Jealousy.

When I saw her and tried saying hi to her she completely ignored me and walked away with Eric. I was feeling kinda jealous and I could tell that Ryan noticed my jealousy. Ryan told me not to be jealous since if Eric likes me,he will never ever be In a relationship with someome else. I couldn't believe that he was saying this when he had a crush on me. But I was happy that there was someone to console me at the very least. While eating,I was thinking about Estelle. I don't know why is she doing this,but I am pretty sure that she knows what she's doing. She very well knows that I have a crush on Eric and is still flirting with him in front of me. But,I thought that she was my one and only loyal bestfriend,I guess she was not interested in me either. After finishing my lunch,I asked Ryan what we were going to do next,he said that we will discuss some more points about the competition since the next competition would be hard. We went inside the classroom,sat on our seats and started making notes about the competition. The class was empty so we had the access to the black board and could practice our speeches with the help of it. Ryan told me to write my ideas on the black board,I went near the black board,took the duster and started cleaning it. I couldnt clean the upper portion so I was trying to clean it by jumping,but after 2 minutes,Ryan came and, lifted me up so that I could clean the board. I shouted,keep me down! How can you pick me up without my permission!? He told me that he picked me up because I liked to be independent and do everything on my own. So he picked me up in place of helping me. I cleaned the board and told him to put me down. I was furious but didn't say anything to him,he asked me for my forgiveness and said that he will never ever pick me up again. I forgave him and we started the discussion again. We discussed for 2 hours and then the bell rang. Ryan told me that he had to leave first since his school bus would be leaving early today. I was packing my bag,when Estelle came,she asked me how I was doing. I told her to stay away from me after what she has done. She asked me what she did. I told her that she was flirting with Eric even though she knew that I liked him. She told me that it just seemed like flirting but it was not what I thought. I told her that I will not talk to her ever again. She started apolosgising and said that this was the last time she did this. After that,I forgave her and I dropped her to her house. I went back home,washed my face and couldn't believe what happened today was true. I thought that maybe Estelle was actually saying the truth and I mistook her. But my brain was not ready to accept this fact. I kind of thought that she could be betraying me too. But I ignored my thoughts and slept without overthinking too much. The next day,we were not going to the Blake highschool and the competition was postponed because of the head judge being sick. I don't know why but I was kinda sad maybe because Ryan was a better friend than Estelle. I attended all my classes and was tired as hell. I also got to see my grades and I failed in math. As expected,I passed all the other subjects but failed in math,I got scolded by the teacher in front of the class and was embarrassed too. Today, my caretaker was sick so she couldn't come to pick me up. When I reached home I saw Ryan standing infront of my house I was scared and couldn't face him since I was somewhat crying. So I went to a convenience store to calm myself down by eating my favorite food. I ate a lot and bought a lot of snacks for myself. Then I went back home,Ryan was not there and he returned back. When I was at my main door someone put their hands on my eyes from,behind. When I turned back,it was Ryan. He saw my red eyes and asked me if I was ok,and I don't know why but I felt like I was relieved now so I started crying. Ryan asked me what had happend,I told him that I failed in the math test even though I worked very hard. I got scolded in front of the class and was embarrassed. The thing I fear the most in this world is embarrassment. I just hate it! And don't want to deal with it at all. He started laughing and told me how cute I looked while crying. I told him to come inside my house since we couldn't talk outside. When I was entering my room,I suddenly remembered the undergarments that were acatterd all over my bed. I told Ryan to wait a bit and hid it in my wardrobe. Honestly,I am not embarrassed of someone seeing my clothes but undergarments are personal and they should not be seen by anyone in my opinion. I told him to come inside an he excalimed in a sloppy voice,huh I thought your room would be of pink colour but it's all pitch black. I told him that it's not necessary for every girl to have a pink room. He asked me why did I choose black out of all the colours,I told him that I think that the colour black resembles peace and loyalty. So I chose black,he asked me when did I choose this colour I told him that I chose it when I was 12. I regretted it a lot after seeing Olivia's room honestly but after her dissapearance. I felt like black is my colour and chose to love the colour black.