Victory

A small woman in white scrubs shuffled down the hallways of the hospital basement. She took a deep breath as she turned the corner.

"Good morning, gentlemen. I'm here to dispense his morning medications."

She picked up her lanyard, quickly flashed her hospital ID, and gave them a warm smile. The two of them stepped aside and let her through the door.

"Good morning, Mr. Standford. I am here to give you your pain medication."

"It's about fucking time. You nurses are awful. I have never liked nurses, but someone has to wipe ass' and clean up piss," he said.

"I heard that you knew my daughter. In fact, she was a patient of yours."

"Well, I had a lot of ugly women come in to make themselves tolerable. She must have needed a lot of work if she looked like you."

"Your mother didn't hug you enough, did she?" she asked rhetorically.

His face turned up a slight sneer.

"Just give me the fucking medication."

She walked around the bed and hit a button on his vitals monitor that paused readings. They used it when they had to unhook someone for transport temporarily or to go to the bathroom to prevent the alarms from going off.

"My name is Nurse Kasper. Does the name Tracie Kasper mean anything to you?"

"Tracie Kasper?"

He motioned for her to bend down so he could whisper in her ear.

"She's the cunt I pushed down that hill to let rot in the woods. I always wonder if the animals got to her before the insects."

She was angry. Her body started to shake, and she began to sweat. She felt nauseous. Her vision was blurry. It was him. Peggy was right.

"I almost killed that whore of a cop that tried to find her. Too bad she didn't do a decent job finding your daughter. It wouldn't have mattered anyway. She was dead within hours of me collecting her. I was planning on keeping her, taking diligent care of her, over and over till she begged me to kill her."

A tear rolled down Ms. Kasper's cheek.

"Awe. Did I upset you?" he asked with malice.

"No. You confirmed something for me. I know now I'm doing the right thing. It's time for your medication."

She sat down on the side of his bed. She took a filled syringe out of her pocket. She slowly put it in his IV port.

"This is called succinylcholine. It is a neuromuscular blocking agent. They use it for surgical procedures. It's a paralytic agent. Keeps them from moving and talking. That's why they use it when they intubate someone. But I know you are aware of it. I just wanted to say it to you. See the fear."

He immediately was unable to move.

"You know that Detective Kingston almost killed you? You will never use your arm again. But it doesn't matter; you will never be using anything again in about two minutes. I'm sorry. Did you say something? Are you trying to scream for help like you made those poor girls scream for help? No one heard them either. Do unto others as they have done unto you," she said in an eerily calm tone.

His eyes showed panic.

"Any last words? Oh. Oops," she teased.

She had said something the night he put Tracie in the trunk, and it was now running through his head.

"Any last words, Tracie?" he asked.

"Mihi vindictam ego retribaum." she said.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he asked.

"It means that I am going to make you hurt someday, somehow, bad," she said.

Arlene pulled two vials of morphine and filled an entire syringe.

"You see when you are dying of cancer, they give you all these fun drugs. Drugs to help you sleep, drugs that make your nausea gone, drugs to take away pain. When you work for a veterinarian, you can easily get a paralytic dose. It's what we use to put the animals down. Though I don't think anyone will cry when you're gone. People will celebrate." she said. "This is 400 milligrams of morphine. As you know, it will kill you within seconds. I'm going to push it slowly. I want to see life leave your eyes and the fear stay. I had saved my medication for a whole week before I could come to see you. The pain was worth it. This is too good of a death for you, but you have to work with what you have. The best part is if they do catch me, I'm dead in three months anyway. I just need to know before I die that you won't get away with killing my Tracie and all those other girls. I need to know that you get the death penalty. You don't deserve to live till you die. You deserve to die at the hands of a grieving mother. Now I know why God did this to me. It wasn't a punishment; it was a gift. When I heard you were here, everything fell into place."

She began to push in the morphine slowly.

"It feels good at first, doesn't it?" She paused. "If I stop now, you won't die. Would you like me to stop now? Did those girls want you to stop? Did Tracie want you to stop? What? No answer? Okay, I'll just keep on going." She slowly pushed the medication.

She could see him screaming. It was in his eyes. He had to watch. He couldn't even blink because she had used a heavy dose. But not enough to kill him. That wouldn't be fair.

"Enjoy the special place in hell that's saved for people like you," she said. "I hope you are tortured and raped by the worst of the worst.

His eyes fluttered back, and his breathing slowed to a stop.

"You have a good day too, Mr. Stanford."

"I just gave him a sedative and his pain medication. He is going to be out for a while," she told the officers. "Have a good day, gentleman."

She walked away from him, judge, jury, executioner, and pissed-off mother.

He woke with the early sunrise. His back was stiff, and the blanket had a small puddle of drool. He had slept well despite the circumstances. His hand was still on her belly, and the photo was in his hand.

Peggy walked into the room. "Good morning there, sleepy head. You looked extremely uncomfortable, but you were sound asleep."

"The back is a little sore."

"Well, you have been sleeping like that or in a chair for the last three weeks. Jenny told me that you got the first glimpse of your daughter yesterday."

"I did, and it was awe-inspiring, fascinating, incredible, wonderful, and unbelievable."

"Did you memorize the entire thesaurus when you were little?"

"I have a hyperthymesia. If you know what that is. I do wish I had read up on women's health. My sister even told me, too." he said.

"Wow, that is rare."

"It is rare. Sixty documented cases in the world. It's a blessing and a curse. My sister, on the other hand, is incredibly kind, generous, beautiful, and extremely limber. That is her gift."

"Are you ready? I am going to stop her MCI medication. Jenny did tell you not to expect her to wake up immediately, correct?"

"She did," she said.

She turned the V-track controller, and the medication slowed to a stop. She unscrewed the extension tube, flushed the line with a syringe full of saline, and clamped the cannula. She pulled over a PCA pump, which she explained to Dean was a patient-controlled analgesia pump. This was a way for Ally to get a dose of pain medication without calling the nurse. It's a better way of dispensing the medication. She connected the extension tubing.

"Now, when she wakes up, all she needs to do is press this button, and she will get her meds."

She showed Dean a plunger that looked like a detonator for a bomb. Well, that won't bring any flashbacks, he thought sarcastically.

"Right now, she can't feel anything, but when she wakes up, she will be in a world of hurt. I'll be back. Let me know if anything changes."

Peggy came back several minutes later. "Mr. Stapleton?"

"Yes?"

"I hate to bother you, but my friend Arleene said she knows your wife. Can she come in?"

"Sure."

Ms. Kasper walked into the room.

"Ms. Kasper?" Dean stood up to greet her.

"Oh, you do know each other? Arleen used to be a nurse here. We do miss her."

"I remember those eyes. Those beautiful eyes," she said.

"I'll be at the station. Say goodbye before you leave. I hope you enjoy St. Louis," Peggy said.

She looked at Allie and clutched the cross she wore on her neck.

"Oh, Agent Carron."

"Actually, it's Stapleton, but please call me Dean."

"I had heard she had been attacked. I was hoping it was just a horrible rumor."

"I am still thinking it's just a horrible nightmare," he said. "There is some good news through all of this."

Dean rubbed Allie's bump. "She's pregnant. We're going to have a baby girl," he said.

"Blessed be!"

The baby rolled over and kicked.

"Would you like to feel her? I'm sure Allie would want you to. She always did feel responsible for what happened to Tracie."

"Oh yes. Thank you."

Ms. Kasper put her hand down. "Please tell Detective Kingston---"

"Allie. She would want you to call her Allie," he said.

After several seconds, she rolled over again. "Oh, my goodness, that is the greatest thing. I could sit here all day. I so looked forward to being a grandmother."

The baby kicked.

"Oh!" She smiled wide.

"I do sit here all day. She's been in a coma for three weeks now."

"Do they know who attacked her?" she asked.

"They have an idea."

"Do you think it could be the same person that killed my Tracie?"

"It's very possible. I would love to do to him what he did to our girls."

"Don't worry, Dean. I'm sure he will get exactly what he deserves. I have to get going. I am drained. Take care of her, both of them. Trust in God. There is victory in him."

She took the gold cross off, put it in Dean's hand, and closed his fist around it.

"My grandmother gave it to me as her grandmother before her. I always planned on giving it to my granddaughter one day. I was hoping you could give it to your daughter on her fifth birthday. Can you do that?"

"Thank you. I would be honored to carry on your tradition. I will make sure she knows its provenance. And I will let Allie know that you were here. Ms. Kasper, Can I hug you, please?" he asked.

"Of course, you can," she said.

Dean leaned down and hugged her. There was a tone over the loudspeaker throughout the hospital.

Code Blue basement level. Code Blue basement level.

"Victory," she whispered into his ear.

Dean released her and stood up. He looked at her. Looking into her face, he knew that Ms. Kasper had something to do with or had caused the Code Blue. For a brief moment, he debated what he should do. Was he an FBI agent or not? He looked at Allie. He thought of Tracie, of his Little Bean.

She took his hands. "Like a rabid dog," she said with a small smile.

"Indeed," he said.

He let her walk out of the room. He took Allie's hand as if nothing but a visit from an old friend had just occurred. He put his mouth to her ear and whispered.

"Victory in the Lord."

He watched her walk out of the room. "Like a rabid dog." A small smile curled his lips.

He sat down and put his head down. He probably just let a murderer walk out of the building, and he didn't care. This had nothing to do with Mikey. This was all him. He gave Ms. Kasper credit. He doesn't know if he would have done what she did. Then again, if he had killed Allie or Peanut, he can't imagine, no matter how long he would have sat in prison.

"What do you think, Buttercup? Where do I go from here? I don't know what's going to happen when you wake up. I wonder if you even will want me here. Or will you want Alex? I don't know who I'm fucking kidding, of course you want Alex. God, as much as I want you to wake up, I know how much it's going to suck to hear you ask for him and tell me to leave."

Dean picked up his phone from the small table. "Hey, Mike."

"Dean. How are you? Is everything still alright?"

"They took her from the medication. Now we just wait for her to come around on her own," he said.

"How is your daughter?" he asked.

"She is doing good. They said she's a little small for her age."

"Your daughter? Small? That's unexpected. Though your sister is a tiny thing, isn't she?" Mike said.

"Yes, that she is. Look, Mike, I called with a purpose."

"What's going on?"

"Something I should have done eight months ago---"

"You're resigning, aren't you?" he asked.

"Yes, I am. I'm going to be a father; Allie will need me. We have no idea what life is going to be like for her. I think this is the best thing for my mental and physical health. Time to move on."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to take some time off, and then I was thinking about going into the family business," he said.

"I assume this isn't a traditional two-week notice?"

"Yes. By the way, I need two weeks off," he said

"I will take care of the paperwork. Keep in touch."

"I'll still be around. We can still watch football at my place."

"I'll hold you to that."

"Let me know when she wakes up," he said.

"I will."

Peggy rushed into the room. She was carrying a syringe and a couple of sheets of paper. She put the papers on the bed and pushed the medication into the IV tubing. There was a rush over her body. It was a pleasure, a rush. It was like... an orgasm. Her pain was gone.

"Does that feel better?" Peggy asked.

"Good, like Bean," she mumbled.

"What did she say?" he asked

"I could be wrong, but it sounded like... Good Bean. Does that mean anything to you?"

"That means everything. My family calls me Bean," he was candy apple red.

"Well, that's a good one. Honey, if you are as good as Fentanyl, you should be proud of yourself," she said. "She can feel you here; I told you. Now, please fill out those papers. It's to be her proxy so that you can administer her pain meds through the PCA. Memorize the do's and don'ts. I would think that would be no problem for you. Have them filled out by the time I come back."

Allie was out in a drug-induced haze. He was simply happy that she was breathing on her own and had woken up. He filled out the forms and returned them to Peggy when she returned.

"Are the painkillers going to hurt the baby?" he asked.

Dean was terrified of the prospect of his daughter having to go through any withdrawal.

"Oh no, not unless there isn't long-term abuse. She will be as happy as Mom is. It does cross over into the womb, but she will be just fine. Did you read all the instructions?"

"Yes, Ma'am. I did."

"Okay, then the magic button is yours. I suggest you wait until she starts to stir. We don't need her breathing to be stressed."

"Yes, Ma'am," he said, putting his hand on her belly. It seemed to be his favorite place.

"So, your family is excited, I'm sure," she said.

"Oh, you have no idea. Allie was told when she was sixteen that she would never be able to have children due to medical reasons. So, we had gotten acclimated to the fact that we weren't going to have any biological children, at least not with her carrying one.

"Oh, my goodness. How big of a miracle it is for you!" she said with surprise. "I would be so excited to become a granny someday."

"Yes, my dad has decided that he is going to be a Pop Pop. That is what I called my grandfather. I'm quite sure my mom will be a grandmother. It sounds more regal," he said. Oh, that is just lovely to hear. I am so excited for you. Have you picked out any names?"

"Ahh, we haven't talked about it yet," he said.

Because I found out a month ago from her current boyfriend, who may or may not be her fiancé, who has taken my place as the baby's father because I had absolutely no fucking idea. But we are sure as shit will have a conversation after she's lucid, he thought.

"Well, that baby is a little warrior, just like her mom."

Peggy went to walk out of the room.

"Oh, don't worry if she doesn't kick as much. She's a little loopy, too, from the pain medication," she said. "And Mr. Stapleton, between you, me, and the baby, I know she's not actually your wife."

Peggy smiled and pulled the curtain behind her.

He sat there waiting for what seemed like forever. Peggy comes in and out every ten minutes. The doctor did come in. He checked her pupils and her pain response. She did not move. He didn't say much to Dean. He didn't look too positive. He was worried about the lack of response to the pain stimulus. He said that her heartbeat and blood pressure looked good.

"We will be able to get a better picture when she becomes more lucid. I am concerned about her mental abilities."

He sat back in the chair. He looked at her phone. She wanted him to know. He had to call him, and he didn't want to. If he did, he would have to share her. He went into her contacts and looked for Alex. He didn't see him.

"Jesus Christ." He scrolled down to the M's. Mi Vida. "Fuck."

He pressed it, and it began to ring.

Dear God, please don't answer, he thought.

No luck. Alex picked up on the fifth ring.

"Cara Mia? Is it you?"

"Sorry to disappoint you," Dean answered.

"Oh. It's you. What the fuck do you want, asshole?"

"Nice to talk to you too, prick."

"I'm at work. What do you need?" he asked.

"It's Allie."

"What about Allie? Is she okay? Is Peanut okay?" He sounded panicked.

"Yes, she's good. She was taken off the MIC medication. And she was extubated. She's breathing on her own. She is in a lot of pain but---"

"She's awake?"

"She woke up about an hour ago. She's been asking for you."

"She's awake? I'll be right down."

"She's asleep now. She's on a lot of pain medication. I wouldn't worry about rushing down here."

"I'll be there in twelve minutes."

"Alex, you---"

He had already hung up. Dean looked at the phone. He opened her gallery and started thumbing through her pictures.

She had them separated into separate folders.

"You are so fucking organized Buttercup."

There was FRIENDS, ME & MI VIDA, USMC, 21ST BIRTHDAY, THE X-FILES (which featured pictures of her ex-boyfriends), and MALIBU.

He wondered where she kept the photos of them, of him. If she had a folder for her and Alex, why didn't she have one for them? He didn't want to, but he looked in the X-FILES. Much to his dismay, there they were. Every picture he and Allie ever took. She even had pictures that he had taken of just her. She tucked every memory of them in a folder along with two men who cheated on her, one that was a FWB, and two that looked like they were in high school. He wonders if Alex ever lived in this folder. He opened the one marked ME & MI VIDA and got his answer. There were photos all the way back to when he and Allie were together years ago. Pictures of them at the park, dinner, and swimming pool, with what Dean assumed was his family. Then, the recent photos. There was a series of him painting her belly like a pumpkin. One of them was at the doctor's. She was crying and looking at the ultrasound and a tiny little baby on the monitor. There was a caption on it that read, It's a girl. There were pictures of her standing sideways and showing off her belly. With every picture, her little bump grew bigger. They were captioned from week 17 to week 31. Around week 24, Alex started joining her in the pictures. Dean was enraged by the look of them together. They were happy, his hands on her tummy.

"Fucking Alvarez."