Chapter 3: The God in the Onesie

Kael quickly found the café, and was pleasantly surprised to see it was relatively normal. It looked like a standard Starbucks, complete with strange seasonal drinks menus and a rack of stale pastries. The only thing that made it stand out was the soft glow emanating from the menu board, which seemed to display an infinite number of options.

"Try the Ectoplasmic Espresso! It'll haunt your taste buds!" a nearby sign proclaimed, complete with an overly enthusiastic ghost graphic. Kael couldn't help but roll his eyes at the ridiculousness.

A tiny bell chimed, and from behind the counter appeared a barista no taller than a foot—one of those spirited fairies Tarou mentioned. She fluttered up to eye level, her wings beating rapidly as she tossed her curly blue hair over her shoulder.

"Welcome to Café Transcendent!" she chirped, her voice high-pitched and overly enthusiastic, like a salesperson who'd had too much coffee. "What can I get for you today? Might I recommend our Void Macchiato? It's soul-crushingly delicious!"

Kael raised an eyebrow. "Uh... soul-crushing? Isn't that, like, a bad thing?"

The fairy rolled her eyes dramatically. "Ugh, you mortals are always so literal. It's just a phrase! I swear, no one appreciates clever marketing anymore." She crossed her tiny arms. "So, what'll it be?"

Kael scanned the menu again, trying not to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. "Alright, hit me with a Phantom Cappuccino and, uh... one of those 'Ethereal Pastries.'"

"Great choice!" the fairy beamed, snapping her fingers. In an instant, a small cup of glowing liquid and a floating pastry that seemed to shimmer around the edges appeared in front of him. "Enjoy!"

Kael took the cup, peering into the swirling, iridescent foam on top. He hesitated. "Is this... safe to drink?"

The fairy leaned in, grinning mischievously. "Depends on your definition of safe."

Kael groaned. "Not exactly reassuring."

He cautiously took a sip and was pleasantly surprised. The Phantom Cappuccino tasted like the best coffee he'd ever had, but with an odd, lingering aftertaste he couldn't quite place. As for the pastry, it was light, fluffy, and somehow disappeared the moment he bit into it—literally.

"Well, that's... different," Kael muttered, licking his fingers and finding no trace of crumbs. He shook his head and chuckled. "This place just keeps getting weirder."

As he finished his ethereal snack, the little bell above the café dinged again. This time, it was a mechanical-sounding ding that echoed through the air. Kael turned, spotting an old-school elevator in the corner, its brass doors opening with a quiet creak.

A sign above the elevator flashed in neon: "Floor Infinity" with a cheerful arrow pointing inside.

Kael sighed, tossing his cup into a conveniently floating trash bin. "Guess that's my ride."

"Good luck." The fairy said, lazily flipping through a tabloid magazine and sipping her own cup.

"Looks like it's time to meet the god of Shut-ins," Kael said to himself with a wry smile, steeling his nerves for whatever awaited him next.

Kael stepped into the elevator, trying not to focus too hard on the fact that it didn't have any buttons—just a glowing infinity symbol hovering above the door. The moment it slid shut, the floor dropped out from under him, sending a wave of nausea through his body. For a split second, he thought he might actually be hurtling through the void, but the sensation passed as quickly as it came.

Ding.

The doors slid open to reveal a room that looked like a cross between a cozy living room and an eccentric game room. Piles of plush pillows were scattered everywhere, alongside oversized beanbag chairs and a massive flat-screen TV displaying static.

Laying on a massive, brightly colored beanbag in the middle of the space was who Kael assumed was Hibiki Komori, the God of Shut-ins. To his surprise, Hibiki looked younger than expected—maybe thirteen or fourteen—dressed in an adorable blue Doraemon onesie that perfectly matched his messy blue hair, which was styled in a lazy bun. The sight was almost too cute for a god, and Kael couldn't help but wonder if he had stumbled into a whimsical children's show instead of the realm of deities.

"Of course the god is a middle schooler," Kael mumbled. "Why wouldn't he be?" He felt about thirty seconds away from a mental breakdown.

Hibiki looked up as Kael stepped in, blinking slowly as if waking from a nap. "Oh, hey there!" he said, stretching his arms above his head, knocking over a massive stack of manga. "You're the new guy, right? Welcome to my humble abode! Want a snack?"

"No thanks. I just ate downstairs. I think I just need a minute to sit down. Its all so much." Kael sat down in one of the chairs beside the god and held his head in his hands.

"Alright, suit yourself." Hibiki said, brow furrowed in disappointment. "I'm just going to just read some Berserk until you get your bearings."

"Thank you. Really. Just like 5 minutes." Kael whimpered, his mind reeling. They sat there in companionable silence until Kael said, "Alright. What now? Do I get reincarnated? Is it a heaven deal? What's going to happen?"

Hibiki looked up from his manga, excitement shining in his light blue eyes. "Oh, you're definitely being reincarnated—preferably in a world you're already aware of. That's the most entertaining option for me!"

"Entertaining? Why would a god require entertainment?" Kael asked, raising an eyebrow, though he was still visibly nervous. "You could read everything on Earth if you wanted. Finish every show."

"Exactly! I've read everything," Hibiki replied, bouncing slightly in his seat. "This is my fifth run of Berserk alone! The only way to get truly new entertainment is through you contractors. All I have to do is enable the setting where I can't see your futures, and voila! New content." He flashed a mischievous grin. "That's why I'm so generous with my blessings—it's just so fun!"

Kael shook his head in disbelief. "So, my life is just fodder for your entertainment?"

"Pretty much!" Hibiki laughed, undeterred. "But don't worry! You'll get to play the lead role. Now, let's get into processing your reincarnation. You still got the sheet Tarou gave you?"