Inner Workings in the VioletRavenLionJackal

While the cutest and most charming fat man on the entire globe was sipping beer at the Born Speleologist restaurant and solving questions of universal importance (and the written beauty of naked Asia Vieira), our old friends Nar-Tai and Ando, together with Jorge Osorio, were sitting in the main office of the Pet-el-burge branch of the VRLJ corporation.

They, of course, couldn't see what was happening on the territory of the barracks, but the shot that the sergeant Nitwitted Neff fired into the air still reached their ears.

The next second, Nar-Tai, who was already tired of sitting in the cramped office, rose from his chair and went to the window, through which one could see a semicircular courtyard in front of the building, where at that time several Mercedes cars and even one black limousine were parked.

Near the parking lot, Nar-Tai saw lilac bushes in bloom, which had been planted on the sides of the yard to give it a slightly less institutional look. He still remembered the time when he was a very small boy and loved to pick lilac flowers so that they would please his eyes on his desk where he did his homework.

But now the lilacs were just lilacs for him - they no longer evoked any special feelings in him. Be that as it may, Nar-Tai felt a little better after looking down into the courtyard - at least some change compared to the boring, official look of the office in which he and his friends had been sitting for an hour now, waiting for a certain clone soldier to finally appear, about whom Jorge Osorio had been buzzing his ears during the monorail ride from Alma-Thou to Pet-el-burge...

And at that moment, when Nar-Tai turned away from the window and was already preparing to ask his question on this topic, the door to the office suddenly swung open, and the head of security, Colonel Deadend Graver himself, appeared on the threshold! And after him, two conscript soldiers who accompanied him entered the office - a blond man of about twenty-five and a brunette of the same age, both similar to each other like twins.

On their heads all three of them had identical black berets of space marines, oh, sorry, just marines, and Colonel Deadend Graver held under his arm a small sports bag like those that athletes usually carry when they go to training in a sports section.

Seeing these three, the face of Jorge Osorio, who had been sternly silent until then, immediately came to life, and he jumped up to greet the newcomers:

"Glad to see you, guys!" he fawned with genuine joy. "Come on in here quickly... Sit over there - I'll make you some coffee right here, but first I'll have to work on something for ten or fifteen minutes alone with myself..."

"We don't have time to drink coffee!" Colonel Deadend Graver interrupted him, not letting go of his load. "We need to report to you urgently about a very important matter! You know about our clone soldiers, right?"

Jorge Osorio was somewhat taken aback by this question, it seemed that he did not even notice that the colonel had abruptly interrupted him, but his last question was clearly unexpected for him.

"Are you kidding me?" he asked the colonel with genuine indignation. "I was the one who launched the project about these guys!"

Deadend Graver didn't dignify his barbed remark with a response, but instead threw his sports bag right onto the table next to the window where Ando Minamoto was still sitting.

More precisely, he was openly sleeping at this table, and woke up only when a sports bag filled with something crashed onto the table right in front of his face.

"Look at this!" Deadend Graver said sternly. "These are the belongings of our clone soldier, code number eighteen point zero five!"

"Wait a minute," Jorge Osorio suddenly came to life, "this is the same gentleman we've been waiting for here for an hour! Where is he?"

"That's what we want to find out now!" the colonel said abruptly. "We don't have much time! So? What's in his bag? Open it quickly!" he ordered Ando, who, waking up from sleep, was looking dumbly at the bag lying in front of him. "Immediately! Otherwise, you'll have to deal with me personally! Understood?! I can't hear an answer!"

While Deadend Graver was straining his commander's bass voice, trying to motivate the sleepy Joponese to action, Nar-Tai, who had been standing quietly by the window the entire time, was quietly looking at the conscript soldiers who had entered with the colonel.

The superhero's gaze did not miss the fact that both twins were holding themselves somewhat strangely for people their age - the blond stood with his arms stretched out at his sides, not giving any sign that he was a living person and not a wax figure.

The brunette behaved almost the same way, but still, by some mischievous gleam in his black eyes, it was clear that what was happening was giving this guy pleasure, unlike his partner, who was insensitive to emotions.

Nar-Tai found all this very strange, and was about to ask the question that had been tormenting him regarding the true nature of these two, but his friend Ando Minamoto, who by this time had already woken up enough to obey the colonel's order, suddenly exclaimed joyfully:

"Guys! Look quickly! There's something here!!! It's crazy!!!" the Joponese man shouted with the joy of a child.

All those present, with the exception of the conscripts, rushed from their seats to the table and surrounded it from all sides. Their gazes were directed at the objects of unknown purpose lying on the table.

The first thing that caught my eye was a strange curved tube, similar to a syringe, but with a very thick needle, which, in fact, was not a needle at all, but simply a very thin tube, bending at a strange angle.

The next item was a red plastic box with a handle, similar to a typical Analdian lunchbox, such as those sold in many Whorecouver and Fuckonto stores. On the lid was a stylized scallop, and underneath it was written in Pornuguese "vieira", which in human language actually translated as "scallop".

The last item Ando pulled out of clone soldier number eighteen point zero five's bag was a small shiny object slightly larger than a pair of tweezers, which upon closer inspection was actually a pair of tweezers.

All the other finds were not worth the attention of all those gathered, since they were completely uninteresting - what could be interesting in a half-empty bottle of whiskey, half a pickle and a small shot glass with a chipped edge?

But what Nar-Tai saw before this was such a shock and a shock to his soul that he didn't even immediately understand that all this was happening, as they say, live!

However, a commanding shout from Deadend Graver brought him back to reality.

"What is this, I ask you?!" the colonel shouted, pointing straight at the red box.

Nar-Tai, thinking that the colonel was addressing him directly, humbly lowered his gaze and, shuffling his foot, replied:

"I think this is a lunchbox belonging to someone named 'Vieira'. I can even tell you who it is. This, as I understand it," Nar-Tai made a vague gesture with his hand, "is a certain Analdian actress that my friend Ando Minamoto has been head over heels for lately."

Pretending not to notice the angry glances the Joponese man was casting at him from under his lowered eyebrows, Nar-Tai paused for a moment and continued:

"For your information, the full name of this actress is Asia Vieira, and you must admit, it is very strange that a resident of Analda bears a name in honor of the continent on which you and I have lived since time immemorial," he took a breath and continued.

"But I think I can guess why she is called that. The thing is," he winked at Ando, who was beginning to boil with anger, "that this, so to speak, actress has one undeniable advantage - despite her complete lack of talent for acting, she has something that invariably attracts healthy heterosexual males to her person, which my friend Ando undoubtedly is."

"Namely," Nar-Tai paused dramatically, "it is her huge, simply gigantic-sized ass! And, as I already said above, it is thanks to her ass that this actress received her name, which is so strange for a Analdian, Asia, because her ass is the size of a continent!"

Everyone in the room listened silently to Nar-Tai's words, and only Ando, who was about to explode, could hardly contain himself. But Nar-Tai did not give him a chance to speak - he raised his hand and said:

"So, what I wanted to say is that this little red box, as I believe, is the personal property of this Analdian actress with a huge ass! I hope my words are clear enough to all of you?" and with these words he glanced at the people standing near him.

For several long seconds there was a ringing silence in the office, and Nar-Tai thought: here it is, the thunder of victory, let it sound!

However, the very first remark that thundered from the lips of Colonel Deadend Graver forced him to abandon his ambitious thoughts.

"What the fuck are you talking about, comrade?" the colonel thundered, shaking his hand. "What fucking whore from Analda are you talking about here, if these things belong to our clone soldier number eighteen point zero five!" and he pointed his finger at the red box.

Nar-Tai, who had already realized his mistake, wanted to say something about it or at least pretend that he understood everything and was ready to correct himself, but he was beaten to it by Ando, who, raising his hand as high as he could, called everyone to attention and said:

"Are you sure, Colonel, that these are his things?" he asked. "Do you have any proof that they actually belong to clone soldier number eighteen point zero five?"

Deadend Graver shuddered at the Joponese man's impudent question, but he restrained himself and answered:

"What the hell evidence, when this bag was lying under his bunk in the barracks?!" And he, turning to the conscripts, pointed his finger straight at the blond. "Private Skovorodnikov, I order you to immediately report in full form how this material evidence was discovered!"

Nar-Tai watched with some interest as the blond man, who had been standing at attention without moving, seemed to come to life after the colonel's order and took a few steps forward, after which, having measured everyone present in the office with a long look of his watery eyes, he stopped right at Jorge Osorio, who, apparently, was the most important figure in the corporation for him.

"It was like this," Private Skovorodnikov began to speak in a strange, quavering voice, "Comrades Silantyev, Solonin and I went out into the barracks yard to smoke... Well, one word led to another, and we got to talking. And then Comrade Silantyev said: "What about it, my Br'er Rabbits? Maybe we shouldn't go on demobilization this year?" Comrade Solonin and I thought - why not! After all, we don't have anything else anyway... And Comrade Silantyev said to Comrade Solonin and me: "Come on, my Br'er Rabbits, let's not go on demobilization, but serve our fatherland forever! Huh? How about that?" And Comrade Solonin and I thought - why not? After all, we don't have anything else anyway... That's how it is, Comrade Colonel. We immediately threw our cigarettes on the ground and went to the barracks. We go in there, all three of us, and see that there is no one in it, only in the distance by the window stands clone soldier number eighteen point zero five. My fault, comrade colonel, he is not standing, he is sitting, on his bunk, I mean, sitting and staring at the phone. And from his phone, I mean, women's oohs and aahs are coming, as if some slut is being fucked. Well, comrade Solonin realized that this freak decided, while no one is looking, to pull the trigger on porn, which is prohibited by the regulations. And comrade Silantyev, who also understood what was going on, whispered in both of our ears: "Let's give him a good thrashing!" Well, I answered: "You asked!" Well, with comrade Solonin and comrade Silantyev, I mean..." here Skovorodnikov paused and looked at Jorge Osorio.

He answered him with the same look; then the blond turned to the colonel and continued:

"So, the three of us went to him. And he, you see..." here Skovorodnikov paused again and glanced at Nar-Tai, but, not receiving any reaction from him, he returned to his story.

"He, this freak, doesn't say a word to us, but only continues to stare at his phone, a complete masturbator... So, the three of us rushed at him. And he, you see..." here Skovorodnikov paused again and turned to his immediate superior. "Comrade Colonel! I can't continue any further because my eyes are darkening from fear of your wrath!"

"Leave it!" Deadend Graver said abruptly. "I will deal with the behavior of all three of you a little later, but now I order you to continue the report!

There was nothing to be done, so Private Skovorodnikov had to overcome his fear of the tribunal and continue to tell about the atrocities committed by himself and his two comrades.

"So, the three of us attacked clone soldier number eighteen point zero five, and he, so to speak..." here Skovorodnikov paused again, as if searching for words. "He, so to speak, immediately falls to the floor, because Comrade Silantyev gave him a good push in the shoulder, and I myself take and step on his right hand, in which this freak was still holding the phone with the porn still playing on its screen. Because of my trick, this freak, so to speak, unclenched his fingers, and dropped the phone! But he didn't have time to take it, because Comrade Silantyev took and hit him on the head with his towel-wrapped hand."

"And what's the towel for?" suddenly, for no apparent reason, Ando blurted out, who, listening to this exciting story from Private Skovorodnikov, even forgot about the items found in the bag lying on the table.

"That is, so that no traces of the beatings remain," the blond condescended to explain and continued. "And then comrade Solonin, who at the time when we were beating up the clone soldier number eighteen point zero five, was quietly standing behind our backs, suddenly takes and for no apparent reason picks up the phone that fell out of the fingers of this freak and..." Skovorodnikov paused again, and this time his gaze stopped right in the eyes of Jorge Osorio. "Mister Head of the Corporation, will you allow me to speak?" he asked.

Jorge Osorio, whose face remained stony, nodded silently, and Skovorodnikov continued:

"Comrade Solonin, excuse the expression, unbuttoned his fly, pulled down his trousers, and I saw how a second later he began to jerk himself off with one left hand, while with the other right he was clutching the phone in his hands, from the speakers of which women's oohs and aahs continued to be heard. Well, you understand that in such a situation I could not remain indifferent. I also wanted to look at what kind of chick my comrade was so immediately, hot off the press, as they say, starting to pull the trigger, and then this freak, which was lying on the floor, suddenly takes and, crawling up to comrade Solonin, takes and bites his leg! And comrade Solonin, who was about to burst into a fountain of sperm, suddenly screams: "Aa-ah, bi-ii-itch!" and tried to kick clone soldier number eighteen point zero five in the face, but couldn't take it anymore and immediately fell to the floor, dropping his phone and managing to get his sperm on comrade Silantyev's collar in the process," the blond's face convulsed with disgust at the memory of this.

"And I, it turns out, watch as this freak picks up his phone from the floor and runs away from the barracks! And then I realized that he outsmarted us all. I, it turns out..."

Here Skovorodnikov again, unexpectedly for everyone, for no apparent reason, suddenly stopped mid-sentence and looked at Jorge Osorio just as intently as he had looked into Nar-Tai's eyes before, but since he did not respond to this with a single glance or gesture, the blond had to return to his story.

"So, I whisper in Comrade Silantyev's ear: "Listen, let's catch up with him!" And Comrade Silantyev answers me so quietly - I didn't even really hear what exactly. But then I see that he suddenly rushes after this freak, and I follow him, and the two of us..."

"What happened to Private Solonin?" Deadend Graver interrupted.

"My fault, Comrade Colonel," Skovorodnikov replied, looking him in the eye. "I already said that Comrade Solonin fell to the floor when he was bitten by that freak, but I forgot to say that he continued writhing on the barracks floor while Comrade Silantyev and I rushed in pursuit of clone soldier number eighteen point zero five."

"Where is he now?" Jorge Osorio asked him, speaking for the first time in this office.

"In the hospital, Mister Chief of the Corporation," answered Private Skovorodnikov. "Our doctor diagnosed him as follows: Comrade Solonin's soleus muscle has been bitten right down to the bone!"

"Well, that clone soldier of yours, number eighteen point zero five, has some teeth," Nar-Tai couldn't help but comment.

"Yes sir, comrade I-Don't-Know-How-Your-Job-Title," the blond measured him with a glance.