joe_shane

To spend years building a house, you learn to fill it with the things you can't find a place for
Unaware it stacked up, over time the walls you painted begin to peel, the carpet begins to mat, and it grows with a clutter you thought you didn't mind, but no you couldn't mind that, where else would you put it.
All your doors are closed, some locked, and some filled.

And soon your locked inside.

How long does it take to know you can't stay inside there, you can't live amongst a past your not a part of anymore
A family that isn't there anymore, how long does it take to know you can't leave.
It's then you can panic, maybe nobody will notice, maybe nobody will see if you loose yourself in the home you built.

But is it the same home if you destroy it.
Burn it from the inside, flip the tables, rip up the carpet and destroy your house.
Leave your house.
Or burn down with it, for if a house is divided by itself, it will not be able to stand.

14MNDR6

The car had continued with the protest of joy they seemed to clutch to, almost afraid if they didn't it might not come by again. It would pass like the lights of town, for even behind the facade, a trembling boy would hide, afraid to turn around and greet those lights that would pass, those glimpses of what they struggled to provide.

Soon, the road would be covered with gravel, a stark contrast to the roads they'd seceded from with nowhere else to drive. The car drove up the curb, parking poorly upon the crooked driveway that kept greeting them.

Ronin's eyes glided to his father as the car continued to run, the doors still locked, his eyes locked in his hands that gripped the steering wheel, for his father's once-strong figure was seen from a new lens tonight.

He could only watch as his hands tried to decide on a grip; they shifted, undecided if he could talk to Ronin or leave the night as she left the rest. All this Ronin read from his father's forehead that scrunched, a new vein poking through the wall her built up.

"Ronin, how much did you tell her" his voice scratched through his throat as his leg began to shake with the engine.

Ronin looked down at his hands that peeled at his rough jeans before he'd begun to speak, "Well, I don't know." his head tilted at the words he tried to remember before whipping to his father in a sudden jerk.

"Damnit Ronin what did you fucking say" his fathers arms began to shake with his voice that had broken through "why do you think she's gone, when you say too much, that shit catches up to you"

Ronins eyes lay wide for his fathers frame painted a painful painting, one he'd seen before, her lived it, and yet the next words his father said had been stripped from his head, "shit man, she's gone Ronin just forget it, forget her words, forget her voice, her fucking voice, she's not coming home, she's gone. His father slammed on there stirring where, with a growl, "when she'd come home from the job she barely held, and then blame us when she lost it, you remember now don't you, dont you fucking remember"

Ending his harsh voice in a grunt his head lay on his hands, glancing over at Ronin who'd froze, his face had fallen like the weight above him, now coating his embodied self, Ronins fathers eyes began to bleed with what he held in,"if she were here now she'd laugh at us, do you really wanna bring that back in our lives, I thought we could get over it Ronin, damnit how can you just tell someone about that" cutting in and out of clear sentences he'd risen his voice again.

he'd begun to speak again before Ronins voice had exploded in a scream that dug into both their ears, pulling out everything they'd just said, dissecting it only to reveal what they'd already known, for it was what they'd needed to accept, to realize.

His voice had shook as he covered his eyes,"what about when we-we'd come home to have dinner with her, when she'd pack your fucking lunch before work, maybe her voice was shot but what about her smile dad, that damn smile that would greet me a-amd hold me when I'd cry, like this damnit" Ronin barley said while whipping his now soaked eyes.

She's gone dad, God she's fucking gone" he'd bent over soaking his jeans with the tears that folded his flushed face.

His father had turned slowly grabbing ronin's hidden face he looked into the eyes that had died long ago,

"I-i don't know why I told her, I just, it just, came out, I'm sorry, I don't know how to fix it, I swear I won't say more-"

"How did it feel?" his father cut him off as the car grew silent; he looked out the window, avoiding an eye he feared would judge him until Ronin responded in a whisper.

chapter 15