Lost

"Areum, why are you sitting here alone?", one of my classmates asked. "I haven't been able to concentrate on my studies lately that's why", I lied. I just wanted to be alone and avoid the presence of others around me. Soon, the teacher entered the classroom and began the lesson. I seriously wanted to study but I can't keep my mind at one place. It kept going back to the stuff I wanted to forget. I would just doodle or scribble my way through the classes. I loved writing poetries. However recently, my poems became more sad and depressed unlike they used to be. 

"Let's go for lunch, Minho is waiting for us in the cafeteria", Jiwon said. "Oh, I have a stomach ache. I'm not going to eat anything. You guys go ahead", I kept my hand on stomach pretending to be in pain. Both of them were not just mere friends to me, they were more like soulmates. All my worries would wash away whenever I shared the burden of my thoughts with Jiwon. And Minho, he was my solutionist. He would solve any problem of my life within a few minutes. This time, things are a bit different. I am a type of person who is afraid of facing difficulties, that's why I always run away from my problems. This time, I am not running away from my problem, I am running away from it's solution.

 I would walk straight to the last bench as soon as I entered the classroom. I avoided having lunch with my friends, and even if I joined them, I would put my earphones on and watch a movie or something. After school, I go home and lock myself in my room. I would eat, study, sleep, watch dramas, read novels and do everything else inside those four walls. I would end up arguing with anyone who tried to initiate a conversation with me. I totally became a heartless stone while coping up with the overwhelming emotions that I wasn't able to understand.

"Areum, open the door. I need to talk to you about something", my father knocked on the door. I remained quiet wanting him to assume that I was already asleep. "I know you are listening to me. Open the door for a minute. It won't take long." I got up from my bed to open the door knowing that he wasn't going to back off. "What is it?! Are you going on a business trip again!" His head falls down immediately, an indication that I was right. "This time too I will say that I don't want to go to aunt's house and you will again force me to go!" Tears start to build up in my eyes hoping that at least he would listen to me for once and won't leave me behind in a hell.

I don't like going to my aunt's house and I also hate giving a hard time to my father. I lost my mother too early, so I barely have any memories with her. After she passed away, dad took very good care of me. He was so cool when he managed both work and home. Now that I have grown up, I understand how he feels. He must find it difficult to raise me alone. There are times when he doesn't know what to do when I act in a certain way. He is a man and he can't understand everything that I might feel. Now I am feeling guilty for throwing a tantrum just a few minutes ago. I walk into his room where he was packing his bag. "Dad, don't worry about me and get your work done. I will go to aunt's place after school", I gave him a hug before helping him pack his stuff.

Ten days later~

My eyes looked tired and my face turned pale because I was sleep deprived. I could barely sleep at her home as my brain was always conscious about the potential danger. My exams are near and I really need to get my act together and study sincerely. On the contrary I seem to have lost the will power to do anything. I was feeling dizzy when I heard the doorbell ring. My aunt walked through the living room to open the door as my eyes followed her. "Good evening", I heard a familiar voice. I ran towards the door and hugged him as tears started to fall from my eyes. "Hey, what happened? Why are you crying?", dad asked as he patted on my back. "I missed you dad", I cried as if it was the first time he left me behind.

We had dinner at aunt's house and then came back to our own home. I feel rest assured now that I am in my safe zone."Areum, why were you crying? Did something happen? Are you not feeling well? Your face is not looking good", dad asked worried while I helped him unpack his things. "You know that my exams are near. I am afraid that I won't be able to make it. Also, I am having trouble in sleeping these days." As I continued with my work, dad gave me some advice for studies as well as some remedies to fall asleep. 

Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep. My alarm rang. I barely slept last night and now my eyes look puffy. I was studying until 3 am then I went to lay on the bed. I kept tossing and turning for hours before I finally got a wink to sleep. I had a shower before getting ready for the school. I came out of my room to smell the freshly made pancakes and the sweetness of honey. I finished my breakfast in a hurry and left for school. 

Our classes after lunch were cancelled and we were going to have some special seminar. Minho, Jiwon and I went to the seminar hall together. We sat there chatting about random stuff when a man in his early 20s entered the hall. "Good afternoon guys, I am Min Daehan....."