Gwendolyn Alexis Kendra Grace Kingston-Stapleton

Natalie gently shook Dean on his shoulder.

"Dean. Dean."

"SHE'S NOT YOUR DAUGHTER!"

He threw his arm to the side, almost striking Natalie in the face.

"BEAN!" Natalie yelped.

He woke up with a jolt. His vision was blurry, but slowly she came into focus. He was panting and had tears in his eyes.

"You were dreaming, you were muttering, then whining. You woke up screaming."

"I had the worst dream imaginable."

"It sounded like it," she said.

"Come on, get up."

She tried to help him off the floor but didn't help much. Alex came over and helped Dean off the floor. They locked eyes.

"We need to talk," Dean said.

"Are we going to talk, or are we going to go outside and just beat the shit out of each other?"

"No, we need to talk. Man to man, one person who loves Allie and the baby to the other," he said.

They went to walk out of the room together. Makayla stopped them at the door.

"Please be two grown-ass men. You both love her, and she does love you both. Remember that. This isn't about who pleased her better. This is about you both. You only want to love her and that little Peanut."

They both looked at Makayla.

"Agree?"

"Yes, we agree, but I know I did better than him," Alex said.

"You're an asshole, Alvarez."

"Takes one to know one man," he said.

They walked out and sat in the cluster of chairs that Dean's family had sat in.

"So why do you want to have a civilized conversation with me suddenly?"

"Because I just had the most horrid dream, which I hope ends up being nothing but a dream."

"Okay, and what would that be?" he asked.

"She died."

"Jesus, Dean!" he exclaimed.

"Alex, we both need to understand that might very well be the outcome."

"I know. I just don't want to think that way."

"So, what do you want to talk about? Who gets to bury her?"

"No. And if that should happen, I will take care of it," Dean said. "Plus, if she is interred at Arlington, there is no fee."

"Do you know where she would like to be buried?" he asked.

"As macabre as this conversation is, yes, she wants to be buried in her dress blues at Arlington."

"I didn't know that," Alex said. "Is there anything else I may not know?"

"She wants Malibu's flag buried with her. His family didn't care enough to fight her about the fact that she got it, so she wants to take it with her. She has her brother's diploma and her mother's wedding ring. She wants all of those in the casket with her."

"Wow. I am happy at least one of us knows."

"Alex, I know you love her. I know you were there for her, but you need to understand something. We had been together for over a year by the time I left. I know you were there for her. I am incredibly grateful you were there for her and for... Peanut. And that takes me a lot to admit."

"That's very mature, Dean. I appreciate that, but what you did when you were in California absolutely destroyed her. She was faithful up until the moment she finished that letter. She kept it all friendship until that moment. I wanted more. I will admit I even tried. How couldn't I? I have been in love with her for years," he said.

"I get it, man. I truly get it. She is my world."

"Yeah, but after I felt that baby move, she became my universe," Alex said.

Dean put his head down and clutched the back of his neck.

"Look," he spoke with his head still down. "I really am killing myself that I was not here. I never should have left her. Not that it made it any better, but I didn't know, and there was no way for me to know that she was pregnant. If I knew short of actually dying, I would have done anything to get back here to her."

"I need to know something."

"I am not going to tell you how many women I was with Alex."

"No, not that. However, I will be eternally curious. Tell me. I need to know. Did you call her? Would you have broken protocol just to hear her voice? Did you risk being made just to hear her say hello?" he asked. And you kept calling her, didn't you? You called her for weeks. Different numbers each week, didn't you?"

Dean said nothing.

"Dean! Did you risk being compromised just to hear her voice!"

Dean stood up and began to pace.

"Dean!"

"I had to. I couldn't do it. I couldn't go without hearing her voice. I would have died just to hear her voice."

"Damn, man. I know it's easy to say that you would die for someone. People say that all the time, but you actually put yourself in a position to die for her."

"Imagine what I would have done if I knew she was carrying my daughter."

"Dean, look, I love her. I can't say I will back down, but whatever she decides to do, even if she says she wants to be with you, I will not argue. It is up to her, but I will do whatever she says."

"I appreciate that man."

"Not that I want to give you any tactical advantage, but you need to tell her that you are the one who kept calling her. She needs to know what you're thinking when doing that."

"I need to tell her about the letter too."

"I agree with that. You do. She can't choose without knowing all the facts."

"Will you tell me something, Alex?" he asked.

"Sure."

"What did it feel like?"

"What did what feel like?"

"To feel my daughter kick for the first time? To have her respond to your voice?" he asked.

"Man. Don't do this to yourself."

"Please. I missed 31 weeks of my daughter's life. And to know that for three weeks, I was just miles away from her and still didn't know kills me. Tell me."

"It was miraculous. It was like nothing you could have ever imagined. When we hugged, her belly was pressed against mine, and I felt Peanut kick my stomach," he started to tear up. "I wish you could have been the one to feel her. If Peanut were my daughter, I would have wanted to be the one to feel that. I would talk to her, and there would be times she must have been sleeping because she just stayed still, but when she was awake, and I would talk to her, she would kick and roll. She didn't like my singing," he said. "I heard you are a pretty good singer."

"Man, I don't know if I want to thank you for telling me or if I want to hit you for being so honest."

"Either is good for me. If you want to just beat the shit out of each other, we can. But that's not going to solve anything, Dean."

"So, what do we do now?" he asked.

"We wait."

Alex and Dean stood up and walked back to the waiting room. They were stopped just outside the door to the visitor's waiting room.

"Excuse me. Is either one of you Alex? Or maybe Dean?"

"I'm Alex."

"I'm Dean."

"Hi, I am Olivia. I am a surgical nurse. I was with Ms. Kingston during her surgery."

"Is she okay?" Dean asked.

"The doctor is right behind me, but I have a message for you both. Before she was put under sedation, she said that she wanted to say something. So, she left me a message for both of you. I hope I remember everything. I will do my best."

"Okay."

"Alex, she wanted me to tell you she loves you," she said.

Dean's face fell.

"No matter what happens, she wants you to be a permanent fixture in Peanut's life. You are so important to both of them. She would never have survived these last few months if it wasn't for you. You will forever be Mi Vida."

"Oh my God."

"Did that make sense? I am trying to remember everything."

"Yes. That all made perfect sense."

"Okay. Good. Dean. I love you; I will love you forever. Please be the best daddy you can be. Take care of our little girl. I want you to," Olivia stopped briefly.

She had a quiver in her voice as she tried to continue.

"I want you to name our little girl Gwendolyn Alexis Kendra Grace Kingston-Stapleton."

"Gwen is my Gram; Kendra has to be after Ken, and Grace was her mother's name. He paused. "Alexis for... him."

He could barely hold himself together.

"Thank you, Olivia, " Dean said.

"There's one more thing. She said she would love you until her lungs gave out, and if this was the last thing, she said with her last breath that she wanted to say that she would love you and won't let go."

Dean's leg came out from underneath him. Alex caught him as he fell and guided him down to the floor.

The waiting room emptied when they saw him collapse.

"Baby, what is it?"

Elaine got on her knees to hold her son.

"Is it Allie? Is it the baby? Talk to us.," she said.

"No. We don't know yet," Alex said.

He sat on the floor with Dean.

"We don't know," Dean said.

Dr. Karen, along with the surgeon, approached the group. The two men looked up.

"Dr. Karen," Dean said, looking up.

They both were scrambling to their feet.

"Hi. The baby—"

Dean interrupted her. "Gwendolyn, her name is Gwendolyn."

Dean's father's eyes began to swell with tears.

"Did you know what she was going to name her?" he asked Alex

"Oh, Jack," Carol said, burying his face in her husband's chest.

"She never told me any real names. We just joked about what she could name her."

"Baby Gwendolyn is perfect. She's small, she looked at Natalie, just like her Auntie Bug."

Natalie smiled.

"She's 4 pounds 4 ounces and just under 16 inches long."

"Oh my God, she is just a little peanut, " Alex said.

"She has the cutest little birthmark on her lower back. It looks just like a little bean."

Dean's eyes lit up. "Does she really?" he asked.

Dr. Karen nodded her head. "This is Dr. Aberdeen. He performed the surgeries."

"How is Allie? How's my..."

"His wife. How's his wife?" Alex asked.

"Well, I'm not going to say she's fine. We fixed the bleed. Some of her staples from the splenectomy had detached. She has most likely been seeping for days if not weeks. We sewed the incision with some dissolvable sutures and removed the staples," Dr. Aberdeen said.

"What was she doing right before she passed out?"

"She was just reaching over to open a drawer," Alex explained.

"She's alive, right? That's all we want to hear," Bruss said.

"Yes. But you all need to understand she's very touch and go. She lost a tremendous amount of blood. I think that when she reached for the drawer, the staples finally let go, ripping a hole and causing the blood to rush into the abdomen," Dr. Karen explained.

"Can we donate to her? Our whole family is O negative," Natalie said.

"That would be amazing," Dr Karen said. "We are still trying to replenish what she has lost." Dr. Aberdeen continued. "She had what is called a postpartum hemorrhage. We tried our best to control it, but the only solution was to give her a hysterectomy."

"So, she won't be able to have any more children?" Alex asked.

"Frankly, by the looks of her endometriosis and her uterus, she should never have been able to conceive at all. The fact she was able to get pregnant, carry to term, and have baby Gwen is an absolute miracle. It just shouldn't have been plausible."

Dean collapsed to the floor. This time, his father and Bruss caught him on the way down.

"What is her outlook?" Makayla asked.

"Right now, if she can get through the next 24 hours, I would say there is maybe a 40 percent chance of her survival. Every hour that passes brings up the chances of her survival," Dr. Aberdeen said.

"Can I see my Gwen?" Dean asked. "Can I see my daughter?"

"Of course, you can. Right now, only two people can be in the NICU at a time," Dr. Karen told him.

"I thought you said she was perfectly healthy," Jack said.

"She is, but being 34 weeks, we still need to keep an eye on her. If she shows no signs of distress, she could be released by the end of the week."

Alex helped Dean to his feet. Dean then helped his mother.

"You said two people at a time?" Dean asked.

"Yes. Unfortunately, you will always count as one if you are to stay the entire time."

"When can I see Allie?" Dean asked.

"It will be a few hours. I want your family to make their blood donations to the lab," Dr. Karen said.

"Sure, whatever you need," Jack said.

"I'm O Negative too, " David said.

"That's great. All of you," Dr. Aberdeen said.

"Come on, Dad. I'll take you to meet your daughter," Dr. Karen said, taking Dean's arm.

Dean glanced around at all the family and friends who had been there for Allie. But there was one person there for Allie and Peanut 24/7—someone who did something he couldn't do.

"Alex. I want you to come with me."

"What? No man. You should take one of your family members," he said.

"You are Uncle Alex, aren't you?"

"Dean."

"Come on, man, I'm giving you an olive branch. Take it," Dean said.

"If you're sure." Dean pulled Alex over to the side.

Makayla and Natalie looked at each other.

What the fuck? Makayla mouthed to Nalatie.

Natalie gave her a beat the shit out of me look and shrugged her shoulders.

"Look, the way I see it, Allie made it a point to let you know she wants you in Gwen's life no matter what happens. As long as we can agree that I'm Gwen's daddy and you're Uncle Alex, I think it's appropriate for the one who watched her grow, the voice she knows, to come meet her too."

Alex embraced Dean, and they hugged like brothers.

"You know you're not as big of an asshole as I thought you were."

"And you're not as big of a prick as I thought you were, " Dean said with a smile.

They returned to the crowd.

"Okay, Alex and I are going to meet Gwen, then Mom and Dad, Natalie and Makayla, Patrick and Shelly. If the rest of you want to stick around, we can go from there. I am honored to have you all as my friends and family. I want you to meet my daughter, Gwendolyn Alexis Kendra Grace Kingston-Stapleton."

"Stapleton?" Shelly asked.

"I'll fill all of you in," Jack said.

Dean and Alex followed Dr. Karen and Dr. Aberdeen into the elevator.

*****

The sight of two extremely large men walking into the NICU did turn quite a few heads. Gwen was in the warmer, one of only two who wasn't hooked up to tubes or machines beyond a heart and O2 monitor.

"Are you dad?" The nurse asked both so as not to make any kind of assumptions.

"Yes, I'm her dad. Dean. Dean Stapleton."

"Who's your friend?" she asked.

Dean stopped for a second. "This Alex…. He's the uncle."

"Well, there must have been something in the water at your house when you were little. Like miracle grow. Follow me."

She walked them over to the warmer in the back. "She's a little jaundiced, but it's already starting to resolve itself. Here you go. Meet your daughter. Have you picked a name?"

They both looked down at the tiny little human.

"Gwendolyn, her name is Gwendolyn," Dean said.

"That is such a beautiful name."

"Thank God she looks like her mom," Alex said.

"Yes, but she has daddy's eyes," Jillian said.

"And my heart," Dean whispered. "Am I allowed to hold her?"

"Of course you are. Have you ever held a baby?"

"Besides my sister almost three decades ago? No. But she was almost as tiny."

She pulled over an oversized chair. It was like the sleep chair that was in Allie's room. He took a seat, filling the chair. The nurse, whose name was Jillian, picked up the tiny little girl and brought her over. She handed her gently to Dean. Half of her body fit in the palm of Dean's gigantic hand. Her feet went only as far as his mid-forearm. She had a sparse amount of hair on her little head, about the size of a small orange. He put his finger in her little hand. She grasped it.

"Hey, Gwen. I'm your daddy. And you are the most amazing little thing I have ever seen. I am going to spoil you rotten. I will give you the stars if you ask for them." He looked at Alex. "How can I do this if Allie doesn't pull through."

"Have you ever seen Three Men and a Baby? We can get Bruss to be the third man," he smiled.

The comment made Dean smile, too. "Okay, but you're Steve Guttenberg," he said.

"The hell I am. I want to be Ted Danson. His hair was awesome

He gently handed her back to Jillian and got up. "Your turn," Dean said.

"Oh, no," Alex backed up slightly. "I don't want to break her."

"It's okay. You break her; I kill you."

"That's what I am afraid of."

"Alex, for fucks sake, sit in the damn chair," Dean demanded in a low voice.

He sat down, and Jillian put her into his arms. She looked slightly bigger in Alex's arm. But she still was just like a little baby doll.

"Hey there, Peanut," he said, stroking her cheek with his pinkie.

She made a slight jerking motion when he spoke to her.

"Would she know my voice?"

Jillian looked extremely confused. She answered the question, nonetheless. "Babies can recognize a voice as early as four days old if they have heard it often. Usually, it's mom who they react to right away."

Dean had an anguished look on his face.

"Can we have a moment alone, Jillian? I promise I won't put her in my pocket and walk away," Alex said.

"Sure, of course."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked her that. This is just all very unconventional. I'm not even sure how to act. Three weeks ago, we were trying to kill each other in the hallway. Now you're insisting that I be the second person to see Gwen. You're letting me hold her before your sister or even your parents. I'm sorry that the entire thing makes me weary of your motives. Are you going to switch gears and throw me down the elevator shaft when we leave the room?" Alex asked.

"That dream jarred me. The slap my mom gave me may have knocked some sense into me and some attitude out of me. I can't say all this has been easy, but maybe my therapy is working. And you're right; this is not about me or you. This is about her and Allie. You were there. I wasn't going ever to change that. No matter how angry I get or how much we try to beat each other down, it changes nothing. What I did in California, I can't take back. I've considered what may have happened to her if she had read that letter alone. I was being selfish. I wanted to tell her so that I felt better. Get it off my chest."

"How did that work out for you, bro?"

"It destroyed my life. How did it work out for you?" he asked.

"I'm sitting here holding the cutest baby on earth. In retrospect, given the circumstances, we both made out."

Gwen sleepily opened her eyes. A dark green sparkled behind the small slits.

"Jesus, Carron, you have some strong DNA. Look at those eyes. Oh, dude, you're in so much fucking trouble when she gets older."

"No, she is. Come Meet My Dad will dissuade her from bringing anyone home."

"I would love to be there when that happens. Can you imagine if you were there? The two of us staring down some fifteen-year-old kid?

"I know what I was like when I was fifteen sooooo…. Yes, I will definitely be there."

" Maybe she will become a lesbian because girls are savage. They won't care what we look like. Boys, on the other hand."

"I wouldn't mind. As my sister told me, you can't get pregnant from oral sex," Dean joked.

Jillian walked up behind them. "Ummm, am I interrupting something important?"

Dean spun around. They both looked a little horrified.

"Your wife is in the ICU if you would like to go see her," she said.

Alex handed Gwen back to Jillian. Dean kissed her little head. She smelled amazing, nothing like that new baby smell.

"Do you mind?" Alex asked.

"No, she's kicked you around too. You deserve it."

Alex kissed her on the top of her head.

Jillian continued to look very confused, and you could tell how badly she wanted to pry.

"Can you let Natalie and Makayla know they can come up?" Dean asked.

"Sure, no problem."

"I'll see you upstairs," Dean said.

"Upstairs?"

"In the ICU. You are coming up after you tell the girls, right?" Dean asked. "You're already on the list. The doorman will let you in." He let out a little laugh.

Dean and Alex parted ways, and Dean went to the ICU.

The picture is of my daughter Natalie. She was perfect but tiny when she was born five weeks early. When we took her home, she was 3.12. 15 inches long. She is now a couple of months away from 19.