Chapter 113 The Weight of Longing: Finding Li Xin Again

Chapter 113 The Weight of Longing: Finding Li Xin Again

"I kissed her because she was the person I used to love. We met again yesterday, and she wanted to try again. I knew her too well; she was very determined. Once she sensed that I still had feelings for her, she wouldn't let go. I didn't want her to keep clinging to the past, and the most effective way was to convince my heart and body that I no longer had feelings for her. This was also the last favor I could grant her. I could never feel the same way about her as before. Even if I didn't love her anymore, I wanted our last memory to be a good one. I'm a sentimental person; I can't be completely indifferent to someone I once loved. That's just who I am," Li Xin said with a self-deprecating smile. If she had been more decisive about her feelings, she and Yan Ruozhe would have broken up long ago. It was her own indecisiveness that kept leading Li Xin on.

Yan Ruozhe became even quieter as she listened to Li Xin's explanation. Li Xin was originally the type of person she found difficult to understand – someone who was led by emotion, valued feelings, sensations, rituals, and many things that Yan Ruozhe found incomprehensible, never dealing with things in a way that Yan Ruozhe considered right. This kind of irrational thinking seemed contagious; otherwise, how could Yan Ruozhe have been so blinded by jealousy that she let her irresponsible words fly?

"I'm sorry, Li Xin. Maybe I'm not right for you," Yan Ruozhe had intended to apologize for the harsh words she had just spoken, but the words that came out of her mouth had taken on a different meaning.

Li Xin's face paled even more upon hearing this. Not right for her – in the end, still not right. Hehe, what doesn't belong to you can't be forced.

"Okay, let's break up. I'll disappear." Li Xin felt a wave of despair wash over her. She had loved to the point of exhaustion and could only let go. Perhaps it would be better for both Yan Ruozhe and herself.

Yan Ruozhe looked at Li Xin's overly serious expression and suddenly had a bad feeling.

"Li Xin!" Yan Ruozhe grabbed Li Xin's arm, not wanting her to leave, but she didn't know what to say.

This time, Li Xin shook off Yan Ruozhe's hand and resolutely turned and left. Her heart ached so much she could barely breathe. Every step felt like it was weighted down with lead, and she didn't even have the strength to lift her legs. But this time, Li Xin wouldn't allow her heart to soften again.

Yan Ruozhe stared blankly in the direction Li Xin had gone, her heart clenching. She was really going to leave. Was five years of being entangled going to end just like that? She had thought she would be relieved, but why did her heart feel so painful, as if it was being torn apart? And her fair face was also burning with pain...

Yan Ruozhe thought that without Li Xin, her life would slowly return to normal, but she found herself spending more and more time in a daze, thinking about Li Xin. More and more often, she felt an emptiness in her heart and suddenly felt like her life had lost its foundation. The days of having nothing to do became a torment that Yan Ruozhe couldn't bear. Just then, Qin's sent Yan Ruozhe a job offer. Yan Ruozhe thought that once she started working, everything would go back to normal, so without much hesitation, Yan Ruozhe accepted Qin's invitation and joined the company. She started a busy work schedule, completely filling her time, but work wasn't as effective as before. The empty space in her heart couldn't be filled no matter how much she worked, and it became increasingly empty. The longing for Li Xin became more and more uncontrollable.

Two months and three days had passed since that day. Yan Ruozhe clearly remembered Li Xin's resolute departure and also clearly remembered the number of days since Li Xin left. Yan Ruozhe knew very well that Li Xin was serious. Thinking of this, Yan Ruozhe felt as if her heart had been bound since Li Xin left, no longer belonging to her. Yan Ruozhe didn't like her current state, but she couldn't break free from it.

"Are you getting used to the work?" Qin Wanshu smiled at Yan Ruozhe. She was the one who suggested to Qin Yu that they hire Yan Ruozhe. Although it might offend the Qian family somewhat, it was definitely worth it. Most importantly, Yan Ruozhe's arrival would allow her to completely withdraw from Qin's and pursue her own interests.

"I'm used to it." Having also worked in a family business, Yan Ruozhe didn't feel restricted at Qin's. Qin's was indeed her best choice.

"Here are some tasks I have that I'd like you to take over. I'm leaving Qin's to do some things I want to do." Qin Wanshu handed a stack of documents to Yan Ruozhe.

"You're leaving Qin's?" Yan Ruozhe was a little surprised. Although Qin Wanshu didn't hold a specific position at Qin's, the several projects she was responsible for were core to the company. Yan Ruozhe was very surprised by Qin Wanshu's trust in her.

"Yes." Qin Wanshu nodded. Zuo Qinghuan's departure had instantly left a void in her heart. She wanted to do something meaningful to fill it.

"I still think it must be a pleasure to work with you," Yan Ruozhe said regretfully. It had indeed been a pleasant experience to get along with Qin Wanshu.

Qin Wanshu continued to smile. She admired Yan Ruozhe's work ethic, but it seemed like she was pushing herself too hard, almost as if she was running away from something.

"Coming to Qin's and working overtime until twelve o'clock every day – where else can you find such a senior executive? People who don't know might think our Qin's mistreats its employees!" Qin Wanshu said jokingly.

Yan Ruozhe smiled in agreement. She suddenly remembered that Qin Wanshu and Zuo Qinghuan were also a couple. She found it hard to imagine that a woman like Qin Wanshu would also like women. Clearly, she and Zuo Qinghuan were also polar opposites, just like herself and Li Xin.

"Why do you like Zuo Qinghuan?" Yan Ruozhe suddenly asked. Only after asking did she realize her question was too impolite, and she quickly apologized.

Qin Wanshu looked at Yan Ruozhe with some surprise. Yan Ruozhe didn't seem like the type of person to ask such a question unless she had some confusion about it.

"Liking is liking. There aren't so many whys. There's no need to find a reasonable explanation for everything. Sometimes, just follow your heart," Qin Wanshu replied seriously. Thinking of Zuo Qinghuan, a hint of melancholy still touched Qin Wanshu's heart.

Yan Ruozhe was silent. The past two months of intense longing made it impossible for her to ignore the fact that she seemed to have fallen in love with Li Xin. But she was also very frightened by this feeling, which made her feel lost. Should she just follow her heart and go find Li Xin?

"Miss Yan." As Yan Ruozhe was leaving Qin's, she was stopped by a woman.

Yan Ruozhe turned around and saw a woman who looked somewhat similar to Li Xin.

"I am Li Yao, Li Xin's younger sister. Can I talk to you?" Li Yao carefully sized up Yan Ruozhe in her formal attire. This was the person her sister loved so deeply. She looked like a very rigorous and rigid person; no wonder she was so heartless.

Yan Ruozhe nodded. She also wanted to get some information about Li Xin from Li Yao. She had just decided to go find Li Xin.

"My sister hasn't been doing well these past two months. Even if you don't love her, could you please go see her?" Li Yao pleaded earnestly. Her sister had locked herself in her room for two months, and the family was very worried, afraid that she might do something drastic. If it wasn't absolutely necessary, she wouldn't have come to beg Yan Ruozhe.

"What's wrong with her?" Worry flickered in Yan Ruozhe's eyes.

"You'll know when you see her," Li Yao said sadly. Her sister's condition was very bad, almost self-destructive.

"Do you love her?" Seeing the concern in Yan Ruozhe's eyes, Li Yao thought that perhaps she wasn't as completely unloving as her sister had said. This guess made Li Yao very happy, as it meant there was still hope for her sister.

Yan Ruozhe nodded. Two months was enough time to understand her own heart clearly. She felt an urgent desire to see Li Xin.

"Please, you must tell my sister that you love her very much." Her sister would be very happy to know this. Li Yao missed the energetic sister she knew before the surgery, not the one who was hiding in her room, devoid of hope.

"This is my sister's room; you can go in yourself." Li Yao led Yan Ruozhe to the door of Li Xin's room.

Yan Ruozhe looked at the door to Li Xin's room and suddenly felt very nervous, a feeling as tense as when she was first adopted.

Yan Ruozhe slowly opened the door and found it was rather dark inside.

"I said, don't bother me. I just want to be alone." Li Xin buried her head in her knees, not even looking up, just shouting hysterically, "Why? Why won't you even give me the space to lick my wounds?"

Yan Ruozhe closed the door, and the room returned to dimness. Yan Ruozhe frowned slightly as she looked at Li Xin, who was huddled in a ball, looking extremely disheveled and pathetic. Yan Ruozhe's heart tightened. How could this woman have let herself become like this? This woman was clearly someone who originally loved beauty so much. Just how much did this woman love her? Yan Ruozhe suddenly realized that the weight of Li Xin's love for her was immeasurable.

Yan Ruozhe walked towards Li Xin and squatted down in front of her. She reached out her hand to touch Li Xin, wanting to tell her that she actually missed her very much.

Li Xin, lost in her emotions, perhaps sensed a familiar presence. She slowly raised her head and saw Yan Ruozhe squatting in front of her, reaching out her hand towards her. For a moment, Li Xin thought it was a hallucination.

She hated this feeling. She hated Yan Ruozhe appearing as a hallucination, and she also hated that she still couldn't forget Yan Ruozhe even now.

"Li Xin, you said the distance between us was a thousand steps. You've already walked 999 steps; let me take that last step." Yan Ruozhe reached out and touched Li Xin's haggard face, which was nothing like her usual charming self, pale as a ghost. Yan Ruozhe felt a slight pang in her heart.

Li Xin greedily moved closer to Yan Ruozhe. After feeling the warmth of the fingers on her face and the increasingly strong scent of Yan Ruozhe, she realized it wasn't a hallucination and suddenly pushed Yan Ruozhe away.

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