Dean Edward Stapleton

He pulled out of the Medical Center's parking lot, hearing nothing but screeching tires and the Hemi engine roaring. He turned on the lights, and he raced through the town. He reached speeds of over 100 miles an hour on I-271. By some miracle, the traffic was extremely light. It was as if God was helping him get there faster.

He sprinted up the three flights of stairs to the hospital's surgery wing and went to the front desk.

"Excuse me? he said.

The nurse turned around and looked at him.

"Can I help you? she asked.

"Yes, my wife was brought into surgery. Something went wrong, and I don't know what went wrong. And... my baby... And my wife...

He started to hyperventilate.

"Sir, I need you to calm down. What is your wife's name?

"Kingston. Alexandra Kingston.

"Yes, Miss Kingston was brought up about an hour ago. She is in surgery. Your family and friends are in the surgical waiting room. I believe your brother Alex is there; he was with her when she took a turn.

"My brother? He wasn't about to argue. Thank you. Thank you very much. Where is the waiting room?

"Just go down the hall and to the right. It's the first door.

"Dean walked swiftly down the hallway. He opened the door and entered the waiting room. It was filled with people. Bruss, of course, Natalie, Makayla, Alex, Dean's parents, David, Steve, Brad, Shelly, Ava, Curtis, Kent, and his wife. Alex came up to him when he walked in.

"Let's go in the hallway and talk. It would be best to take a breath before going in there.

They left the room. "What happened? Tell me everything that happened. There will be no replay of the first time we were in this situation, or we will have a replay of that situation.

"I thought we were past that, Dean.

"Okay. Yes. We are. It's you, me, her, and Peanut. One big weird fucking family.

"Alex let out a little laugh, and a smile formed in the corner of his mouth.

"So what happened?

"We were talking. She started feeling lightheaded, and her vision was getting blurry. She was having shortness of breath and pain in her belly. She became very pale and said her heart was beating so hard she could feel it in her head. And she threw up the blood. I called the nurse right away. Peggy called a code blue. I was immediately pushed out into the hallway. I heard someone say that the baby's heart rate had dropped, and Allie was non-responsive.

"Oh my fucking God. This can't be happening. Why aren't you flipping out?

"Don't you think I am panicking on the inside? Do you think I am scared as hell? I want to break down, too, Dean. Someone has to be levelheaded. Things are happening that may involve some serious decisions.

"You have no right to make any decisions on her behalf.

"Neither do you.

"I'm that baby's father.

"You just don't get it. YOU WEREN'T HERE! I watched her belly grow. I was the first person to feel that little peanut kick! Plus, this is not about you! This is about Allie and what she wants. When it comes to Peanut, she told me exactly what she wanted.

Dean put his hands over his face. "You're right. You're absolutely right."

"Are we ever going to be able to get along like she wants us to?

"I don't know. We're like two massive condoms filled with testosterone.

"Oh my God, that is something she would have called us!

"I love them, Alex. I can't lose them."

"Yeah. It might have been something she called us both. Dean, I'm sorry you were not here. You are not here until you're fucking muscle car pulled up and parked in front of the shops. You just don't get it, do you? Just because you're this baby's father doesn't mean you are this baby's daddy. You fucked other people, Dean. You told her you did. You had your dick sucked. You licked other pussy. You don't love her. How in God's name can you say you love her? I love her. I loved her every day. I loved her every day since you got on that fucking plane. You loved her. You left her physically and emotionally devastated. You didn't care. God, I hate you. This is the shit that makes me hate you. The fact that she's carrying your baby and you are going to get precedence over me? Because that's the way she feels. She feels loyalty. I wish I fucking gave her a baby the first time I met her. I love them, too, Dean. We can't lose them. How will we ever know who she chooses to be with?"

"You're an asshole, Alvarez."

"Yep. I'm an asshole. I'm this stupid fucking asshole that loves her more than you ever will. I never turned on her. I never made her love somebody."

Alex walked away back into the waiting room.

Dean stood there, frustrated. He could feel his pulse banging up against his temples. His heart felt like it wanted to explode. He was angry. He didn't know who he should be angry with. He couldn't be angry at Alex anymore. He could, but he didn't want to, for Allie.

"Fuck!" He punched the cinder block wall.

Dean's parents and Natalie walked out into the hallway.

"Dean," Natalie said and pointed to her nose.

Dean cupped his hand under his nose to catch the blood. Natalie left to get him some Kleenex. Carol pulled some out of her pocket.

"Here, I have a couple I haven't used yet."

Dean did what Makayla had told him to do the last time.

Natalie came back with the box. He grabbed a wad of them and held his nose. They stood there in silence for a bit.

"Honey, you need to calm down. God will--"

Dean cut his mother off. "God? God? Are you fucking kidding me right now, Mom, with this religious bullshit! WHERE WAS GOD WHEN HE WAS GETTING THE FUCKING SHIT BEAT OUT OF HER? HUH MOM! TELL ME! AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED, GOD CAN KISS MY ASS --"

Before he knew what hit him, Carol had landed a loud slap to his face that echoed through the hallway and threw him off balance.

Natalie's eyes were as wide as saucers. Otherwise, she was utterly expressionless.

"Don't you ever talk to your mother--"

Carol held up her hand and cut him off. "No, Jack. I got this. If you ever talk that way to me again, I swear I will never speak another word to you. I will make sure you never step foot on our land. I will disown you, Dean Edward Stapleton. And I will destroy you. Do you understand?"

Dean stood there, his face stinging and his eyes watering. His mother had never hit either him or his sister. Then again, he had never spoken to his mother like that before. Lola's words echoed in his head. Never say something you would not want said to you. Never do something you would not want done to you. Never speak to someone in a way you wouldn't want to be spoken to.

No one spoke for quite a while. They just stood there, a once close, happy family torn apart by words and anger they had not experienced before.

Carol finally spoke. "Alex filled us in on everything when we arrived. He's a lovely young man."

"Allie seems to like him, and my daughter does, apparently," Dean snarled.

"Dean, where were you? Why weren't you answering your phone?"

"I was at my therapy appointment. I turned the ringer off but never turned it on to vibrate.

Dean closed his eyes and ran his hand back and forth on his forehead. "Holy cow, Mom. I never knew you had it in you. My head is beginning to hurt."

"You're lucky I used an open hand. I was one-tenth of a second from using a closed fist," she said. "Natalie, Jack, would you give Dean and me a moment alone?"

Natalie and her dad walked about fifteen feet down the hall.

"Bean, I need to know what's going on with you. You go on this job in California, come back, and you are... well, this."

"You don't know? Haven't you talked to Natalie since I have been gone or since I got back?"

"Yes. But she hasn't said anything about you except that she moved out of the house, and you weren't exactly happy about it."

"Nothing else?"

"Bean, what the heck is going on? She told me she moved out and moved in with Makayla. I figured that would happen eventually."

"Get Dad and Bug. We need to have a family meeting."

The four of them found a small cluster of chairs. "I can't believe you didn't tell them anything about what has happened," he said.

"It wasn't my place to tell. And personally, I wanted to see if you have the nerve to tell them. And exactly how long it would take. It's been like, what? Three months?" she asked.

"Not exactly that long."

"Can someone please just tell us what is going on?" Jack said.

Dean took a deep breath and proceeded to tell his story. I went overcover.

"Yes, we did know," Jack said.

"Things went wrong, and things went bad fast."

He did edit it for content, but by the end, his parents knew exactly what had happened when he was gone. The rehab, the drugs, the women (within reason), Mikey and the Disassociated Identity Disorder, and even the situation between him and Alex. His father looked disappointed, and his mom looked despondent.

"Oh, Bean." She put her hand over his. "Why didn't you tell us right away? You know we could have dealt with this as a family."

"I was and still am so full of shame and regret. My behavior can only be described as deplorable. I detest myself." He looked at Natalie. "I even had the audacity to call Bug a--"

Natalie cut him off. "Dean, NO! You don't have to--"

"No, I need to be honest. I need to talk about this. Lola said if I can't trust my family, I will never expect them to trust me again. It's about accountability."

"Mom and Dad, please don't get angry at him. We have talked about it, and I have accepted his apology. Okay?"

Carol glanced sideways at Jack.

"When Natalie was moving out, I was hurt. I felt like she was abandoning me. The truth is she feared me and my behavior. My baby sister feared me. His voice was breaking. So, I hurt her with my words. I called her..."

He took another deep breath, trying to calm himself. "I called her a whiney bitch. I asked her what her fucking problem was. She got in her car and cried. And I didn't care. Then, the night Allie was rushed here, she tried to intervene in an argument I was having with Alex, and I yelled at her. I yelled so loud that Bruss and three officers came to see what the problem was. Again, she ran off crying, and at that moment, whoever I was didn't care about her. I only cared about myself and getting one over on Alex. She should have never forgiven me. I didn't deserve her forgiveness. I don't deserve anyone's forgiveness."

"You need to forgive yourself too, son."

"Have you asked God to forgive you? Before you went all apeshit on him?" Carol asked.

"Damn, Bean. You are making mom swear and shit."

"Natalie," Jack said discreetly, shaking his head.

"Mom, I am an evil person at times. I deserve no one's forgiveness."

"Son. Choosing to forgive yourself doesn't mean you're weak. It doesn't get you off the hook for what you've done and failed to do. Forgiving yourself can mean accepting your actions and your behaviors and being willing to move forward. It would help to let go of the feelings and emotions that go with your wrongdoings. It's easiest to be our own critic. However, it may help to try and extend yourself the same grace. You're likely to accept responsibility for what happened. You might express remorse, guilt, or other similar emotions, pointing out your actions were wrong. It's an act of personal growth and self-improvement. It can help you with what you're going through with your anxiety and your depression. Boosting your self-worth and helping push whatever personality is inside you aside. The longer you go without forgiving yourself. Self-doubt, low self-esteem, and poor communication might develop or continue. If you don't forgive yourself, you can easily fall into a mental trap of shame, anger, and self-loathing. Instead of beating yourself up about the situation, you can be proactive. Dean, you must let go and move on."

"Wow, Dad. You and Lola should open a practice together."

"It's called life experience, son. You may have to give your daughter the same advice someday."

"I still can't get used to that. I've missed everything. Alex has been there for every milestone. Everything. Feeling her kick for the first time. Holding Allie's hair back when she had morning sickness. Taking care of her 2 a.m. cravings. Celery and peanut butter ice cream." he said with a smile. "Alex even gave her the nickname Peanut. He's right. He's that baby's dad. I am the-"

"Don't you dare say it, Bean!" Natalie exclaimed.

'Why not? It's true."

"Why don't we go back to the waiting room? I think it's time to adjourn this family meeting," Jack said.

They walked back in, and everyone was staring at the bright red handprint on Dean's face.