Break Out
*Ana*
"Are you…sure about this, your Empress?" The servant asks again, shifting a look out the French doors, concern on his face as if uncomfortable by the dark. "I…could get a lantern, or go with you?"
"Like I said," I reassure him. "The carriage ride was long. And a walk in the maze will do me good."
"Yes, but…alone?" The servant makes a little face, as if still unsure, but I only nod again.
"I won't be long." I go again and motion for him to go ahead.
"I…alright," The servant, though hesitant, still nods and moves to open the French doors.
"So… this is Dawny in summer." I step out onto the landing, finding myself immediately surrounded by the smells of the night. I didn't notice it before because I was distracted, but now I can take it in. The air is filled with the smell of grass and flowers mixed, giving a distinctly earthy smell. And just below the railing, I see it.
It's still here. I smile down at the maze, relieved to see it.
"Um…your Empress?"
"Huh? Oh," I falter a little, not realizing I was just standing there, with the servant waiting. "Um, yes…You may go now." I dismiss, expecting him to close the doors behind me. But he doesn't.
"Actually, I…" The servant swallows, as if nervous, before taking a breath to rush out. "On behalf of all of us, we are happy to have you back home."
"I…oh." I blink after him, half shocked, half confused by the confession. But in the end, I only nod. "You… may go, now." I only repeat, not knowing what else to say.
"Your Empress," The servant, meanwhile bows again, before bounding off, back the way he came.
"On behalf of… hmm?" I muse softly after him, still a little confused, before turning back out, to aim for the stairs. What did he mean by…?
"Oh, that's right," I remember, holding up my gown as I descend, "I forgot about that." I forgot how Dawny's servants are… friendlier.
Friendly or…certainly much more informal, by any measure. I can see. But…I don't find it a bad thing, per se. Perhaps just a bit…startling, might be the right word?
"But this isn't Nochten, after all." So, things will be different. I muse again, taking the last steps before touching grass. The night sounds are so much louder around me, filling my ears, now that I'm on the ground level.
"Dawny is so full of life." I stop and just listen, taking in all the sounds. No, it's more than that. I realize. Dawny seems to always bustle with life and energy.
"Oh!?" I gasp, opening my eyes to catch a lightning bug pass. It's a lazy flight, drifting to almost touch me, but missing, by just a hair. And then another follows, but giving more space this time. I watch them go, before seeing there are more. The night is buzzing with them.
"There are so many," I muse, not seeing so many in one place. It's almost a shame it's only me that can see this magical like night.
"I wish… Nicoli could see this," But just as I say it, I laugh at myself. It was just too silly.
Nicoli? Here? Now?
Oh Ana, really? But honestly, I am relieved to find myself alone. Being out of the carriage is already something, but I am relieved for another reason.
It's seems so long…since I could just be alone like this. To go unseen. For just a second. Not by Mykhol, Aunt Funda, or Uncle Charles. Not even by Naska.
It's…nice. But I push past the thought, seeing I have no time to spare. There is somewhere I need to be and quickly head inside.
Following the paths, it doesn't take long before I am deep inside the maze. Turning right, then left, and right again. I keep going up until I hear the sound I have been waiting for, water.
"The fountain?" It doesn't sound far now. I turn towards it, trusting the sound will guide me the right way. But that…quickly proves to be a bad idea.
"Oh," I give a soft gasp of disappointment finding a dead end. Damn, I thought I was going the right way. But maybe I should follow this path instead?
"How did Nicoli do it?" I close my eyes a moment, to remember. What was it again? Straight, then a right? then a right, and… a left?
"Hmm," I suppose I won't know till I try, and move to a new path, doing my best to try and remember. But it quickly ends up being wrong again. I come to yet another dead end, a wall of leaves,
"What if I… actually get lost?" The idea occurs to me only now. Why didn't I consider that? I could get lost in here. And if that were to happen…
"No, I will figure it out. I…just need to remember and-?" I stop when I hear a rock, tumbling over the others. And another. And then another following. Like something… kicked it.
Kicked it?!
"Oh!" I quickly cover my mouth, and straighten up, a heat of panic running over me. Oh, no! Nononono! Why was someone here?
But it's so late!? No one should be out right now. And especially not here!? So why are they… ? My breath tightens in my chest, suddenly realizing this was not just a bad idea. It will be much worse if I'm found.
Hide! I need to hide! Quickly, I drop down to the grass, flattening out. Praying that they won't see me, in the dark like that.
Hopefully, whoever it is, won't go this way, and if not…I hold my breath, listening as the steps get closer and closer. But just as I put a hand over my mouth, ready to scream, they turn, and the sound dissipates.
Whoever was coming this way, was heading in the opposite direction now.
They're… leaving? I half sit up, giving a stifled exhale of relief. But just to make sure, I check through the wall of leaves to my right to see if they are gone. But, no, they are not. The figure has just stopped on the other side instead.
"Oh," I duck back down in fear and close my eyes. As if that could help me disappear, it's foolish, I know it is. But it does calm my heart a little as if it can work. Like Magic.
If I stay a little longer, once they're gone, I can…
"Ha…" The sound of a heavy sigh, comes from the other side of the leafy wall before the stone shifts again. The figure on the other side seems to lean in. Another sigh, heavier quickly follows.
"Ha…" They go again, and I can't help but notice something in the tone. They…sound young. And does…that sound like a boy?
Why would a boy be out this late? I can't help but frown. It's far too late for any human to be out, but that only makes me more curious. Who could this be? A servant maybe?
Just a look. A quick peek, and then I'll close my eyes again. I quietly crack open my eyes to look again through the leaves. But they are thicker at the bottom, and I need to sit up to get a better view. Gingerly moving to stand, I lean in, pushing a few leaves aside, and…
"You're…" My heart nearly falls right out of my chest before pulling back in with a rush. Like restarting my entire being, I feel it pumping and thumping against my chest. Beating faster and faster as I can't believe my eyes.
How could I… I know I just wished for it. I know I just wanted it. But, I never actually thought I could…that it could…
Yet it did. Because there he is. And immediately, I'm so grateful he sent his portrait when he did.
Because if he hadn't, if I didn't already know how much he's grown. I… might not believe what I'm seeing right now. But he did. And I am. It's him.
Nicoli, you're here! You're, oh? But just as quickly as I am elated, I can't help but cry in dismay. Because he's not standing, he's turning. He's leaving.
Nicoli was leaving?! Already?
No, he can't! The sight of him leaving triggers everything back, rushing at once. Me, suddenly back with the snow falling. And Nicoli…was that what was happening now? Was Nicoli leaving again? Was this all a mistake?
No, I won't let you leave! Not this time. I didn't come all the way here just for it to happen again. No, I won't make that mistake again
Not again!
"Wait!" I shout, stepping out, arms raised, trying to stop him, to stop the same mistake from repeating. "Don't go! Not again, Nicoli, please I…" But the words fall short as I watch him turn. His blue eyes slowly turn to find me.
To find me and…just stare after me, wide-eyed.
"Nicoli…?" I feel my heart twitch as I just look at him looking back at me, dead silent. Just staring, not moving, looking at me with eyes growing wider and wider and…"Why aren't you…Oh god, what have I done!? What have I done!?" I cover my mouth, in horror.
He's looking at me…like I…like that day…
"I…knew it."The words rush out before I know I'm running.
I knew it. I just knew it! I go, my feet pushing hard into the ground, digging up grass and rocks with each step, making my shawl lift and silver hair go flying like a tangled mess.
But I don't care. I can't, I'm too busy trying to see through the hot thick tears blinding my eyes, making it hard to run. It'd be so much easier if I could just stop, but I can't keep them in.
I can't keep myself from sobbing as I see how very wrong I was. About all of this. About everything.
What have I done!?