Chapter 9. "Completely safe."

Hey, hey!

I hope that you all have been doing well!

That last post was super short, yeah?

Well, guess which one is going to be the polar opposite!?

Lmao!

This one took me a bit to go over and analyze, so I hope it sits well lbvs.

You all have been an awesome reader base, and I am grateful for your continued loyalty to my weird writing style.

I won't keep you all waiting folks, see you on the other side!

Enjoy. 

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August 8th, 2018.

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Whaaa.

It's been so long since I just sat down and spoke to you!

How has it been kid??

On my side?

Well, I am currently sitting inside of a boarding home for mentally ill elderly folk.

-Long story-

*Just ask if you don't know this one by now.*

It's been a long morning, but I am ok.

-distraction...one sec-

Sorry little one.

One of the Consumers I work with was telling me about and showing me her hair bow.

It is pink with white spots and an image of Minnie Mouse on the right side.

She has 3 in her hair, and she says:

"I am Minnie Mouse...and Mickey Mouse is my husband, he is my soulmate!"

I says to her:

"We all have a soulmate I believe." 

And she says:

"Oh, I know!!! I'll bump into him soon." 

The story is beautiful. 

She has a real idea and belief that she will find her soulmate...her Mickey Mouse.

-And for better or worse, with or without her mental illness...-

She will find him.

I hope so.

She deserves as normal a life as any of the other 40ish people who live here behind these walls...

But enough about work!

It's approx. 11:45 AM Sunday.

I would usually be hanging around the house, probably playing my PS4 or something.

But alas, work and duty calls. I need to save up money so that I can find and buy a decent car.

Something much easier said than done I assure you. 

But I'll get it done.

I have to.

It'll make life a little easier.

I have to come up with a plan.

So, since last I wrote.

A fair amount has gone on lol.

Obviously, you still aren't here yet or you would have read about it by now lol.

Sadness.

But I feel you.

Floating in your little aura right next to me in the Aether.

You'll be created -your body at least- when the time is right.

When you are meant to be on this giant rock we all call "Earth" for whatever reason lol.

*I had drawn a little map of Earth and marked a few places.

But this little map isn't accurate at all lol.

 I'm not sure where in the Aether you are but I hope you are completely safe. 

You should be.

I believe XXXXX is always someplace close.

Unless you just don't exist yet.

But I am optimistic.

Your mom is...well, future mom

Is doing fine.

We have our ups and downs, but at the end of the day, we love each other very much.

And don't mind the Starburst wrappers lol.

I love candy...I should not eat so much but I rarely just go buy it so it's not so bad. 

You need to take care of your teeth kid!

It's very important for your overall health.

Life...

What can I say?

I want to tell you what to do.

How to live a "good" life.

But it's not that simple.

Anything can happen.

And a lot of random things WILL happen.

I just can't tell you what they are or if they will be good or bad.

That is the nature of life.

This life and world and all of its events are random.

But worry not.

Your mom and I will do our best to make sure that you are as smart, knowledgeable, intelligent, and sharp as possible.

That is my...no OUR promise to you.

And If I am still alive, you better hold me to that!!!

-Never give up.

-Never back down. (Unless it is a logical reason and you NEED to do so.)

-Never lose sight of what makes you who you are.

-Love, but do not let yourself be lost in its waves.

-Give your heart only to someone who would WILLINGLY give you theirs.

-Integrity: One of my favorite words. ALWAYS do the right thing, even when no one is looking.

-No matter who you meet, be HUMBLE.

-Only YOU can give other people an image of who you are. Stand strong!

-NEVER be ashamed of who/what you are. The people who matter won't care, the people who care, won't matter!

-Follow your BRAIN before your heart.

The heart can feel and relate, and give.

But the brain will keep your heart and soul safe.

-And my favorite quote..."Knowledge is power."

Always

Always

Always

LEARN AND REMEMBER.

Your capacity for knowledge (I hope it is as big as mine lol) will get you very very far in life.

-Trust me. Trust your mom.

We will do our best to not let you down.

Continued later!

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-I had not written anything for just over eight months...that is wild and sad.

I must have been either way too busy or going through something lol

Or both!

One thing that I will note though that just clicked today:

This is all pre-covid!

It is weird to not only look back but to kind of feel some of the things that I felt back before the wave of death hit us. 

Before this world became a very different place.

-I went from teaching to Home Health Care. This was one hell of a transition, you know?

I had always worked with one side of the wheel -so to speak- being a Teacher or an Assistant Teacher or Mentor or Tutor. 

And I had very suddenly found myself on the opposing side, and working with elderly folk with a wide array of disabilities and mental/physical needs. 

I have had many types of jobs in my life, but nothing could have prepared me for that!

The differences in needs between the elderly and the young are so vastly different, to say the least lol I had thought that I could relatively easily shift gears and become a Residential Care Worker.

I was not wrong lol but I was also very not right.

Another story for another time.

-The facility that I worked in for several days was...inhuman.

Like man...talk about understaffed.

And we were NOT trained properly for what was to come.

For all that we could and would see.

It was not for me.

I am far too big of an emotional empath for that sort of job.

For that sort of environment. I will get into that in the next series.

-Soulmates. The idea that you are born with an incomplete soul and that someone out there has that piece...

It's beautiful.

It's terrifying.

Why should it be that we can't just have all of ourselves?

Why should I have to find the "love of my life" when I could be so in love with myself first and then give that best me away? 

Bah.

I am overthinking.

I digress.

That is more along the lines and thought process of my "Shadows Before Dawn." series.

-I did have a PS4 for quite some time, and even a PS3 but I have always been an Xbox guy at heart.

Halo did it for me for the most part lol nearly 10 years after its original release mind you lbvs. 

-I still need a car! Lbvs!

One day one of my books will go viral or something and then I will be able to drive to my mundane job instead of taking the city bus lol.

-I still have no "plan" and I don't think I mind, you know?

I had a plan for so long...It never worked for me.

I do what I must, when I must now.

Life is easiest that way for me and it will be until its not lol.

-Still no YOU...I still hope at times...I still want you to be here.

To be a thing.

Is that selfish of me?

You don't have a choice or say in your own birth, you know?

This world is weird...I don't know if I want you here.

Is that just as selfish?

To deny you the chance to love or hate this place as well or anything in between?

Ugh...

-I've always felt a strong presence around me. One that I had naturally assumed was either my unborn child's soul or my spiritual guardian.

As I get older and go through different things with different folks in different places, I have started to believe that it is much less a child and much more a guardian.

I've always been one for the belief of spiritual guardians.

Regardless of the form they take or the names we have for them.

Mine just happens to be a rather spirited little Faerie who goes by "Kasi" and that's about all I can tell you for now lol.

To each their own, yeah?

-Oh! The woman mentioned in this entry is most likely not your mom...if you happen to be reading this. I am pretty sure of that by this point.

Well...at least this far into 2025 that is.

-The ups and downs that I mentioned?

Don't do that. 9/10 times it is simply not worth it for anything other than a lesson learned.

Love should be and come organically.

It won't be "easy" but you should never have to work for or chase it.

No.

Never.

Know your worth. 

-The candy wrappers in the back of this (physical) journal are all scribbled on lol.

-I am missing a couple of teeth, so take care of yours kid! 

I am blessed that they are nowhere near the front of my smile lmao!

-I am not a fortune teller lol.

If I was? This journal would be full of valuable advice, and probably not posted online lol. 

-Knowledge is power, you know?

Just study and learn and retain.

That is so fucking important...

-The final part of this entry was just a list of not only things and advice that I cared to pass on, but also one hell of a list of aspirations and affirmations. 

-I had a horrible habit of losing myself within people while falling in love...try to avoid that as well, yeah? "Give your heart only to someone who would WILLINGLY give you theirs." I wish that I had taken that advice on myself and...no, a story for another time.

But that was a warning, yeah? Willingly is the keyword.

-I still live with as much integrity as is humanly possible.

Why not? 

-"Treat people how you want to be treated." used to be a thing of mine. I am grown now lol.

I believe that we should teach people how we want to be treated and then hold them accountable, just as we should treat them how they care to be treated.

We teach people how to treat us, so when people around you are or act rude or shitty or whatever to you? You taught them that that was okay.

Be careful of how people see you folks. 

I have held y'all captive long enough lbvs

But that one had some meat to it!

I look forward to seeing what I wrote about Covid and the fallout that came with it, that ought to be interesting.

It's crazy how time flies man...

I will see you all back here soon enough, or at least I hope so.

You all have been amazing, and I will write till the last page comes just as long as you all keep reading!

See you back here soon, yeah?

Till then, and as always:

Stay safe.

Stay healthy.

Stay vigilant.

-Redd.