Chapter 130

Chase's POV 

 "Don't do it." Kayla said in a singsong voice, coming up from behind me. 

 "Can't remember giving you that power over me." I replied to her. 

Her mission was achieved,, I'd been distracted at least, and the swing was safe. 

 "It's what friends are for." She said proudly. 

I didn't like the fact that each time I looked at her, I had to be initially arrested by her boobs. 

 "We aren't that yet." I clarified. 

 "Do you have a problem with me?" Kayla asked. 

 "Please don't even try to make this about yourself." I dismissed

 "Forgive me," she said, "I kinda have to, seeing that you are not interested in whatever this is." 

 "What is 'this'?" I asked, looking at her. 

These girls were all the same thing…

 "Chase, it'd be inhumane to say you don't see me as anything more than you see every other person." She explained. 

I admired her resilience, and her courage. 

I actually wanted to make her chicken out. I didn't want to hear it, but since she said it, I guess we were gonna have that conversation. 

 "Don't you think it's a little too early to be putting tags on this?" I reasoned with her. 

 "It's all perspective, Chase. And how big of a deal you see it." Kayla replied. 

 "Perspective has nothing to do with stuff being downright inappropriate." I countered. 

 "So you think." She sat on a swing and looked away. 

 "I really don't want to be stringing you along, Kayla." I started, swallowing hard. I didn't see myself having this sort of conversation anytime soon, but there I was. "It's too soon." I added. 

 "Says who?" She asked, looking away. 

 "I've just been around too many of those to not know stuff like these, Chase." Kayla replied. "I've had friends who breakup and move on in days, I've had a couple of failed love interests too." I felt insulted that she could ever reduce what Emma and I had to that. 

Admittedly, I was stupid, and the whole marriage stunt was to solidify my ownership of the house her mom got me, but I really felt like we were getting to that point when things nosedived. 

 "We were closer than that, Kayla." I dismissed her school of thought. 

 "I'm not denying that, Chase. But are you gonna be a monk for the rest of your life? You just scared that girl away." She pointed in the direction Helen took, but I'd rather she thought that was what happened than clarify things. 

 "Feelings just don't wash away, Kayla." I reiterated. 

 "I'm not saying they do." She replied. "I'm saying if you're gonna feel any better after whatever happened, you've gotta let good things happen."

 "And what exactly does 'good things' stand for?" I asked, taking the cup from her hand. 

 "Well, any and everything that doesn't make you think or remember stuff." She replied to me. 

 "You mean a girl?" I asked, I was amused, and the drink was making me a bit more impressionable. "Or you?" I looked into her green eyes that were staring straight back at me. 

 "I'm not a fan of commitments, Chase." She smiled, "fear not." 

 "That's…" I was lost for words. 

All the while I thought she'd been hitting on me. 

 "I kinda felt like I owed it to Emma, and you by extension, to apologize for all that happened. But I'm also very open to something cordial. I do not have enough friends." 

 "That's Kayla, but I can't bring myself to swim when I'm drowning in the memories of Al that'd happened." I explained, and took a sip. "Hopefully, someday I'd get to feel the world around me better than I am now. I just cannot change this person I am right now. Go easy on me." I drank all the contents of the cup and threw it away. 

 "High enough?" She asked 

 "Not close." I crashed on the swing next to her. 

 "I always dreamt we'd bring our kids here." I divulged, subconsciously. "We make out in corners where there are fewer kids, and keep an eye out for ours." I added. 

 "That is a little too vivid." Kayla chuckled. 

 "I had intentions, Kayla." I said. "And hopes." 

 "Where are those right now?" She asked me. 

 "They don't even show." I replied. "Scratch that, I lost them." I said truthfully. 

 "You've gotta do something about those memories." She said, 

 "Can't." I replied truthfully. "They're my ecstasy." 

 "I think you're holding on to them a little too much at the expense of the present." Kayla said. 

Who was she to judge me? 

 "That's for me to decide." I said. "I'm the one paying." 

 "You've got people who care about you." She replied, "That's where it starts to get tricky." 

 "I think I'm just gonna retire for the night." The night was barely spent and I'd already overshared, plus I'd begun to feel quite claustrophobic with people all around. 

 "Is it something I said?" Kayla was worried. 

 "Nah." I assured her, and pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

 "I'll see you tomorrow?" She asked me. 

 "Definitely." I affirmed, and was soon on the way home. 

I hadn't gotten a car yet, and I didn't want to drive mine all the way, so I had been using rides and lifts to get around. 

I booked a ride, and in an hour, I was back home safely. 

 "What a night!" I murmured to myself. 

I took my clothes off. 

And lay down on my bed in stark nakedness. 

It was time like those flashbacks of Emma squatting over me came back. 

 I touched myself in hopes of feeling the rush I felt when Emma fingers did it, but there was none.

 "Fuck it man." I gave up trying to simulate the feel of the hands my body had grown too accustomed to. 

Moving on was a great idea, but a hard one. 

It was beginning to feel like it had some sort of telepathy to it. 

Maybe the longer I thought about her and held her in my head, the more she'd yearn for me too like I did her.