Shuster is hazed in the clone barracks

"Okay, The Monkey," Dmitry Kurnosov interrupted his friend, "we've had a great chat here, but you can see on Martin's monitors that I'm at The Blood Polygon now, and therefore, if I need to make it to the meeting with the boss, then I need to get out of here as soon as possible so that I can tele-slap my way to the door of his office at least five minutes after he gets settled in there with his buddies, you understand?"

"I understand, bro, but personally I would advise you to go somewhere and walk for a couple of hours after leaving The Blood Polygon, because you know what kind of person our boss is - first he pulls you out of the ass of the world with the words, like, come to me immediately, and then, when you go through all the circles of hell for the sake of meeting him, you go to him and hear the classic "I'm busy!", after which you sit in his reception room like the last loser for two hours and only then, when you are ready to explode with anger, he suddenly sticks his head out of the office and peacefully says, "Okay, bro, fly in to me, let's chat!"

"I think you're right," Dmitry Kurnosov agreed with Mark. "But I'll go anyway, because I've long understood that if you want to achieve something in life, you shouldn't sit still, but take your feet and go!"

"Forward so forward," said Mark. "Just don't forget that you must arrive at the meeting with the boss in full dress uniform and with a smile on your face! And not in this fancy dress costume of yours, in which I now have the pleasure of seeing you on the monitor! Where did you even dig that up? And these creepy red contact lenses! What the hell, I don't understand! Have you decided to become a maniac and walk the streets dressed like that?! Do you even know..." Mark suddenly fell silent.

"What?" asked Dmitry Kurnosov. "Did you say something, The Monkey?! I didn't hear."

"No, nothing. I just thought - what if you really are a maniac and you don't give a shit that the cops can fine you for walking around the streets dressed as a professional killer? You know how they feel about such things now."

"I know," Dmitry Kurnosov replied. "But I'm not a maniac and never have been one. I just want to look natural on this Polygon among all these robot Satanists dressed in brown robes and hoods. As for the suit, I bought it at Stereolith Productions in Kirkland. There's a nice little store in this The Omen Ican town where you can buy anything you want. So I bought myself a suit that suits me very well. And I made the lenses myself - they're made of silicone hydrogel, which I tinted with A&V Scallop 82 pigment. Of course, they're not ideal - for example, they dry out my eyes like crazy - but I've somehow gotten used to it. And in general, I just want to look like a hero from a super-action movie, and not like a pot-bellied, chubby-cheeked cutie-shy, which I actually am."

"Thank you for your confession," Mark said sarcastically, "but I would still ask you to change your suit when you go to the boss, otherwise I'm afraid he won't listen to your story for long, but will simply say: "What a sight, soldier Kurnosov, come on, march to the kitchen, ten outfits out of turn!"

"Come on, The Monkey, you know that we're not like the army," Dmitry Kurnosov reasoned with him. "We don't have strict requirements for appearance."

"I'm not saying that you have strict requirements. You just have to look as natural in the office as you want to look on this The Blood Polygon."

"Oh, no way, I'm not going to trade my roomy black coat for a noose around my neck and a tight three-piece suit that's threatening to come apart at the seams under the pressure of my body!" said Dmitry Kurnosov. "It would be better if you, The Monkey..."

He paused and suddenly it dawned on him.

"Listen! That's an idea! You know what? Let me call Stereolith Productions in Kirkland right now. They have a PR department for clients from other countries, and let me call them right from here and say: "Dear Director of Stereolith Productions, I want to buy a suit like mine from you and give it to my boss!" I think that would be a win-win idea! And if we can't get through to them from our personal phones, we'll just ask our secretary to make a call directly from our corporation's main office. And then I'll be able to buy our boss the same suit as me, so he won't be all cocky about my appearance!"

"You should go to work at Ubihard, make them new games in the "Mist" series," Mark grinned. "Such a quest has come my way here that I simply don't know how to take your words... But let's look at things realistically - the boss doesn't really give a shit about your suit, and it's better not to even think about giving him the same one, because not only is it a completely pointless undertaking, it's also very risky - after all, as I understand it, you bought this suit not from us, but abroad, right?"

"Well, yes, in Kirkland," confirmed his words Dmitry Kurnosov. "When I was doing another mission there, out of boredom I went into a clothing store called "Stereolith Productions" and there, in order to demonstrate my readiness to take part in the fight against what The Omen Icans call "the new world order", I bought myself a maniac costume. It was written on the sign - "Maniac costume, black wide-brimmed hat - 1 pc., black raincoat - 1 pc., brown pants - 1 pc., white shirt - 1 pc., black shoes - 2 pcs.". The price for everything was two hundred and five bucks. I didn't haggle and paid for the whole thing as much as they asked. And then, when I returned to Pet-el-burge, I decided that it would be cool to show up at The Blood Polygon in such an outfit. Well, I got into it, now I don't wear any other clothes except this "Maniac Costume", I even drink tea and read books in it at home, that's how it is!"

"Oh, come on," Mark was surprised, "do you really wear it to the store? And what about your reputation? You could get into trouble! Or, even worse, they could mistake you for a maniac and arrest you! But you're not a maniac, you're just a person with a non-standard vestiual orientation ("vestis" means "clothing" in Latin). They could throw you in a mental hospital! Or even bake you in an oven - it depends on your luck! What do you think? If I were you, I wouldn't take such a risk for anything!"

"Oh, come on," said Dmitry Kurnosov. "You know what? Let's call our secretary right now and ask her if she can call that very Stereolith Productions clothing store. And if not, then we'll definitely do everything according to the rules: we'll tell her the whole story about my maniac costume that I bought in Kirkland or we'll come up with something even worse..."

"Stop playing the fool," said Mark. "I'm not your errand boy!"

"That's understandable," Dmitry Kurnosov said in a conciliatory tone. "It wasn't just like that that I suggested you call the secretary - I specifically wanted to test your reaction to my proposal. If you agreed to help me with this matter and do everything right... But if not, then you and I will both look like complete idiots, mark my words!"

"I don't mind, actually," said Mark. "But tell me, why does our boss need this suit?"

"Well, I already explained it to you," said Dmitry Kurnosov. "The logic here is simple - if the boss is dressed the same as me, then he won't give a damn about my appearance and we won't have any squabbles about it!

"And if he doesn't want to?" asked Mark. "What will you do then, huh?! You know - in our company, everyone stands their ground! You stand their ground, I stand my ground, and I won't even mention the boss!"

"What else can I do?" Dmitry Kurnosov asked his friend. "I can't just call this store. It has to be on behalf of our entire corporation!"

"I've told you more than once - give up your stupid idea, but no: "let's call, let's call"! I'm sick of it already!" Mark shouted in his heart. "Finish our conversation, grab your feet and stomp from The Blood Polygon straight to the boss, before he gets all his bodyguards on their feet and interrogates you with prejudice! And I'll go to my place, look at this suit of yours on the Internet, right on the website of this very Stereolith Productions. If I like it, I'll buy it for myself on the weekend... Just keep in mind - if you deceive me or do something like that to me while drunk - then everything between us will be over forever! And don't expect that after that I will help you! I know you - you will always do things your own way anyway. And I don't want to be considered an idiot like you! And anyway, I don't know - maybe all this bullshit is that very "new world order" that The Omen Icans are talking about day and night on all TV channels? And you, as always, are in your repertoire! Well, okay. I'm going to my room - otherwise my head is already splitting from all this talk..."

"But please don't forget about this maniac costume," Dmitry Kurnosov asked him, but Mark had already pressed the end call button.

And then suddenly Dmitry Kurnosov felt a strong blow to the side - this was the same cultist who had frozen like a statue during his conversation with Mark, but at the end of the communication session he immediately came to life and fired a charge of salt from a blowgun into him.

Dmitry Kurnosov dropped the phone on the ground, but immediately picked it up and ran as fast as he could to the exit of The Blood Polygon, which was camouflaged from the inside as an inverted red and white triangle with horns on the sides, which hung quietly on the hedge and was visible to anyone who wanted to see it.

All you had to do was press on its middle, after which the teleportation mechanism would automatically trigger, which would transfer anyone wishing to leave The Blood Polygon from its territory straight to the barracks. Dmitry Kurnosov didn't have to persuade himself for long and as soon as he found himself next to the hedge, he immediately pressed on the triangle with all his might.

Immediately a whirlwind rose up around him, which, having swallowed him up in a flash of white fire, carried him away to an unknown destination, and after a couple of seconds he saw the familiar barracks of his unit in front of him.

It was quite cozy, if you can call it that for a room of about ten square meters without a single picture on the wall or even a vase of flowers on the table. A quick glance was enough to notice that all the beds were neatly made and the floor was swept to a mirror shine.

Dmitry Kurnosov looked around: no one was visible anywhere. He went to the window, behind which he could see the parade ground, where there was also no one - apparently everyone had already gone to their places for the evening roll call or dinner.

He sat down on the bed and put the phone next to him. He wasn't sure what to do next: pull down his pants and jerk off to porn since no one could see him, or go to the toilet to empty his bladder.

After some thought, Dmitry Kurnosov decided that he should go to the potty, but before that he decided to pull the shutter back to the sex scene from the movie "A Home at the End of the World", namely the one in which naked Asia Vieira flashed her ass and tits in the company of the polished faggot Ryan Donowho.

However, Dmitry Kurnosov did not even have time to assume a horizontal position and take off his pants, because at that very moment, the enraged conscript Pavel Solonin himself burst into the barracks along with two more soldiers born in 1982 - just a minute, Dmitry Kurnosov himself was born on September 27, 1994, due to which he was twelve years younger than these three, due to which they used hazing methods against him.

Be that as it may, when they saw him sitting on the bed with a phone, on the screen of which a video with a naked chick was playing, they immediately understood the seriousness of the situation and pounced on him, poor thing, with the whole crowd and immediately threw him to the floor, and one of them stepped on his right hand, in which he was holding the phone, which immediately made it go numb, and the second hit him on the head with all his might with his wrapped towel - so as not to leave bruises - with his fist.

Pavel Solonin, who led this triumvirate of Cossack robbers, took advantage of the fact that Dmitry Kurnosov was too busy with his buddies, grabbed his phone and, devouring his screen with his eyes (and there was something to devouring, naked Asia Vieira after all!) began to slowly jerk himself off with one hand, until he suddenly felt how Dmitry Kurnosov, lying on the floor, grabbed his soleus muscle with his teeth.

Then the brave soldier Pavel Solonin couldn't stand it and screamed at the top of his lungs:

"You bitch!" and tried to kick Dmitry Kurnosov in the face, but it was too late - he fell from the pain in his leg, and the phone stolen from the soldier who bit him immediately flew into the corner.

The next moment, Dmitry Kurnosov, taking advantage of the fact that the instigator of the attack was temporarily incapacitated by his dishonest move with his teeth, picked up his phone from the floor and, not paying attention to the fact that Pavel Solonin, who was writhing on the floor from pain in his leg, was trying to get up, rushed to the exit.

Two other soldiers, born in 1982, seeing this and realizing their mistake - or maybe just not having time to think in the heat of the fight - rushed after him, but no way! Dmitry Kurnosov, despite his beer belly and plump, hamster-like cheeks, was a surprisingly good runner and jumper, so they were unable to keep up with him and soon fell behind.

But during this time, the three of them managed to run out of the barracks, cross the empty parade ground and eventually go out onto the street, where sergeant Nitwitted Neff was unexpectedly waiting for them. He was in full dress uniform and holding a Kalashnikov assault rifle in his hands - apparently, he had just returned from guard duty protecting the unit's perimeter.

When he saw two soldiers born in 1982 running towards him, he took a few steps towards them:

"Stop! I'll shoot!" he croaked with the intonation of a dying swan.

But the soldiers didn't stop, and then he fired into the air, and one of them fell - apparently, out of fear, he thought that they were shooting at him. Then Dmitry Kurnosov, who was already very close to Nitwitted Neff, shouted to him:

"Why are you standing there, sergeant? Can't you see that the man is running away?"

Nitwitted Neff couldn't find a way to answer Dmitry Kurnosov's unexpected question, but instead turned his back on him and ran towards the barracks, where a bunch of soldiers had gathered by that time - they had obviously run out of the dining room to ask why the hell the sergeant had suddenly torn them away from their dinner with a shot into the air.

But Dmitry Kurnosov did not wait for anyone to pay attention to him and, turning his back on his colleagues who were worried about what had happened, ran forward up the street.

He didn't know what to do next - whether to go to the barracks and tell the sergeant Nitwitted Neff what had happened, or to return to The Blood Polygon and take out his anger on a dozen or so robot Satanists there. Neither option suited him, since he never liked going back, always striving to move forward and forward.

But, as it turned out later - and this was the most important thing in his life! - he couldn't return to The Blood Polygon anyway, because for some purely bureaucratic reasons it was closed for repairs, although, as far as Dmitry Kurnosov remembered, nothing was broken there, but who the hell knows, those bigwigs from the accounting department, what they were fighting over there!

Therefore, there was only one place in his personal universe where he headed without hesitation - namely the restaurant "Born Speleologist", located not far from the military unit. There he could calmly think about everything and rack his brains, without the risk of getting into trouble with some angry colonel or even the general himself for the simple reason that this restaurant did not serve military personnel.

And Dmitry Kurnosov, as was said at the beginning of this story, was only partly a military man, so this rule did not apply to him and it was no problem for him to enter this establishment.

He entered the restaurant "Born Speleologist" - it was very quiet there, only somewhere in the far end of the room the music from an ancient, from the eighties, album of the group Depeche Mode, which was called "So My Graveyard!" was playing quietly. Dmitry Kurnosov ordered himself a beer and, leisurely sipping it from a glass, began to think about his conversation with Mark "The Monkey" at The Blood Polygon.

And then it suddenly dawned on him that he should have started a conversation with his friend about casual sex between two people of different genders. At first he thought that he was wrong to be embarrassed to talk about it, but then it finally dawned on him that it would have been outright porn over the phone! And if that was the case, then he should forget about sex once and for all! But how? How could he do it?

Take this video of naked Asia Vieira as an example. After all, she was filmed completely naked and sitting on a half-naked Ryan Donowho in the opening scene of the film "A Home at the End of the World"! So what should he do now? After all, he can't just stop watching feature films altogether just because he accidentally came across a scene in one of them that would be more appropriate to be in porn than in a full-length film intended to be shown on TV and in cinemas!

What if he just doesn't watch movies at all? It's so easy! Switch to books and that's it, problem solved! But how do you do that? He can't just stop watching movies. He's already used to it, and it will be very difficult for him to give it up, especially that movie starring Asia Vieira!

What to do now, Dmitry Kurnosov thought feverishly, having already managed to empty the first mug of beer and order a second. He suddenly remembered his Oppo phone, which he had in his hands before his fight with Pavel Solonin and his two buddies began.

It was very powerful and he got it for pennies, but as it turned out later - that was not the main thing in it. Dmitry Kurnosov understood this immediately after that moment in his life when he first saw naked Asia Vieira in the company of Ryan Donowho on the screen of his phone... But more on that later!

Now he had to solve another problem, namely, a meeting with the boss and his two buddies, whom Mark "The Monkey" had told him about during their last telephone conversation at The Blood Polygon.

But how to get to him, to this very boss? And then it dawned on him - he remembered Mark's words from that very conversation around the fire under the pines near the village of Jerkdicks a little over a year ago...