Don't Go, Ken

"Allie, we must get the baby out. Can you hear me? Allie?"

Allie heard someone say her name, but she didn't know who it was. Everything had an echo sound, and her ears buzzed intensely.

"We need to get her out," Dr. Karen said. "You are bleeding internally. We must find the bleed and fix it. Do you understand?"

She flopped her head side to side to acknowledge her.

"I need to say something." Allie croaked. She wasn't sure if she was talking aloud or dreaming.

The surgical nurse bent over, and Allie whispered something into her ear. The nurse nodded several times.

"Oh. Yes, I will make sure he knows. Alex? Okay, I'll tell him that's important. His name is Dean. You have my word."

"Please don't let me die."

"Oh, sweetie, you have the best the world has to offer. Your husband made sure of that." The anesthesiologist started administering the medication.

"Allie, I need to count back from ten."

"I am not marr…" Her eyes fluttered backward. They made sure that she was completely out and had and could not feel pain stimulation.

"OK," Dr. Aberdeen, the surgeon, said. "We needed to get her open and find this bleeding. Has the catheter been inserted?"

"Yes, Doctor," Linanne said.

"Then let's get this poor girl fixed. How is this fetal heartbeat?"

"It's not as high as I would like, but we are all right now."

Dr. Aberdeen opened the original surgical incision when the spleen was removed.

"I need suction. Where are you coming from? Show yourself. I need more suction. I need more light."

He dabbed the area, soaking the packing pad with every press. "Ah, there you are. It looks like her staples tore away and opened the incision. I think it's been seeping for a while. Let's do this with dissolvable sutures this time."

He closed the open wound with more stitches than necessary and removed the staples that were initially securing it shut.

"Her pressure is stable at 93/58. Temperature 97.0. Respiration is 16. O2 sats 97% on 75% oxygen. 117 bpm," the anesthesiologist told the doctor.

"We need to transfuse the O-negative blood. Rapid infusion of three units to start. Run her IV saline wide open. Let's get some fluid back in her. I think she's in hypovolemic shock."

When they were sure that they had stopped the internal bleeding, they started to prepare her for the C-section.

Hey Caretaker.

"Malibu? Oh my God! Am I dead?"

No, you are not dead yet.

"Yet? Oh, that's comforting. I haven't seen you in a while."

Well, you were in a coma, so…

"Wow, I had to go into a coma for you to leave me alone. What does that tell you?" She smiled at him.

I always wondered why they make you start at ten. It should be count down from two and a half.

"Ken, what's happening? Is Peanut okay?"

You are actually having her right now.

"Really? I don't feel anything. Childbirth is not as painful as people made it out to be."

No, you're having a C-section.

"Oh. Why?"

You had some internal bleeding. Your staples were put in when you had your spleen out. It caused distress for you and Peanut.

"C-section? Is it gross?"

They haven't started. They just fixed the bleeding issue.

"Oh."

We need to talk.

"It's never good when someone says that."

Well, this is going to be a difficult conversation to have.

"Why am I having a difficult conversation with you now?"

Linanne cleaned the area with betadine. When it was dry, the doctor made the first incision. It was a vertical midline incision that extended from the belly button to the pubic hairline. The small layer of fat that she did have was instantly exposed, exposing her abdominal cavity lining. He made a deeper incision through the tissue, revealing her abdominal muscles. Dude, I can see your abs—from the inside! Wow. This is pretty cool.

"What do we need to talk about? Names? I already told you I am not naming her Kedra."

First of all, no. But that does blow. Second, you need to decide what you are going to do about Alex and Dean.

"Right now? What if I die? It's not like you are going to be able to tell them."

You're not going to die. I know that as a fact.

"I don't know. It's not an easy decision to make. I love them both. Alex has been there this whole time. I just can't say thanks for everything. Now you have to leave Peanut and me alone."

Yeah, I can understand that. But what about the baby's actual father? It's not his fault he has missed everything.

"Yes, it is. He could have stayed. He could have quit his job and stayed. He said it himself: He could have afforded it a million times over."

The surgeon carefully cut the lining. They inserted their retractor to pull the lowest part of the Peritoneum down towards her feet.

Okay, it's starting to get a little gross now.

"Kenneth Hall! Focus."

Oh Yeah. What if he couldn't?

"What?"

Quit. What if he was just that mid-level government employee you fell in love with? What if he didn't have his eight billion in the bank? He was just Agent Carron. Just Dean. The man you fell for at Ava's. Would you have expected him just to quit his job?

"I didn't fall for him at Ava's."

Fine, then the night at Muldoon's

"I didn't fall then, either."

Oh bullshit!

"Sight your source."

You were hammered, and you remembered every single detail right down to the size of--

She cut him off. "Alright, I did. And since you put it that way, no. I wouldn't have expected him to quit his job."

Would you want to pick up and leave the job you love?

"I did."

Touché.

He loved his job, Allie. He didn't have to do it. He wanted to do it. Why else would he have worked for the government? Dedication. You should know that. Why else would you work and stay in Cleveland?

"I take offense at that. I love Cleveland. Why does everyone use it as a punchline?"

He gently pushed the muscles apart to separate them until he reached the uterine wall. He then made a uterine incision. Her uterus was exposed. You could see the baby's head through the uterine wall.

Holy shit, I can see her in her little baby balloon.

"Do you mean the uterus?"

Yeah, if you want to get technical. Damn, that is so cool! You should see this!

"Thanks, I'll watch a YouTube video later."

He then made a uterine incision. He opened the amniotic sac.

Sorry. Didn't you want to wait for Dean?

"Yes."

Did he want to wait for you?

"You know he did. That's what he said to Natalie. But then I got together with Alex."

Do you remember why you two got together?

"I was lonely and hurt. I felt betrayed. And let's face it: Have you seen his churro? I mean, come on."

Malibu let out a loud laugh.

"Did anyone else hear something?" Dr. Karen asked. "I swear I just heard a person laugh."

Everyone gave a look of denial.

Why did you feel betrayed?

"I don't remember. I just feel that I did. Are we really going to pretend she didn't just hear you?"

Yes, we are. So, you don't remember?

"Malibu, do you want to tell me anything about it? You seem to be good at knowing things that I don't know."

You need to remember. You can't make this kind of decision without all the information.

"What are they doing now?"

"How about a little bit of suction?" the surgeon asked.

They are vacuuming the floor.

"You... are an idiot."

Dr. Aberdeen started to position the baby for delivery. Allie's body moved around, her uterus being pulled wide open.

Allie. You need to know what brought you to your relationship with Mario López.

"You know it's Alex. Can't you just let me have my blissful ignorance?"

Blissful ignorance? You do remember, don't you?

"I remember enough. I remember enough to be able to make an informed decision." You know, I never imagined having a baby, let alone having you in the delivery room with me."

Yeah, me neither. Amazingly, I get to share this. I know you are changing the subject. Too bad Alex or Dean couldn't be here.

"I'm happy I have someone here. I'm not going to lie; this is terrifying me."

If you could have had a live person with you, who would you have had here? Or would you flip a coin?

"I am already with who I want to be with."

Deflecting much! Let's flip the proverbial coin, Alexsandra.

"Did you know that flipping a coin works because it makes the consequences of the decision more real, strengthening the feeling of the decision? That's why we can sometimes go against the result."

Really? You're giving me a drink from the fountain of useless knowledge now? Okay, let's flip a coin.

"I would want them both, but I would have had Dean cut the cord. Alex experienced everything, and I wanted him to have at least had that. You know, I think you and I would have made an adorable kid."

That's an excellent answer. He's about to deliver the package.

Dr. Karen moved positions to get a hold of the baby's head. He cradled it and pulled the baby out. They cleared the fluid from the baby's nose and mouth. Clamped and cut the umbilical cord.

Man, I wish I could have cut the cord.

"I wish Dean could have. He didn't get to do anything else. I was hoping he would at least be able to cut the cord."

She was small. She began to cry; it was one of the most beautiful sounds anyone could hear.

"Do you hear that?"

"No."

She's crying. Real strong. She's got a set of lungs on her. She's going to be a D.I. like her Mama. She's the tiniest baby I've ever seen.

"I can't see her."

You are technically under heavy sedation. You really shouldn't be seeing me either.

"Why can I?"

Because I want you to.

"Then please go look at her. Tell me what she looks like."

He went over and looked at her. She's beautiful. Oh my God, she has the greenest eyes. She has your nose. Look at those little fingers and toes. She's the perfect blend of you and the big guy.

"Wow, look at her eyes!" the OB nurse said.

"She has her daddy's eyes. It's rare for a baby to have green eyes, let alone have the color developed at birth," Dr. Karen said.

They checked her appearance and her pulse. Her reflexes. Her activity checked her muscle tone and her respiration. The shot Allie had received matured her lungs, and her breathing was perfect.

"She's in excellent health, but she's tiny. They'll have to get some doll clothes for her, as she's too tiny for preemie size."

"Isn't her father like seven feet tall?"

"Just shy of it. But I was told his sister is 4'9. So, somewhere down the DNA highway, there is a small section."

"I guess she's like her little Aunt."

"Look at that," the nurse said.

She had turned her over to check her spine.

That looks like a little bean or a peanut.

The nurse was right. A small strawberry birthmark on the baby's lower back resembled a little bean or a peanut.

She's right, Caretaker! It looks just like Dean's-- Allie! Allie? Allie!

He heard her singing softly to herself. 'I want to live with you, even when we're ghosts. Cause you were always there for me when I needed you most. I'm going to love you till my lungs give out.'

The doctor went back to remove the placenta and close the uterus. He began to deliver the placenta. The entire placenta hasn't separated from the wall.

"We have a problem," Dr. Karen said.

She started to have postpartum hemorrhaging. The excessive and rapid blood loss caused a severe drop in Allie's blood pressure.

"Damn it. She's back in hypovolemic shock," the anesthesiologist said. "Her blood pressure is 62/48, heart rate 142 bpm."

"Give her a high dose of oxytocin to stimulate uterine contractions," Dr. Karen ordered.

She began to massage the uterus manually. They started packing the uterus with sponges, pumping I.V. fluids and blood products as rapidly as possible.

The bleeding would not stop. She was losing blood faster than they could put it in. It was flowing out of the incision, soaking everything in its path.

"Ken, I want to see my mom, my little brother, and you again."

Allie, you are not supposed to go yet. No, no! You have to be here for your little girl!

"How many units are in?" Dr. Aberdeen asked.

"We are at seven units of O-Neg," Linanne said.

"Did we type and cross?" Karen asked. "We are going to have to perform a hysterectomy."

There was a flurry of activity in the OR. The doctors and nurses prepped to perform the hysterectomy.

"I've lost her pressure. She's in V-fib," the anaesthesiologist called out.

"Get the crash cart," Dr. Karen called out.

Ken put his hand on her forehead. "I can feel your touch. Why can I feel your touch?"

No. You can't.

"Yes, Ken. I can."

If you can feel me, then you're dying.

"Oh. I don't think I want to die. But if I do, can I stay with you?"

I would love for you to stay with me, but that's not the plan. You need to stay here and be a mommy.

"But what if I can't?"

A tear ran down her face.

"Is she crying?" Dr. Karen asked.

"That's not supposed to happen. Increase the anesthesia. She may have a sensation."

Remember when I said you would tell me when it was time for me to go? It's time.

"No, I don't want you to go. Please."

See, that's one way I know it's time.

So, by not wanting you here, I was telling you to stay, but now I want you to stay, and you're going to leave?

Yes. Because you can do this on your own now. You are on the right path now. You have found true love. You had a baby.

"I don't know who I want to be with. Alex or Dean? So, I don't have true love."

It was never about Alex or Dean being your true love. That baby over there. Gwendolyn Alexis Kendra Grace Kingston-Stapleton, yes, I heard you. Thanks for the baby name shout-out. By the way, she is your true love. You will never experience a love so pure, so unconditional. I was here to get you together with the big guy so you could have this baby. Didn't realize how many big guys you knew, but the one who is her father was always meant to be her father. You could have been with a thousand people; it would have always been him. Now the Baby is here, I'm done with my mission. It was a complete success.

"Who sent you on this mission? Aren't you just a figment of my imagination?"

Whatever helps you sleep at night, Caretaker.

"Please. Tell me."

"You're an angel here trying to get your wings?"

No, I am an energy just trying to make its way home.

"I can't do this without you. I thought you would be here to help me figure out what to do and make me laugh."

I am a hoot. You don't need me. She's going to make you laugh a lot. And her laugh will be the most remarkable thing you have ever heard. You also have two men falling all over themselves to be with you, to be this child's daddy.

"Can you stay until I figure out who I should be with?"

You already know. It's all in here. He tapped her head. And here. He touched her chest.

"You just wanted to touch my boob."

I am not going to deny that. I love you.

She went to say something.

Except for any time or thing that involves you being naked. Blah, blah, blah. Hot Coroner is correct. You are a total buzzkill. He kissed her on her forehead. Did you feel that?

"No."

Good. Now go live your life. He started to walk away. He turned around. But keep that bitchin' body.

"MALIBU NO... PLEASE DON'T---"

Just like that, as quickly as he came into her life, he was gone again.