cranky."

Jack snorted, "I'm just looking out for you, Brat." He said a little sarcastically, looking over his shoulder as Raid bounded out of the mountain. "Hey, where's the mutt going?"

"Breakfast I think." Swat replied, turning to follow the great wolf outside. "…I better go keep an eye on him. Don't shoot each other." He added, pointing firmly at them both before turning to jog after Raid.

Casey and Jack stared each other down for a moment then Jack spoke first. "…Don't think I don't see what you were doing there… having one of the best gunslingers as your baby daddy would do wonders for business."

Casey smirked, almost smugly, "Despite what you might think, Jack, I'm not some street walker looking for a daddy." She crossed her arms across her chest, staring the old ghoul down. "And if you remember I'm not such a bad shot myself." She added as Jack shrugged.

"Point still stands. Gladys pumped a lot of morality in that Brat. Wouldn't surprise me if he felt honor bound to any kids he might have." He then eyed her, "Make him wear a glove at least." He noted as she scoffed.

"…Are you seriously being a Dad right now? It's kind of creepy."

"I'm the closest thing he's ever had…" he then relented reluctantly, "…Well since I shot his raider father but that's neither here nor there."

Casey's smug expression lessoned, she remembered that it was mentioned that Swat was a child of raiders. Perhaps now was a good time to ask, what with Swat not around. "…So… what you just… found the guy and shot him?"

"…Not really that simple." Jack said softly, "We were wandering through Detroit… or what used to be Detroit. When we heard this… god awful shrieking. Gladys and I went to look and saw an obvious Raider just beating the hell out of a kid with a beer bottle… Gladys being Gladys…" he smirked slightly, the memory of Swat's mother oddly heartwarming. "Pulled out her sequoia and violently told him to stop… guy was drunk, angry, high on jet and fuck knows what else." Jack shook his head, "…Fucker chucked his beer bottle at us Gladys blasted it out of the sky. And I charged the guy, getting him on the ground before he could cause more shit."

He scowled, his lip curling, "…I checked out the place they were living in while Gladys tried to calm the Brat down. His mother was in their shack, so fucking high she could've been in space, being passed around by the rest of their gang… things kinda went to shit from there…" he scowled at the memory and shook his head. "…We shot them." He shrugged, "Kid was too young to care or know better. So while Gladys took him away I did what I do to all raiders and shot his asshole father and burned the shack down. I wanted to drop the Brat off at a Follower camp. But Gladys…" he smirked again, this time rather fondly "…She wasn't having it. Wanted to keep him… like a lost puppy. I said no, she said yes, we cursed at each other for a while and then she inevitably won the conversation like she always did because she had a better 'edumacation' than I did."

Casey, completely enthralled in the story, committed it to memory before asking. "…What about Swat's mother? Did you shoot her too?"

"Gladys? No." Jack said immediately but he caught himself. Ever in his head, even now, Gladys was always Swat's mother. "…The girl we did drop off at the Followers. She was a Raider too, but she was so far gone I don't think her mind ever came back…" Jack then frowned, turning his attention to the entrance of the Vault. "…The Brat's taking his time." He noted as Casey let her attention be drawn to the entrance as well.

"…Maybe he's getting breakfast for everyone?" Jack frowned however and drew out his pistols, heading towards the vault entrance as Casey did the same, gripping her assault rifle.

Upon exiting into the 'fresh' air, however, they found Swat in the deadly embrace of a massive woman, Raid barking at her heels as she squeezed the life out of him. "Hey!" Jack brought up his rifle to his good eye as the woman grinned cheerily at him.

"Greetings! I am Galoria!" she dropped Swat rather absently as she knelt down and happily stroked the cheerfully yipping Raid. Jack, realizing that Raid would've eaten anyone trying to harm Swat, realized that this woman wasn't exactly a threat.

"Okay…" Casey said curiously as Jack eyed the physically large, but also physically beautiful woman before them.

"I have come to retrieve my husband!" she smiled at them, still cuddling Raid happily, "Who is the best boy? It's Raid!" Raid yipped and licked her face. "Yes it is!"

"Galoria. Listen to me. I am NOT your husband!" Swat said, recovering from his bearhug greeting.

"You're married!?" Jack said, obviously not listening "When the hell did you get married?!"

"I didn't get married!" Swat replied as Casey looked rather humored by this entire conversation.

"Our vows and night of intense passion beg to differ my husband." Galoria replied sweetly, still petting Raid.

"I am not your husband! You got me SUPER drunk and apparently coerced me into your 'vows!' Your grandmother told me so. WHEN SHE WAS DONE LAUGHING!"

"She was most insistent that we bring you into our family." She said, completely brushing off the coercion accusation. Jack however looked stunned, and incredibly annoyed.

"How could you not tell me that you're married?!" Jack said angrily, but Swat equally angry but mostly annoyed replied.

"I'm not married! I don't remember getting married!"

"THIS is why you shouldn't drink brat!"

"Oh thanks for that advice 'Jack Daniels.'" Swat replied sarcastically, as Jack pointed accusingly at him.

"Hey! I didn't let your mother get away with calling me that and I'm sure as hell not letting you do it!"

"Would you prefer 'Ben'?" Swat replied as Jack scowled angrily at him.

"JACK." Jack replied firmly, with a dangerous calm in his voice. "You know better than that BRAT." Jack growled warningly. Casey looked between them curiously, thoroughly confused but Galoria merely smiled at them all.

"Now Husband you shouldn't talk to your father like that." Galoria noted as Jack glanced at her before smirking at Swat.

"That's right Brat, you shouldn't talk to me like that." Casey merely sighed as Swat glared at him.

"Alright then… let's just move past ALL of this…" she waved her hands around standing between them. "You" she pointed to Galoria, looking humored. "He's busy. Try to kidnap him some other time."

"Oh I don't intend to kidnap him, I intend to join him on his quest to visit his mother. THEN take him home!" Swat slapped his face loudly as Jack eyed her up and down again, sizing her up more thoroughly as opposed to admiring how she had a sort of 'Barbarian Appeal' to her. "We must return and produce many heirs…"

"Uh huh…" Casey replied sighing and adding under her breath, "Tribals…" she glanced at her again as Raid circled Casey's legs, "Okay… fine. Just come along!" she said reluctantly, "I'm sure one cmore Crazy on this train won't make a difference."

"Hey! I didn't agree to this! Or that!" Swat replied gesturing to Galoria who merely grinned at him.

"…Actually." Jack said, speaking to Galoria as Swat and Raid marched after Casey. "…How'd you know I'm the Brat's 'dad'?"

"He spoke much of you while consuming much holy bourbon!" Galoria replied, "Before he proceeded to shake my very home with his-"

"I… don't need to hear that." Jack said, turning and waving her along. "…Come on. Let's just get through this mountain first.

Unfortunately. With the recent addition of Galoria, Itsame decided to up his price by-

"One more shiny." He said holding up three fingers.

"FUCK NO!" Swat replied, thoroughly irritated that his 'wife' was following him now.

"One more Swat friend, one more shiny!" Itsame replied, seemingly firm in his decision… until Galoria approached him. He blinked up at her shapely, muscular frame. Mouth slightly agape with surprise.

Galoria lifted him easily in one hand, he dangled helplessly in the air, squeaking slightly as Galoria smiled kindly. But it was obviously a very dangerous smile. "…My good friend… surely you can let me owe you? We could be such good friends if you did." While Itsame was somewhat uncomfortable at being easily lifted into the air, Galoria was just so nice about it that he couldn't really complain.

"…Fine…" he said with a whimpering groan as Galoria put him back down, giggling with an almost girlish laugh. "You can be Itsame's friend."

"Good! I'm sure I will find you a nice 'shiny' to pay with later. Now come! Our quest awaits!" she said, gently pushing Itsame along as they followed behind, Jack holding Swat back for a moment to note.

"…While I'm not too sure about her… I have to admit it might be good to have some muscle." He eyed the steel, gator tooth-lined oar strapped to her back. "She any good in a fight?"

"Best in her tribe… although her sister Lizzabeth isn't nearly as gullible." Before adding under his breath as he followed along, "…Good looking too…" and slowly, they disappeared into the darkness of the vault. Only the light of Itsame's fluorescent mossy light to guide them

Two days away from the west side of the vault. A woman absently smoked a cigar as she waited for a report. A tall, bulky black man with a shaved head and tribal tattoos over his right eye approached her, saluting.

"Another message ma'am." He held out the missive to her, she took it, read it, and frowned.

"Did you read this?"

"Yes Ma'am."

"What are our options Jefferson?"

"We could try our luck with the vault ourselves ma'am. Which is risky. Circle around the south. Which is safest but long. Or…" he lifted his combat shotgun confidently, and somewhat eager "Or we can head over the Rocks. Do a little mutie cleanup while we're at it.

The woman took a long, thick drag of her cigar, exhaling a lot of smoke before flicking the cigar away, high into the air. A gunshot echoed out into the wasteland as she drew a sequoia with the same hand, shot the cigar out of the air, and sheathed the sequoia back in her holster with one smooth motion.

So quickly it was like she didn't draw it at all. But the impressive moment was somewhat ruined by a rather phlem-filled cough, but nobody could argue the skill.

"Form up." She said with an air of well-practiced command, getting up and burning the missive with her silver lighter. Dropping it into the dirt and letting it burn away. "Send Maxine and Karlson ahead to scout. We're going over the Rocks."

Jefferson grinned confidently, cradling his shotgun with almost childish excitement while following behind her as the others moved to obey. "Yes Ma'am."

End of Chapter

It's been a little hectic for Swat and Raid, but at least we're now in the Vault. The dark, spooky, madness-inducing vault... Huh... that sounds familiar. Madness... I'm sure they'll be fine...

Ha ha, Jack Daniels.